Chapter Six - Not Anymore

Pettifoggery:

(n.) A trivial quarrel.

Chapter Six – Not Anymore

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Focusing on something is way harder than it really looks like. It's not that my concentration is bad, I am just very easily concen-trated on something else. Something that isn't the task I was offi-cially handling. The only thing I have to do today is fill in some form to complete the business cooperation with a company that owned compartments for our furniture. Grace didn't even need me here and she said she only called to make sure I was alive. Deep down though, I know that she did it to keep me from mak-ing bad mistakes.

Everything that happened in the past two days keeps nagging me and I am honestly not ready to go home.

I'm not scared of Charlotte, or what the hell I'm going to do to make it up to her, it's more the fact that people know. They will look at me as if I have sinned in indescribable ways. And they probably won't stop for a couple of days, leaving me with the knowledge of their judgement.

'Sir Donahew, it's five o'clock.' Grace says with a smile on her face and I give her the thumbs up.

'I know, I'm just not ready to go home yet.' I say truthfully and she shrugs her shoulders.

'You know I don't like Charlotte, so I feel sorry for you every day.' Normal people would have gone absolutely crazy about this, but I honestly don't care about what Grace thinks of Charlotte. Whenever Charlotte's here Grace is nothing but absolutely polite and everyone has their opinions.

'Do you think that her favorite dish will make everything al-right?' I ask her instead of going on about her comment of Char-lotte. Her eyes go wide and she looks at me as if death is standing in front of her.

'Look, I don't like Charlotte, but if she accepts your foolish be-havior she is a hero.'

Her answer catches me off guard and I hate it that she thinks I'm the only one in mistake. I do know – however defiant Grace may seem- that she is just like the rest of them, just a bit less close minded. So I don't tell her about how this community makes me want to scream and cry. All I do is give her a half assed smile as I stand up from my chair.

I let out a groan as I feel the soreness in my back and ass, but don't comment on it as I button my suit jacket and put all my stuff in a plastic bag.

I -of course- couldn't take my bag with me as I haven't been at home today, so this will have to do.

We give each other a nod for a goodbye as I walk out of the of-fice and in a matter of half an hour I'm in my neighborhood. And as I walk around I can feel their stares, their judgmental gazes. I try to ignore it the best I can, but it is hard to know that they all think it's only my fault.

As I arrive at my door I see the same car from a few days be-fore, the one of Jared. The car of the asshole who took my girl-friend on a work trip.

I am happy that I was smart enough to take my keys with me yesterday. Otherwise I would have to live with the embarrassment of ringing my own doorbell. As I walk inside I walk straight past the commotion in the kitchen where Charlotte and her boss are having a laugh.

I am not ready to face them yet, I need just a little more time to get myself mentally ready. I don't bother dressing up for the man in my kitchen, so I simply put on a pair of sweatpants with a white shirt. I put the plastic bag with my office stuff next to my suitcase in the corner of my room, before making my way downstairs again.

'You should not be embarrassed at all, I love your place. Thanks for the tour.' I grit my teeth in annoyance as I hear them talking. I hate that he has seen my house. Why is he even here in the first place?

I walk into the kitchen as if nothing is wrong, completely ignor-ing them as they talk along. It's not until I open the fridge that Charlotte finally sees I'm home.

'Alexander! You're home.' She announces sweetly and her voice gives absolutely nothing away. It's as if she's greeting me after the most normal night and day ever. As if I haven't spent the night at Evan's place, not that she knows that though.

'Hi sweetie,' I reply just as innocent as she did. To make it even more believable I close the fridge and pull her into my arms. For a swift second we both realize we shouldn't do this, but I don't care right now. I push my lips onto hers and I obviously surprise her as it takes a while for her to respond. It doesn't last long, I simply can't act so sweet for longer than three seconds.

It doesn't disgust me, feeling his lips on mine right now, but it doesn't feel good at all. She may think it's alright this way, but I don't want things to be like this anymore.

Jared seems to notice the tension as we break apart and he awkwardly shifts from one foot to another.

'Charlotte, I see it's almost six so I'll have to be on my way now. I'll leave myself out, have a great evening! You too Mr. Do-nahew.' Charlotte seems to be startled by his voice, as if she for-got he was here in the first place. She jumps away from me and gives the guy an apologetic smile.

'That's okay, I'll see you tomorrow Jared.' I give him a simple nod in acknowledgement, but that's as much as I can muster.

As soon as I hear the door close I let my arms fall back to my side and step away from Charlotte, who still seems to be lost. 'I am sorry.' She says and I can hear how sincere she is. Of course that doesn't make anything alright, but I can act that it is even if it's just for her.

'I know and I am really sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled and cursed at you and most of all I shouldn't have gone out without telling you where I was.' My words are not lied at all -the opposite actually- but it's hard to say sorry while she's the one who should be doing this.

Charlotte seems oblivious to my struggle, she just turns around and wraps her arms around my body.

'I love you.' She says and I reply immediately.

'I love you too.' But somehow the words leave a sour taste be-hind.

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A/N: DOUBLE UPDATE!

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~Noortje