Chapter Eleven

The speed at which I got ready was laughable. I was running away from myself. From my thoughts. From the person, I'd become the second I wasn't in range of my family. Suddenly, I had a future. A big, wide, open field of possibilities, and it scared me. I didn't like choices. I worked better when things were laid out for me.

Anything unknown was too far out of my comfort zone. So, I ran. I didn't even hang up the phone before I was out the door. Running the scenic walk all the way to Valentina's right door, I panted.

I need to work out. Did one of my lungs collapse? I was so loud, Valentina heard me. She opened her door in a flash and I fumbled inside. Handing me a glass of water, she waited as I gulped it down.

"Thanks," I breathed.

I never imagined where I would live if I didn't live with my family. If I had to pick somewhere, it would be here. Valentina and Da-Bin lived together. Their place was small, but perfect for two. She must be a serial organizer. Everything had a place and a label to match. The living room had a gray and white theme. The gray sofa reminded me of a shag rug, and a white blanket hung off the shoulder. Their flat screen tv played a makeup tutorial on low.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," I mumbled.

"It's fine, Nora. We're friends. Trust me, when I'm going through, I hopr you to do the same for me."

She pulled me to the sofa. As I took a seat, she cut her sandwich in half.

"Mrs. Davidson left. I had to get out of there. I never realized, but I guess, I hate being alone."

"Codependency," she sighed.

Despite myself, I laughed. "I haven't even been living with her that long."

"Oh, not you and Mrs. Davidson," she waved her hand in the air. "I mean, you and your family."

I thought for a moment, but it didn't strike me as an accurate analysis. "I guess I don't really know what codependency means."

She leaned back into the sofa. "Well, what went through your mind when your dad kicked you out?"

Disbelief, anger...maybe rage? I never really thought about it. "I didn't think he could do something like that to me. I mean, he needs me." Even though he said he didn't.

"He needs you?" She perked her brow.

"Yes, they all do. My entire family would fall apart without me."

A smile carved into her lips, but I wasn't sure why. "What makes you so sure?" she asked.

"My family would fall apart because I do everything for them. Without me, they'd be lost."

She tilted her head, leaning in. "Are they falling apart?"

It never occurred to me. Maybe they wouldn't fall apart. It had almost been three weeks, and no one had checked in. Nothing had changed. The store hadn't caught on fire. No one got hurt or felt lost. It was just me.

"No," I cried.

"Aww..." she cooed, throwing her arms around me. "Why does that make you sad?"

This is what I wanted. I wanted my father to take on more responsibility and to show up for us, but why did it feel like I was losing? "Right before he kicked me out, he told me he didn't need me, I needed him. It was so cruel, but it's almost been a month. I thought he'd call by now, and the longer I wait for him, the more he seems right."

"It's okay," she shrugged. "You need your family more than they need you—"

"Do you really have to say it like that?"

She didn't answer at first. "That's how it is before you get out on your own. You need your family to survive. "

I sighed. "Then, why have I been all in, if it wasn't for them? To keep myself busy?"

"When you put all your focus on someone else, it negatively affects you. You feel guilty for taking time for yourself. You want to please everyone, but losing yourself to cater to someone else isn't good. Even if it's family."

I never looked at it that way. I always thought serving my family was the best thing about me. Instead of playing an active part in my life, I've been playing an active part in theirs. "You're right," I said.

"But here's your problem." She pointed. "Your family's power dynamic has always been in your favor, but the moment your dad said he didn't need you, the power shifted to him. Now, you feel lost."

I was in power, and now I wasn't. It made complete sense. I never thought of myself as power-hungry, but the last fight with my father was pointless. I don't even know what we were fighting about. We just wanted to prove we didn't need each other. I was more like him than I thought. Only, I got all his bad parts. Pride. "Wow. Are you a psychology major?"

She scoffed with tinted cheeks. I could practically see her shoulders lift. "Oh, I'm not good enough to go to school for it."

"Are you kidding? You're so smart, Val. I think you'd do really well in psychology. What's it called when someone doesn't use their gifts?"

She beamed, rolling her eyes. "Thank you, but I'll apply for college when you officially move out of your family's place."

I felt all the blood in my veins run cold. I could barely handle getting kicked out.

She cackled. "Yeah, exactly."

Val had one of those laughs that pierced your ears. She laughed like Shae. With her whole body.

"How do I get my power back?" I asked.

"He kinda helped you by kicking you out." She nodded. "My mom kicked me out when I started living differently than she wanted. What really helped me was being able to provide for myself. Want a job? It'll help you feel more independent."

Why hadn't I thought of that? "That sounds perfect."

"Cool." She pulled out her phone. "The nail shop I work at, our manager wants to hire a part-timer to clean up. I hear you like that. You want it?"

"No interview?"

"It's cool. Ivy trusts me. It's a fun place to work. All ladies. You'll be the youngest again, but you need someone to baby you for once," she cooed in my ear, pinching my cheek. "I think you'd like it."

"Okay. Thanks." I realized Wren never called me back. "Have you seen Wren? I've been trying to call him."

"Glad to know I was your sloppy seconds."

"Ew." I hated that phrase. "No, it's not like that. I'm glad I talked to you instead. I haven't had an actual friend in a long time."

"Well, now, you got me," she squealed, giving me a hug. Wrapping her arm around my shoulder, we fell onto the sofa and she draped the fluffy blanket over our legs. "I'm holding you hostage for the rest of the day. I think Wren's getting a tattoo. He'll be calling you soon. He talks about you all the time," she gagged.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's annoying. Cute, but annoying."

Val stuck to her word. We spent the entire day together. She had natural talent in all things, psychology, and beauty. By the end of the night, she'd done my makeup four times, finally settling on a glitter look. When I made it back home, Mrs. Davidson screamed for joy.

"You look so beautiful!" she raved. "And you're smiling again."

She pulled me into a tight hug. I knew she was worried about me, but I felt bad. She was in her seventies, and I was at the age where I could move out on my own. Instead, she let me stay with her, but I wasn't being a very good house guest.

"Thank you for letting me stay with you." I could at least thank her for giving me a place to sleep. All things considered.

She met me at the kitchen sink. The dishes were piled high. I rinsed, and she dried. "Anytime, sweetheart. It's nice having someone else here. It gets pretty lonely without Boris."

I didn't realize she wanted company. She was so feisty and loved her music classes; I forgot she was human like the rest of us. It was normal to get lonely. "Sorry about these past few weeks. I know I haven't been very helpful," I said.

"It's okay." She pressed her warm hand into my back. Again, I closed my eyes and pictured my mother. I wonder how she would've handled all this. She would never kick me out.

"I didn't know what to do, honestly," Mrs. Davidson admitted. "Boris got like that when his sister passed. He told me he needed space, but I didn't give it to him. So, I tried to do it right this time and give you space."

I wasn't sure what I needed. When I was angry, I wanted space, but that wasn't anger. It was sadness, and it grew bigger the more I realized I couldn't do anything with it. It scared me. I'd never felt so lost before. I guess, I always have been, but with my busy life, it was easy not to notice. And now, I had no idea what to do.

"I'mma tell you what my mother used to say to me." She bumped her hip into mine and captured my attention. "Sometimes you gotta dance without music."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"You work hard. It's one of the things I love about you. You always do the right thing, say the right thing. You just a really good girl."

I raised my head a bit higher. I may be lost, but at least I still had that. "Thank you."

"But that gets exhausting," she droned. "I'm not saying to go out and get pregnant, na'! But it's perfectly fine to break a few rules. You don't have to do everything the right way all the time. Just because there ain't no music, don't mean you still can't dance. You may look a lil weird, but it ain't nothing wrong about it. You may even have a little more fun."

Kinda like drawing outside the lines. Just because it wasn't the right way, didn't mean it was wrong. "Dance without music," I whispered.

"See?" She dropped the last dish into the sink, and twisted around. Bringing her hands to her knees, she popped her back and wiggled her butt. "Watch how I do."

"Mrs. Davidson, are you twerkin'?" She better at it than me! I have no rhythm.

She uncurled herself slowly, leaning against the counter. "Oh, honey, shoot. When I had my good knees I could drop it low na'. Y'all lil youngins ain't know nothing about that."

Okay, girl. You talking all the stuff, and out of breath. She pushed herself up and hooked her arm around mine.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Help me up the steps, child. Gone and call my daughter for me too. Whew, fooling with you."

She was going to try to blame this on me. I didn't tell her to drop it low. Her ankles going to be swollen from twerkin' in the middle of the kitchen. I can't wait to tell Shae.

With Mrs. Davidson resting in her room for the evening, I decided to head to my room. The ache in my chest was still there, but I knew how to fix it. I needed my power back. If I could start working tomorrow, I would but Val had the weekend off. She wanted me to enjoy it. Whatever that means.

I scoured the television for something to watch as a tap came to my window.

Tap, tap, tap.

I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn't stop. It drove me crazy. I hopped out of bed and went to the source. Pushing back the curtains, a smiling Wren stood in the middle of the backyard. He jumped her fence.

He threw another pebble even though he could see me, and the window was open. It bounced off the nightstand and onto the middle of the floor. I hadn't seen him in weeks. How does he get finer as time goes on? Wearing a black and red flannel, black shorts, and a shirt to match, I was convinced he looked good in anything. Some of us weren't so lucky.

I knelt down until he was completely in view. "What are you doing?"

"Throwing rocks outside your window."

I blushed. "I don't remember telling you that was one of my dreams."

"Let's go."

"What?" I was about to get into bed. I had a long day, but I really wanted to hang out with him.

"Gotta get your tattoo. A deals a deal."

Crap. I forgot about that. We need to stop making bets. He was wildin' 90% of the time. He'd do anything if you challenged him. "I'm not getting a tattoo. To hell with your deal."

"Songbird," he smiled, tilting his head.

Damn it. He unlocked another weapon of charm, and it only worked on me. That damn nickname had special powers. I'd do anything he asked of me. Expect this. "No."

"Come on. Hop down. Let's sneak out."

Hop down? See? Wildin'. "I am not jumping down two stories."

"Fine, but let's go somewhere. I missed you."

Aww, I liked hearing him say that. "I missed you too."

"You don't have to get the tattoo if you don't want."

I leaned out the window. He just got one of his own. "Let me see the one you got."

He turned around and lifted his shorts. On his calf was an intricate tattoo. Again, my contacts were only so powerful as I squinted. I had no idea what it was, but it took up his entire leg. "It's huge!"

"Ten hours."

I gasped. That was a whole baptist church service.

He wagged his finger. "Stop distracting me. I'm gonna climb up if you don't get your cute ass down here—sorry, getting too carried away. Just come on, Songbird."

I looked at the clock. It was barely 9:30, and it wasn't like I was going to refuse another fun night with him. "I'll take the steps."

I hated what I was wearing. I looked exactly like what these past weeks felt like. With my makeup done, I felt pretty. I decided to wear a dress instead. It was yellow and flared out. My mother gave it to me, and it reminded me of the sunflower field.

Trading my converse for sandals, I headed down the steps. The floor squeaked. Why is it when you want to be quiet, everything gets so loud? I tried to step softly, but before I knew it, I could hear Mrs. Davidson. "Nora?"

"Y-yes, ma'am."

"You leaving?"

Why did I feel like I was about to get into trouble? It's not even past nine o'clock. "I...uh, I'm just going to get some water."

"Can you bring me some too?"

I threw my hands in the air. Damn it! How can I get out of this one? Running down the steps, I filled her favorite mug and brought it to her.

"You all dressed up for water?" she chuckled, squinting down at my outfit. I was trying to leave her in her time of need. She could barely move. What are you doing, Nora?

"I can stay. I know—"

"Lee Lee coming in a few," she waved me off. "You go have fun. Keep dancing."

Patting my butt, she sent me on my way. I ran out of the house, finding Wren at the bottom of the steps. He stretched out his arms, and I dove for a hug. You would've thought we'd been separated by war. He lifted me off the ground and I yelped.

When my feet touched the ground, I didn't hesitate. I kissed him and he kissed me back. The wind drummed through my braids as he pulled away. "Hi."

"Hi," I giggled. What was happening to me? My feet were on the ground, but I swear I was still in the air.

He brushed my braids from my shoulder. The pads of his fingers felt like kisses against my skin. He spoke so softly; I felt it in my spine. "Feeling better? I've been worried."

"Yeah, I'm trying at least."

Pulling onto my hand, he guided me to the car. "I can help."

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