Chapter Four

"Amen," All the happy churchgoers bring their heads up in rejoice as the two-hour service ends.

I can't get out of there fast enough and not just because this knee-length navy blue dress mother forced me to wear is starting to make my thighs chafe and my hair, done up in a bun that took almost an hour to do is giving me a headache.

"So, glad you could join us today, Scarlett. We missed you last week!" One of the older ladies Mrs. Taylors says from the aisle in front of me. Oh right, last week when I faked being sick and stayed in bed all day to avoid coming here. Almost forgot about that.

"Oh I didn't want to come and infect all these lovely people with illness," She nods in understanding. She reaches for a hug and I reciprocate before her husband Louis comes to drag her away.

My sister left as soon as the service was over. Oh, how I wish to be her. She loves the church but doesn't like the people that go there. They all give her the look that's enough to make anybody hide under a rock. Even when she promised our parents that one day out of the week, she would show up to the church, hair in a tight bun, dress below knee length and become the daughter they always wanted her to be. They all still looked at her like she deserved to rot in hell for all the sinning she's brought inside the holy church.

SMH. Like those older women don't try to feel up the boys in the choir when their parents aren't watching. It's disgusting how many double standards that are involved to be a good Christian girl. I, unlike Brielle, am loved by the church. I'm the good child. The one who can't afford to mess up because then I'll be just like the other one.

My parents' wide smiles on their faces with my cousin Ashley and her parents in tow. Ashley unlike me believes in all of this, but we share a bond probably because she is only a year younger than me. Her parents own a fried chicken spot down the street so she's my hookup when I'm hungry after a long day of doing nothing.

"Ashley and her parents are coming over," I smile brightly at my mother's words and so does Ashley. "We can leave now if you would like-" I nod my head and practically skip out the door

"Yo, why Pastor O'Brien is talking so long? Dude, we get it god is great god is good. He liked this, he wanted this..." Ashley complains. She props her feet up on my dining room table. Thank god my mother isn't here to see this or else she might've had a heart attack. "I don't need you to recite the whole bible to me!"

"I'm so tired my parents woke me up extra early to help set up for the fundraiser tomorrow," Which thankfully, I don't have to be a part of. I scratch my eyes thinking about how bad of a host I would be to my lovely cousin if I just left to take a nap in my bedroom upstairs.

"I don't see you around the church anymore, where you been?"

"I've just been busy," She looks uncomfortable, glancing every few seconds at a picture of Brielle from middle school on the wall. "What?"

"I seen your sister up on one of them corners. She doing good?" I look up trying to avoid the look of pity then back down at Ashley. Her hazel eyes filled with big globs of pity ready for the sister of the problem child.

"I don't even know who she is anymore. I know Daddy sick and tired of her mess," she murmurs in understanding.

"Yeah, I would be too. She better not be getting into anything cause we beat her ass,"

"Just like when we was kids and she would boss us around," We laughed thinking about the old times. "What's up with you?"

"Darrell and I still going strong," I smiled at her blush when she mentions her boyfriend.

I've been their biggest supporter since I saw them together at the middle school winter concert when he sang Mistletoe by Justin Beiber to her. The performance was terrible considering Darrell can't sing worth his life, but his heart was there. The way he looked at her made up for the three minutes of agony we had to endure. Ashley and Darell have been best friends for as long as I can remember and when they got to high school something changed and they started seeing each other a different way. After all the months of sexual tension, they finally decided to give it a try.

They haven't kept their hands off each other since.

"What about you, got any men in your life?" I shook my head. Then I thought about Jace even though we were romantically involved he was still a man.

"Actually, I made a new friend," She leans in closer and I tell her the story of how Jace and I met. She eats it up like it's juicy gossip.

"Is he cute?" Of course, that's the first question she asks. I pulled up his Instagram which I found and followed soon after I learned his name. She yanks my phone out of my hand and scrolls through his feed which is just the aesthetics of his friends, books, and coffee shops. There's not a single picture of his gorgeous curly chocolate brown hair that could get him to Joshua Bassett type of beautiful if he milked it right.

"Date him, I love his whole aesthetic." She shows me a picture of a dog rolling around in the grass and I snatch my phone back.

"You don't even know what he looks like and I don't even know him like that,"

"Does that really matter when he has friends like this?" She reaches across the table and grabs my hands, refusing to let go. "And posts pictures like this? He is just like all those white boys in those stories you read." Hmm, where have I heard that before?

"I'm not looking for a relationship with him," She scoffs and releases my hands.

"You mean to tell me it hasn't crossed your mind once?" I desperately wanted to leave this conversation.

"I just met him, he could be a serial killer for all I know!" Her phone starts vibrating. She looks at it and groans. Thank you universe, I owe you one!

"Hold up, I'll be right back," She snatches her phone off the table and answers it, walking away from the table. "Hey baby," She says sweetly before going out of earshot.

I'm scrolling through Tik Tok when Jace texts me a picture of the dog from the picture.

My dog wanted to say hi

Are you sure it was the dog?

Jasmine did too

He sends me a picture of Jasmine looking frustrated over a textbook.

What's wrong with her?

Her tutor quit and she's struggling with seventh-grade math

Why don't you help her?

I'm a bad teacher and she hates when I help her with homework

I can help her if you still need a tutor?

I'm not horrible at teaching

Oh, not horrible that's reassuring.

Okay asshole, do it yourself!

Wait!

We need you.

Can you come over sometime this week?

Friday.

I can do Friday

He sends me a picture of a smiling Jasmine and the next thing I know his name is flashing on my screen. I decide not to question why he's face timing me and swipe over. Jasmine's face takes over my screen.

"Thank you so much!" I look around making sure nobody is in the house before running upstairs and locking myself away in my room. They wouldn't take so lightly that I'm talking to a white boy that they've never met before.

"Oh, it's no problem. I'm honored to help a girl as sweet as you!" I hear movement in the background and Jasmine is hastily looking around.

"Where's my phone?" The screen goes dark as they argue before the light shines through again and I'm met with Jace's heavy eyes.

"Sorry," I hear him moving around "I left for a second and next thing I know Jasmine stole my phone,"

"No need to apologize," He yawns, rubbing his eyes and messing up his glasses in the process. "What's got you so tired?"

"I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I was finishing a book," I grinned. I know the feeling. Last week, I did the same thing with Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston.

I'm about to ask him what book when I hear a banging on the door. "SCAR, ARE YOU IN HERE?" Ashley screams. Her voice louder than necessary when the only thing that blocks her from me is a door and ultra-thin walls.

"Jace, facetime me later so we can talk about this book. Right now I have to go!" I hang up before he can respond and unlock the door. Ashley storms in, being extra for no reason and sits down on my bed,

"Darrell is the sweetest-"

"No, we are not talking about guys right now," I interrupt, putting our phones across the room. She pouts, looking disappointed. "Want to watch a movie?" She perks up. One thing Ashley and I have in common above all else is our love for romance movies. She may not be big on reading (not surprised, so far Jace is the only friend I have that likes reading. And I'm using friend lightly), but we love movies.

"Let's watch A Spectacular Now!" We snuggle in and turn on the rom-com that we talked about last week that Netflix just added.

I thought this movie was going to be good and it probably was, but it got ruined with the constant buzzing of Ashley's phone. As soon as she heard the buzz she ran over to my desk where the phones were and jumped back on the bed. It didn't stop there because every ten seconds Darrell texted her whether it was a heartfelt message or a random gif of a giraffe. I'm not bitter or unhappy for Ashley's success in finding a boy who loves her, but cousin time is sacred. Are you meaning to tell me that Darrell can't spare two hours without her? Not that she's any better because every time she texts him back there's a little giggle. Above all else, that giggle made me angry the most.

I tried to focus on the movie, but it was so hard with that stupid giggle and I just wanted to chuck her phone out my second-floor bedroom window.

"Ashley, it's time to go!" Her mother yells from downstairs while the end credits roll.

She finally looks up from her phone. That smile still plastered on her face.

"Oh, the movies over," I wonder how much trouble I would get into if I punched her in the face. "Must've lost track of time. See you later Scar!" I shoot her a smile and give her a quick hug, not even bothering to walk her downstairs. Being stubborn is something I get from my dad.

After Ashley left, I wanted to savor the last moments of the day before a new school week starts which means taking a small nap. I wake back up sometime around eight at night and waltz downstairs in a daze. My sister is downstairs in her pajamas, making ramen noodles. I heated up a TV dinner that my mom bought at the market last week. I take my dinner back upstairs to my room without a word to Brielle.

My sister and I haven't been close since high school started. We have always been different and didn't agree on much, but those differences made us stronger. It pushed us out of our comfort zones now she's downstairs probably texting her new man of the week without a care in the world of what I'm thinking about. Even though I don't enjoy watching her throw her life away, I miss her. I want to hug my sister without being forced or talk to her for more than ten minutes without an argument. I want my big sister back who used to play with me on the swings or watch cringy movies with me. She was my best friend before high school came and fucked us up.

______________________________________________________

"Where you been at?" Latrell walks up to me in the crowded hallway Monday morning.

"Far away from you," He laughs it off like what I said was a joke. "Why do you insist on sticking around me?" He slings an arm around my shoulder which I squirm to get out of.

"Cause you bad shorty," I throw up in my mouth a little. "We would look real good together. You know I'm knowing for having-"

"Grotesque features." I interrupt

"No a-"

"Hairy back."

"I was say-"

"You're a horrible human being." He hangs back for a second, but I can't bring myself to feel bad about it.

That's always been my problem. My friends say I'm too... what's the word for it? Oh right, blunt and rude. I disagree with their equally rude statement considering how much they ask me to be honest. Like Destiny was showing me a Fashion Nova dress that she really liked. I told her that dress is atrocious and in my opinion, it was, the dress was vomit green, enough said. When she showed Erika the same dress she cried about how amazing it was and she would look soooo sexy literally what the text message said. I talked to Erika in Chemistry later that day and she told me she hated the dress, at least I gave her an honest opinion.

Destiny didn't speak to me for three days after that, but she can't blame me considering we don't have the same style. I like plain and simple while Destiny likes sexy and out there and she knows this yet doesn't stop showing me clothes expecting me to like them. I was honest with her and she was angry with me. My mantra is the truth will set you free, but first, it'll piss you off.

"You could be nicer, shorty least I'm trying. I don't see any other guys knocking down your door to date you," He could've said anything else, but he chose that. Erika walked past, obviously hearing what he said and winked at me.

"First of all," I turned around, catching Latrell off guard and walked towards him causing him to slowly back up against the wall. "I don't need your stank breath, dirty hair, fake gangsta looking ass to tell me shit! I don't want you or any of your disgusting ass friends to breathe the same air as me, let alone ask me out! I tried to be fucking nice to your crusty lip ass self, but I guess I have to get mean cause you seem to not be getting it." I try my best to sound threatening and hope he's scared out of his mind.

I get real close to his ear and whisper my final words. "I don't want you and I never will. The sound of your voice makes me want to wring your scrawny little neck. Don't come up in my ear, mad at me for not wanting your disrespectful ass and tell all your little friends the same thing."

I leave him standing there, he doesn't speak for a while until I'm halfway down the hallway to my first class, ruining my satisfaction.

"THAT'S WHY YOUR PUSSY STANK!" The whole hallway erupts in laughter like he's Kevin Hart. I just keep walking, his insolence doesn't bother me. The idiots walking through these halls don't bother me. Because I know what I'm worth and it's ten times more than these clowns will ever be.

Destiny had coach class during lunch so she didn't grill me on what happened in the hallway until my car after school. It's raining after school and I see her running towards the car from the entrance with her coat over her head. She jumps in the passenger seat and turns to me, anger clear on her face.

"Why did you do that, Scar?" I look at her dumbfounded. Did she not just hear what he said to me?

"He was rude and disrespectful."

She shrugs her shoulders. "He wasn't lying."

"Excuse me," I turn to her slowly, watching as she picks at her nails. A nervous habit of hers for when she's uncomfortable. "What did you say?"

"You don't have many options, Scarlet, why didn't you give Latrell a chance?"

"Give the boy a chance," I exasperated. "So when he gets mad, he says, 'that's why your pussy stank' in the crowded school hallway!"

"You provoked him!"

"Whose side are you on?" She stops messing with her hands and looks me in the eyes.

"All I'm saying is, you can't complain about being lonely when you turn away guys like Latrell who are willing to give you a chance."

"I have standards, Destiny! I'm not as desperate as you think I am!"

"People can have standards when they have options, Scarlet!" She chides, not refuting what I said. "Latrell was right, nobody is knocking down doors to date you!"

"I NEVER ASKED THEM TOO!" I raise my voice higher. "I'm not just going to date any guy I see. I know what I want and I'm going to get it without you or Latrell." I calm down before turning on her street.

"Scarlet, you may not want to hear this, but maybe you should get these fantasy's out of your head because your options are limited," She sighs before continuing. "Those guys you get in those movies and books aren't here. You have Latrell and those boys in the hallways, that's it!"

"You're right," She nods along with me. "I didn't want to hear it. Get out of my car." Her eyes widened at my coldness before resorting back to her signature look of pity.

"It's okay, Scar." She cups my cheeks. "Just think about what I said, you know I'm right." She winks before scurrying out the car like a rat.

A rude bitch rat who makes all the others feel like they just can't measure up. I was never jealous of the attention that boys around us gave Destiny, but she's always thought that I was. She never listened when I tried to correct her so I stopped trying. I have always been happy for my best friend's success, but I also know she has horrible taste in men. She can also be a major bitch. I take the good with the bad and many of our recent conversations have ended just like this one.

But I just drive home, listening to my music, in calm, peaceful serenity. All the badness just washes away and it's just me because in the end her words, no matter how hurtful; don't mean a damn thing. Like I said before I know what I'm worth even if she's too blind to see it.

I know Destiny, how she operates, and how she was raised. She was raised to cherish her appearance instead of academics. Destiny's mother, Mrs. Taryn Robinson was an ex-beauty queen who lost her looks by the age of 35 and has rued the day ever since. Her father, Marcus Robinson, likes his woman young and gorgeous, Taryn has lived long since then. They met at one of her pageants when she was in his 20s and he was in his late 30s, looks came before love in their relationship. Marcus Robinson is a rather difficult man who doesn't treat his wife as a wife should be treated. When she lost her beauty, she lost his respect and Taryn tried everything to gain it back including thousands out of her savings dedicated to plastic surgery. If you ask me, she looks worse now then she did before.

Destiny is treated like an angel. They spend all the money they don't have and invest it in her clothes, hair, makeup, and etcetera to make sure she stays the way she is. Truth be told, her parents don't like me. They believe she deserves better than a preacher's prude who doesn't value her appearance, Taryn's words exactly. Destiny didn't care and kept me around anyway. She needed me for when her parents' arguments got too bad and her mother's crying was too loud. While she wasn't like her parents in many ways, there was still something in her that slipped through the cracks.

Destiny needed me just like I needed her and I was never able to stay mad at her for long. So when she texted me before I went to bed I wasn't surprised. I'm sorry!!!, her text read along with a sad puppy gif. I texted back a gif of Harry Styles and just like that the fight was over.