Chapter Twenty Four

I knew my prayers weren't answered when Tay turned off the radio right after I had turned it on to fill the awkward silence.

"You've been acting weird since you came back." He moved his body to face me while resting his back against the car door.

"What are you talking about?" I was struggling to keep my eyes and focus on the road.

"You know what I'm talking about. You were restless the whole day and even now, it looks like you're freaking out." He pushed against the door and leaned closer to me. "Is something bothering you? It can't be grandma, she seemed fine earlier today."

My hold on the wheel tightened and I could feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest. "It's nothing, Tay."

From the corner of my eyes I saw him crossing his arms over his chest. "Look, if someone's bothering you, I can help you with it. You don't have to be scared."

Letting out a long exhale, I just decided to ignore him until we were off the road at least.

His eyes narrowed until he looked like he was glaring at me. "I'm talking to you, Blue."

"I'm driving." I said in a stoic voice.

He seemed to have understood that it wasn't the right time to talk and moved to face the front again. I didn't try to sneak a look at him for the rest of the drive.

The moment I parked and shut off the engine, Tay rushed out and slammed the door behind him with enough force to shake the whole car. His blatant anger stunned me. I had never seen him so furious before.

It took me more than a minute to get out of the car before I remembered to take the food with me. My heart quivered in my chest. How was I supposed to explain it to him without coming out? Heck, I didn't even know if he was homophobic or not.

I cursed myself for always thinking that there wouldn't be a day when I would have to come out to him, not so soon. I was sure I was never going to find someone who'd make me want to affirm my sexuality.

I paced outside the ajar door of my apartment with the bags full of food in my hand. My mind conjured up the worst case scenarios one after another and it made me lose all my courage.

I leaned against the wall beside the door and slid down until I was sitting on the floor. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I put the bags aside to get it out.

I picked the call as soon as I saw Marco's name flashing on the screen.

"Is everything okay?" Nicolas asked almost immediately.

"Nicolas, Tay- he doesn't know that I'm… I don't know how to tell him. What if he doesn't want me around me anymore? I don't know what to do. I can't do this. He was-"

"Blue, hey, calm down. Tell me what happened."

Nicolas' calm voice helped me gather my thoughts and soon I was explaining everything to him without stopping. He told me to take a few deep breaths when I was done and I followed his instructions quietly.

"I won't pretend like I understand what you are going through. But I can tell you what I think I would've done if I was in your place. I would've walked right in and told my friend everything." He said, calmly.

"I can't. I'm not ready to do this." I protested, hugging my knees close to my chest.

"Be honest with yourself. Do you think you'll ever be ready for it?"

His gentle and composed voice had ignited hope in me. Despite my verbal protest, my mind already knew that he was right.

I knew I wasn't ready to do this, but I also realised that I'll never be ready. After all, no one's ever ready for something like that, neither was I going to be.

"I don't think I'll ever be." I answered honestly.

Nicolas didn't say anything after that and I was grateful to get some time to get myself together before having to face Tay.

"I'm going to tell him." I said after a long while.

"I am gonna go and talk to him." I repeated again quietly, more for myself than him.

"Good luck." That's all I needed to hear.

"Thank you. Tomorrow I'll let you know how it goes." I let out a sigh of relief, relieved that he existed, relieved that I got to know him.

"Goodnight, Nicolas." I whispered.

"Goodnight, Blue."

It was difficult to cut the call and knowing what I was going to have to do only made it worse. Once done, I pocketed my phone back again and stood up with both bags in my hands.

Walking inside, I saw Tay sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand. After placing the bags on the table, I quietly took the seat beside him.

Folding my hands against my chest, I focused my eyes on my lap, dreading to see his expression.

"I'm gay." The words were barely audible to my own ears, so I repeated it once more, louder this time.

I heard the thud of his phone hitting the carpet floor before I heard his words. "Since when? What are you talking about?"

All I could hear in his voice was genuine shock.

I wrapped my hands tighter against my chest and moved my gaze to look at the closed door in front. "I'm gay… Since always. As far as I remember at least."

"But… but, you liked Claire and she's a girl." He said in disbelief.

His words made me let out a humourless chuckle.

"I never said I liked her." Despite the pounding heart inside my chest, I couldn't believe how steady my voice was.

"You did. You said she looks cute and-"

"You said she looks cute. I just agreed with you because I didn't want you to know that I wasn't interested in her or any other girl."

None of us said anything for a while. I just bent down to pick up his phone and place it on the table.

He let out a frustrated grunt. "You should've told me that before. I even tried to set you up with her."

That made me turn my head toward him. "You did what?"

He smiled, looking guilty. "I asked her out on a date for you…"

My eyes widened at his confession. "And why didn't you tell me that?"

"That's because she didn't agree. She said she wasn't interested in you." He grinned saying the last sentence.

I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe you."

"Hey, I just wanted to help you out. Figured you would never ask her out on your own." He shrugged.

"That's why I said you should've told me sooner. I would've asked Aaron out for you then." He said, bumping his shoulder against mine.

"Who is Aaron now?" I asked, glaring at him.

"That gay kid. Wait, you're one too. Sorry. Aaron is that mixed kid, he sits in the front with Sophie and Blair."

"He's gay?" My eyes widened.

"Yeah? Everyone knows that. He said it during his introduction on our first day, remember?"

"I was on leave that day, idiot." I reminded him before hitting him on the arm. "I thought you'd punch me or something."

He laughed out loud. "For what?"

"For being gay." I said, my smile faltering as I remembered how scared I was just minutes ago.

"I do want to hit you actually. How dare you hide it from me?" He pushed me away from him and tried to suppress his smile.

"It never came up before. How was I supposed to know that you'll be okay with it?" I couldn't stop smiling either, not when he sat in front of me smiling and failing to glare at me.

"Well, I don't know, you could've trusted me, maybe." He said, mocking me.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, trying to sound sincere despite the smile on my face.

He exhaled before leaning his head back on the couch. "Can you imagine how embarrassed I would've been if Claire would've agreed?"

I laughed hearing that. "Yeah, that would've been bad."

He turned his still resting head toward me and raised his eyebrow. "Bad? Her friends would've killed me."

I shrugged, teasing him. He glared at me before sighing and returning his gaze back to the ceiling again.

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