chapter 19

Lauren's POV

I got out of the bathroom to see Nic lost in her thoughts. After the drama that went down in her mom's house, we came back here, to my apartment and I invited her to stay. I couldn't let her drive while she's in this state. Clearly what Jonathan has said stung her deeply but I knew Jonathan only said that out of jealousy. He loves his sister and wouldn't hurt her intentionally.

I looked at Nic who is sitting on my bed and staring at my wall with a blank expression. I sat beside her on the bed but she made no movement to acknowledge me. I felt worry invading my insides. I lightly touched her hand that's on her lap and that's when she turned her head towards me. She stared at me for a long minute as if she's studying me. I tried to read her thoughts but she remained with her unreadable face.

I waited patiently even though I was dying to know her thoughts. I noticed slowly her eyes starting to change and growing darker and darker. That's when I knew she was getting angry......but not at me; her eyes looked lost. She's thinking about Jonathan.

She pulled her hand away from my touch in a harshly way and stepped away from me. I frowned but didn't say anything. She moved around my room back and forth, stumping on the ground angrily. I felt dizzy just staring at her so I stood up and stepped in front of her. I held her face in a tight grip between my hands. She frowned but I didn't back away.

"Stop it, this won't do you any good." I paused as her started eyes soften as she's staring into my eyes. I never knew I had this affect on her. She looked down to the floor with her eyebrows slightly connected. "Let's talk about this." I gestured towards my bed and she nodded her head, going back to sit on my bed.

Nic gulped as she sat and placed her head in her hands. I could sense her frustrations, just by looking at her. I felt sympathy towards her but I knew she didn't need that now.

I lifted her face so she would look at me and I felt my heart break just by staring at her; her eyes held pain and misery. I wanted to hug her and comfort her. Take away all of her pain so she wouldn't drown in her sorrow.

"Why does he hate me so much? What have I done wrong to him?" She asked in a small voice and I felt tears welled up in my eyes. She sounded like a little girl who's mother yelled at her for the first time and now she wants to cry.

"He doesn't hate you. Jealousy took over his mind and he doesn't know what he's saying. He loves y-"

"Don't lie to me!!" She yelled at me before I could finish what I'm saying. She stood up and walked away from me, standing at the other side of the room. She was pissed and I knew immediately that her anger is taking control.

"I'm not lying. The reason why we broke up is because he was sad about you." I explained but that only made her rage grow bigger than before.

"So it's my fault you broke up?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at me. Her stare was cold and It surprised me because she never stared at me like that. She was holding herself from screaming and I could see it by the way she is clenching her teeth.

"No, that's bullshit. Your brother is an idiot and he ruined what we had." I started but I still had a lot to say. "Trust me when I tell you, Jonathan has changed from before. He's-"

"Why are you defending him?" She cut me off and that's when her wall crumbled down; whatever anger she has was gone and replaced with tears streaming down her face. "You should be comforting me, not trying to justify his actions." She leaned her back against the wall and started to sob. Slowly, she was slipping to the ground and she sat on the floor with her head buried in her knees.

I feel so stupid. Why the fuck am I protecting him? She's right. Here I am defending Jonathan when I should be on Nic's side. My girlfriend's side. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and then rushed to wrap my arms around her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I held her tightly in my arms as she is crying her heart out.

Finally, all the devastation, frustrations, pain, agony she has been holding is leaving her body. From the way, she's crying I knew that she had a lot of pain in her mind and soul. I still don't know what is going on behind her walls. I know about her past here in america but all the six years she's been gone, is a mystery to me. She's broken with no doubt and I promised myself as I'm holding her to my chest that I will not leave her side.

We sat on the floor for long hour until she calmed down. She looked up and caught my eyes. It broke my heart to see her like this. "I....." She paused and looked down to the floor.

"You can tell me." I lifted her face to see her eyes. Oh...her eyes. They are so beautiful. It keeps you in trance just by looking at them. They captivate you and it's like you can't move, not even a muscle because you're afraid that this beauty will be gone if you moved or blinked. I noticed something different in her eyes. Yes, they were red and puffy but an emotion was steering inside. I could feel my heart pounding loudly in my chest and The way she's looking at me, makes me feel weird inside. Never in my life have anyone looked at me like that. Like I was the only they needed. In a quick motion, She leaned in and captured my lips in hers. I made no hesitation to kiss back and my heart felt like exploding at this moment. There was passion, need, want and love in her kiss. If I was standing I would've feel down in a second because my body feels weak. Weak for her. At this moment, I realized that I love her. I love her so much.

We separated but Nic didn't stop, she kissed my jaw, my neck, reaching to my collarbone and with every kiss she placed on my skin, I was left burning. I was feeling hot and bothered. Before I knew it, I was being picked and placed gently on my bed. She took her shirt off and tossed it on my floor. She took mine off and oh, I loved this side of her. We resumed our makeout session and I pulled before anything escalates.

I looked at Nic and she caught my eyes. She smiled at me and her eyes had the same look they had before, love and adoration. I smiled back and pulled her towards me. I whispered in her ears. "Are you sure about this?" I wanted to be careful because I knew this is her first time. She looked into my eyes and nodded. I smiled and roughly, pulled her lips to mine.

--------------------------------------------

Nic kissed me for the last time before pulling away but I held her close. I still wanted to feel her bare body against mine. I had my arms around her shoulders and she was on top of me, kissing every spot on my face. I smiled at her adorable way of showing me her affection. She stopped and I leaned my forehead on hers.

We breathed heavily from exhaustion and I opened my eyes to catch her looking at me. She whispered something but I didn't quite catch it. "What did you say?" Confusion was written on my face and she smiled. "You look so beautiful." Her eyes shine in adoration and I felt my face burning, blushing furiously.

I bit my lips as she laughed at me. Her laugh died down and she just stared at me with that same look again. I smiled and kissed her nose then her cheeks to her forehead. We stayed silent for I don't know how long but I didn't mind. I loved it and I want to keep this moment in my heart; her eyes admiring me and how strands of her hair was covering her face. She looked like a model to be honest.

"I love how your body fits mine perfectly. I love your beautiful charisma and charming smile. I love how adorable you can be sometimes like when you and Rita talk about demons and ghost. You come up with all these theories and you look frightened yet, you keep talking about it. I love how smart you are but act goofy sometimes like when you chased the stranger's kid because he ruined your winning shot in bowling. That was hilarious. I love how protective you are like when you saved me in the paintball war and when you saved our food in the middle of a food fight between Rita and Lucas. I love you with everything in me." I blurted all my feelings out and I felt two drops of tears run down my face. One that's mine and the other is Nic's.

"I can't express my feelings like you do since I did chase a child on our first date." She joked and I laughed. "But I can tell you that my heart belongs to you and only you. I wanted you to be my first because I trust you more than anyone else and because I love you. I love you with every beat my heart takes. I love you with every rush in my veins. I love you whenever the time goes by..." Nic said and I started bawling my eyes out. She hugged me and I hugged back. I was clinging to her like how a monkey does to a banana and I'm sure as hell, I looked like one.

I wiped my tears as we pulled away. "I'm sorry, I look like a monkey." She laughed at what I described myself and shook her head. "The most beautiful monkey I've ever seen." She joked and I laughed, slapping her arm playfully.

I smirked at here before pulling her towards me and kissed her with as much love as I can. She kissed back just as much. I felt her hand on one of my boobs and she lightly squeezed. My back arched from the bed before I moaned and I pushed her away to take a deep breath. "Will you make love to me again?" I asked and she smiled.

"Hell yeah." I laughed and we resumed kissing.

--------------------------------------------

I opened my eyes and groaned as the sunlight hit me directly in the eyes. I turned my back around, away from the light and closed my eyes, ready to fall asleep again. I opened my eyes as I realized that the bed is empty and Nic isn't by my side. I yawned as I sat up and looking over the window to find the curtains wide open. Stupid Nic opening the curtains to let the hot burning sun hit my face.

I moved the white blanket away and slung my legs out of the bed. I stood up and stretched, hearing my back crack and went to the bathroom which is connected to my room. I did my morning routine and when I was done, I realized I was still buttnaked as I stared at my reflection on the mirror. I saw the bitemarks on my neck trailing to my chest down towards my waist. I blushed as I recalled what happened last night. And I still can't believe I am her first. I felt joy spread through my insides as I remembered her awkward red face telling me that she was a virgin. God, she's so adorable. Although, for Nic's first time, she did amazing. She was nervous at first but quickly got the hang of it and I felt like I went to another dimension just feeling her hands touching the right places and her lips kissing the sensitive spots on my body. I shook my head from the dirty thoughts and got out of the bathroom.

I saw Nic's shirt on my floor and took it, deciding to wear it. I took some underwear and shorts from my drawer and put it on before heading out of the room.

I heard noises coming from the kitchen, more like music, and when I entered, I found Nic and Danielle dancing around; Nic had her arms dangling in the air and moving them around in the most awkward way as possible while her feet were taping on the ground with the beat of the music. The most weirdest dance moves in history of dancing goes to Nicole Erickson. Danielle was cooking breakfast and swaying her ass left and right to the song. I smiled when I saw how happy Nic looked; her eyes were sparkling and her smile never seem to fade from her face.

I cleared my throat and caught both of them off guard; Danielle turned around with her hand on her chest releasing a deep relieved breath while Nic was on the floor whining and rubbing her flat butt. I laughed at Nic as she scrunched up her face and glared at me.

I stretched my hand out and she looked at for a long five seconds deliberating wither she should trust me or not. I sighed and took the matters in my own hand and sat on her lap, taking her completely off guard. I got comfortable with both of my legs on each side of her hips. She held my waist as I wrapped my arms around her neck. I smiled at her as innocently as possible and she smiled back. Her grey eyes always seem to catch me while I'm falling for her. We were lost in our own world when I heard Danielle clearing her throat, saying "I don't need to see you two love birds doing it on the kitchen floor."

I glared at her as I felt my cheeks growing hot. I looked over at Nic to find her looking around the kitchen, clearly uncomfortable. I smiled at how cute she looked and decided to tease her a little bit. I did silly faces, sticking my tongue out and doing kissy faces and squeezed her cheeks; I cooed her like a baby.

Danielle laughed at me and placed two plates on the counter with food on them. "Well good morning to you too. I'm heading out since I already ate breakfast and I got work to do. You need to go too." Danielle said and pointed the last statement at Nic since she has work too.

I sighed as I thought about college and how am I going to pay my share of the rent but before I get lost in my thoughts, Nic picked me up with her as she stood up. She winked at me and sat me on the counter, she took my plate and cut a piece from the strawberry flavored pancakes and told me to open my mouth.

I frowned and she glared at me. We stared at one another waiting for one of us to break but her being more stubborn than I am, she succeeded. I sighed and opened my mouth unwillingly of course, and she stuffed the food quickly in my mouth, making me almost choke. "That's pay back for making me fall on my ass." She said and I chewed, coughing a little then glared more at her and took my plate away from her.

I turned around so my back faces her and acted like I was mad.

She sighed and turned me back to her, using her strength then took my plate away from me."hey!!!" I protested but she crashed her lips on mine before I could say anything else.

The warning that Danielle said earlier was gone to the drain as I took Nic's shirt off and she did the same with mine.

I heard the phone in the living room ringing and Nic pulled away, groaning loudly. I chuckled at her frustrated and annoyed face before wearing my shirt again since I don't have my bra on and I didn't want Ashley to come out of her room to see me topless. I hopped off the counter and went to the living room to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Lauren."

I was surprised to find Matthew on the other side since he never wakes up on this time in the morning. "Hey buddy, why are you calling this early in the morning?" I turned around to see nic on the kitchen doorway while giving me a confused look and I mouthed ' It's Matthew ' and she nodded her head.

"There's some weird noises in my mom's bedroom." He said and could hear him taking a deep breath. He's nervous and that made me worry.

"What noises?" I asked and saw Nic placing my plate on the table in front of couch. I smiled at her, thankfully and she waved her hand as of 'don't mention it.'

"I don't know. My mom is kind of screaming and I could hear dad too. I think dad is hurting mom but I don't know because he's kinda screaming too, but if he's hurting her then why does mom keep yelling 'more more.'?" I was shook to say the least and completely blown minded. I held myself from laughing since his parents are having sex and he's completely clueless. I saw Nic smiling at me as she is munching on her food. If only she knew. I chuckled internally.

"Ummm. Well, I'm sure it's not something you should worry about. Why don't you knock on the door then run away?" I gave him an idea and he chuckled. I could still sense his fear so I told me to not be afraid and he took a deep calming breath. He agreed and I heard his footsteps, walking away. I waited a couple minutes before hearing him screaming so I stood up, immediately worried. Nic looked up at me with food in her mouth, curious as to why I stood up all of a sudden with a worried expression.

I heard his footsteps coming closer and he yelled through the phone. "They're naked. I saw dad's butt." I laughed out loud, couldn't contain myself as I heard him jumping around, cringing with no doubt.

"Why did you open the door?" I asked, still laughing. Nic had a small smile on her face as she looked at me with loving eyes but I could sense her confusion as well.

"I didn't mean to. I knocked and the door opened." I dropped the phone and fell on the floor, holding my stomach. Tears poured down on my face as I gasped for air. Nic took the phone and spoke through it since I was completely gone. I heard Matthew yelling and whining and I rolled over, holding my stomach in pain from laughing too much.

"I don't know." I looked at Nic as I heard her voice. Her face is red flushed and I smiled at how cute she looked right now. I'm sure he told her what he saw. The poor little man; the first ass he has ever seen (other than his own) is his dad's. "That's something mom and dad should tell you." Nic answered tapping her left foot on the ground. I noticed that she always does that whenever she's nervous.

"You mean you don't know?" I heard the little boy say and I chuckled as Nic's face grew redder if possible.

"Ummm....I....It's just.....mom will tell you." She hung up and I burst out laughing from what she just did. Nic shook her head at me still red faced and I sat up, trying to hold myself but broke down as soon as I met Nic's eyes.

Minutes passed and I saw Nic standing from the couch, turning her back towards me. I looked at her figure walking away and I noticed something that made my smile drop. Nic isn't wearing her shirt so I noticed something that lies on her skin. Something that's on her back. I stood up and immediately rushed towards Nic. "Stop." I called her and she froze, paralyzed in the spot. A few seconds has passed in this deep silence and the air has never felt thicker between us. She turned around so quickly I thought she would've broken her back and smiled at me, clearly that smile is faked. I frowned as she tried to act like I didn't see anything. "What? Mom will tell him since it's her problem, not mine." She tried to cover the things my eyes has witnessed but I won't let her. I knew so much about her yet, at the same time, I don't. Whenever I think I discovered something deep about her, you find out there's another secret that she's been hiding. She's like a never ending puzzle and I want to know each and every part of it.

"Turn around for me." I told her but she didn't budge so I tried to spin her around but my physical strength couldn't match hers.

She remained still with a blank expression and this is something I just realized about her as I stare into her grey eyes; is that she has two sides in her life. The one that is adorable, mature but slightly childish with some anger issues. That side is what we usually see or in a better phrase is what she shows to the world. But there's the other one that has a darker era where she is broken and terrified from what could life throw at her... so she either burst out in anger or remains expressionless. And I've never seen this side except twice in my life; in the hospital where she was last seen 6 years ago and yesterday where her brother has spoken some harmful words that I knew stung her inside. Now......I'm seeing it for the third time.

"Why do you have these scars on your back?" I asked as I felt tears in my eyes. Unlike few minutes ago, this tears are tears from sadness. Nic looked away from me and avoided my eyes.

"Why do you have these slight burn marks on your back?" I asked, holding her face so she would catch my eyes. Her eyes stared at mine and I could see her fear from telling me. Fear from what though?

"Please tell me what happened to you. I love you and I want to know every piece of you. The good and the bad ones. Don't be afraid from telling me because I will love you with all your flaws and imperfections." I smiled in assurance and she took a deep breath still looking in to one another's eyes.

"It happened years ago...in high school." She paused and stopped, hesitating. I nodded my head in encouragement while my eyes staring deep into hers. "It was in one of these high school parties. It was the same party that I found Grace cheating on me."

"I walked away from her going downstairs. I was heartbroken and I just wanted to cry so I left the party. The thing is: she was my ride home but I didn't want to stay. I didn't want look at her face again or hear everyone mocking me as I cry so I had to walk. I was few blocks away from the party and I couldn't stop crying. She was the first girl I loved and she was the first heartbreak." Nic paused and I knew she was recalling the memories in her head.

"Then I got lost so I stopped to take my phone out of my pocket.....I shouldn't have done that. I should've kept walking. I should've ran but I didn't. I was stupid, so stupid. I was about to call my mom when I felt it. Pain spreading wildly on the back of my head. I fell and I felt them dragging my feet into a dark alley. I can't remember their faces but I remember their voices, laughing at me. They were drunk and they were kicking me in every spot they could find. They even throw their drinks at me. They knew who I was; the bookworm, the geek, the nerd, the weak, the worthless awkward faggot. So they called me those names over and over again until one of them wanted to teach me a lesson........ he wanted to beat the gay out of me.

(A/N: warning this could be a little overwhelming to some so if you get easily triggered, I advice you not to read anymore and skip a few paragraphs.)

So he took his belt off and ripped my shirt, leaving me topless. He started hitting me with it but had troubles since he was hitting my front and I had my arms up to protect myself." She stopped, tears falling from her eyes and she was trying so hard to hold herself from doing so.

"He told his friends to turn me around so I was lying on my stomach. That's when the first one hit and it was painful. I screamed but one of his friends covered my mouth. The hits kept coming. And coming. And coming. It got stronger with each hit. I felt the blood behind my back and I felt my skin being ripped open. He did it for a while Lauren. For a big while. I was hopeless and emotionally broken then they ripped me physically. The ripped me apart....He stopped when one of his friends begged him to but that wasn't it. He wanted to see me suffer more. He took a lighter from one of his friends and......he started to burn me, saying that this what happens to sinners, to gay people like me. He gets closer to my skin and when I scream so loud, he pulls away then he repeats. He stopped when the fire met the alcohol on my skin because that's when he truly burned a big part of me. His friends pulled away and I tried to stop it. I rolled over still feeling it burning my back when one of them poured water on me.......but the damage has been done. They ran and I was left there for a long time. I couldn't move a muscle because it hurt so much so I stayed like this until I reached for my phone and called Rita. My hands were shaking the entire time as I talked with her. I told her everything and it took awhile for her to come for me because she had troubles finding me. When she did, she cried, her tears were falling rapidly and she was  but tried her best to assure me I would be okay. It took her a while to pick me up because anywhere she touched, I felt deep stinging burn. I told her to not take me to the hospital, I didn't want my parents to know or anyone for that matter. Thank God, her mother was a nurse. I slept at their home and the burns were only first and second degree. The second left scars I'll always remember; they're stamped on my skin till this day. It's fine though it's been years and I'm okay now." She stared in to my eyes, showing assurance and strength but I could see through her. She was numb. The feeling any person would get  after feeling a deep pain wether it's a heartache or physical pain.

(A/N: you can read now if you skipped the part. :) I'm sorry if it was a little bit too much.)

"You don't have to act like you're not in pain. At least not in front of me. Nic, you're so strong and brave and you went through so much and I regret each day that passes were you felt in pain. I wish I was there for you but I was nothing but a stupid annoying arrogant brat, but I promise that from this day until the day you don't want me, I'll be here. Although, I hope you'll always want me." She smiled with her tearful eyes and chuckled at me.

"Trust me, I want you with me. Always." She said and I kissed her so passionately because I wanted her to feel my love for her and I don't ever want her to forget that. Even after she knows what I did.