chapter 15

Nic's POV

Tapping my left foot on the ground repeatedly has been habit I did every time I'm nervous. And if I wasn't able to do that, I rub my hands as if I'm trying to keep them warm on cold December. Right now, I'm standing on the doorsteps of my old home, a place where my childhood memories came from. Standing beside me was Lauren with her soft hand intertwined with mine.

"You ready?" Lauren said with an encouraging smile on her face. She squeezed my hand to show her support and from the look in her eyes, I know she won't let go.

"I can never be." I said, shaking my head repeatedly. My left foot is almost shaking from how terrified I am to just walk inside a house I vowed to never walk inside ever again and yet, here I am. Lauren chuckled softly and kissed my cheek for reassurance. I released a heavy sighed but the weight on chest has only grown bigger.

"It's okay, they're your family. What are you so scared of?" Lauren circled her thumb on the back of my hand, gently. I wasn't scared......pff......I was HORRIFIED. What are they going to say? Will they forgive me for my reckless decision? For running away and never contacting them? Will they hate me for the person I've become? Someone who swears too much and cut their hair into a boyish cut. Will they love me for who I truly am? Will my mom still look at me with her loving and assuring eyes? What will my brothers think? What will Matthew see me like? Am I stranger to him? Or did my family tell him something about me?

All this questions started forming in my head, giving me a terrible headache. I tried my best to stop thinking this way because I don't know what lies behind that door, but my mind is growing out of control; no matter what I do to stop my line of thinking, I keep getting back to questioning myself about whether I should go in or get back into the car.

"Will you stop it? You're stressing yourself." I heard Lauren say beside of me. But whatever she said, went right out from the other ear. She sighed and turned my body so I could look at her eyes. She grabbed both of arms, rubbing them up and down, soothing me. It calmed my nerves but my insides were still in a storm. "They're your family. They still love you and care so much about you. Your mom keeps talking about you and even removed you family's photos in the living room and replaced them with yours. Matthew wants to see you so bad; he usually sleeps in your room, saying your room is cool and your waterbed is amazing. You don't have to be worried and if anything happens, I'm right here." Lauren said with her sweet and soft voice.

Hearing her say that is like a melody to my heart. I felt better, knowing those things.

Lauren placed her hands gently on my face, taking a step forward and pulling me closer. Her vanilla scent entered my nostrils which I made a mental note to reward myself with vanilla ice cream when this is over.

Her face was an inch away and her body was almost touching mine. My eyes fell to her luscious lips and I couldn't help myself but to wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer, placing my lips gently on hers.

She responded immediately and I felt her melt. I held her fragile body in my arms and her lips fitted mine, perfectly. She opened her lips giving me complete access and our tongues touched. We were battling for dominance which surprisingly, she won after sucking my tongue. The kiss became urgent and deeper and what I didn't expect, is to hear a very audible moan escaping her throat.

We pulled away and her face immediately turned dark red. She looked away trying to hide her face and that made me smile. I don't know if we are together now or not but I know one thing, I have to make her mine. I need to make her mine, officially.

I looked at my surrounding, my smile disappeared instantly and I felt complete paranoia.

Lauren noticed and grabbed my hand in hers. She waited for me, patiently until I had the nerves to knock on the front door. I tried thinking of all the scenarios and focused on the good ones. I could hear footsteps coming towards the door and with each step my heart is pounding louder.

And that's when the door swings open. I closed my eyes instantly, afraid to look. Call me an immature kid but I didn't want to see their reaction.

I heard a very high pitched voice shouting Lauren's name and I felt her let go of my hand. There was something about that voice that caused me to frown. Sounds like a little girl. Did they have a girl when I was gone? Oh shit, I've been replaced. I've been replaced by a young annoying midget. Is that what they think? 'oh Nicole is gone, so let's just have another baby' another baby?! My ass. I'm not going inside.

I need to leave as quickly as possible before someone noticed. I turned around and opened my eyes, seeing my car on the side road. I thought to myself, I could run and leave Lauren behind and they'll give her a ride home.

With that thought, I sprinted towards the car, taking the keys out of my pocket. "NIC!!" I heard Lauren yelling my name. Startled, I almost dropped my keys but I tightened my grip so they wouldn't fall. I held on to them like my life depends on them. Well, it does. I felt feets running after me and I got more scared.

Before I reached my car, I felt a body slamming on to my back and I fell flat on my face. Lauren shifted on my back until she decided to sit on me. I gulped here comes trouble. "I can't believe you. After all that time we were standing in front of the door, you try to escape." I didn't dare to lift my face off the ground because that little girl was giggling really loud and I wanted to puke. I shivered in disgust.

"Were you planning on leaving me here?" I heard Lauren say and I lifted my head, pushing her off of me. She fell beside me and I felt here burning holes on my back. I turned and did my best to explain. "of course not, I would never-"

"Yeah right, you weren't just sprinting to your car with your keys in your hands." She lifted her eyebrows, waiting for me to tell her the truth.

I sighed in surrender and looked down to the ground in shame. I felt guilty. What in the world was I thinking? Lauren has done nothing but being patient with me and I need to show her that I'm grateful for what she's done.

I felt soft hands on my cheeks and Lauren lifted my head. I caught her eyes glowing at me. Wow she's beautiful. She tilted her head to the side, gesturing for me to look. I turned my head and saw a small figure, smiling at me.

Wait, what? I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A young boy sticking his hand out for me to shake. What surprised me more, is the physical resemblance we had for each other. His hair is brunette, his eyes are brown, his nose is pointed and really small. He has puffy cheeks that I just wanted to grab and kiss. I felt my heart clenching in my ribcage. My eyes started to get watery but I held it in. This boy, this sweet young boy who wasn't wearing any shoes or slippers was none other than Matthew Erickson. The only one who I didn't want to leave behind. The one that meant the world to me. Still does.

Flash backs of him, talking nonsense when we were in the car while I was driving, crushed into me. When he was playing with his automobile in the living room and his smile never leaving his face. When he would crawl to my room, just so he could sit beside me while I was reading. When he would hug me with his tiny figure whenever I felt sad. When he giggles every time I mess things up. He was an angel. Still is in my eyes.

I gulped and heard him say. "Hi, I'm Matthew." His voice was like an angel. I didn't know what to say. I lifted my hand to shake his still stretched hand and I almost crumbled when I felt how soft his hand were. He smiled even brighter showing me his missing teeth. I sniffed and decided to speak "I'm nic..." I told him, still in utter shock.

He let go of my hand and walked back to the house. "Come on. Mom is making pasta tonight." Lauren helped me up and I wiped my eyes, so I could see more clearer. Lauren kissed my cheeks and whispered in my ear "I'm right here". I smiled at her and grabbed a hold of her hand.

We followed Mathew as he ran to the kitchen. I looked around the house and realized nothing changed. The same furniture except the tv was newer and the carpet is different; it's the same color but a different style.

I entered the kitchen and saw my mom with her back turned to me. I took this moment to take her in. She still looks the same; only this time with grey strands in her hair. She looks shorter but that's because I became taller. My heart is in my throat and I felt like crying again. My mom tolerated all my shits and I should be grateful for everything she'd done but, what did I do? I shut her out of my life when none of this is her fault. I'm just a jerk who kept blaming her for someone else's doing.

Speaking of someone else; I haven't seen my dad in the house which I think is better this way because I'm not ready to face him, not yet at least and hopefully, he won't show up. He's for an another time.

"What did I tell you about opening the door without my-" my mom immediately turned mute when she saw Lauren and me, standing at the kitchen door. She smiled for a couple of seconds until her gaze fell upon me. I saw confusion in her eyes until they grew wide in realization. I saw tears in her eyes and before I knew it, she was holding me in her arms. I was crying on her shoulders; I couldn't stop the tears from falling and she was squeezing me tight, giving me huge comfort.

I felt like a little girl who just wants to feel her mother's love again. I needed her support when I was gone. I missed her so much. I saw Matthew behind my mom holding a picture frame in his hands. He looked up and caught my tearful eyes. His jaw dropped and the frame fell from his grip. Lauren hurriedly caught the frame before it break. Without any care, He smiled and ran to squeeze himself between mom and I. I felt his arms around my waist and I heard him whisper "We missed you, Cole."

I smiled, feeling content and relief. I'm back home. I saw Lauren's posture leaning on the counter and she had tears in her eyes too. I lifted one of my arms and gestured her to come and join us. She smiled and ran to squeeze herself between us all and my mom pulled away laughing, grabbing her in a hug too. This is what I always wanted. What I missed for the past 6 years. A family.

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"Where have you been? Why do you look so different? Why is your hair gray? Are you gonna die soon?"

"Matthew, stop it." Mom scolded Matthew as he lowered his head, apologizing quietly. She turned her attention to me and said "How are you sweetie?"

I smiled as my mom held my hand, rubbing them softly as if she was afraid I would disappear. I placed my other hand on top of hers and squeezed hers. "I'm fine, mom. Don't need to worry about me. I finished college using my grandma's heritage and graduated. I applied for a job, still haven't received an answer yet and I'm living with Rita." Mom nodded her head and smiled at me. I didn't feel like going to details because my head is in complete mess.

"You look incredible, Cole. I hope you don't mind us calling you Cole." Mom said, afraid of my reaction.

"Mom it's fine. It's just a name." I felt Lauren's hand slipping into mine and when I looked over, she was smiling at me. I smiled back.

I heard my mom clearing her throat. We turned her way and caught her eyes squinting at us. "How did you two......? Did you two came together or it's just a coincidence you both are on the doorstep?"

I turned to Lauren and I could see she was confused about telling her wither we came together or not. Why? I didn't understand. "Yeah, we just meet-"

"We came together." Lauren said, cutting me off. I frowned ym eyebrows, looking back at her. I thought she was perplexed. "Actually, we meet two weeks ago. In a cafe. And when I told Nicole I would come here, she said she wanted to see you too." She explained to my mom, keeping her tight grip on my head. She turned to me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Why didn't you tell me you saw her?" Mom asked Lauren which claimed her attention. I could see her uneasiness with her fidgeting on the couch and her tense figure made it clear she didn't know what to say, I knew she was uncomfortable. I looked back at my mom and decided to say something.

"Well, I told her not to tell you. I wasn't ready to meet any of you. I was scared." I stepped in, taking my mom's squinted eyes from Lauren. She gazed on to me, waiting for me to elaborate. "I was afraid you would reject me or you wouldn't have me back." I told my mom, lowering my gaze on the floor. It felt good to let that out of my chest. Although, I was petrified to let that out in thin air.

"Oh Cole, I was waiting for you to come home. Everyday I was hoping you would walk back inside. That maybe you would forget about what your father said but I know you would never do that. You're too stubborn. I had troubles sleeping, thinking about the things that could happen to you. You were still a child. You still needed guidance. No matter what, you will always be a baby in my eyes."

"Mom!!" I shouted in frustration and I could feel heat on my skin. I knew straight away, my face is turning red. I heard Lauren chuckling at me and I huffed in annoyance.

"What?! I was only telling the truth. You don't need to be embarrassed." My mom wiped her cheeks from her escaping tears and I got up from my seat to sit next to her. I hugged her tight and kisses her forehead.

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm here and I won't disappear." I assured her but she shook her head.

"I never stopped your dad when I should've, I'm the one who should be sorry. I really am. I knew you were a stubborn child but not that reckless." I smiled at my mom and reached out for some tissues. I handed her some and she took them gratefully, saying an small audible thank you. She wiped her cheeks and laughed at herself. I couldn't help but laugh too. She looked like a mess but an incredible mess. I felt bad for doing this to my mom and I do regret hurting her. I learned a lot from being away, but hurting someone I love was not my intentions.

"By the way, Where is dad and Jonathan? I haven't seen any of them." I asked my mom out of curiosity, I didn't want to meet any of them but a person has to know what's going on in their family's life.

My mom looked down at her hands and I could see her having a battle in her head. That confused me. Did something happen to them? I saw my mom, looking up at Lauren and I turned my head to look at her too but all I received was avoiding eyes. Does she know something, I don't?

"Did something happen?" I let my thought out, feeling by heart racing in my chest. I looked back and forth, waiting for one of them to spill.

"Honey, your brother is off to college and I don't know when he's coming back as for your father..." My mother sealed her lips and I could see and hear her breathing heavily. What was it that makes themboth so scared from telling me?

"We're divorced." My mom said and I could see the tears forming in her eyes once more. My jaw dropped to say the least. I was shocked and bag of guilt was thrown at my chest. I didn't know what to say. Why? When? How? I couldn't understand. Was it because of me? Am I the reason they both divorced?

"Now, don't think this is your fault because it isn't. It's your dad's." My mom said, reading my thoughts. I was still guilt even after knowing its not my fault. I know and have a strong feeling that I had a part at this divorce. That I am one of the reason. Maybe I'm the main reason.

"You're dad disconnected himself from us. He avoided us. He avoided me. He lost himself through work. He never comes home until late at night." My mom elaborated but all that was running in my head was 'its your fault, you did this. It's your fault your dad isolated himself from your family. It's your fault for tearing this family apart.'

"He did that because of me, didn't he?" I asked my mom and all she did was shake her head. She didn't deny it. She didn't tell me that's its not my fault. Because I am right and she knows it too.

I turned to Lauren and frowned at her. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me my parents are divorced?" I didn't raise my voice at her even though I was furious and upset. All this time and she never thought of telling me my parents aren't together anymore.

"I couldn't tell you, it's not my place to do so." I raised my eyebrow at her, feeling more pissed off. I gritted my teeth, annoyed from her response.

"What if I didn't come here? Would you still keep it from me?!" I almost shouted on her face. She frowned at me, obviously upset.

"You would've known anyways. You would have came back, no matter what because you love your family. You wouldn't just forget about them and move on with your life. You would always ask about them-" I cut her off, my anger is taking over.

"Don't use that psychology bullshit on me and don't act like you know me so well, Lauren because you don't." I immediately felt like a jerk when I finished speaking; I hurt her. By looking into her eyes, I could see her tearing apart. She excused herself and went to the bathroom.

I sighed and sat back on the couch, feeling exhausted. I saw my mom's disapproving gaze and I rolled my eyes. She stood up. "I'm gonna go and set up the table for you children to eat and while I do so, you go and check if Lauren's okay. Apologize to her. I know something is going on between you two. It's clear as daylight." She disappeared while entering the kitchen. I just stayed put, being the lazy person I am.

I looked around and then a thought came up. I sat up straight, Where's Matthew? I stood up and looked around the ground floor but haven't caught a glimpse of that young boy.

I heard something faint upstairs. I followed the faint noise and it lead me upstairs. I heard the noise clearer in my room and it sounded like music. I walked towards it and I opened the door, seeing Matthew jumping on my waterbed with 'Three Days Grace' blasting from the speakers. I was confused Are these Jonathan's speakers? I looked at Matthew and I grinned at him and the amount of fun his having.

"Come on." He said and that's all he needed to say for me to join him as well. I jumped on the bed, slamming Matthew in the process but all he did was laugh and we continued jumping.

Matthew kept falling and getting up because I was causing him shake. I laughed at him with every jump but at the last fall, he gave up and just laid on the bed while I kept jumping.

I saw Lauren standing on the doorway with dry tears on her cheeks. My smile fell for a couple seconds until I jumped off the bed and ran towards her. I carried her on my shoulder and I heard her scream. I walked towards the bed and threw her on it. She glared at me but all I did was began jumping on the bed as does Matthew and Lauren was trying to get up but she kept falling. She sighed and just laid down there like what Matthew did a minute ago.

I sighed and pushed Matthew who was jumping beside me on Lauren which finally removed the frown from her face and she started laughing. I smiled and laid down on both of them too. Matthew got up, still jamming to the song.

I didn't move. I was on top of lauren, looking down on her pretty eyes. She had a small smile on her face. "I'm sorry, I'm an asshole. Shit comes out of my mouth." Lauren chuckled at me and my way of using words. "You do know me. You know my past. You know my present. Yeah, there are a few details you don't know but you know a lot. I promise I'll make it up to you. I hope you can forgive me." I placed my forehead on hers and felt her hands on my cheeks. She raised her lips to touch mine and I held my smile.

"I forgive you." I pulled away and smiled. "But if you do that again, I'll kick your-" I kissed her lips to shut her up. I was about to deepen the kiss when she pushed me away. "Not in front of Matthew." I whined.

"Oh come on, look at him. He's-MATTHEW STOP SHOWING YOUR BUTT TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD." I shouted at Matthew as he had his butt naked in front of the window. Lauren chuckled and turned my head to look at her. "Ignore him." She pulled me once more for another kiss.

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A/N

Sorry for the long wait but I hope you like this chapter.

Vote and comment whatever you want.