Left Behind

“Bring her back NOW!” Dean screams at Billie, scrambling unsteadily to his feet. Castiel is by his side in a millisecond pulling him away from the Reaper.

The anger is gone from Billie’s face. How could she miss this? How could she not expect that you would have done anything to protect Dean Winchester, including this? She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. The hole is gone... and so are you.

“Where is she?!” Dean demands, stealing Castiel’s Angel Blade. He watched you disappear into the abyss, too weak to save you.

“Well, well, well,” Crowley says, suddenly standing on the other side of Billie. “What have we done?”

Billie stares wide-eyed at the space where the hole was just minutes ago.

“You know they’ll have your head,” he says to her, with a wicked grin on his face. “Just think. You were pissed at Dean Winchester for killing Death - how will your compadres take it when they find out one of their own sent their fearless leader,” he pauses and gestures toward the spot, “into the void?”

Her throat closes up. She knows all too well how they’ll react. She’d react the same. But she didn’t mean to do it - she didn’t mean for you to get in the way. She only wanted to scare you out of relinquishing your title. She never meant...

“What does he mean?” Sam asks Castiel, blinking in disbelief. One minute you were right here, and the next...

Sure, Billie could reach into the Empty and retrieve souls, but not specific souls. There is no way to tell which soul is coming out, or which one is yours.

“I’m afraid,” Castiel begins, looking at his friend, “[Y/N] is in The Empty, now.”

“I don’t care,” Dean shouts, never taking his eyes from the Reaper. “Bring her BACK, you piece of-”

“Dean!” Sam grabs him from behind as he raises his arm. “Don’t. Remember what happened when you killed Death?”

Dean knows Sam’s right, as much as he wants to drive the blade into Billie’s stomach and gut her like a fish. But you’re gone - not just off somewhere in the world guiding souls home, but gone. “Bring. Her. Back.” His voice cracks, his pulse races as the tightness grows at the base of his throat.

Billie finally moves her eyes from the spot where you disappeared. She opens her mouth, closes it to clear her throat, and starts again. “I... I can’t.”

“What... What do you mean, you can’t? You put her in there!” Dean doesn’t want to hear that. He just got you back. Sam tightens his hold on his brother to keep him from doing something stupid.

“Once a soul enters the Empty,” Cas says, choosing his words carefully because it kills him to see Dean so distraught, “in the Empty, souls become anonymous.”

Dean’s anger gives way to despair as Castiel’s words sink in and the vacuum opens inside his chest. “What do you mean?”

“Billie can’t bring her back... because she has no way to find her.”

“But... But you gave us all those souls to fight Amara,” Dean pleads.

Billie nods. “I know. But they weren’t specific souls... they didn’t need to be. They were random.”

“But it just happened. You just threw her in."

“It doesn’t matter, Dean,” Cas tells him.

Reality sinks in and Dean’s head drops. “Leave,” he seethes through gritted teeth, warning Billie. ”Now.” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to suck air into his lungs, tortured by the thought of you stuck in an eternity of nothing because of him.

She stares at the brothers for a moment, then looks at Castiel - but he won’t look her in the eye. Crowley, on the other hand, stands smitten as he watches her with a shit-eating grin.

When Sam looks up, she’s gone. Crowley bows his head and looks at Dean with downcast eyes.

“Crowley?” Sam pleads with no other hope, but the King of Hell only shakes his head.

“I have a lot of pull around here,” Crowley answers, surprisingly soft-spoken. “But even I can’t do what you’re asking.” And he’s gone.

Sam releases his hold and Dean slumps to the ground. “Dean,” he says, kneeling beside him.

“Tell me this isn’t real, Sam,” Dean says, his voice tight.

Sam doesn’t know what to say. He looks back at the empty spot where Billie had stood, and you... He takes a deep breath to steady his voice. “She saved you, Dean.” It’s all he can think to say. Tears sting his eyes at the thought of how you will never know how much you’ve done for him; how much you mean to him. You knew what Billie was going to do before anyone else realized, and sacrificed yourself to save him. You gave him his brother back. And in return, you’ve been sentenced to a fate worse than death.

He knows that nothing he can say will ease his brother’s pain.

Cas disappears without a word. Sam stays at Dean’s side, both feeling more helpless than they’ve ever felt in their entire, messed up lives.

“I can’t lose her.” And his walls break down, and the deep hitching sobs barrel through. “She didn’t deserve this.”

Sam swallows the lump in his throat and wipes his own eyes. “I know.”

Hardly able to breathe, Dean pounds the earth with his fists. “It should be me in there!” He screams. Then he crumples to the ground, bowled over by the wave of sobs he can’t control.