CH 20

‘Holy fucking shit! I came over for dinner, but I ended up overhearing such a good piece of gossip. It’s outrageous!’

‘This isn’t a Restaurant, it’s the black soil of the Northwest! Only in this treasure land, cultivated by the thousand-year-old Demon, could such sweet melons grow!’ The demons threw down their chopsticks and grabbed their phones to type like maniacs. It was as if each of them was a journalist sending out reports, but only to their friends and family.

‘This is the real evidence, the real evidence! The Broom Spirit is the son of Mr. Pi! This is conclusive evidence!’

‘I have firsthand news, the kind that can generate a thunderstorm in the Demon World! Although this can’t be said for sure, Mr. Pi’s new wife may be having an affair with Mr. Pi’s son!’

A large amount of traffic flooded into the Demons Forum, causing the server to crash to the point where the latest news couldn’t be updated on the Forum page. The programmers working under Feng Du cursed for having to work overtime because of this huge disruption. On the other hand, Yama1 met with Feng Du in his office. Looking somewhat embarrassed, Yama asked: “Your Highness2, is it okay to keep those posts? In case that guy comes looking for us, what will we….?”

“Don’t be afraid.” Feng Du waved his hand disinterestedly. “Have all the ad slots been settled yet? We should raise the price of ads for these hot-news posts. That way, if Pi Xiu really finds out, we’ll just share the ads’ revenue with him. For his love of money, he won’t make it hard for us.”

After receiving the orders, Yama left. Feng Du, on the other hand, took Wen Xi’s file, which was on his desk, and read it for a while. Then, Feng Du refreshed the Forum. Since the server had been urgently fixed, the Forum could finally be smoothly opened once again.

Feng Du read the gossip posts with a great amount of interest. At the same time, he muttered under his breath: “Oh Pi Xiu, my old friend, you really are an excellent source of income.”

‘The KPI of the Forum this month is in the bag!’

All the posts related to Pi Xiu and Wen Xi were racing up to the most popular topics. Each post was more shameless than the previous one. As for Pi Xiu, who had a bigger amount of traffic, he has his own hot-search about his body. At present, as long as the demons can access the internet, everyone will eventually find out that a green light drifted through the sea and clouds, ultimately landing on Pi Xiu’s head3.

‘Passion cools as beauty withers away4. The old demon, who can no longer satisfy his little wife, has allowed his son to take advantage of the situation. It turns out that even someone like Pi Xiu can’t do anything about a situation like this.’

In a matter of minutes, the tragedy of Pi Xiu’s love life became the central topic in the Forum. Everyone cried for the green hat on Pi Xiu’s head, lamenting that their tears were of no value.

Pi Xiu, the supreme traffic generator, doesn’t yet know the reign of terror that has been created out there. He didn’t yet know that a green rain was falling on his head. Instead, Pi Xiu was busy taking the menu to the kitchen to place an order.

Mr. Pi personally picked up another rooster from the backyard, drained its blood, plucked it and opened its belly. Then, he cooked a big pot of chicken soup exclusively for Wen Xi, so that Wen Xi could replenish his yang energy in order for his soul and body to recover after the scare he suffered today.

When Ren Jiao saw Pi Xiu do all this, Ren Jiao asked: “Don’t you have enough yang energy in your body? Why do you have to kill a rooster to compensate for his yang energy? Do you even know how much a rooster like this one costs?”

“Do you think I would just freely offer the yang energy in my body like it’s nothing?” Pi Xiu looked at him and said: “His little body wouldn’t stand it anyways. It’s better for him to drink a few bowls of rooster soup to make up for his yang energy.”

Qiu Fu smelled the fragrance of the chicken soup and couldn’t stop himself from saying: “My good bro, can you serve me some?”

Pi Xiu gave him an empty bowl, which only made the Fox Qiu Fu cry a couple of times. After pouring himself a bowl of soup, and as he drank it, Qiu Fu sighed: “A married man sure is different. You used to be so considerate in the past.”

Pi Xiu frowned and said: “Stop spouting nonsense. I’m single.”

“You’re always hugging and sleeping with him. He’s now also part of your Household Registration. Are you still going to insist on saying you’re single?” Ren Jiao pointed to the backyard and said: “Even if there were flying pigs in the backyard, I wouldn’t believe it.”

Qiu Fu spat the chicken bones in his mouth and asked: “But why did Erlang Shen come to check the Household Registration today? As a matter of fact, today isn’t a holiday, and there wasn’t a scheduled visit either. It doesn’t make sense.”

Pi Xiu thought for a moment and then said: “I guess he heard the rumors from the demons coming to eat here. Besides, the last time his dog came to dig our vegetable field, I hit him twice with a stick. The third-eyed one doesn’t like me, so he deliberately chose to come here today to find fault with me.”

“Xiao Tianquan was not properly educated, so he is exceedingly rude.” Ren Jiao lowered the fire in front of him and said: “Qiu Fu, take care of the fire for me. I have to go see how Lil Broom is doing with his homework. After all, he has to go to school tomorrow.”

Qiu Fu was flabbergasted: “So you still haven’t given up on making Lil Broom study, huh?”

“You don’t know anything, knowledge has the ability to change our destiny. Look at me, the reason I’m working as a cook is because I didn’t study.” Ren Jiao took off his apron and threw it away: “You better not forget to look at the fire!”

Speaking of studying, when Pi Xiu looked at the time, he found that it was almost the time when Wu Zu would get out of class and Wen Xi would be teaching him at night in his dreams. Pi Xiu then poured two bowls of chicken soup and prepared to go upstairs to rest.

When Qiu Fu saw that Pi Xiu was also leaving, he stood there dumbfounded and asked: “Why are you two leaving? Am I the only one working in the kitchen in this place?!”

“The leftover chicken soup is all yours! Have a bowl when you feel tired!” Pi Xiu waved his hand and said: “Don’t worry about the price, I don’t need your money!”

Qiu Fu froze, but then began to jump up and curse: ‘Ren Jiao and Pi Xiu, those two old demons are completely devoid of virtue!’

—

After Wen Xi tasted the chicken soup, he nodded his head and said: “Today’s soup is quite delicious.”

“I cooked it with my own hands, how can it not taste good?” Pi Xiu took out a napkin to wipe the corners of Wen Xi’s mouth. At that moment, Pi Xiu caught a glimpse of a draft paper squeezed under a book on the table. Pi Xiu smiled and asked: “Did you just give Lil Broom a lecture?”

Wen Xi nodded: “He said he couldn’t do his homework.”

“Was it hard?” Pi Xiu asked.

Wen Xi simply smiled and shook his head: “How hard can it be to give lessons to a little demon like him? It’s just that he doesn’t seem to want to go to school at all. Just holding a pen makes him look like he’s suffering a great grievance.”

“Which child likes to go to school?” Pi Xiu asked.

Wen Xi pursed his lips and said: “I liked it. But my grandfather always thought my teachers were bad, and he was also afraid that other children would bully me, so he taught me himself from the beginning to the end. Even now I don’t know what it feels like to go to school.”

Pi Xiu patted Wen Xi’s head and said: “Isn’t private tutoring like a small class? I wonder what the cost of private tuition is now.”

“Why charge?” Wen Xi asked.

Pi Xiu: “Next time Lil Broom comes to you for help with his homework, ask Ren Jiao to bring a truckload of seafood to the Restaurant. Of course, if you’re going to be a private tutor, you should charge for it.”

Wen Xi laughed: “How can you possibly charge Ren Jiao?”

“This is called ‘Don’t let one’s fertile water flow into another’s field5’. What do you know?” Saying this, Pi Xiu held Wen Xi’s hand to check the state of his soul body, which was much better than at the beginning. However, Pi Xiu noticed that the Jade statue was no longer useful, so he would have to find a replacement as soon as possible.

After Wen Xi finished drinking the soup, he slept for a while, waiting for the time when Pi Xiu would take him back to Wu Zu’s dream.

It was unknown whether because Wu Zu had been coming to this Restaurant to eat lately, or if he listened to too many of Jia Suzhen’s opera songs, he even started humming them while solving the questions Wen Xi handed to him. Hearing this, Wen Xi felt amused, and even stood next to him to hum together.

When Wen Xi was young, he liked this opera, so he properly sang it.

When Wu Zu heard him sing, Wu Zu looked up and said with a smile: “So you wanted to be the Number One Scholar.”

“Among the Scholars, who in the world wouldn’t want to be the top scorer?” Wen Xi asked rhetorically.

For scholars all over the country, who wouldn’t want to get the top scores in the Imperial Examinations to bring honor to one’s family? As well as traveling by horseback to see all the flowers of Chang’an?

Wu Zu was stunned by Wen Xi’s question. After all, only at that moment did Wu Zu realize that this was his own spiritual world, so what the man in front of him had said should be his own inner thoughts. ‘By saying that he wants to get first place in the Imperial Examinations, isn’t that the same as me saying that I want to get first place in the University Entrance Examinations?’

‘How bold and productive people can be. It turns out deep down, I’m so ignorant that I still have dreams of getting first place in the University Entrance Examinations.’

Wu Zu couldn’t help but smack his lips: “I really dare to think like that.”

Wu Zu was silent for a while and listened to Wen Xi humming some lines from the opera. Wu Zu couldn’t help but ask: “Why do you think that when I go to Restaurant, Suzhen-jie always sings the paragraph about getting first place in the Imperial Examinations? Could it be because she’s very studious…..or because she likes people who have good grades?”

Wen Xi paused and wondered: ‘How does he know that he isn’t Jia Suzhen’s original darling?’

But because Wen Xi was worried about Wu Zu’s mood, Wen Xi said: “Who knows? Maybe you will know if you get first place in the Entrance Exams.”

Wu Zu was silent for a long time.

‘A beauty is only worthy of the strong, and right now I’m just an 18-year-old standing under the stage as a follower. I swore to myself that I would make Suzhen-jie recognize me at first sight in the future.’

The student scratched the hair on the back of his neck and said, “It’s just studying, isn’t it? Who doesn’t know how—ah damn it, if I were so smart, how could I be afraid of not getting first place on the exam?”

Wen Xi frowned at this: “You like her that much?”

‘Humans and ghosts walk different paths. Even if he likes her in this life too, it’s useless.’

“It’s not that deep.” Wu Zu smacked his lips. “It’s not that I’m in love with her, what I feel for her is more like appreciation and admiration. As long as Suzhen-jie can sing, I can always go to the Restaurant to listen and support her. Even if I ever feel sick of the food there.”

Wen Xi suppressed a laugh and said: “All right, for Suzhen’s sake, you must solve these math problems now.”

Wu Zu gathered all his strength and began to study. However, this thousand li journey to knowledge that began with a single step died in the hands of mathematics. Wu Zu stared at the paper in front of him for a long time, then looked at Wen Xi to ask: “Since you have the ability to bring the practice book in my dream, can you also bring the College Entrance Examination? Let’s get this over with once and for all!”

Wen Xi forced a smile, which made him look sinister, and said: “Even if this is a dream, you can’t do whatever you want.”

Wu Zu coughed slightly and said: “Alright, I know there are no shortcuts to knowledge. I have only one way left, and it is to practice earnestly.”

Wen Xi nodded, feeling that this child was finally ready to be taught.

However, after checking the math homework Wu Zu did all night, Wen Xi was so freaking angry that he even felt dizzy and his hands trembled. Wen Xi thought: ‘This brat is hopeless. It would be easier to have him reborn again than to teach him now. In any case, Jia Suzhen has already waited for him for so many years, so waiting for another 18 won’t be too much.’

Since the monthly exams were coming up, Wu Zu began a path of self-destructive learning, causing the pressure on Wen Xi to suddenly increase, thus increasing the burden on his soul body as well. However, Wen Xi decided to persist even with these minor injuries. At that instant, Wen Xi decided to force Pi Xiu to watch over Wu Zu as he solved the exercises. In that way, Wen Xi estimated that this young student might not live to give his farewell to the monthly exams.

After Wu Zu passed the monthly exam in one breath, Wen Xi’s ghostly body became transparent again, and Pi Xiu expelled him with a red card6. After drinking several bowls of chicken soup, Wen Xi was forced to rest in the Jade statue.

Mr. Pi then took the teaching whip in his hands and stepped onto the stage. From this day forward, Wu Zu’s nights were about to change.

That night, when Wu Zu went back to the dream, he didn’t see Wen Xi’s beautiful face. Instead, Wu Zu was confronted with an oddly fierce face that Pi Xiu had conjured up so that he wouldn’t be recognized by Wu Zu.

“You….”

Wu Zu stared at the solid muscular arms of the man in front of him in amazement, wondering: ‘Why has my inner reflection changed? Could it be that because of my arduous self-study, I have become a fierce man of knowledge? A giant of learning?’

Pi Xiu ignored him, left the papers on the table, and announced the cruel future: “From this day forward, your practices will be doubled.”

Wu Zu’s breathing stagnated: “No! Not doubled!”

Pi Xiu looked at him and repeated: “Doubled!”

Wu Zu: “Congratulations, you have decided to fight the owner of this dream!”

Pi Xiu: “……”

‘Fuck off!! From today on, I’m going to give this ungrateful student a taste of a socialist-influenced demon’s iron fist!’