Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

Looking at him clearly now, into those green eyes that she loved so much, made her feel all sorts of emotions. Ian was there right in front of her. And the way he looked at her brought back so many memories of them back in happier days. He wanted her back. Ian wanted to be with her again. But could it be so simple to just go back to the way things used to be?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this myself," she said. "You should've been the first person I told. It was your child too."

Ian shook his head. "I understand why you didn't. I'm not blaming you at all." His eyes softened and he reached out for her. "Skylar, I love y-"

She shook her head quickly and took a step back. "Don't. Please don't."

He looked a little hurt but respected her wishes. "I'm sorry."

"I guess we should talk about this, huh," she said.

"We should."

She walked back into her room and sat down on her bed. Ian followed her and took a seat next to her. It was silent for a moment.

"I hate the way things ended between us," she finally said. "Hell, I moved back here because of you."

"I didn't want you to do that," he said. "I hate being so far away from you. And I hated knowing that you moved hundreds of miles away because of me. I'm so sorry, Skylar. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry for hurting you, I never wanted that to happen."

She clenched her hands at her sides and looked down at her feet. "It doesn't matter anymore," she said softly. "I believe things are going in the right direction here. I'm starting classes soon. Living with Kyle is great. I'm becoming closer to my family. That's all I ever wanted."

He nodded. "Yes, and that's great. I'm really happy for you."

"I think I'm going to really like living here again," she added.

Ian ran a hand through his hair and released a heavy sigh. "F.uck, Skylar. I need to be with you. What can I do for you take me back?"

"Ian, I-"

"Please, baby," he said, his voice cracking as a tear rolled down his cheek. He got off the bed and fell to his knees in front of her, grabbing both her hands in his. "I love you so much. I'll do anything. You want to stay here? Fine. I'll move here, that's not a problem. Anything. Just...please...I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I'm fine because I'm not. I need you in my life."

Seeing him on his knees made her see that he really did want to be with her again. And, yes, she wanted to be with him too. Hell, she would have loved to wrap her arms around him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But...she couldn't. Things just couldn't go back to the way they used to be. Life just didn't work like that. Things just couldn't easily work out for people. If there was anything had learned in her twenty-one years of life, it was that things never came easy to her. There would always be something that just had to ruin it. Plus, after everything that had happened between them, it was hard to believe that it could be this simple.

"You know that I love you," she said. "I do. But I can't do this, Ian. Not again. I've realized that I don't know what I want in life. I have so many things to figure out-"

"I'll help you," he pleaded.

She shook her head. "I need to learn from my mistakes and find myself, as cheesy as that sounds, but it's true. I need to learn to be independent from anyone. I want to focus on myself, my happiness. I don't want to be tied down to anyone. I want a simple life where I don't have to constantly worry if we'll make it to the next day, if there's more trouble waiting around the corner. I'm sick of it. Losing that child made me realize that I need to better myself before I can even think about settling for what's in front of me right now. I need to look into what the future might hold for me."

"What are you saying?" Ian asked, his eyes looking into hers pleadingly.

She sighed and gave him a sad smile. "I'm saying that I can't be with you, Ian. It's just not possible right now."

"You even said yourself that you love me-"

"And sometimes love is not enough," she reminded him. "I thought we'd both agreed on that."

"Is that really what you want?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Skylar could agree that it was fair to say that things could get really awkward after rejecting your ex. Albeit it was a good way to take a lot of weight off her chest. She'd gotten her tears our, her pain, and was completely honest with him. That was the way it was supposed to be. It had also been quite nice to hear that he didn't blame her for the miscarriage, but that didn't mean she felt automatically with that.

Kyle came back by himself, her sisters had gone back to their homes. His face was full of worry and awkwardness.

"So...where's Ian?" he asked when he found her in the kitchen.

"He's taking a shower," she explained as she worked on a late-night dinner.

Everything seemed calm. Skylar wasn't crying anymore. Ian was casually showering. Amy Winehouse was playing on her phone. Things seemed normal. Kind of.

"How'd it go?" Kyle asked.

She shrugged. "I cried. We talked. I stopped crying. We came to a mutual agreement. We're fine."

"Okay," he said slowly. "What do you have there?"

"I'm making spaghetti," she replied.

"Looks yummy."

"I guess."

"Really hungry now."

"It'll be ready soon."

"Is Ian joining us?"

"I don't know."

"You said he's showering."

"He is."

Honestly, she didn't want to think about Ian showering. It was a sight she knew was debilitating for her. Also, something that had caused her a lot of pain eventually. Plus, she had no reason to be thinking of him like that when she had specifically told him she wanted to move on from him.

"Yikes."

"Will you set the table?"

"Sure."

Ian came out of the shower right on time. He joined both Kyle and Skylar at the dinner table. Dinner was served, and Kyle had even opened up a nice bottle of wine. The three of them started eating, no one speaking a word.

Skylar tried to focus on her food but it was awkward. Like, really awkward. Like, she couldn't even focus on the taste of the food awkward. Like she wished she could go back to her room awkward. That would be rude though. It would also be a sign that she was really effected by Ian's presence. She didn't want that.

"This is good spaghetti," Kyle finally said. His discomfort was quite obvious.

"Yes, really good," Ian agreed.

She nodded in thanks but didn't say anything.

As if things couldn't get any more awkward Kyle said, "So I take it you guys aren't getting back together, right?"

Ian's eyes flicked towards her and then to Kyle. "Skylar believes that is what's best for her, and I respect her wishes."

"Ah."

But she wasn't having it. She had not liked his reply at all. "Why are you making it sound like I'm the bad person who broke your heart?"

Pause.

"I'm not saying that," Ian said eventually. "But I did technically beg for you to take me back. I tried."

"You tried?" she hissed. "Fine. A little too fucking late for that, no?"

"Sky-" Kyle began.

She wasn't listening to him. "Did you try when you broke up with me so that you and Christina could try to make the perfect family for Emily?"

"Come on, guys," Kyle pleaded. "Let's keep it peaceful."

"I made a mistake, Skylar," Ian said sternly. "I thought I explained myself to you. I'm human. I'm not perfect. I don't know what I'm doing half the time because everyone likes to drive me crazy."

"You know what, I'm very satisfied with my decision," she said, shooting daggers through her eyes. "We would never work."

Ian scoffed. "You really believe that?"

"Yes."

"You're so infuriating!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, and you're not? Please!"

"I came here because I love you," he explained. "Because I realized that I made a mistake and I wanted you back. I wanted another chance with you."

"So you say."

"I mean it, Skylar!"

She shook her head furiously. "Why? Why the hell would you want me back? I'm fucking crazy, Ian! I break down in bathrooms because I don't have my fucking meds. I couldn't even let you take a fucking picture of me because it brought back memories of Gregg! You think Jason and I had something going on. I drunkenly made out with Micah at a party after we broke up! He accused me of sleeping with you to get my internship once, why would I do that? I got a fucking tattoo with Jason after we broke as well. Why? I have no clue, but at the moment it seemed like a good idea. And then I moved here to get away from you! Turns out I killed a human being inside of me. And here you are. Why?"

She knew she sounded crazy, but she didn't care. Maybe that would make him walk out faster and head back to California. She was at the point where she didn't care anymore. All she wanted was to be left at peace.

Ian stared at her. "You really want me out of your life that bad?" he demanded bitterly.

"I thought you guys were okay," Kyle chimed in. "You're okay. You two already talked things out. Why bother arguing now, guys? Let us just enjoy this delicious food that Skylar prepared for us. Come on, you two..."

But neither Skyler nor Ian was listening to him. Their eyes were locked on each other, neither of them even blinking. They were both enraged at that moment. Both couldn't ever remember a time when they were that mad at each other.

What was happening?

"I am going to turn in for the night," Skylar said, getting up from her chair. "Goodnight."

Skylar had been in her room for an hour by now. She'd just been laying there, not really doing much but just staring at the ceiling. Why did things always have to change so drastically? What the hell happened between her and Ian to make them act that way towards each other? He was so goddamn infuriating! So why did she still feel the urge into his arms?

What if she had never met Ian? What would have happened then? Would she be living a simple life where all she cared about was school and her future career? Honestly, she probably wouldn't even still be on this planet. After all, he was he one that had saved her from taking her own life. She owed him her life...

"Get a grip, Sky," she chastised herself.

By now Kyle was in his own bed sleeping. Ian was...somewhere. She hoped that he had left already and hadn't decided to spend the night. That would surely make for an awkward morning, right?

She had calmed down though. The only thing that bothered her was her throat which felt dry. It was uncomfortable and irritating. So she slowly crept out of her room trying to not make any noise. It was dark but there was still light that came in through the window emanating from the surrounding buildings.

Hoping not to wake Ian, who was probably in the living room sleeping, she tried her best to quietly grab a glass and serve herself some water. The feel of cool water going down her throat was so satisfying, she let out a relieved sigh. Much better.

"Skylar?" Ian asked with his sleepy voice from the living room.

She almost ran back to her room but decided to stand her ground. "I needed water. Sorry for waking you."

He got up from the couch and started to walk towards her. He too seemed calmer. "Sorry for what happened earlier." His voice sounded sincere.

Skylar shook her head. "No, it's fine. I guess we'd just been holding back our anger for a while."

Ian chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair. "I respect your decision," he said. "Whatever you feel is best, I'll understand. Even if that means not being with you. I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you," she said gratefully.

For a moment they just looked at each other. It was different than earlier when they'd been yelling at each other. This time it was more...intimate. More intense. Skylar could feel her breathing get heavier and her heart beat faster. Temptation was a beast. And she was always so weak when it came to her feelings.

"Ian..." her voice trailed off as she tried to fight her urge.

"Yes, Skylar?" Ian said huskily.

"It doesn't mean that I don't still love you," she said.

"I know. I trust that."

She gave him a smile and reached over to grab his hand. Of course the inevitable electricity was there between them. She had to hold back her urges. "I'm sorry that things didn't work out between us. I'm sorry for being crazy."

Ian chuckled a little. "I can say the same. I was a bit crazy, too."

The next morning when Skylar woke up she could immediately feel his absence. And the note that lay on the pillow next to her confirmed her suspicion. And she couldn't really help the lone tear that travelled down her cheek.

I know last night was crazy. We're both crazy, Skylar. Maybe that's why we can't be together right now. But I love you, and I have hope that we will see each other in the future. I don't know what that future holds for us. I do know that you need your time to figure out exactly what you want in life. I will not be the person that holds you back. Burn bright, Skylar. You sure did brighten up my life. I will go back to San Francisco and let you pursue your true self in Chicago. I will give you your space and time. But if you ever feel like seeing an old friend, you know where to find me. Take care. I'm sure you'll do great things. I love you.

Your Ian

Skylar's chest felt tight as she read the letter over and over again. Of course she loved him! How couldn't she? But he was right. And she knew that she needed this. Going back to him right now was bound to end in a disaster. So as much as her heart hurt, she knew she could get through this. Ian believed in her, and so did she.

Not sure I wrote this chapter as great as it could have been, but I gave it my best shot. I have made you guy wait a long time for this. THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. THERE IS ONE MORE TO GO!

REMEMBER TO CHECK OUT IS THIS HAPPINESS! JUST GO ON MY PROFILE AND YOU WILL FIND IT!