Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-One

Chicago was really cold, but it was normal weather for the end of November. Snow storms were about to roll in, and Skylar wasn't all that excited for them. But she was excited about being back in the city that raised her. Being with her best friend. Things were changing for her, and that was great. It was bittersweet, but sometimes bittersweet was the only way to have it.

Kyle had found an amazing apartment for the two of them in the city. It was situated in a high-rise in the downtown area. And, yes, it was quite expensive. But Kyle's parents had insisted that they pay for the apartment, and all they had to worry about was school. His parents loved Skylar, proof that not all of Ian's family despised her. But things seemed to be getting easier. Kyle may just be a privileged male, but he sure wasn't cocky about it.

Their apartment was great. It had two bedrooms, a nice living and dining area, kitchen, bathroom (of course), and a little office area which they'd decided on turning into their little study/library. There was even a gym in the building open to all tenants.

"So, how do you feel about this?" Kyle asked, brushing his fingers through his messy dirty blonde hair that had grown a few inches since she first left to California.

"I feel excited," she said honestly. "We talked about moving in together while we were in high school, and now it happened."

Kyle grinned. "This will be good for you." By that, he was referring to her breakup with Ian. But he was right. This would be good for her.

She nodded. "Yes. A fresh new start."

"What do we do now?" he asked, pointing towards their suitcases and everything else that littered the living room floor.

"Hmm. I guess we go shopping now?"

"Dude, f.uck yeah."

This wasn't working out for Ian. Not one bit. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd aged ten years in the short time that he had been away from Skylar. She was in Chicago starting over, and he understood that. There was no reason for her to stay, or so he wanted to make himself understand. But, damn it, he missed her. He really did! Worst of all, he was starting to realize that whatever he had going on with Christina wasn't working out.

"You can't force love," he muttered to himself.

Ian was right. He couldn't force himself to love a woman that wasn't Skylar. With her, things had been easy. He'd probably loved her since he first laid eyes on her. Maybe he'd never meet anyone like her ever again. Not that he wanted to. The only reason they weren't together was because he wanted to give his daughter the real family she deserved. Things were turning out to be more complicated than he had thought.

The door to his study creaked open, then Christina walked in cautiously.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She seemed hesitant. "Um, yeah, can we talk about our dinner plans?"

They had both agreed the night before that they would go out alone for dinner. It was an attempt to get something started, to possibly figure out what they were going to do. They just needed to figure things out.

"Yes," he said. "What about that?"

"I don't think it's a great idea," she said, her eyes narrowing. "Look, I can tell you're super bummed about Skylar. I get that. I do, trust me. So, I think we just shouldn't try anything just yet, you know. I think you should take some time to think things over. Clear your head."

Ian nodded as he took her words in. He, just as Christina, wasn't too excited about their dinner plans. "Okay. It's fine."

"You sure?" she asked.

He sighed. "Christina, I'm not forcing you into anything. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I get that," she said. "But we are trying to make things work for Emily. I'm on board for that. I just don't want to move too fast, and I know that you don't want that either."

No, he didn't. What he wanted to do was hop on a plane to Chicago and tell Skylar that he was sorry for being an idiot. But he'd made his choice, now he had to deal with the consequences that came along with it.

"Yes," he agreed. "Maybe you and Emily should go out, just the two of you."

Her eyes brightened up and a smile took over. "That'd be great, Ian."

Christina left and he was alone again. Alone with his thoughts of her. The one woman he had ever truly loved. The one woman he had let go. And now she was gone. She was far from him, starting over, probably meeting better men than him. Men that could actually offer their entire beings to her.

He was an idiot, that he was completely aware of. Why didn't he fight for her? Why didn't he figure out some solution that wouldn't be this painful? Why didn't he try to make Emily understand that life wouldn't always be as perfect as she wanted it to be? He should've done all those things, but he didn't. Now it was too late. He realized, in their last encounter, that she would probably never take him back. Her mind was made up. That was that.

"F.uck, I miss you, Skylar," he whispered into the loneliness.

A week passed since Skylar had left California. Things had seemed to be getting better for her. She was getting her life back together. In fact, she had been starting to think that life without Ian wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she'd never love anyone like she'd loved him, but that was okay. Her life had to move on.

Well, that was until now.

Skylar sat frozen, barely able to breathe as her doctor waited for a response. Her mouth felt dry. Everything was hitting her all at once. She'd never expected it. She'd never seen it coming. How could this have happened to her? And why did the world hate her?

Finally, she mustered up a few words. "I...was...pregnant?" she croaked out.

"Yes. Four weeks to be exact," Dr. Reynolds said, her kind blue eyes looking at her with sympathy. "Skylar, it'll be okay. You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you to conceive."

It had been her carelessness. After her breakup with Ian she'd gone out and partied, gotten wasted. It was the alcohol. Her careless partying with Micah that night. Or maybe the stress of moving to Chicago.

"I drank a lot at a party a little over a week ago," she explained, her eyes staring ahead. "I'm so stupid."

"Look, you shouldn't blame yourself. Miscarriages occur in 15-20% of pregnancies. They can be caused by several factors. You shouldn't blame yourself, Skylar."

Miscarriage. Well, that was something she never expected to deal with in her life. A miscarriage. A little being had been conceived inside of her, and now it was dead. It was all her fault.

"You really shouldn't put yourself at fault," Dr. Reynolds went on.

But who else was there to blame besides herself? She'd lose a little piece of her and Ian. How was she supposed to get over that?

"Do you want coffee or tea?" Kyle asked, tucking her into her bed. "I can go pick up some cupcakes. Red velvet, your favorite."

Skylar shook her head, gripping the blanket closer to her. "No, thanks. I just want to sleep."

Kyle felt bad for her. He knew that she was being too hard on herself, but he just didn't know how to help her. How was he supposed to make his best friend, who had just found she'd miscarried, feel better? All he had to offer was warm hugs and food, but Skylar didn't want any of that.

"It's not your fault," he said. It seemed like the appropriate thing to say.

"Yeah, everyone tells me that," she said. "But I'm sorry if I can't believe it."

"Come on, Sky," he pleaded, sitting down next to her. "S.hit happens in life and there's nothing you can do about it. Bad things happen to good people. You'll make more babies."

Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say because she burst into tears once again.

Kyle left her room feeling defeated. He just didn't know what to do. But as he Googled how to console a friend that had a miscarriage, an idea popped into his head.

"Girls get girls," he said to himself as he looked through his contacts.

"Hello?" Grace answered after the second ring.

"Hey, it's Kyle," he said.

"Oh, yeah, hey," Skylar's older sister said. "What's up?"

"There's been a..." Accident? No. "Skylar needs her sisters at the moment. I thought that maybe having the comfort of other females would help her feel better."

"What happened?" Grace demanded. "Is she hurt?"

"You and Heather should just come over," he explained. "Please."

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

Skylar wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone. All she wanted was to be alone in her bedroom, sleep all day and never have to see anyone. Kyle had not gotten the message, because now her sisters were looking down at her with wide eyes.

"Sweetie," Heather said, stroking her hair. "Oh, Skylar, please don't blame yourself."

"Look, you're young, you still have plenty of time to get pregnant," Grace added. "But you can't hate yourself. You're not the only person who has had to deal with miscarriages. Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be."

They kept on talking. They kept on trying to make her feel better. Skylar wasn't listening.

Skylar hated herself for not having taken better care of herself. Yes, she hadn't been aware of her pregnancy. But she was starting to realize that what made her situation ten times worse was that it had been her and Ian's baby in there. Ian. They'd broken up, and it was starting to seem like the loss of her unborn child symbolized the end of their love. Having a baby with Ian would have been amazing had they still been together. But they weren't together, and now a little being that had been created by her and Ian was no longer there. She would have loved that child either way, even if she never saw Ian again. It was turning out that she couldn't even have that little pleasure to herself.

She knew when that child had been conceived. It had been that night in the shower, after she'd found out that Ian had broken Gregg's nose. It was had been during that steamy session of lovemaking under the hot water. Neither of them had been thinking about protection at that moment. All she'd wanted was to be with him, and show him just how much she loved him. They'd created something beautiful that night.

"...and at least you don't have to worry about taking care of a baby while you're still in law school," Grace went on. "You'll have more time to figure things out."

Her chest tightened. Taking of a baby while still in school wouldn't have been so bad. Ian had managed it with Emily, and he came out being a very successful lawyer. Why couldn't she have managed it as well?

"Skylar?" Heather asked slowly. "Are you listening to us?"

She didn't say anything.

Emily was crying. Her eyes were red, and her little cries were breaking Ian's heart. Why was his daughter crying? Why was his daughter so sad and what could he do to make it all better?

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her.

"I hate this, Daddy," she whimpered. "I want a real family, but you and Mommy aren't a real family."

"What does that mean?" he asked. But he knew what she meant, and he hated himself for not being able to give her what she wanted.

"You're not happy." Hiccup. "Mommy isn't happy." Hiccup. "And I'm not happy. This doesn't feel right."

"Emily, I am happy," he said.

The little girl shook her head. "No, you're not. You stay in your office all the time, and you're always drinking that stuff that smells bad."

Ian felt like crap. Had she really noticed that? He'd never meant for his daughter to see him drinking, or feel like he was distancing himself from her. He never meant for any of that.

"And Mommy, too," she went on. "She's not happy. She takes me out to buy me things, and she's really nice to me. But I know she's not really happy."

"Why do you say that?"

"We were watching The Notebook, Daddy," she explained.

Ian frowned. "She's making you watch romance movies?"

Emily ignored him. "After the movie was over, Daddy, she said that she wished someone would love her like that. I told her she had you. She told me that you would never love her like that because you already loved someone else like that."

"Honey-"

"I think my mommy deserves to have someone love her," Emily said. "And you're not giving her that."

"I'm sorry-"

"And I think that you should be loved like that, too," she said. "I think Skylar loves you a lot, and I know that you love her too. I want you to be happy." More tears spilled from her eyes.

He'd never expected his own daughter to say those things to him. Since when did she grow up so fast?

"Honey, I can't dedicate myself to Skylar," he explained.

"Why not?"

"She needs someone that can give his all to her. I already have a little lady in my life that needs me." And he didn't resent her for it. Emily was one of the best things in his life.

"Daddy, I only need you as my dad," she said. "And you're the best dad in the world. Skylar needs you as her one true love. You can do both things at once. I know you can."

That was when his phone started ringing. Emily got off his lap, and he answered the call.

"Ian, I need you to come to Chicago, man," Kyle said frantically.

"What's wrong?" Ian demanded, already thinking the worse. Was Skylar hurt?

"Dude, Skylar was pregnant."

Only two words registered in his head. Skylar. Pregnant. What?

"Pregnant?" he choked out.

"She had a miscarriage," Kyle explained.

Ian blinked as he took in the words. Skylar. Pregnant. Miscarriage.

"She's a wreck, man," Kyle said. "I tried to help her. Heather and Grace tried. She's not talking, she's not eating. She blames herself. She hates herself right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help her."

His Skylar was in pain.

"You want me to talk to her?" he asked.

"Yes. I need you, man. I think you're the only person that might be able to get through to her."

"I'll be there soon."

Ian ended the call and went directly to his computer to buy plane tickets to Chicago. He could only imagine how she felt at the moment, and he had to be there for her. He couldn't leave her alone when he'd had a part in making that unborn child.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" Emily asked, her eyes wide and afraid.

"I'm going to Chicago," he said.

"To see Skylar?" Emily smiled.

"Yes, she needs me right now."

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, I called him," Kyle said as he entered Skylar's bedroom.

"Called who?" Grace asked.

"Ian, of course. He's coming."

Skylar's eyes flew open. Ian? Ian was coming? No. She wasn't ready for that. She didn't know how she would react to having him here. He would probably blame her for having lose their child.

Kyle sat down next to her. "Hey, Sky. Ian's coming here. Everything will be okay."

No. No it wouldn't.