Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It's easy to think that after a break up you just don't have to see that person. It would make things so much easier. And usually, that's what people do. Break up? Okay. Well, now they'll spend a lot of time trying to avoid each other. And usually it works. Usually.

It was different for Skylar. It wasn't like she could just stop seeing Ian just like that. She lived in an apartment owned by him, but one that she would be moving out of quite soon. So that wasn't really the big issue. The issue was that she needed an internship if she wanted a good firm to hire her after graduation, and she did have an internship. Her boss was Ian. She worked for him, so...she didn't really know what to do. Of course she had to keep going, she couldn't just stop going because of their breakup. But she really didn't want to go. It would be awkward. Like, really awkward. But she had an obligation. So no avoiding Ian, no matter how much she wanted to.

"You'll get through it," Jason promised as they ate their lunch. "I'm sure you're both professional enough to put personal matters aside during work. I mean, did you guys make out constantly at work, or did you do your work like a professional intern would?" He made it sound like the answer was obvious.

Skylar narrowed her eyes as she thought about it. She almost laughed. They had not been professional at all, really. "Well..."

Jason sighed. "Of course," he said. "Well, now you have to. There's no other choice."

She was really frustrated. Accepting the internship offer from Ian had been a huge mistake. Honestly, getting involved with Ian had been a mistake. Look where that got her.

"This is gonna be so awkward," she said. "I have to work out the details about the apartment. Move out. Give him the car he bought me back. The jewelry he bought me..." Trailing off she started to really think about what she was saying. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "Was Ian my sugar daddy?!" Because it was really starting to sound like it.

Jason laughed at her expression. "Well, I think he would have been your sugar daddy if you were only in it for the things he gave you. Which I doubt that's the case, so I think you're good. He was just your boyfriend that liked to give you a lot of extravagant gifts. I guess that's one of the benefits of having a millionaire boyfriend."

"He's not a millionaire," she said. "He's just...well-off." He really wasn't a millionaire. Ian certainly did have plenty of money, but he was by no means a millionaire.

"Whatever." Jason shrugged. "He's still a little rich boy that uses money to charm women."

Skylar was slightly offended by that comment. "If you think I was with him because of the things he got me, you're wrong."

"I didn't mean it like that," Jason said, quick to defend himself. "I just...F.uck. Okay. I'm not gonna try to explain myself, but I didn't mean it like that."

She laughed it off and said, "I know what you mean. It's fine." Then her features turned serious. "You know, I thought that I could handle, you know, being apart from Ian." She shook her head and looked down at the table. "That I would be okay, 'cause I've learned my lesson. I'm not mad. I didn't cry. But I'm sad. I miss him. A lot. And I know it's been like less twenty-four hours since we broke up, but I feel so distanced from him. And I don't want to see him...I know that it's gonna be hard to see him and know that we can't be the same way we used to. He's not gonna kiss me, or say sweet things, spend the night with me. That's not gonna happen anymore. It's makes me sad." She was rambling, she knew that, but she couldn't help it.

Considering all the things she and Ian had gone through, and for it to end like it did, it was heart-breaking. It sucked. He was the man that stopped her from ending her life, who made her see that there was more to life. The man that showed what it was like to be taken care of. What it was like to be loved. What it was like to be in love. And she would never forget that. Ever.

Jason just looked at her with a serious expression until he finally said, "You need put all those thoughts aside and realize that this is for the best. He had other obligations, and you need someone that can put you first no matter what."

"Yeah," she agreed. "But I know why he couldn't. He has a daughter. If I had a daughter, I would put her first. And I would do anything to make her happy, even if that meant being unhappy myself."

"Okay well now you're just making excuses for him," Jason pointed out. "That's not healthy, Skylar. And you told me that you were aware that your relationship with Ian was turning unhealthy. You were becoming too dependent on him and now you're making excuses for him when you're not even together anymore. What's that about?"

Skylar rolled her eyes. "I'm not making excuses for him," she snapped. "It's just that...I see where he's coming from."

"And I still think you're making excuses," Jason said. "You want some advice?"

"Sure," she said.

"Download Tinder and OkCupid onto your phone," he said, completely surprising Skylar.

Her eyes widened. "What?" she asked. "You want me to try online dating? You know, I was kind of hoping on leading a single life, being an independent woman that doesn't need a man, you get what I mean? And if I go on a date, I don't want it to be with some random dude I met on the Internet. Plus, dating as soon as I get out of a relationship? No, thank you very much."

But Jason explained further. "I'm not saying you have to get into a serious relationship right now," he said. "I'm just saying that maybe meeting up with some other guys will get your mind off of Ian. You don't have to get with these guys long-term, just meet them up for coffee or something. Get to know them. Nothing serious."

She understood where he was coming from. And yeah, it may have seemed like a good idea to meet new people and get to know them, but still... "There's a lot of weirdos on the Internet," she said. "What if I meet up with some weird guy that wants me to be his sex slave?"

Jason laughed. "That's why you have me," he said. "I'll see how you interact with these guys over the app, and then I'll help you decide who to pick. I'm a guy, I should know when a guy is being shady."

"How many people have you hooked up with over Tinder?" she asked.

"Just a few girls," he said. "Nothing serious. Just coffee dates. And yes, sometimes we did end up, you know, sleeping together. But you don't have to hook up with these guys if you don't wan to."

She frowned. "Sadly, some dudes can't take no for an answer."

"Which is why I can like follow you on your date and just stay on look out in the car," he said. "How does that sound?"

She couldn't take him seriously. "Do you have a voyeur fetish?" she teased. "I don't want you spying on my date!"

"I'm just saying I could if you wanted me to," he said defensively. "You know, I can protect you with these strong muscles." He made a weak attempt at flexing, but it made her smile, so his goal was accomplished.

"Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm stronger than you," she said. "You're all skinny bones, I got more meat on me than you."

"I have a fast metabolism," he said. "Sorry for not being blessed with curves and a nice rack."

They both laughed and it was nice. She loved goofing around with Jason. He made her feel better.

Looking down at her chest she frowned. "My boobs aren't that big."

Jason studied her chest and said, "I like them. Not too big, not too small. And they feel great."

She found it interesting how they could just talk about their brief "hook up" and not feel awkward. And she didn't mind him looking at her boobs because she knew it wasn't anything s.exual. Kyle did it all the time just because, well, he was Kyle.

"Okay, thanks," she said sarcastically. "You remind me a lot of my best friend. I feel like you two would get along?"

"Is she hot?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

She giggled before answering. "Uh, his name is Kyle. And I can't say 'cause I don't know what type of guy you're into, but I guess he's pretty cute."

That's when Jason's mannerisms changed from playful to serious. "Uh...actually, I've been wanting to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" she asked.

"You're cool with the LGBT people, right?" he asked. "Like, you don't have anything against them, right?"

Was that even a question? She was a huge supporter of LGBTQ rights, and other sexualities that people usually forgot about. "Of course I am, Jason."

He nodded and gulped nervously. "Look, I...don't really open up to people. But you're a good friend. I feel like I can trust you. More so than other people...Lately I've been feeling pretty down. Well, not lately. For a while actually."

She kind of figured where their conversation was going but didn't say anything, just motioned for him to go on.

He exhaled deeply. "I'm a very liberal person. I'm into expressing myself freely, but I've been...I've been lying to myself for a while. I guess I just thought that if I admitted to this people would just tell me that I was confused. That I had to pick on or another. And I see it happen all the time. I know you and our other friends accept gay people, but I've seen others been discriminated against for, you know, being...bisexual." The look on his face broke her heart. "Even in the LGBT community, there's this discrimination against bi people because they think that you have to be one or another. That you can't like both. That they're just confused." His voice was trembling by now, and he seemed like he wanted to cry. "Skylar, I'm not confused. I know. I know that I...that I like both men and women. And I've never said this to anyone before, but I'm tired of always pretending that I'm just attracted to girls, and never being able to flirt with a guy because everyone would think I'm gay. I'm not gay. I don't just like guys. I like girls. I liked you for a while. I was attracted to you. But I sometimes find guys attractive. And I may have liked Ronnie for a while. Do you think I'm weird, please don't think I'm weird." He looked at her with pleading eyes, and the most pained face in the world.

Skylar was surprised. She really was. Of course she'd never expected Jason to say something like that. But of course she was okay with it. Sexual orientation or gender identity never bothered her. And hearing Jason open up to her just made her want to cry. He'd been...pretending to be someone he wasn't. If he was bi, that was okay. "Jason, of course I don't think you're weird. If you like girls and other guys, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. And you shouldn't be afraid. F.uck what other people say. You're you, and no one can change who you are."

Relief washed over his features and he reached out to grab her hands. "It's great to hear you say that," he said. "I was really afraid that you'd tell me I was just confused. That I had to pick one or another."

She shook her head and said, "I would never say that. You are who you are, and that's perfectly fine. Has anyone told you it was wrong?"

He sighed. "I haven't told anyone except for my parents and they...well, they told me that I was just confused. That if I liked guys, I was gay and they were okay with that, but that I shouldn't be lying and say that I like girls too. My dad said he was very disappointed in me for lying. My mom said that there was nothing wrong with being gay, I just needed to accept myself."

Skylar scoffed. "It's good that your parents are accepting of homosexuality, a lot of people aren't. It sucks that to a lot of people you can only be one or another. But they'll have to understand. You're a guy that is into girls and other guys. You get the best of both worlds!"

Jason laughed. "True. I do. I feel like that guy from Game of Thrones in season four. You know who I mean?"

"I know who you mean," she said, chuckling a little bit. "He was cute."

Jason smiled and said, "Yeah, he was. Too bad he got killed."

Skylar was currently sitting in her car - er, Ian's car - outside of Rinaldi & Associates. Hoodie Allen was playing in the car, because why not. And she was having a tough time getting out of the car. It was time to see Ian. The awkwardness was awaiting her. But really, all she wanted to do was keep on listening to Hoodie Allen or Fall Out Boy, and just sing along and fall asleep.

But she couldn't.

Taking in a deep breath she stepped out of the car and walked inside the building. She had kind of been expecting everyone to look at her with sneers, or others to give her, "Ha! You broke up!" looks. But no one did. But of course they didn't. She hadn't expected Ian to just announce to everyone that they had broken up. It was no one's business.

So as she walked she forced herself to be brave. She and Ian were both mature adults that could handle a break up exactly like what they were. Mature adults. But it was sure as hell that things would be awkward!

Well, at least until they got over the awkwardness and they moved on from their break up.

But...

What if it was too hard to work in the same environment as him? What then? She would have to quit her internship and she didn't want to think about that because, well, that would just be bringing everything to an end officially. And maybe that was exactly what they needed. Just cease all contact. That would make things easier.

But soon enough she was entering his office, and there he was. Ian was sitting behind his desk as usual, his laptop open, and his fingers typing rapidly over the keyboard. But then he looked up at her, eyes meeting hers.

"Uh, hi," she said awkwardly. What else was she supposed to say?

"Hi," he said as well. "Uh, good afternoon, Skylar."

Wow. Things could not get any more awkward.

They didn't say anything else and she just went to her usual work spot and took out her laptop. Sometimes he had her file things for him, but that day he didn't giver her specific instructions. He just let her do her own things.

It felt weird to not kiss or hug him upon her arrival. Maybe she would just have to get used to it. Unless she quit. That would be easier.

Then it just hit her. Of course she knew what she had to do. There really wasn't any other option.

"Ian?" she spoke up.

He turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"I think it's better if I quit," she said.

That's when Ian's features turned from serious to worried. "You don't have to quit, Skylar."

"I really think it would be better if I did," she explained. "Ian, we're not comfortable like this. I see that."

"We broke up last night," he said. "Of course we're not comfortable right now but we'll get used to it. Don't quit. Look, I'll let you intern for someone else. Would that make you feel better?"

That wasn't enough. She wanted to like the idea but it wouldn't change the fact that she still worked for him. And she really wanted to distance herself from him. It was the healthy choice. "No, it wouldn't. I just don't want to work here any more." It was getting harder to hide the hurt in her voice. "Ian, I just want distance between me and you. I can't work in the same place as you. I can't live in an apartment that you got for me. I can't drive a car that you bought for me. I need to let go." So maybe she wanted to cry a little bit. Being in his presence and knowing that they could no longer be together the way she wanted ripped her soul into pieces.

"I understand you moving back into dorms," he began, "but the car is yours."

"No-"

"Skylar, please."

"I'm sorry!" she snapped. "I can't keep the car. I can't keep working for you."

"Skylar, listen-"

"No! You listen, Ian. I love you, I really do. And, yeah, I'm heartbroken. And I'm sad. Out of all the people in the world you should know how my emotions can affect me. And I know that complete separation from you will help me. Because being near you, or being connected to you in any way, will not help me. Please understand that."

And that's when it happened. She started to cry. The one thing she had been avoiding. The one thing she had made herself believe she wouldn't do. She had not cried last night. She didn't cry when she was with Jason. She didn't cry throughout the day. But now - now, when she was with Ian, the tears just came rushing down. And she hated herself for that.

Ian didn't waste any time and quickly went over to her, taking her into his arms. And it felt really good to have Ian hold her like that. She just wanted time to stop so that she would be in his arms forever. But of course that wasn't going to happen.

"Don't cry, Skylar," he pleaded. "Please don't cry. You don't know how much it pains me to see you like this."

But she couldn't stop. The tears just kept coming and coming. "I hate this so much," she croaked.

"I love you," he said. "But you understand why we can't be together. You already knew this was going to happen. You deserve so much better than me. I can't give you what you want. There will always be complications in my life. And you don't need that extra burden."

"I know," she said. "I know why this had to happen but it hurts so much."

After a couple minutes she calmed down, and the tears stopped flowing. And eventually Ian pulled away.

"I understand you," he said. "And it's fine. I guess complete separation will be good for both of us. I'll write you a recommendation letter for whatever firm you want to intern for. You don't need to worry about anything."

"Thank you," she said.

"It's no problem."

And then she walked out of his office for the last time. Goodbye Rinaldi & Associates.