47. Under The Covers

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

"Stop deflecting. I'm asking you a serious question here." Anthony slaps my arm.

"Why would I tell you any of that?" I take a bite from my pizza.

"Because, I'm giving you free pizza."

"Fine, I'll pay you back!" I laugh.

"I just told you something personal. It's your turn."

I sigh.

"Tell me what you meant when you said 'Sometimes the good times are worth the bad'."

"How do you even remember that!"

"I have good memory."

I groan.

Anthony gives me a look.

I stare down at the slice of pizza in my hand.

"I uh.. I was in love with this.. this guy once." My eyes meet Anthony's. He tries to hide his surprise.

"It was a long time ago. I had been into him for.. a while. And.. one thing led to another and we had sex."

This time Anthony can't hide his surprise. He raises his eyebrows.

"I guess it.. meant more to me then it did to him. In fact, it meant absolutely nothing to him." I chuckle sadly. "I spent years pining after him even though he didn't like me at all. And sometimes we'd kiss but then he'd..." I sigh. "Say he didn't mean it like that and then he'd give me all possible signals he did like me but.. Whatever, it was a mess."

"Do you still like him?"

"No! That's like way over." I say defensively.

"Plus, I can't like him. He's, like, engaged."

"What?! How old is this guy?"

"Nineteen."

"And this happened when?"

"Like three years ago— Don't give me that look!"

"I'm sorry, you just said that he basically used you for sex and you were fourteen?!"

"I swear, I hate that number." I mumble.

"You shouldn't be around someone like that, Chase!"

"You don't know him, though! He's a good guy." I don't wanna talk about this. I don't know why I told him all this in the first place.

I decide to tell a little lie.

"We don't talk anymore so.. don't worry."

"He sounds like the worst of the worst. No wonder you're all.." He plucks at my sweater. "Black."

That's not even the half of it.

"So.. you.. You like guys." Anthony says.

"Yep."

"Never woulda guessed that. Guess my gaydar is off."

"Alright.. You're ridiculous."

Anthony laughs.

"No one knows. About me. Only my close family and friends.." I look at him in hope he'll understand what I'm getting at.

"I won't tell a soul." He promises.

"Thanks." I smile at him. He's so easy to talk to. And he really seems like a trustworthy person.

He gets up. "So, wanna see the rest of the Antonio?"

"Sure," I chuckle.

He shows me the living room and tells me about his roots. Half Italian and half Mexican. Then my eyes fall on a small wooden cross and he tells me he's religious which surprises me.

"You're a Christian?"

"Yeah. I go to church every week. Didn't see that coming, did you?" He laughs.

"No.." This guy is full of surprises.

"And I know what you're thinking 'how can you be gay and a Christian—"

"I wasn't thinking that at all. I'm a Christian too. Well, sort of."

"Really? Which church do you go to?"

"St. Michaels."

"The homophobic one?" He almost looks disgusted.

"Are there non-homophobic churches?"

"This is LA."

"...Right." Why didn't I think of that?!

"You have to come to the Water Cross church with me sometime. It'll open a whole new world for you."

"I don't know.."

"Chase, remember what I said? Live a little. Also, your dad told you to listen to me, so.."

"Alright." I chuckle.

× × ×

I wake up the next morning feeling lighter than before. I haven't felt this way in a while. I'm laying in bed wearing nothing but boxers. I suddenly get the urge to release some tension. My hand glides down my abs. I close my eyes and begin to touch myself. My face gets hot and red and my breathing picks up. I remember my first time. I think of Sky. His body. Then I think of New York, the shower.. I don't care how fucked up this is. It's just thoughts. I'm not causing any harm.

I hear a soft knock on the door. My hands shoot out of my pants and before I even get the chance to answer, the door swings open.

Sky comes in. When he sees me he smiles.

The loveliest smile there is.

Then again...

I see Anthony's smile in my mind again. I remember how my dad turned to mush. I chuckle.

"What?" Sky comes to my bed.

"Nothing. Anyway, you're supposed to wait for an answer before coming in."

"I did wait. You were slow."

Sky climbs over me and slides under the covers.

"What are you doing?" I chuckle.

"Nothing." He smiles.

He wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my shoulder.

"Remember we used to lay like this all the time when Loren was pregnant?"

"Yeah.. I do."

He caresses my chest. Why does he do things like this? Who does this casually with a friend or even a brother?

His hand goes down to my lower stomach.

I hold my breath. This is so awkward I just had an entire sex fantasy about him.

I try to steady my breath and stop getting so turned on but it's hard. His hot breath hits my neck. I can hear him breathe near my ear.

"Were you awake before I came in?" Sky whispers. It sends shivers down my spine.

"Yeah."

His hands keeps caressing past my belly button. I need to stop him before this becomes even more awkward.

I grab his hand and put it on the bed

"I think we shouldn't lay like this. Aron would get mad, you know?" I chuckle awkwardly.

"I don't think he'd mind." His hand goes back on my chest. I'm seriously panicking right now. I don't get this! Sky is a guy! How can he not understand how this would effect one's body?!

"Chase?"

I look into Sky's eyes. Bad idea. I feel another rush to my lower region.

"Why are you acting so stiff?" He chuckles.

He has no idea how stiff I really am.

Sky's looking up at me. I can't look back. I can tell he's annoyed.

He leans into my neck. His lips touch my skin.

This isn't normal! He can't blame me for anything!

I feel a soft kiss on my neck and I think I'm crazy for thinking that because Sky would never kiss me. But then I feel it again and again. Now I do look at him and he grants me a suggestive smile. Then he leans in and kisses me on the lips.

I'm so confused. What do I do?

"What about Aron?"

"I told you. He's cool."

Sky rips my clothes off and I rip off his. Without thinking about it any longer we finally reunite. I dominate every part of his body and he loves every second of it. He moans in my ear and begs me to go on. I finally get what I've always wanted but the the door slams open and Anthony comes inside.

I seem to be the only one who can see him.

"Why are we stopping?" Sky asks.

I look at the door.

Anthony is waiting.

☆

"Chase!"

"Ahhh!" I shoot up from my bed and I'm an inch away from Sky's face.

He laughs at me

I scoot back.

"You okay? Did you have a nightmare?"

"I'm fine."

Oh God, it was all a dream. I had a sex dream about Sky. And now he's sitting right across from me. It's like the dream. But why did Anthony come in? And why am I still dreaming of Sky?

"Hey, maybe we should call a doctor. You don't look so good." He places his hand on my forehead.

His touch is so tender and soft. Oh no. The dream. That can't happen.

I scoot further back. "Stop!"

"What's the matter with you?" Sky laughs. "You're acting all freaked out." He chuckles.

"Am I not allowed to touch you anymore?"

"No, I just.. Did you knock?"

"Yeah.. I did." Sky looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Did you wait for an answer?"

"What's going on with you?"

"I had a dream."

"Promising." Sky sits up. He seems very amused by my behavior.

"Where we.. We had sex and you said Aron was cool with it— it was so fucked up! And then Anthony came in.."

"Who's Anthony?"

"Some guy. The point is: why would I dream that if I wasn't still..." I look down at the sheets in shame.

Sky starts to laugh. "Chase, you're not in love with me. You're just horny."

"...Really?"

"You think I only ever dream of Aron? He's very attractive but it doesn't work like that."

"Seriously? So it's not.. wrong or weird?"

"Nope. Just healthy teen hormones." He rises. "You should come downstairs. Your dad made breakfast.

"Okay. I'll be right there."

Sky makes his way to the door.

"So," I say.

Sky turns to me.

"If you have sex dreams about other people... Have you ever had one about me?"

WHY DID I ASK THAT?

A smile curls up around Sky's lips. His eyes meet mine and give me a playful look.

Then he walks out the door.

...I'm never getting rid of that look, am I?

With a defeated sigh I slide my hands back under the covers.