45. Avoid

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

It's lunchtime at school and as per usual I am sitting in the corner by myself. Dad made me a ham sandwich for lunch which I eat, not because I want to but because I have to. I don't want to eat anything. I feel like shit today. I put on some music from my dad's old MP3 player. I swear, when is he going to give me my phone back? I've been so good.

I sigh and look around at my peers. They're all talking to each other. Laughing. Having a great time. I hate high school. But I have one more year to go. Or more, if I don't pass these coming math exams. Anthony is coming over again this week to help out. He's slightly less annoying than before but it's still very apparent we don't click.

I stare up at the clock and sigh when I see it'll be twenty more minutes till class. I just wanna leave. Or smoke a blunt honestly. That would really help right now. I peer over at Lucas' table. Alex still owes me those pills..

It's useless. He'll just laugh at me.

At least when I had alcohol and drugs I could avoid being alone in my mind. Cause that's a very dangerous place for me to be right now.

I look down at my wrist and trace a scar under my sleeve. I get the overwhelming urge to puncture it with my nail.

My dad would notice. A thousand percent. Dammit. I just need to breathe. I just need to collect myself.

I get up and go to the bathroom. I'm alone in there thankfully. I lean onto the sink and try to breathe through it. I can't stop staring at my arm. Tears well up in my eyes.

I can just tell dad I ran into something.

I pull up my sleeve and begin to pick at a scar and then another one. The sense of relief is overwhelming and soon I find myself not wanting to stop.

I rip open some of the wounds that had begun to heal. The pain is distracting and familiar. Somehow all this is weirdly comforting.

The door swings open. I pull down my sleeve.

"Um.. you okay?"

I look up into Anthony's eyes.

"Yeah, fine." I mumble.

I can feel Anthony's inquisitive gaze on my face though he doesn't say anything.

He comes over to the mirror to fix his makeup.

I notice his perfume smells really nice. Sickeningly sweet like honey.

I wash my hands in an attempt to seem normal.

He sighs annoyed.

"You can come sit with me and Fawn if you want." He looks into the mirror as he says this.

It comes as a total surprise to me.

"Are you sure? Is Fawn okay with that?"

"Oh yeah, she's crushing on this girl now." He laughs.

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yep. She's like totally gothic. And four years older but I don't think it's serious."

"Wait, what's her name?" I ask.

"Heather."

My mouth falls open.

"You know Heather?"

"Yeah, she's like best friends with my.." What is Sky to me? Best friend sounds dismissive and brother is just plain wrong.

"My friend."

"Well, what are the odds." Anthony laughs.

"You have to tell Fawn all about it. Come on."

We go out of the bathroom together.

"Look what I found." Anthony smiles when we reach a table where Fawn sits typing away on her phone.

She looks up briefly. "Oh, hey Chase." She says nonchalantly before resuming whatever she's doing.

"Guess what? Chase knows your crush." Anthony sits down.

"Seriously?!" Fawn smacks her phone down and looks up at me.

"Yeah. Sort of. I know someone that's friends with her."

"Who?"

The bell rings suddenly. For once I don't want it to.

"Dammit." She gets up and grabs her bag.

"We'll talk about this later." She gives me a stern look. Then she grabs Anthony's arm and they go to class together.

× × ×

I'm at Sky and Aron's house. I'm basically putting off going home for as long as possible. I don't want to look into my dad's eyes and tell him I was picking at my cuts. I don't want him to check me. I just want to avoid and forget.

"Can I sleep over?" I ask Aron.

"Sure." Aron shrugs.

"Alright. Arms up." He says.

I put up my arms in a defensive pose while Aron swings at me. His boxing gloves help soften the blow but I know him. He's going easy on me.

"What is that?" I pull away.

"What?"

"You're like, babying me. Go full out."

"I don't know, Chase. You've lost a lot weight. A lot of strength too."

"So what?"

"So we need to build slow."

I sigh and roll my eyes.

"You'll get there." He squeezes my shoulder.

"Well, at least let me go all out, then."

"That I can do. It's not like I'll feel it anyway." He teases.

"Hey!" I start swinging at him. He begins to laugh.

I do my best to hit as hard as I can.

"Okay, okay.. not bad." He nods, looking impressed.

"ARON!" We hear Sky from the living room. Guess he's home.

We share a look and a chuckle.

"Coming!" Aron yells back.

We take off our gloves and head out to the living room.

"Everything okay?" Aron asks, going in for a kiss.

"No." Sky pouts as Aron kisses him.

Sky looks beside Aron and spots me.

"Hi Chase."

"Hey.. What's going on?" I ask.

"Rose just had a play date and it didn't go well. Apparently she is too bossy? Can you believe that crap?" Sky sits at the island table.

Aron and I are both silently looking at the floor.

"She's not bossy." Sky says.

"I mean, she kind of is. One time we were playing with Duplo and she got mad I didn't use the colors she wanted me to." I mumble.

"Well, they're her toys." Sky defends her. He seems pretty annoyed right now so maybe we should drop the subject.

Rose waddles around the couch.

"I'll start dinner." Aron walks over to the kitchen.

"I'll help." I say quickly.

Sky sighs and lays his head on the table. "I hate people." He mutters.

"Look, it was her first time interacting with people her age. I'm sure she'll learn." Aron reasons.

"Learn what?" Sky snaps.

"..To be a team player." Aron says gently.

"She doesn't have to be a team player when everyone in the team is a fucking idiot." Sky grumbles. "I'm gonna homeschool her. No more people."

Aron and I share an amused glance. Seems like Sky is in one of his moods.

"And if I homeschool her I won't have to worry about her dating stupid, dumb boys and getting her heart broken or getting back-stabbed by her stupid, dumb friends and she'll always be happy." Sky sighs again.

"Yeah, except she'll have no friends."

Sky smashes his head on the table. "I hate being a parent."

Aron shakes his head. "Rose? Come here."

Rose runs up to Aron. He squats to reach her height

"Did you have fun playing with the other kids today?" Aron asks.

Rose nods with a big smile on her face.

Sky looks up from the table.

"So you want more play dates?" Aron asks.

"YES!" She exclaims full of excitement.

Aron gives Sky a look. Sky lays his head on the table again.

Aron comes up to Sky and pulls him into a hug. "You have to give her a chance to learn new things or she'll be a really sheltered unhappy kid. You don't want that, right?" Aron muses.

Sky shakes his head. Aron kisses the top of Sky's head.

The way these two help each other is really moving. When one has an issue the other helps them through it or supports them however they can. I hope I'll find a relationship like theirs someday.