43. What's up?

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

I called my dad with a phone at some bar to say I was okay and that I just needed some time alone. He sounded worried but he seemed to trust that I would be alright.

I come home at around 9PM.

I close the door behind me. Loren and Dad are watching TV. They look up when they see me.

Dad comes in to hug me. "I'm glad you're okay." He sighs of relief.

"Your mom told me you two got into a fight." He pulls away and scans my face.

"Yeah. Did she tell you anything else?"

"No. She just went up to her room."

"I have some things to tell you guys." I join Loren on the couch.

"The reason mom and I had a fight was because.. I told her I was gay." I look at both of their faces gauging their response.

Loren doesn't seem surprised.. neither does Dad. Of course not, I told them about Sky and I don't think anyone bought that I ever liked girls. I chuckle. "I guess you guys knew that."

"Chase, I been knew since you were like.. nine." My dad says.

"Don't talk like that!" I chuckle

"Why not? I'm just trying to be a cool dad. You know? Down with the kids."

"Stop! You're so cringy!" I laugh.

"He's kinda right." Loren pulls a face.

"You know what? You kids are ungrateful. You have the hippest dad in the world.."

"Hippest? Oh my God." Loren laughs.

My dad shakes his head and sighs.

".. So your mother wasn't very happy about hearing the news?" Dad says.

I shake my head.

"Mom.. She wanted to send me to a conversion camp and she wanted me to talk to a pastor."

"Seriously?" Loren looks really angry. So does dad.

"Is she crazy? Doesn't she know the dangers of something like that?! Doesn't she know how the isolation, humiliation and torture of something like that drives people to depression and suicide?!" Dad tries real hard not to scream.

I shrug. "I guess not. But the main thing is that I don't think I can live here anymore. I don't want to see her."

"Neither do I." Loren says firmly.

"Loren, you don't have to do that for me. You can still see her—"

"Look, I knew she might not be happy with you being gay and I could live with that that but sending you to a conversion camp? Abusing you? I can't accept that. I don't want to have anything to do with a mother who could be so cruel to her child."

"Pack your suitcases." Dad says. His voice stern and his face stale.

× × ×

It's a week later. We have most of our things at dad's place now. After I came home that night and came out to him and Loren, my dad said he would give me more freedom if I kept up my good behavior. I haven't cut since I got out of the hospital (my dad checks) and I've been doing much better. Praying helps. Writing in my journal does too. So my dad decided I could resume my school life without a teacher watching over my shoulder all the time. Which means, I get my friends back. Finally. I don't get to have my phone back yet and he's still bringing me to and from school but, hey, every little bit helps.

Dad won't let mom into the house. He does fill her in on how things are going, which is good, I guess.. but they don't talk much. Mom and dad have disagreed on things often before but he's never been this angry with her. I don't feel bad. She deserves it.

I get ready for school feeling excited. I finally get my friends back. I used to love it but now I hate eating alone. I button my black pants, throw on a black and white striped long sleeve with a black t-shirt on top.

"Chase, we have to leave now!" My dad calls.

"Coming!" I yell as I speedily put all my rings and chains on.

I run down the stairs.

"I swear, you need to stop sleeping in. You don't even have time for a proper breakfast." My dad throws me an apple.

"I know, I know."

I take a bite and head to the car.

I'm really nervous to talk to everyone again. I stare out of the window as the streets flash by.

My dad massages my shoulder.

"Call me if you need me, okay?"

"How can I call you when you won't even give me a phone?" I chuckle.

"Check the glove box." My dad smirks.

"No! Seriously?" I open it up.

My joy is replaced by confusion and slight disgust as I set eyes on a gray deformed piece of plastic.

"What is that?"

"It's a flip-phone." My dad smiles.

I groan.

"Oh come on! It's the newest model! Well.. It was. In 2003."

"Dad!" I whine.

"Hey, it's better than nothing."

I grab the phone from the glove box and flip it open.

"Oh come on, I don't even know how this works!" I press the buttons.

"Well, it'll be fun figuring it out." Dad pulls up at the parking lot of the school.

"Have a nice day." Dad gives me a loving glance.

"Yeah, thanks." I grumble. I get out and slam the door behind me.

× × ×

During lunchtime I rush to the cafeteria. I haven't seen anyone other than my family for a while so I'm glad I finally get to hang out with the guys again.

I go to our table.

"Guys!" I say excitedly. They look at me like I'm dirt.

"I ditched the teacher." I clarify.

"Great." Lucas says curtly. They all share a glance.

I grab a chair, Max pulls it away.

"Look man, I thought we made it pretty clear; we don't want you here." He says.

Lucas nods.

I'm completely confused.

"...Why?"

"Because it's weird, man. If you're on some emo suicide shit then maybe you should go sit with the freaks. We thought you were a cool dude at the start of the year but.. after all this shit.." Wayne shakes his head.

"I thought it was pretty clear I wasn't doing okay at the start of the year either and no one cared then."

"Yeah, well, now it's common knowledge and it's not cool." Tom shakes his head.

"It's not personal." Max chimes in.

"Oh, it totally is." Lucas laughs. He shoots me an evil look.

"So everything up until now was fake? You never cared about me, did you?"

"I mean, apparently neither did you so," Lucas laughs. Some of the guys chuckle, trying (and failing) to hide their amusement.

"You guys just left me there on my own that night. I could've died!"

"Win-win, right?" Lucas laughs.

"Dude, calm down. He might become a school shooter or some shit." Tom says under his breath.

"Alright, whatever. It's time for you to leave, man. You're done. You're done." Lucas claps his hands.

The guys all laugh.

I have nothing left to say. It's over just like that. Stunned and humiliated I turn around and leave.

I see Fawn sitting with Anthony at a table. I decide not to go to her and leave the cafeteria.

I walk outside and it sinks in. I thought I had friends but I guess I was wrong. Of course they're not my friends. They never were. If they were able to ditch Lucas so easily I should've known they weren't loyal. It still hurts, though. I have no one to talk to at school now.

× × ×

"Chase Chambers!" Dad calls angrily from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm busy!" I scream back. I'm drawing my so called 'friends' from school in my diary. As monsters. I haven't drawn in a while but today I just got the sudden urge to. I used to draw all the time before high school.

"Get your butt down here, now!" My dad screams.

Oh oh. Now what?

I run down the stairs.

"What took you so long?" Dad asks.

"Don't worry about it. What's up?"

"What's up? What's up? Well I just got your rapport card, that's what's up."

I gulp. Shit.

"That's.. fake. It's actually from mock exams.."

"Don't bullshit me. Look I know this year has been hard on you but school is important."

"I know! I'll try harder!"

"Trying harder is not gonna cut it, Chase. You need help or it'll be summer school for you."

"Okay, sure, whatever. Can I go now?"

Dad sighs. "Yes."

I turn around and run up stairs.

"I'm serious, Chase!"

"Yeah!" I yell back.