41. Mom

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

After I've brushed my teeth I walk into the hallway and hear a very familiar voice from the kitchen. I walk a little faster and see Sky sit at the kitchen counter talking to my dad.

"SKY?!"

He turns my way and smiles at me.

I run into the room and jump in his arms.

"Ow! God!"

"What are you doing here?" I pull away and look at my dad.  "What happened?"

"Well.. I decided to stop being a fool. We made up." Dad admits.

"Good! Finally!" I punch him on the arm.

I fall into Sky's arms again. "I missed you so much."

Sky pats my back. "I missed you too."

I'm so happy to see him again. My life just isn't the same without him.

"How are you? Loren said you sounded weird on the phone.." I was worried sick.

"I'm okay. It was weird for a while.. Talking to your dad helped." Sky smirks at my dad.

"Really? It never works for me." I joke.

"Hey!" Dad throws a potholder to my head.

The door smashes open and Loren comes in. "You won't believe this! So I flew all the way over to Connecticut for nothing—" She stops talking when she lays eyes on Sky.

"Am I hallucinating?"

"No." He chuckles.

Sky gets out of his seat and opens his arms. Loren runs up to him and gives him a bear hug.

"You finally got your shit together?" She says to dad.

"You kids are MEAN."

"Happy to have you back." Loren kisses Sky's cheek.

"Happy to be back." He answers looking happier than I've seen him in a while.

× × ×

Me and Sky are just hanging out in the garden while munching on a salad. I just told him about how school's been going which is... okay. The guys are still ignoring me since I have that teacher-cop watching me all the time and Fawn still won't talk to me which is understandable. So.. I've been eating lunch alone while listening to legendary music on my dad's old IPod and it's weirdly okay. Kind of comforting even. It's like going back to the basics.

"So, I told you about how my mom is being really weird? Ever since I told her about Kev." I say.

"Mhmm?"

"Well.. I don't know what to do. She's literally never home and when she is, she finds all the excuses in the world not to talk to me. We're supposed to go to church together coming Sunday but.. It's gonna be so weird." I sigh.

"Well, maybe you should just tell her the truth."

"The truth?"

"About your sexuality."

"'Hey mom, I loved this church session. By the way, I'm gay.'"

Sky laughs. "So it's official then?"

"Yes. One hundred percent. Kissing girls is so gross!"

"Oh, come on it's not that bad!"

"It totally is! And having sex with them— worse!"

"Wait, you had sex with a girl?"

I nod. "Would not recommend."

I sigh when my mind goes back to my mom. "What am I gonna do? If I tell her, she'll have a heart attack. She'll have me exorcised."

Sky laughs.

"You're so dramatic, Chase. The worst that could happen is that she doesn't accept you. And then at least you know where you stand."

"I don't want that to happen. Everything will change."

"Well, haven't things already changed?" Sky gives me an apologetic look. Just that moment Aron comes into the garden with Rosalie in his arms. Sky's face lights up.

"Surprise! Look who I brought." Aron smiles.

"Rose!" I jump up to hold her. Surprisingly, I don't hate her even though that's all I thought I was gonna do when Loren was pregnant.

Aron walks over to Sky after giving me Rose.

They share a long look. Aron's eyes gloating. Sky's definitely avoiding.

"I told you he would forgive you—"

"Yeah, yeah.." Sky crosses his arms.

"Hey, let me have my victory. I called this. I think I deserve a little more respect and recognition."

"Oh really?"

"Yes." Aron pulls Sky close. Before I know it, Rose and I are witnessing a full-blown make out sesh.

"And this, Rose, is how babies are made." I say.

They pull away from each other. Both of them laughing.

"Guys, come inside, I wanna make a family photo." Dad sticks his head out the door. "Wait, we should call your mom." He says to Sky.

He grabs his phone. "I'm on it."

× × ×

"We have to get them together." Sky whispers in my ear.

It's nighttime now. We're sitting at the dining room table just chatting after enjoying a feast. My mom went to have dinner with my stepdad(not for long cause they're getting a divorce) and Sky's mom and my dad are talking to each other like they're the only ones here.

"Well how do you plan to do that? Plus, your mom just lost your dad!" I whisper.

"I know.." He sighs and peers over at them.

"What are we talking about?" Loren leans towards us.

"Your dad and my mom. They have to get together." Sky says.

"Oh, they're together all right." She says casually.

"What?!" Sky and I scream in unison.

Dad and Lisa look our way.

"Everything okay?" Lisa asks.

"Yeah, perfect." I say. We all grin at them.

They shake their heads and continue their conversation.

"What did you just say?" I whisper to my sister.

"They're totally banging, can't you tell?" Loren whispers.

"No way! I would've known if that were the case and it's way too early after everything that's happened." Sky whispers.

"Oh come on, you're not one to judge when it comes to sad sex. Am I right, Aron?" Loren asks.

"Hey, I'm staying out of this." Aron raises his hands in the air.

"What? Just deny it, Aron!" Sky whisper-screams.

"Well, I don't wanna lie." He looks down at his plate.

"See?" Loren gloats.

"Seriously?!"

"You'd rather fuck than talk and no one blames you." Aron shrugs, a grin curling around his lips.

"Well, I'm not the only one." Sky looks over at Loren.

"Hey!" She blushes bright red.

"Embarrassed?"

"Shut up. Let's get back on topic—"

"Yeah, let's. You guys are gonna make me barf, plus, your baby daughter is right there!" I point to Rose who's sitting in her baby chair next to Aron.

"And?" Sky says.

"This conversation probably corrupted her. Robbed her of her innocence—"

"What innocence? I'm her dad, Chase."

"Yeah.. good point." I nod in agreement.

"The fact remains: They're banging." Loren concludes.

"They're not! And I'll prove it." Sky says.

Sky.

✙ ☠ ✙

I close the door behind my mom. I asked to talk to her after dinner so we're outside. The dark bench is lit up by an outside lamp.

"What's this all about?" Mom asks, crossing her arms.

"Well... I think we should talk." I sit down on the bench. "About and you and Steven."

"Oh-okay?"

"He told me you guys have been hanging out."

"We have.." Mom says suspiciously, wondering what I'm getting at.

"Are you guys fucking?"

"Sky!" She goes bright red.

"Just tell me!"

"No, we are not! How can you ask me that!"

"I just wanted to know!"

She shakes her head. "After what happened with your dad? Really?"

"I wouldn't judge. I just wanted to make sure. Cause you would tell me if you were, right?"

"Sure, I'll detail every inch of my sex life to you. I'm going back inside." Mom heads to the door.

"Mom?"

She sighs and turns around.

"Steven told me.. what you guys talk about."

"What?" She seems mortified.

"Not everything. Not in detail but.. he told me that you worry about being a good mom."

My mom stands frozen for a while.

"I really wish he hadn't discussed that with you." She looks down at the pavement.

"I'm glad he did! I had no idea you worried about that."

"Of course I do! After.." Mom sits down on the wooden bench. I sit next to her.

"I wasn't always there for you.." She frowns in pain and looks the other way. "I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. And then you told me about that teacher.." She avoids eye-contact.

"I should've been there for you. No matter how hard it was."

"You were trying. You had to do everything alone." I try to make her feel better.

"Do you know how many single-parent homes there are? I'm sure they didn't do what I did. I'm sure they didn't neglect their child. Cause that's what I did." She shakes her head  "Every day I was just so focused on surviving. Making sure there was food on the table. Trying to be happy for you. And then after work I'd come home, exhausted. And you were so smart and so sweet. You wanted to help. You did as much as you could on your own, every time I asked. And over time we just got stuck in that pattern. I expected you to be able to do everything yourself because you were so capable. I depended on you. And that was wrong. It should've been the other way around.. And then you left to Alabama with Aron.. And you left me that note.. And it reminded me of your father when he left.."

Oh no..

"I was so angry. And worried. Of course I was worried. I had no idea where you were.. when or if you were coming back. So I left with some random guy from the club to run away. Out of desperation. But I knew it wasn't right. I could feel inside that something was wrong and you needed me. For the first time in forever, I thought. I told the guy to turn around."

She laughs. "He asked me why I wanted to go away so bad in the first place. I said I didn't know. I did know. I was running away. And in that moment I realized that's what I'd been doing all this time. Running away from you. Having a child is.. so different than I thought it was going to be."

I can second that. Dad said the same thing. Why doesn't anyone talk about this? All they say is how great it is and how it's all worth it in the end. I'm sure it is.. I just never thought it would be this hard. Not just physically but the mental strength it takes to raise a kid..

"I'm always scared for you. Hoping things are okay. And instead of making sure of that I ran away. So I came home, quit the club since I'd had some money saved up and then you told me Loren was pregnant. And that solidified how much you needed me. And how much I needed to change." Her eyes meet mine.

"I need you to know how sorry I am." Mom grabs my hand. "I should have been a better mom to you. I'm trying so hard to fix it but I can't fix the past. I'm so ashamed.." She looks at her lap.

I squeeze her hand. "I know. And I accept your apology. So please, mom. Stop beating yourself up over something you can't change. All we have is now and.." I look her deep in the eyes.

"Right now you're the best mom I could ever wish for."

Her eyes gleam with joy when I say this

"You've never said that before." She chuckles.

"I mean it."

She pulls me into a hug. "Thank you, Oliver."