25. Sweater

Sky.

✙ ☠ ✙

I sit next to my mom on the brown couch.

She caresses my back. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Dad's an asshole, that's what."

"Why would you say that?"

"He told me not to tell people about Aron."

My mom doesn't even look surprised.

"You knew about this?"

"Sweetie, this isn't California. Things are different here."

"I don't care! Why should I have to change myself because of other people's judgments?!"

"I'm not saying you do. I'm just saying your father means well."

"He just wants to save his own ass. He's embarrassed his son isn't straight."

"I think you're misjudging him."

"I'm misjudging him? You're the one that misjudged him when you decided to have kid with a guy like that. I bet you thought he was just great.. and then he left." I snap.

My mom looks hurt.

Shit.

"Mom, I'm sorry—"

She gets up and leaves the room.

"Dammit." I mutter to myself.

I didn't mean to say it like that. I didn't mean to say it at all.

My little cousin Nicky climbs onto my lap. "My mommy said you're not supposed to swear."

"Dammit is hardly a swearword." I sigh. "I'd say fuck is worse."

"What does that mean?" Another cousin, Lola asks from the floor. She looks around five years old.

Soon three other kids surround me.

"That depends on the context." I say listlessly.

"The what?"

"Like if someone says 'Fuck this' it's like 'To hell with this' but if someone says 'I want to fuck you...'" I stare at the little kid's eyes. "Well.. in your case I would just run."

"You are so smart!" Nicky says, eyes filled with awe.

"And cool!" Evie cheers.

"Yeah, you know what else is cool? I'm getting married!"

"No way!" Lola says.

"Yes way. I'm getting married to my boyfriend, Aron."

"You have a boyfriend?!" She watches me wide-eyed.

"Yeah, wanna see him?"

"Yeah!" They all cheer.

I grab my phone and show them a picture.

"Wow! He's so prettyyy!" Evie says.

"I know."

"Handsome! You're supposed to say handsome, Evie!" Nicky corrects her.

The door swings open and my dad comes in.

I get an evil idea.

"But saying something like 'fuck you' can also be a good thing. It means 'I love you'. You can say it to uncle Oliver." I put Nick down. "Go on, go tell him."

As Nicky makes his way over to my dad I think about how this might be a bad idea and maybe I should stop him...

Nah.

He runs up to my dad. "Fuck you!" He says full of love.

I burst out laughing. My dad turns red and everyone else starts talking, completely outraged.

"What did you say?!" My dad asks.

"It means I love you!" Nicky says happily.

I can't stop laughing.

My dad gives me a death glare. "Oliver.." He says angrily.

"I can't believe you would teach a child such a word!" Aunt Judy cries.

"Oh, come on. It's just a word! They would've learned it at some point anyway."

"This might be normal in that big city of yours but over here—"

"Mom!" Evie runs up to Judy. "Sky is marrying a boy! He's real handsome!"

"A b.. a boy?" She looks from me to my dad.

My dad gives me a worried glance.

I smile. "Yes, I'm engaged to guy." I say shamelessly.

"Oh God.." Uncle Tom covers his face.

Everyone starts to talk.

"Shocking, I know." I say sarcastically before walking out the room.

I make my way outside to the porch. I cross my arms. It's way too cold to be out here in a thin T-shirt like this. Whatever, I'm not going back inside now.

I grab my phone and call Aron.

"Sky.." He sounds relieved I'm calling.

"Aron, it's awful here. I think I just made it worse. Pretty sure everyone's mad at me."

"You're probably wrong."

"I just taught a kid the f-word and I told them I'm marrying you in a time span of five minutes."

"You told them about me?" He sounds happy to hear that.

"Of course." I look down at the beautiful ring on my finger.

"I'm so sorry I'm not there. I wish I could support you,"

"Just hearing your voice makes me feel much better. How's your project going?"

"Perfect. We're right on schedule. At least.. if I don't spend much longer talking to you.."

"Got it. I'll call you tomorrow." I chuckle.

"Right. I love you, Cariño."

"I love you too." I smile. The door behind me opens and my mom comes out.

I hang up.

"Here. It's cold." My mom hands me a terribly ugly blue sweater with a reindeer on it.

"This is hideous." I say as I put it on.

She leans on the railing and looks out at the trees in front of us.

"I dared your dad to wear it when he asked me out back in high school. I told him that if he was serious about me he would do anything to be with me. Even if it meant getting picked on for a few days. He then bought the sweater and wore it to school every day for a week to show me how much he cared." My mom smiles at the memory. "He was a show off like that." She chuckles.

My dad, the romantic. Who would've thought? I stand next to her. "You never told me that before."

"There are so many things you don't know about your father, Sky." She looks me deep in the eyes. "He's a great man but he's complicated.."

We listen to the rain drizzle on the roof.

Mom looks into my eyes again. Her gaze is loving and worried. "Please just give him a chance. He loves you."

"Then why did he leave?" I can't just forgive him for that like it had no effect.

"I can't tell you that. You're going to have to talk to him. But you're wrong about him. He is not ashamed of you." My mom wraps her arms around me. "He just loves you and he wants what's best for you. You have to believe me when I say that."

I look into my mom's caring eyes.

I nod. "Okay." I whisper.

She smiles and squeezes my cheek before giving me a kiss.

"I'm supposed to call you for dinner." My cousin Stevie sticks his head out the door. He's aunt Judy's oldest, around thirteen.

"Let's eat." My mom grabs my hand and we go on inside.

It's a bit awkward at the dinner table. Half of the people there won't look at me.

I play with the food on my plate. Plain broccoli, potato and chicken... I miss Aron.

My mom and dad are talking to everyone. I watch my dad. He's great with words. He's very like-able. To others anyway. Chase did say he was funny.

I wonder what we have in common. Curiosity takes over and I want to ask him about himself but then I remember that he's dying and I shouldn't be getting attached now when I can lose him any moment. I can't deal with that.

"That is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen." Stevie says from next to me.

For some reason I feel offended. Now that I know the story behind it I actually quite like it.

"Have you looked in the mirror today?"

He chuckles. "Not really."

I continue playing with my food.

"So.. is it true? Are you really gay like that?'

"Sure." I take a bite from the plain old potato. The seasoning includes salt and pepper. That's it. I sigh.

"And you're really marrying this Mexican dude?"

"He's Spanish, actually." I say annoyed.

"Whatever. My mom would disown me if I did that."

"Yeah well, your mom is an uptight—" I stop myself from talking. I shouldn't take my irritation out on him.

"No, keep going. I liked where that was headed." He chuckles.

I get up. "I don't think so."

"Where are you going?" Dad asks.

"Bed. I'm done."

"Aren't you going to say something?"

"Aren't you going to give me a chance to?"

My dad sits back in his chair.

"Excuse me. I'm going to bed. Better?"

"Sky.." My mom gives me a look and gestures towards Judy.

"I'm sorry I taught your kids to swear." I sigh.

"That's.. fine. We all make mistakes." She forces a smile.

Yeah, we sure do. Pretty sure this entire family is mistake..

"Have a good night." I fake my best smile, put away my dishes and leave the room.

× × ×

I'm laying in bed after a surprisingly nice shower. The room is dark and the rain is coming down hard outside. I'm trying to drift off to sleep. The clattering on the roof is a comforting sound.

The door creeks open and the light from the hallway streams into the room.

"Oliver, you still awake?" My dad whispers.

"Would you stop calling me that?!"

"Sorry. Sky." He sighs.

I hear clothes rustling. A belt.. Suddenly I feel my dad crawl over me.

"What are you doing?!"

"Sleeping. What else?"

"You're not gonna grab a mattress or something?!"

"Absolutely not! This is bonding time!"

I feel two big arms wrap around me. My dad pulls me close to him.

"Ew, gross! Get off me!"

"Come on, I know you want it. Give your dad a hug!"

"I'm seriously gonna kick you if you don't get off me right now!"

My dad doesn't respond. He just holds me in his arms. He sighs contentedly His prickly beard scratches against my forehead. He smells of cigarettes.

His breathing is heavy. What if he dies right now? I find myself thinking. I couldn't take that. Not now. I feel weirdly at peace in this stranger's arms.

"Mom never said which disease you have.." I mumble.

"You know.. one of those deadly ones." My dad chuckles.

I smile. Then I hide my face in his neck. "You're not funny."

"You are. That trick you pulled with Nicky today. Seems like something I would've done back in the day."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was a little troublemaker when I was young. I was always pulling pranks and foolin' around.. Then I met your ma and it all changed. All the joking, the messing around with girls.. there was only her."

"She told me about your sweater."

My dad laughs. "Those were good days. You can have it if you want."

I nod.

My dad strokes my back.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"If you loved mom so much.. why did you leave?"

He sighs.

"Do you wanna know the truth?"

That question alone makes me nervous. I nod anyway.

"I couldn't take it," He says quietly.

"Take what?" I try to find his eyes in the dark.

"Your smelly, danky ass diapers! God! That was awful!"

"Dad!"

"I'm serious! I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep! I was completely paralyzed from that smell of yours!"

"Please! I'm asking a serious question here!"

"Let me ask a serious one first."

I sigh. "Fine."

"Aron."

"No." We're not doing this topic. I don't want any more crap from him.

"You're marrying him. Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Of course I'm sure!"

"I'm just saying marriage is a big deal! You're so young. Maybe now isn't the time to get married."

"You never got married so how would you know." I snort.

My dad goes quiet.

"You never married mom, right?"

"I never married your mother, no. I married someone else and I'll spare you the details but it wasn't fun."

Why is this the first time I'm hearing of this? Does my mom know?

"Maybe I want the details. Maybe I want to know you before you die. Mom said you're complicated. What does she mean?"

"It means I'm simple. I'm so simple, people get confused and over-complicate it."

I sigh and pull away. "You never give a straight answer."

I turn away from him.

"We'll have plenty of time for that tomorrow. Right now I just want to hold you. Is that okay?"

I don't respond.

"Sky?"

I face dad again and lean against his chest.