Chapter 3

I thought I could sleep well after going out and watching porn and all that. But I could not fall asleep. I lay there awake. Thinking about stuff. Stuff like my parents. Stuff like Ayisha. Stuff like future.

I looked around and found that Jai was sound asleep. I could have used with a talk or company or whatever. I sat up on my bed and sighed. I don't think I am getting any sleep.

So I just casually got up and walked around, and went to the window to look out. The sky was clear. There were moon and stars and all. Jai turned around in sleep. His blanket was off him. I looked at his sleeping figure. His figure is a bit too curvy for a guy, I think sometimes. But it's because of his total lack of muscles.

I looked at him. Should I like, wake him up or something? But It was 3 am. Maybe I should study a bit.

I went to my study desk and remembered that my maths notebook had been borrowed by Jai the last day. So I went to Jai's desk. I could not find the maths notebook. I switched on the lights of the room and went back to search for it.

But my eyes fell on to another book. It was a brown notebook, with doodles and stuff drawn on it. It looked interesting. So I took it in my hand.

"Veer..." Jai's sleepy voice asked. "What are you doing?" He might have woken up since I switched on the lights.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep. Hey, where is my maths notebook?" I asked. He sat up and his eyes went wide as he jumped up and snatched the brown notebook from my hands. "Don't touch my stuff." He yelled at me.

"What?" I laughed. "What is in there that I cannot see?" I asked. I know he flips out if I touch his stuff. But that's a notebook. "What are you hiding in there, han?" I asked trying to snatch the book back from his hands. He jumped back, "Don't..." he yelled.

"Come on, Jai..." I said. "Now I really want to see." I tried to grab the notebook, but when he moved back, I pulled him in a headlock and pried the notebook out of his hands. Yes. Now let's see what is in there.

But before I could open the notebook, Jai bit me. He literally bit my arm. Hard. "Ah..." I yelled and Jai snatched the book back, and gave me a death glare. He kind of looked really funny, because he had just woken up and all his hair was sticking up from his head in odd angles. He looked like some kind of a cartoon version of a lion or something. But my hand hurt. I inspected the injury. There was no blood. But my hand had teeth marks. They were going to bruise. Totally.

So I lifted Jai up in my arms and flung him over my shoulder. He was so light that it was easy to do that and I flung him to the bed, a bit too painfully. He winced. "Pay back," I told him. I could have flung him to the floor, but that might have broken his bones.

He didn't fight back; he just sat there hiding his notebook in his hands. I realized that he really really did not want me to see the book. There were angry tears in his eyes. Maybe I crossed a line. Did I cross a line?

Jai was not talking to me.

I sat down on his bed. "What's in there?" I asked looking at the book.

"Nothing." He said. Meaning I should not pry on whatever it was. I tried to figure it out. What could be in a notebook that he is so desperate to hide?

"Do you have a crush on someone?" I asked. "Is it a girl you are hiding?"

Jai's blank expression told me that that was not the case. Hm... My eyes fell to his wet eyes. I have seen those tears on him.

"Is it...something related to your dad?" I asked, cautiously. It was a touchy subject. I am always careful when I mention his dad. Jai was still silent, but I guessed that I guessed right by his expression. It was something related to his dad. It was so wrong of me to try to invade in that. Even if I am his best friend.

"Em... I am sorry." I told him. Jai got up from the bed and went to his desk and opened a drawer and put the book inside. Then he gave me a suspicious look.

"I won't look. I promise." I told him. Not if he does not want me to. It's something personal. Jai came back to the bed.

"So why are you up?" He asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I said.

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

I looked away.

"Your mom's phone call?" Jai asked me.

"Yeah."

"I thought we got your mood better," Jai said.

"I guess it went back to square one." I sighed. I lay down on Jai's bed, thinking... Maybe it's the fact that we both have problems to deal with that we became this close friend. He is the only person in this world who knows my unresolved issues with my parents. And I am the only one who knows about Jai's dad's murder and about his life being in danger.

Jai lay down on the bed beside me. I liked that he lay beside me. Somehow I felt a bit comforted.

"Veer," he called.

"Hm..." I was just looking at the ceiling.

"I think you should talk to your parents," Jai said.

"About what?"

"About how you don't want to be a doctor." He said.

I snorted. As if they would listen. As if they would even have the time to listen.

"Veer, you can't avoid talking forever," Jai said. "You have to deal with it."

I know... I just... "I will..."

"When?" Jai sat up.

"Later."

"Later when?"

"Some time."

"You know this is your problem. Why do you keep pushing stuff you need to do now to the future?" Jai asked. I sat up in anger. I should not have bought up this topic. Now he is going to nag me forever.

"You don't want to be a doctor. Just tell them that." Said Jai. "Get it over with."

They won't listen. They won't understand. Ever since I was a little kid, it was like my fate was decided. I will become a doctor like my parents are. But it's their dream. Not mine. I am not even that studious to get into a medical college. My grades are fine. But I need to really work harder to get into medical college. And I don't want to work harder. I was fine where I am.

And it's not like my parents even know what I want, or what my dream is. They don't even know me for real. They never had time to get to know their son.

"You do one thing," Jai said, "This Navratri holidays when you go home, you talk with your parents okay."

"I am not going home on the Navratri holidays," I told Jai. Go home and what? Leave him alone in here?

"You didn't go for summer holidays either." Jai reminded me.

"Yeah. And trust me I had a nicer time here than I would have at home." Jai can't go back home for the holidays. So he stays in school. And last summer holiday, I stayed back as well. We had a blast. Really...it was fun. It was almost just the two of us. We will hang out, watch movies or play basketball. Or go cycling down to the town, check out a few girls and eat and stuff. It was fun. We could do that these holidays as well. "I am not going," I told Jai. Jai frowned at me. "I am not going. End of discussion." I told Jai.

I did not feel like going home anyway. That place never felt like home anyway. This feels like home. Right here, with Jai, my brother.

I know everything about him, and he knows everything about me.

This feels like the right place I should be. He feels more like family than mom and dad ever did.

I searched the wardrobe. There was no clean shirt left. I checked the laundry basket. All my four uniform shirts were in the laundry basket. "Seriously?" I asked. I scratched my head. I lifted up one of the shirts from the laundry basket and smelled it. Is it wearable twice?? But no....I dropped it back to the basket.

Jai came along, buttoning his coat.

"Can you lend me a shirt?" I asked him. "All four of mine are in there." I pointed to the laundry basket.

"You were supposed to do laundry yesterday." He reminded me with a yawn. He rubbed his eyes. We had stayed up last night talking. Just about general stuff.

He went to his wardrobe and took one of his pale blue uniform shirts and threw it to me. I caught it. I pulled off my t-shit and looked at Jai's shirt. It will fit me, right? It could be a bit tight as Jai is a bit skinnier than me. I held it up and I could smell Jai's smell on the shirt. I smelled it. Jai made a face on my action.

"Your weird smell is left in these," I said to him. I always felt he smelt weird. It's not a bad weird though. He smells kind of nice; that is what is weird. I always tell him he smells weird and he kicks me.

Now he flung the basketball at me. It hit my stomach. "Ouch..."

"Stop complaining and wear what you got." He grunted. I shrugged and put on Jai's shirt. It was kind of tight. But can do it for one day.

When we walked into the classroom my eyes automatically searched for Ayisha. She and her friends were doing some math problem. We had a test in a few days. So they were studying. And Ayisha was frowning at some problem in the book.

"Hey, girls..." to my horror Jai walked to them. What the hell is that idiot doing?

"Hey, Jai..." Ayisha smiled at Jai. Jai is sort of friendly with all the girls in class.

"What's up?" Jai settled himself on Ayisha's desk and lifted up the book. "Maths..."

"Yeah," Ayisha said. "We have a test, right? And we are going nowhere. Hey, do you know how to solve this problem?" She asked Jai. Jai took a look at the problem. "Nope," He said, "But I am sure Veer would know. He is good at maths." He looked at me. Seriously??? "Veer, come over here," Jai said.

What the hell is he doing?????

I stayed where I was. Jai insisted with his eyes for me to walk over.

I gulped. Jai looked at me with anger.

So I walked over to Ayisha and the girls, feeling way too nervous. Ayisha gave me a smile. That kind of made me feel all giddy inside, and furthermore nervous. I hope I was not acting like a total crazy person. Jai handed me the book. Thankfully it was a problem I knew. My breath came back. I was wondering what the hell I was supposed to do if it was a difficult problem that I did not know.

"I know this one," I said.

"Good. Teach the girls." Jai patted my shoulder and jumped down from the desk and ran over to Happy and the other guys. I looked back at Ayisha who was looking at me with expecting eyes. I felt frozen because of nervousness. I should probably move, or speak, but... I could not.

"Veer," Ayisha called my name. She knew my name!? I didn't think she would know my name. But then of course she would know my name. We had been in the same class for over three years.

"Yeah..." I bend over to her desk took her pen and began to explain the problem to her. I did kind of stutter, and the pen fell off my hand. "I am sorry," I mumbled and took the pen from the floor, and my head hit with Ayisha's. "Ouch..." she hissed. "I am so sorry..." I told her. My head hit with Ayisha's. That is like the only point of contact I have had with her. Stop thinking like that. "Sorry," I repeated and then began to explain the problem again. She nodded at intervals. Her friends listened in too. But I could see them looking at me. Analyzing my flustered state.

"Thanks," Ayisha told me when I was done explaining.

"Yeah, you are welcome," I said. I was sure I was blushing or something. Totally making a fool of myself and embarrassing myself. I moved a hand through my hair. "So...I'll see you around. Bye..." I walked back to my seat where Jai was laughing at something with Happy. I grabbed him around his shoulder with anger. "You are never going to do that again?"

"Do what?" he asked me.

"Push me to her. I just embarrassed myself on a higher level," I scowled at him. I looked back at the girls and they were still kind of looking at me. I looked away at once, totally freaking out. "They will think I am..." a pervert or I don't have any experience with girls or...weird.

"Well, now you talked with her. At least once." Jai said.

"Yeah. But it was totally weird." I said. "I just...freaked out. They totally would have guessed something is wrong with me."

Jai smiled at me in a really irritating way. "Veer, bro..." he called in a calm tone, "I am really sorry to break this into you, but...Do you honestly think that by now they have not figured out that you have a crush on Ayisha?" Jai turned to me.

"What?"

"Veer, you stare at her like three hundred times a day." Jai reminded me. "Obviously they will notice. Girls notice stuff like that. They have had their doubts that you have a crush on her. And by being nervous back there, you just confirmed their doubt. They are sure now."

Hell... No freaking way...

"No," I said.

"Yes," Jai said patting my shoulder.

"I just made a fool of myself back there," I told Jai. "I was so nervous that I could not speak properly. They must have thought 'what an idiot'."

"No, they did not. They think you are very cute to be flustered around her." Jai was looking at the girls while my back was turned to them. Jai could see their reaction. He waved at the girls with a smart smile. I looked back and the girls waved back at Jai. "They think you are so adorable to have been nervous."

"How do you know?" I yelled at him.

"I know girls." He said. "So relax," he hit my stomach. "Everything is just fine. More than fine. Ayisha knows that you like her. And her reaction is not that bad; it's positive. She is even looking over here."

I spun around. Ayisha was looking at me. I blushed and turned back to Jai. "What should I do?" I asked Jai. Jai is my only saviour now.

"You should ask her out."

Ha! Yeah...well...Not happening.

"Why do you like Ayisha?" Happy asked all of a sudden. Jai and I looked at him.

"I mean, why not any other girl, but Ayisha. Why particularly her?" Happy asked.

I have never given that thought much. From some moment onwards I realized that I was noticing her more. I could not explain why she drew me to her so much. Except that she was awesome. I was not sure how to explain her awesomeness though. But before I could answer Happy's question, Jai did.

"Well, she is pretty. She is smart. She is not dumb or acts dumb as some girls do. She is intelligent. She is not shallow. She is got a soul. And integrity. Substance. She is a real person." Jai said.

I kind of felt strange. Because these were exactly the feelings I could not explain; exactly what I would have said if I would have talked first.

"Real person?" Happy asked.

"Yeah, as in she is not superficial. She will be fun to hang out with." Jai said.

Why is he saying things I should have said???

I eyed him with interest and a new thought crept into my mind. It was not a nice thought. It did kind of disturb me. He was kind of being a bit awkward with me and secretive with me lately. And then he keeps insisting that I should ask Ayisha out and keep pushing me in her direction... What if...???

If it was someone else, I would have pondered over the thoughts in my head for forever and postponed the talk for eternity. But this was Jai. I need not postpone the talk. So I confronted him that evening on the basketball court. All the others had gone back and we both were the only ones left. I had been helping him improve his dribbling and shooting skills.

"Hey...So... I need to ask you something." I said, throwing the ball between my hands.

"What?" He looked up.

"Eh..." I hesitated. "Are you hiding something from me?" I asked. He went slightly pale. I knew it.

"Wh-what do you mean?" He asked, acting dumb.

"You know you don't need to hide it from me. I mean, it's sort of messed up, but I can understand. I mean, she is a great person."

Now he looked lost in this conversation. "What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Ayisha," I said.

"Huh?"

"You like her. I mean, you also like her, don't you?"

"Huh?" he frowned at me. "Where did that come from?"

I did not expect him to admit so easily. He is bound to say he does not.

"I heard the way you talked about her this morning."

"So?" He lifted his arms. "I thought you think of her that way."

"I do. That's why... You think of her that way as well." I said stepping closer. You can't say things like that about a girl unless you really like her to the level that you notice these things about her. "You have a crush on her."

"No, I don't," Jai said.

"Dude, it's okay," I said. I need to clear his horror. "It's fine. I mean, it is kind of awkward, but it's fine. I am not mad at you."

"Have you gone mental, Veer?" He bellowed, "Why would I have a crush on your girl."

"She is not officially my girl."

"Well, she is for me. She is official 'bhabhi' for me. She is my best friend's girl." He said in a totally 'she is out-of-bounds for me manner. "Come on, man... You don't really expect me to have a crush on a girl you like. That's like a violation of the bro-code. "

I was still not sure if he was pretending for my sake.

"Are you sure?" I asked, "because if you are..interested in her, I think I can back out."

"WHAT?" Jai snapped.

"You take her. Ask her out or something." I said. I was willing to give her up for Jai.

"Are you freaking mental?" He yelled. "I thought you liked her. Enough that you would not want to give up for just some other guy??"

"Yeah, but you are not just some other guy." I hissed at him. "I would not have liked it if some other guys, Varun, or even Happy had a crush on her. But for you Jai, I am willing to give up. You deserve her if you love her. You deserve everything."

His face went dark. "Why?" he asked.

Because he had been through so much. He is freaking alone in this world. His dad was murdered and his uncle is trying to kill him. I am not going to steal away the one girl he likes too.

"Are you giving me sympathy?" Jai asked, bitterly. "Boo hoo, poor Jai is orphan and alone. I feel so sorry for him. I will give up my love for him."

"Shut up, Jai... It's not like that."

"But it's exactly like that isn't it?"

"Yes." I snapped. "You are my brother and I don't care about some girl more than I care about you. Take her. I won't mind one bit." It's his happiness that matters more than anything. "Friendship is more important than any girl for me," I said. "You are more important."

This shut Jai up a bit. He even looked touched. He looked away... I sighed.

"I am fine with you liking her, man," I repeated. "You deserve her."

Jai looked back at me. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't like her."

"Jai..." he is still trying to cover up.

"No. Seriously," Jai said in a frank tone. "I don't. I don't have a crush on her. Really... I don't know how you came up with this crazy idea. But I don't have a crush on Ayisha. Trust me."

I looked at him with doubt.

"Oh come on, how the hell am I supposed to prove it to you?" he asked opening his arms. "Should I go date some other girl? Should I go kiss some other girl to prove it? Tell me, Veer, I am willing to prove it to you."

"Nah. I believe you." I said. He won't lie to my face. And he sounded genuine enough. I trusted him. I know him.

"And... YOU should ask her out." Jai added. "A-S-A-P."

Yeah. But I just get so nervous with her. Then I began to think of the future and stuff like usual.

"What?" Jai asked.

"It's the final year in school. What's the use in asking her out now? I don't even know if I will ever see her after graduation." I turned to Jai.

"That's why you have to ask her out. Of course, you will see her after graduation if she is your girlfriend." Jai said. I doubted it. "Hey, you are being my friend even when you don't know if you will see me after graduation." He added.

"What?" I asked, feeling edgy all of a sudden. "Where are you going?"

He looked at me. And the awkward air came between us. This comes when we discuss his future. He passed the ball between his hands. "We don't even know if I will be alive, Veer," he said in a small voice.

"Stop talking like that." I snapped. I felt angry. "You will be fine."

"Yeah... I guess..." He looked away.

"No. Look at me," I told him. He looked up. "You are going to be alive and well, and we will still be seeing each other after graduation. Won't we?"

He looked unsure.

"Jai..." I called. I can't imagine my life without him. He is my best friend. I can't imagine where he won't be there. But my first priority is his safety anyway. If he needs to go away from me to keep being safe...then I guess, I would have no choice.

I hated that I could do nothing to help out Jai. I felt so powerless. I wanted to punish the guy who killed Jai's father and is making Jai go through this. I hated that I can do nothing. I am just a 17-year-old school student. And I could do nothing. NOTHING.

"Stay safe, man," I told Jai. "Stay alive...if that is the only thing you can do."

Jai smirked his boyish grin and nodded.

"You will always be my friend, bro," Jai said. "If I am near you or not. We will always be best friends."

"Yeah," I told him. "Brothers for life." I held up my fist, he fist-bumped me.