Chapter 7

Nathaniel

The following day I tried talking to him after school but he entirely ignored my very existence. Even during dinner when I tried to include him in the conversation me and Joshua were having . It's like he has shut me down . Normally, I wouldn't care but I feel like I owe him an apology for acting like an ass .

Right after dinner, I call Wylder to drop by at my place because I just can't go another night tossing and turning on my bed, hoping to feel better about myself . I need to do something about this sexual tension building up inside me .

Later on though, he cancels last minute, promising to make it up to me . Ugh! Nothing seems to even go my way these days . Even the job hunt I have been doing isn't going well. I know that even James won't bother hiring me, he hates my guts too much .

I walk back to my bedroom, but I'm stopped dead by an argument between my mother and James, I decide to eavesdrop because who cares? It's not like they have huge skeletons in the closet.

" James, just do something before I do. Having him here is bad enough. "'

" I'm the only person he's got . He's mother wants nothing to do with him Lara Jean, you know that!"

" I won't have a child of a rapist in my house, do you hear me? We have children here for crying out loud . What if he turns out to be like he's good for nothing father?"

" I won't let that happen ." James says plainly but my mom just shakes her head in frustration and walks away .

Oh well, I didn't know the skeletons were that bad . So Lucas- is not James's son . That just makes things 10 times greater for me but I wonder how will Lucas take the news, by the looks of it, the two aren't planning on telling him any time soon. Should I do the honours? Maybe he will consider letting me fuck him .

I stroll my way to my bedroom, finding Josh already waiting for me .

" Joshua!" I nod my head towards him, taking a seat on the empty chair facing my bed .

" Hey!" Joshua waves back at me casually, like I don't know. Makes me look at him in curiosity .

" What's up?"

" I just ... I need to ask you something but it's not a big deal . Don't make a big deal about it, okay?"

" Okay?" I lean on the chair, folding my arms and looking at him as he nervously played with his hands on his lap .

He's sitting on the foot of my bed, wearing his usual grey pyjamas . Apparently grey is his favourite colour, like his eyes . Iconic? I know!.

" How did you know that you liked guys?" He glances over me.

" Hmhmm that's a very good question . " I brush my chin gently, pretending as if I'm thinking while I'm not, I enjoy seeing Joshua squirm under my watchful eyes . It's actually funny .

" Like you woke up one day and decided to go like -"

" I got you Josh, no need to say anything more ." I stop him . Knowing him, he might say something stupid that might just make this moment a lot more funnier  .

" Well, it comes naturally. It's like how you knew you liked the colour grey out of all colours ."

" Well, I had options, you see . I got to see all the colures before I chose grey, get it?"

" And I did the same , but it felt more right with guys than with women . Like I said, 'naturally'"

" Oh okay, got it ." Joshua nods, he seems to half understand what I'm saying but all in all, I think he will understand more once he falls for the right person, either be a guy or a girl .

" Wait Josh, did you know Lucas wasn't James's real son?"

" Yeah, it's pretty obvious ." He says like it's not even a big deal . " Goodnight!" He skips out of my bedroom with a satisfied smile .

Now I can't help but think that what if everyone knew all this time except me, and Lucas. However i doubt that Elizabeth knows anything . She seems happy getting all the attention from mom, now I see why . So she's the biological daughter of James , not Lucas . That bastard! What should I do with this information? I wonder . I'm so bad at keeping secrets .

***

Lucas

The days that follow are filled with me giving Nathan the cold shoulder, who at first didn't seem to care but as time went on, he started going after me every chance he got, demanding to talk to me , and I didn't. What's even there to talk about? He was an asshole that night and I'm not ready to accept any apologies from him . It's my turn to be an asshole too, although for a little while . Give him the taste of his own medicine .

" Are you even listening to me Lucas?" Amari snaps his fingers over my face , I blink away my thoughts and focus on her annoyed face .

" Of course I am!" I bat my eyelashes innocently when Amari gives me a doubtful look, clicking her tongue all together when i just continue my batting.

" As I was saying ..." Amari turns to the amused Josh sitting across from both of us on my bed " What are your plans for your junior prom?"

Josh put on his thinking face, staring blankly at the ceiling . Amari on the other side is so smitten by the guy that she's literally drooling, this is going to be the longest sleep over of my life with these two .

I shouldn't have agreed when Amari came up with this sleeping over idea . I mean, it's hard enough watching her bite her lip seductively every second while Josh doesn't even notice that Amari is flirting with him .

" Are you done thinking?" I groan . Josh simply shakes his head without looking from the ceiling and Amari just  elbows me to shut up .

" I will go get the snacks then." I declare but no one seems to care, so I just leave the two and hope by the time I come back, there will be some progress .

I take my time walking down the stairs, even though I feel a bit sick . My stomach feels a little bloated and every second, I feel like vomiting . I hope it's nothing . It's worse enough that Mrs. Kevens is on my back about my dropping grades,getting sick would just make things worse .

I arrive in the kitchen to find the last person I wanna see in the house . He's with some guy I'm sure he picked up at some party. The guy is sitting on the kitchen counter while Nathan , being the proud guy he is, is standing between his legs with no shirt on . Just perfect! I badly wish I could turn around but the snacks are important.

I clear my throat when the two seem to be in their own world, giggling and whispering to each other's ears . They seem a bit tipsy but I just brush the thought off.

" Oh Lucas!" Nathan acts so surprised to see me  . The guy appears slightly irked by my presence .

" Just need some stuff then I will be out of your hair." I walk around the marble kitchen counter and grab a bowl from one of the cabinets .

" We don't mind, take your time ." Nathan says behind me" Though i have something to talk to you about ." He adds after a few seconds of silence .

" Yeah?" I turn to him , only to find him closer than I wish him to be .

" About the other night, I didn't mean it like that . Like you are ...you know a man whore . I'm sorry that I upset you in any kind of way . It wasn't exactly my intention ." He goes to reach for me but I dodge his outstretched arms .

" Thanks!" I mumble, grabbing the rest of the snacks . " Can I go now?" I ask when Nathan doesn't allow me to pass .

" I have been trying to talk to you for so long , so damn long . Do you know how hard it was for me to sleep at night knowing that you hate me for what I did? For what I took from you?" He stumbles back a bit while trying to stand straight .

" Are you high or something?" I question, studying his bloodshot eyes. " What's wrong with him?" I turn to the guy who just shrugs and continues typing away on his cellphone.

" Lucassss, Lucassss!" Nathan starts singing my name . Oh God! I put the bowl of snacks on the counter and grab hold of Nathan, putting my arm around his waist and leading him upstairs . Not before bidding the guy bye .

"I'm really really hungry, are you hungry Lucas?" Nathan murmurs when we finally get in his bedroom .

" Not really, what do you wanna eat?" I ask him, making him sit on his bed with a heavy grunt . He's so gonna owe me after this . I'm seriously heaving after the flight of stairs I had to climb while holding his drunk ass .

" You, I wanna eat you ." Nathan leans over to talk in my ear loudly . " Soooo badd!"

" Unfortunately you can't do that Nathan . " I say in all seriousness . Nathan once again makes this cute little face like he's about to cry, it's funny because I have never seen this side of him . I'm starting to like the drunk side of Nathan .

" Maybe you can have a tiny tiny piece of me ." I suggest. That makes his whole face light up like a little kid . " But now you have to go to sleep." I help him get under the covers too .

" Lucas " Nathan places his hand over my cheek, looking at me deeply . It's like he's sober all of a sudden " I really hate that I have fallen for you  in such a short amount of time I have known you.... I'm scared of these feelings, I'm so afraid that you will leave me too if I open my heart to you ." He mumbles softly .

For a moment, I feel like the whole world has taken a standstill . His green orbes stare at me with so much intensity . I find it hard to even pull away , so I allow myself to get lost in his eyes for a while. To just appreciate this vulnerable part of Nathan I will probably not see ever again. After a few seconds, I shake my head out of the little trance.

" I- I don't know what to say  Nathan ." I eventually murmur . Even though deep down I feel like it's the effects of whatever he drank . He's not thinking right.

" It's okay, and there's something else ." He smiles softly" You are not James's son . Actually, your father is a rapist but don't tell anyone, okay? It's a secret" He places his finger over my mouth .

" What? My father is a rapi-""

" Shhhhh, I love you either way . " Then he turns away on his side to sleep .

I'm left kneeling beside his bed, dumbfounded and wondering what just happened ..I don't even know if I should be happy that Nathan loves me or angry that James, who I thought was my father, is keeping such a huge secret from me .

****