Chapter 21

Nathaniel

This morning we rushed Lucas to the hospital because he was having some painful contractions that were uncalled for . It's crazy how one moment, everything was okay then out of nowhere, everything became a mess .

" Hey, you need to eat something or at least go home and sleep ." Summer says to me .

We are sitting in the waiting room, we have been sitting here since this morning and it's already in the evening . The doctors haven't even reported anything to us . Nothing . Just pure agonizing silence .

" I'm not going anywhere . I'm staying here until they tell me that they are alright. " I state without hesitations .

The rest of the people in the room, look at me strangely but I don't care . I'm not about to leave here without Lucas , or even our baby.

" If I was someone else, I would have thought you were the father Nathan ." Amari jokes , but I don't crack a smile .

I just look over the clock, it has been almost 10 hours without no updates . 10 fucking hours! .  I stand up and decide to do my own investigation .

" What are you doing?" Josh stands up too, following me as I walk to the front desk .

" Hello Sir, how can I help you?" The nurse in charge glances over at me with a welcoming smile .

" We have been waiting the whole day for a patient here . "

" Oh and what is the patient's name?"

" Lucas Creed!" Josh chimes in, taking the spot beside me as we waited for the nurse to tell us something .

" Hmhmm I see we have a patient under that name , are you Family?"

" Yes, we are his brothers " Josh points between the both of us . The nurse nods then skim the computer screen .

" It seems like Lucas Creed is still in surgery . The doctor will let you know once he's out ."

" Thank you ." Josh says, then we both walk back to the waiting room . I wish I could do something . I wish I could be there , holding his hand . I can imagine how hard this is for him. Doing it all alone .

We planned this together, we planned that we were gonna be in that labour room together, nevertheless we didn't think the future is this unpredictable . Unforgiving . Selfish .

" It's gonna be alright man." Tyron hands me a glass of water, looking at me with nothing but understanding .

" Thanks "'i gulp down the glass of water in one go . That makes me realise how thirsty I am so I go for another round until I'm like on my 6th glass and everyone is giving me looks .

" What?" I look from Summer, whose eyes are filled with worry to Cam who's just amused , by what? I don't know. I don't care .

" You should take it easy , we don't want you peeing your pants!"

Before I could come up with a good comeback for Cam's remark . A middle aged doctor walks in the waiting room.

" Lucas Creed's family?" He asks, then we all nod in urgency.  " Well, for now I'm looking for the father , I believe it's Nathan Kevens?" The doctor looks around the room .

" It's me!" I stand up, avoiding everyone's questioning and confused looks.  " That would be me doc ."

" Follow me please ." Then I do , I trail behind the doctor upstairs, to the private recovery rooms .

" Lucas requested to see you, personally ." The doctor motions for me to go ahead .

I enter the room to find Lucas resting by his side with a pillow over his stomach . Curled up into a ball while sobbing silently .

I run to the side of the bed, brush his hair off his tear stained face . " Oh baby, what's wrong?"

" Oh Nathan!" Lucas cries out, meeting my eyes with the most pained eyes " I ..I don't know what happened . One minute he was okay then the next he was no longer crying, the nurses were around him . I couldn't see him . I couldn't even touch him before they took him away . "

" Hey now, shhhhh . It's okay . I'm sure everything is okay" I gently wipe my thumb over his cheek " We have a little boy, our little boy baby ." I coo softly .

" Yes we do ." Lucas laughs softly in the midst of his crying, his eyes lighting up instantly .

" You did a great job, I'm so proud of you baby ." I place a small kiss on his forehead. " I love you so much baby "I voice out, my voice cracking a little . I'm so happy and relieved that Lucas is alright . I was worried sick .

" I love you too" He places his hand over my cheek too. We stare at each other in the eyes like that for a while, and I don't know how this is possible, but every time we do this, I always get lost in his beautiful eyes

A few moments later, a nurse walks in the room with a clipboard in her hands . She's still in her scrubs and she has a bright smile on her face .

" Gentlemen ." She greets us, nodding my way before she turns to Lucas" You gave birth to a solder Lucas , and that little beautiful soldier is currently in the incubator fighting to be alive . " She beams when Lucas goes into a fit of relieved laughter .   Now that's the good news I wanted to hear!

***

After the nurse reassured us that the baby is okay . Lucas and I were left alone . And due to the unexpected contractions he had, Lucas packed nothing for him or the baby so I had to do it . I said goodbye to him , and promised him that I will be back tomorrow morning .

At first he was a little opposed to the idea, since he was too scared that something might happen while I'm away . I had to reassure him a lot until he finally allowed me to go .

Now I'm walking in the dead silent house , everybody left after the doctor told them that Lucas and the baby are alright . And they should come tomorrow to see him .

I walk up the stairs, every step feeling like a struggle . I'm so tired, I need a long shower and a nice sleep for tomorrow . I need to be there for Lucas throughout this whole process . I hate that I wasn't part of the whole process before the baby was born, it's time to make it up for all the time I lost .

I enter my bedroom to find Joshua already waiting for me . He's in his pyjamas, sitting by the balcony .

" Josh?" I glance over him , plopping down on the foot of my bed . Pulling off my shoes .

" How is he doing? " Josh turns to me.  I wriggle my toes a little, I have been wearing sneakers the whole day, you can imagine how my feet and toes feel like .

" He's okay, though the baby is in the incubator, gonna be like that for a while "

" Oh is he gonna be all right?"

" According to the doctor, he's alright . He's a fighter.  We almost lost him but he ... he fought to be alive ." I whisper, trying not to think how painful it would have been if we lost the baby, especially for Lucas .

" That's good, he must have gotten all the fight from his dad, Lucas ." Josh says but sounds a bit upset.

" Are you okay? " I glance over his hard face . " Does this have to do with me being the father?" And immediately, his whole face goes vivid red .

" Why did you hide something like this from me? Why do you always fuck every goddam person that comes in my life?"

" It wasn't really my intention . I didn't know who he was the night we met at Wylder's house.  It just happened, I know I promised you that-"

" So you are that one nightstand asshole that didn't know what a fucking condom is?" He scoffs .

" Like I said, it just happened ." I say in a steady tone . Trying not to show how upset I am by his hurtful words .

" Honestly, I get why Lucas wanted to keep such a secret from all of us . I wouldn't be so proud either to be impregnated by you!"

" Whoa, first of all, that wasn't the reason Lucas didn't tell all of you and secondly, I'm not that bad of a person . I have done pretty messed up shit, like fuck every friend you ever brought home but I'm not that kind of a person anymore ."

" Mom would say otherwise . How many times have you told her that you have changed, only to go back to your old destructive nature? "

" This is different, I promise you that ." I state, it feels different too . I have changed . I know I have , I can feel it . " I'm never going back to being that kind of a person, never . " I murmur, my voice breaking a little from all the emotions building up inside me .

" I will believe it when I see it . Lucas deserves the world, and as his best friend and brother, I will make sure he gets that . Even if it means getting rid of you in his life!"

Joshua walks out of the room . I run my hands through my hair, trying hard not to act on the urge to pull on it . My thoughts and emotions are all over the place . I'm so scared, scared that I might mess again . Scared that I might be the worst father to the baby and a partner to Lucas . I'm so friggin scared of everything . All of my life, all I have done was fuck things up . Even if it feels different right now, will it be that way forever? Would walking away now make Lucas and the baby's lives better? What if Josh is right? What if I go back to my old ways again?.

***

The following morning, I woke up earlier than I thought, the reason is that, I couldn't sleep . I kept turning and tossing thinking about the conversation with Joshua . He got in my head . I guess I need to talk to him again . Clear things up, and perhaps he will see that I'm serious about all of this .

After a quick shower, I throw on some clothes and take the longest walk of my life to the kitchen for a quick breakfast . I'm dropping by Lucas's apartment for all the baby stuff and his stuff too, like a change of clothes and everything .

I find everyone awake, chatting away in the kitchen as they eat breakfast around the kitchen counter . I'm not surprised to see my mom and Elizabeth absent . That woman is shielding Elizabeth away from me, it's like I have some contagious disease or something . Or maybe she's just scared that I might tell Elizabeth about Lucas . I mean, I would . Elizabeth deserves to know where his brother is and how's he doing .

" Good morning everyone. " I address . Summer is the only one to return my warm greeting . As for my father and Joshua, they pretend as if they don't hear me .

Too bad I don't really care much about their sulking faces . I grab a toast and put some Jam on it , even pour myself a cup of coffee .

" Have you and Lucas decided on a name yet?" Summer asks from across the counter .

" Not yet." I answer her, shoving down the toast in my mouth with a long gulp of the coffee in hand .

" Slow down, you might choke yourself there. "

"I gotta go" I take another gulp of coffee . Summer nods with understanding .

" You know, you and Lucas deserve each other . I just feel sorry for the baby ." James says out of nowhere .

" Okay"' Even though his words touched something inside me, I'm not in the mood to argue with someone who doesn't know one thing about raising kids . My mom raised all of us while he was too busy building a future full of secrets .

***