068

I lost track of the time I spent inside that room. If it weren't for the sun and moon changing places to indicate that another day had gone by, I would totally have no idea as to how long I was locked inside.

Other than the driver who checked in on me every meal to bring food, no one ever really talked to me. I was pushed to the edge of my sanity with the unavailability of anyone to talk to, or let alone get out of the room that seemed like an asylum in my eyes.

The pictures of New that I took were the only things that kept me from going crazy, but every single time I look at them I was reminded of the person who was waiting for me at the other end of the city. My heart broke at the thought of New going through the tedious task of getting treatments without me by his side. I knew his mom wouldn't leave him, but I also knew his agitation grew bigger as each day passed by without me informing him of my sudden disappearance.

I clenched my fist in frustration the moment I remembered my fight with my dad. I should have known with the way he talked on the phone that something wasn't right.

If only I could get out of this hellish room.

I stood up and walked to my balcony to see if there was anybody guarding the house from outside. There was no one.

How many bones will I break if I jump from here?

The height did not seem very altitudinous for me to have a serious injury, and I was certain I would be safe if I jumped correctly, but the place where I'd land was directly in front of the house's living area; If I were unlucky enough, I'd land right in front of my dad.

I could just make a run for the gate and escape immediately.

I went back inside my room and filled my bag with clothes, and changed into a clothing that would protect me from the fall.

Although I acted bravely and thought of things through with a mind full of will, I was actually scared of the jump. I may be a delinquent, but I had never tried jumping off of my room just to escape. It was my first time, I had all the right to be scared. But I knew somewhere outside of the house, someone was waiting for me, and if I didn't make the jump, I would end up regretting it.

I took a deep breath, and maybe said a few prayers, and readied myself as I hinged my foot on the rails of the balcony.

Was it really this high?

Maybe the fright got into me that the height suddenly looked very high, but I knew I had to do it. My hands were getting shaky and wet from the tension, and I felt like I would slip because of the tremble.

But just when I was to jump off the rail, the door swung open and came in my step mom.

"Tawan?", She called out from the entrance of the room.

I was still on the rail ready to jump any minute, but she didn't seem to notice me at all. I peeped in a little more and noticed that she was carrying with her a plate of pizza and a glass of coke. It looked appetizing, and my stomach growled in agreement.

For the past days I was fed with nothing but dull meals, and seeing her with a plate of pizza in her hand made my mouth dry. I could really use that cold drink.

She stepped in completely and toured around the room, still unaware that I was on the balcony. I was debating whether or not to take the jump, but somehow I thought of withdrawing from my plan and ultimately backed down.

"Oh, there you are. I thought you were at the comfort room.", She said as she gave me a warm smile.

Looking at her that time, I felt...okay. We never really got the chance to talk ever since she and my dad wedded, so I just developed this negative impression on her without any ground. After all, she got married to my father just weeks after my mom passed away, so you couldn't really blame me.

She was a few years younger than my dad, five at most I presumed. She had a fair complexion, and had a good physique even with her old age. And maybe it was because my judgments were clouded by my baseless prejudice towards her, but she actually gave off an aura that very much resembled my mom. Her smile, the way she calmly talked, and even her eyes.

"I really didn't like the food they cooked here because they were all greens, so I secretly ordered a box of pizza. I left some for you to eat, I know you didn't like the food they gave you.", She said as she placed the tray of food on the bedside table.

Almost immediately dived into the food the moment she placed the tray on the table. I did not mind if I looked like a kid in front of her, though I could've sworn I saw her chuckle the moment I ate, but filling my appetite was the only thing that I thought.

"You're thinking of sneaking out, are you not?"

I almost choked on the piece of bread in my mouth when I heard her say it. Quickly, my stepmom handed me the glass of cola to push down the food on my throat.

"Are you okay?", She said as she brushed my back. I remember wincing the moment she put her hand on my back, causing her to withdraw from her action. It was not because I did not want her to do it, but because it was the first time she did it and it felt weird to me having her take care of me.

I ate silently after that and she remained the same, the two of us just staring outside the windows as the moon illuminated the city from outside. When I finished my food, I stood up and readied myself to continue my plan.

Though I was a bit fazed that she came to visit me, I was not shaken off by the fact that after that moment, I'd be left alone again inside the room. I had to go no matter what.

"I'm taking off now. You can tell it to dad if you want, I don't care. I won't be back anyway.", I said as I picked up my backpack on the floor and walked to the balcony.

"He loved your mom, you know. And until now, he still loves her."

I stopped midway my tracks after hearing her.

"When she died, your father was depressed. He blamed himself for not showing her how he loved her, and how he failed to be a father to you. Even when we got married, he continued talking about your mother. It was then that I knew, she would never be replaced in his heart."

I didn't turn back as I was unsure if she was only saying that to keep me from going, but somehow it felt like what she said was true.

"He had to keep going so he could give you the life he promised your mom before she passed, and with that came the consequence of losing in touch with you as his father. He was out on business trips for almost the whole year, but every time he's out, he never failed to check in on you through his people. You may not feel it right now, but he never felt ill towards you."

Why should I believe you?

I had no reason to believe every word she said especially when my dad blatantly displayed his hate on me just days ago for being gay. It was a hard pill to swallow that he cared for me in the whole time that I suffered alone, and it did not help that he kept me locked inside my room for something he found wrong.

Refusing to turn around, I clenched my fist in anger.

"I'm not forcing you to understand him, as I know you're still brimming with anger with how things turned out between the two of you, but I hope that after you step out of this household, you'll find peace in your heart and eventually accept us. It won't matter how long, we will wait for the time until you are ready to forgive us. I'm really sorry, Tawan.", She said. I heard her voice break as she apologized to me, and it made me flinch for a moment. Even if I hated her for a reason I don't understand, I couldn't bear to make her cry because of me.

She then unclenched my fist and slid something into my hand. When I looked at it, it was the key to my motorbike and a rolled cash.

"You don't have to jump out there, you can come down. Your father's asleep in his room. I'll take care of everything else."

I didn't want to trust her, but I still went out of my room and took the less dangerous path. She was right behind me as I stepped down, and just as what she said, the living room was indeed empty.

I unlocked the door and stepped out of the house, making my way to my motorbike.

"Tawan?", she called out from the door.

"You look good together, I hope everything goes well with your relationship."

This time, after being silent for the entirety of our conversation, I replied with a smile.

I still had a lot of things to understand between the three of us, and that smile was the only thing I could offer her, but she seemed to understand my gesture well.

As I looked into the wholeness of the moon, I turned the ignition on and drove off.

"Wait for me, love."