34. Plans, plots and failures

I wish it is not that hard to say goodbye to you, I wish I can tell you that I don't need you, but... - Alexandra.

34. Plans, plots and failures

(Logan)

It was two weeks since the lunch at his parents' and Logan couldn't stop thinking about what Chad had asked him.

Would she say yes if he asked her out?

Shit.

Sometimes he just wanted to forget everything and go back to living his life as he had been living for so long, but it was impossible to do that. Alex had changed everything about his life, every dynamic and now that she was gone, it showed. He could see her puttering around in his kitchen, see her watering the bushes, see her bending over the oven and it was getting g harder and harder to not think about her. He tried.

At nights, when his skin was cold and heart was lonely, he could still see her in his bed, naked and flushed, beautiful and breathtaking and he could feel her all over him and it would bring him the kind of ache only she could relieve.

Everything looked and felt so wrong now that she was gone and he didn't know, he didn't want to know if he could survive another decade without her.

So why is this not enough for her?

Why did she had to have love? He could easily give her everything, in fact, more than any man who would love her would give her. But she wanted love. Why was that so, so necessary? It wasn't a necessity.

What they had, it was special in its own right.

"Logan, earth to Logan."

Logan was startled awake. He looked up to see Daniel leaning against the wall.

"When did you come?" He asked and Daniel shrugged.

"About five minutes ago. Were you planning world dominion or just planning how to conquer Alex back?"

"Neither."

"So are you ready to party? And how old is Ethan Borne? A hundred and ten?" Daniel asked with a frown. "Do we really need to go?"

"Of course we are going. Mr. Borne is only seventy, and still one of the most prominent business magnate in the country. He started off from nothing, and he went to such unimaginable heights. He is my role model. Oh, and also, I need to find some new business." Logan said as he adjusted his tie. "And need to cut some old contractors off without offending them. This is the only way I can do both of that."

"And of course, talk to Mr. Borne."

"And of course. He was one of the few who gave me the first chance I so desperately needed. He was also one of the very few who gave me the push in the right direction."

"The other one was Alex's dad, huh? Don't you ever wonder? It almost feels like a destiny, the connection and coincidences between you and her and yet here you two are, moving in your own direction."

"Is she really moving on?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. She loved me and then didn't and it is just so-"

"Man, I can't believe you and your stupid narcissism."

"I am not a narcissist."

"Then don't behave like one. You should be happy that she is trying to be happy. But here you are, being a lousy friend, who didn't want his friend to be happy, who wishes she is rather hurting. This is just- you know what, I don't want to talk about that anymore. Lets leave." Dan stormed out and Logan stared at his friend before he stood up and grabbed the gift he had packed for Mr. Borne.

He got in his car and Dan got in his with a curt nod. Logan didn't know what to say to Daniel's accusations, because it was the same ones he kept accusing himself of.

Why am I so selfish? I told her I would be happy for her, would be her friend even if she found someone. Now that she has found someone, why can't I be happy?

Because-

He stopped the car and handed the key to the valet before he walked inside the party Hall. It was lavish and decorated with golden balloons and golden lights. Chandeliers hung from the top, the light a little too bright on the eyes. Gentle violin music filled the whole Hall, as the violinist sat in one corner, making beautiful music.

There were women dressed in ornate and elegant and pricey dresses, men dressed in equally pricey suits that almost looked the same, but Logan could see the way they were cut, they way they fit, and he knew why they were costly. It was as much about the material and brand as it was about the way it would make you feel-- like you are invincible, like you can stand amid the wolves from the business background and still feel tall and confident.

He walked in greeted friends, chatted with some chatty women who wanted to know about his wife with the secret smile, and he knew they had seen the pictures. And wanted gossip.

But strangely he didn't feel angry or mad at Alex because she was the one who put him in the situation. He didn't feel angry that she had spoilt his reputation. He just felt like he was surrounded in vacuum. An empty, empty vacuum.

He finally found Ethan and handed him the gift and Ethan smiled at him as he shook his hand. "You are going to go big places, Logan. I can see it." He said with a nod. "And that is my son, talk with him when you have time. He has new business proposals and you and he will be a good fit."

"I will do that, Ethan. So how are you?" When someone else cut in to talk with Ethan, Logan discreetly moved away with a nod to the man and was instantly stopped by someone grabbing him by his arms.

"Hey, Logan, I must say, good riddance." It was Pamela.

He grunted.

He didn't know why he was ever friends with Pam. After Alex, he could see how wrong she was, how wrong she treated people beneath her. Without Alex, he would have never seen it, never would have seen the hungry glint in her eyes when she noticed people flaunting their money, never would have noticed the way her eyes shrunk in disdain when she met someone who was beneath her station.

Without Alex, you wouldn't even have become human. And there she is.

He looked up almost instantly. He knew the moment she walked in. It was as if he gave a new meaning, new scent to the scene.

She was wearing a pink chiffon gown that hugged her body and fell down in waves down her knees. Her cheeks were flushed the same pink from the cold --or maybe it is from laughing so hard with the guy next to her-- and she looked radiant. Magnificent.

His fingers itched to touch her, his lips tingled.

She did not even see him, though. She was busy talking with Eliza and Chad.

He loved seeing her, but he almost wished she hadn't come. Or at least hadn't come with Chad.

He walked up to them, ignoring Pamela's shrieks of protest and Alex finally looked up from Chad, her eyes shining and her lips still wide with laughter from whatever Chad was telling her.

"Hey Logan. How are you?" She asked as if he was some stranger or something.

He grinded his teeth together before giving her a shallow smile. "Good. And you?"

"Very good. I found an apartment." She told Logan. "It is a nice apartment."

An apartment. So she isn't ever planning to come back to our house. He thought with a scowl.

"No, I found you an apartment." Chad said with a smile and Logan growled under his breath.

"Won't you just shut up about it? It is not like you own the building or you bought the apartment for me. So, Chad..." Alex poked her tongue out and Logan wanted to push that tongue back inside her cherry painted lips. He could smell the familiar lip gloss on her lips. And could see how her cupid bow pushed against her lips looked delicious and he didn't like the fact that Chad was looking, as well.

"But I was the one who gave you the tip about it when it become vacant."

"Because it is opposite to yours, silly." She said to Chad and Chad grinned at her.

Logan's body went rigid.

*

**

(Alexandra)

Alex didn't know why, but there was something in her gut, some disturbing feeling. Her tongue felt like a thousand bitter lemons.

She shrugged the feeling off as she looked at the guy in front of her. I miss you. She thought.

He had been silent the whole conversation between her and Chad, but she could see the flash of anger in his eyes. And the stubborn press of his lips. If she could just lean in and press her lips against his...

Eliza would murder you.

She smiled and shook her head. "Excuse me, guys." She said as she walked to the restroom and fiddled with her purse for a moment then before she walked back out.

She was stopped by a familiar face. Alex sighed. She did not have the strength to deal with Stacie Weston.

"What do you want, Stacie?" Alex asked with a frown.

"Nothing much. I am bored and I saw you."

"I am very happy that you found me interesting enough to come and stop by, Stacie, but-"

"I heard that you and Logan are not together anymore or something like that?" Stacie narrowed her eyes. "And you two were still talking?"

"Yes, we aren't together, and we are friends and-"

"Bullshit. So, you and Logan, what happened to you, other than Leo kissing you?"

"It just didn't work out. I thought you would be jumping in joy or whatever." Alex grunted and Stacie chuckled.

"I- I don't know. I just don't feel like it. I mean, now that you are not in the rat race, I don't feel like competing." Stacie shrugged and Alex frowned at the woman in front of her. Beautiful. Aloof. And totally wrong in the head.

"You are one sick person." Alex said as she took a bite of those finger sized sandwiches, that didn't seem to fill her up no matter how much she stuffed inside her mouth.

"I am not, I am just different." Stacie grinned, showing all her teeth.

"Difficult. And don't smile like that, it is creepy. Sharky." Alex scowled before she pointed to the woman now hanging on Logan's shoulder. "What about her? Why don't you compete with her in whatever rat race you are talking about?"

"What about her!? Gah. I don't consider her worthy enough to be my competition, nor do I want to waste my time or energy competing with her." Stacie said as she wrinkled her nose at Pamela.

"That strangely seems like a compliment for me." Alex chuckled.

"You know, if it is not for all those messy business of my dad stealing your dad's and the lawsuits and Logan, we would have at least been a good acquaintances. You are witty, funny and I don't know, there is something in you that remind me of someone I had known and-" Stacie shrugged her shoulders with an abashed smile, as if she had just realized that she had said too much. "I think I am drunk."

"Oh, that excuse. Did it work? Ever?" Alex asked with a smile. She had never seen eye to eye with Stacie, but the woman was intriguing when she wasn't being a bitch. And okay to talk to when she wasn't threatening about stealing Logan or kissing him.

"Sometimes." Stacie gave a dainty shrug.

"Not working now. So tell me, as we are talking about feelings and all, why did your feelings for Logan suddenly disappear? Because he is available again? You even kissed him that other night." Alex said accusingly.

"Nah, because I can clearly see the way he is looking at you right now and I don't know why you both separated, but I think you two are the dumbest people I have seen." She said before giving Alex a smirk. "Ah, and the kiss, I saw you walking towards us and I was strangely feeling evil that night, so..."

"Are you right in the head? You felt evil and so you kissed my husband!" Alex said with a frown and Stacie rolled her eyes.

"My head is good. Now, just because I am not an angel doesn't make me a psycho."

"Yeah, whatever you say. No psycho ever did agree that to someone else. So, did it work out with Fabien?" Alex asked.

"Fabien is an ass and his arrogance is something I can only take in small doses. I have said my good byes to him. I think I will be better off without him."

"He is Logan's friend. I don't suppose he will be that--"

"Have you seen Logan? Fabien is only the second most arrogant man I have ever known. First is your husband."

"No, Logan isn't arrogant. He is just so sure of himself, confident, but he is also kind and funny and-"

"Logan, funny? Are we talking about the same guy? Tall, handsome, brooding grey eyes and lips that always stayed stuck in a frown? That guy?"

"Yes, we are also talking about that guy who is so ready to smile at your silly jokes, the guy who gets you your dream job, the guy who tries to cook for you when you are sick, the guy who cares enough to fight for your father's company, the guy who--"

"Apparently Logan had a personality transplant. And this is why, this is exactly why I am not in the rat race anymore. The Logan you described, he was never that way with me. If he had, do you think I would have said No? I wouldn't have, not even for a big career, because I would have trusted him to help me out with my passion. Like he did with you." Stacie shook her head and her shiny blonde her did this bouncy thing before it settled.

"But it feels like it is all over." Alex said with a sad smile.

"Or is it?" Stacie said. "Don't look now, but he is talking with that woman, but his eyes are on you. Always on you. Or maybe it is on me. I mean, I am still beautiful. So..."

"Woman! You are a very tiresome woman." Alex said as she turned and she could clearly see Logan turning away, all too suddenly.

Or is it, Alex thought with a smile as she waved at Chad and walked over to him.

***

(Logan)

Logan saw Alex walking away from Stacie and joining Chad. He gritted his teeth as he saw them talking and laughing.

After a while, Chad was busy talking with a man and Alex said something to Chad before she walked away and Logan followed her. He found her standing in the balcony, staring at the half hung moon. She looked like a marble statue, so beautiful in the moonlight.

The vines creeping around the balcony were braided with violet flowers and it all smelled so, so romantic. And exotic. Like Alex. The ache in his body intensified.

"Lex." His voice came out hoarse. Needy.

"Hey, Logan, what's up?"

"Don't talk to me like you would talk to some casual acquaintance or something."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I am talking about!"

"Okay, I know. But you are the one who wanted to be my friend and-"

"I want to kiss you." He hadn't planned to blurt it out, but it just came out.

"No. If you want to be friends, we need to be-"

"We need to be just friends. I know. You told me. But maybe-"

"Maybe what?" Her green eyes were so intense on him and he gulped.

"I mean, Lex, I-I can-I-"

"You can what? You what?"

He didn't answer. He couldn't answer. He just leaned close and pressed his lips against hers and it felt like home. Like he has finally arrived, after wandering in the wilderness for so long.

But then she was pulling away and he didn't want to let go, but he did.

She didn't say anything. She gave him a small smile. "You can what, Logan? You didn't answer me."

"I don't know."

"Find me when you knew." She said before she walked away. He followed her and was instantly stopped by Pamela.

It almost felt like Pam was stalking him or something. What the hell?

"Is that Alexandra? Who is the guy she is with? You haven't still divorced and she is already dating someone, and he is not Leo. So... "

The woman was talking his ear off and Logan almost wanted to pluck his hair or punch her. If she wasn't a woman, he would have.

If Pamela's father hadn't been one of his oldest business connection, Logan would have said something rude and walked away.

"Excuse me, I need to go. I see my sister-"

"Oh, how is Eliza, or is that Emma?" Pamela giggled and Logan wondered what the joke was.

"Eliza. See you." Not.

He followed his sister and saw her going inside a room. He was going to follow her inside, and that was when he heard another voice.

He stopped.

Chad.

And then he heard another voice.

Alex.

What were they doing here? Like having a secret meeting or something?

"Did you see him? He is certainly jealous." It was Eliza.

Were they talking about him?

"Man, I don't want to lose my teeth or my nose. I want to go back to my dolphins intact."

"Your dolphins won't care." Alex said. "He kissed me, you know."

"Again?"

"Again." Alex's voice was satisfied. Logan fisted his palms.

"He is getting antsy, and he wants you back. He just doesn't know how to beg you to come back. That guy is proud."

"I don't need him to beg. I just need him to admit that he loves me." It was Alex.

Logan's heart was pounding. His palms were sweaty and the nerve in his forehead throbbed.

Plans. Plots. Ploys.

To manipulate me into doing something I didn't want to do?

But you did want to do all that. You wanted to kiss her, you wanted to-

Because she to me.

He walked in. Eliza gaped. Chad gulped and Alex looked like she wanted to flee. Her once pink face was now pallid.

"Logan, this is-"

"Not now, Eliza. Can you give us some privacy?" His voice was cold. Even he could hear it. His heart clenched.

"It is not Alex's fault, I mean, we are-"

"I said not now. Get out." He gritted out and Eliza muttered sorry to Alex, but she didn't leave.

Loyalty. Logan thought with bitterness. Where is her loyalty to me, her own brother?

"Go, I will be fine." Alex said and Eliza nodded. She then looked at Logan, her eyes pleading.

"Don't do anything you will regret later, Logan. Please. I beg of you."

"I asked you to get out." He said coldly and she flinched before she nodded.

"It is our fault." Eliza tried again.

"I didn't ask you anything. Go. You, too." He pointed the door and Chad hesitated and Alex gave him a surreptitious nod. He gave one back before he walked out.

"So he is a tool, huh? To manipulate me into doing what I didn't want? To force me in to loving you?"

"Force you to love me? You make it sound so dirty, like-"

"It is dirty. What you were doing was dirty. Manipulation. Tricks. Games. Flirting with other men to trick me. I thought you were different, that you were straightforward and honest, but here you are. Just as good as a player." He smile.

"Please. I didn't want to-"

"But Eliza and Emma forced you to? Huh? You think you can hide behind them and-"

"I am not going to hide behind them. I know what I was doing. I also felt bad doing it, but I have to-"

"Because what, you can't take no for an answer, huh? You accused me of that, often, but at least when Stacie said no, I didn't manipulate her into-"

"Yeah, you just got a new toy. Me. I know."

"I can't even look at you now, you -you make me so angry I feel like I will-"

"Do you want to punch me, Logan? You can do that, but realize one thing. I did all this shit to make you see Logan. To make you see what you can not see." Her eyes were wide, fragile and he avoided looking at them. He was afraid that he would give in if he stared any longer.

He couldn't, he wouldn't let another woman manipulate him. Or break him. Or lie to him.

"I can not see because it is not there. It was never there. You lied to me, you played me, to make see something that isn't even there. So how does it feel?"

"So, for the second time, you are telling me you don't love me?" Her voice had lost its strength and she looked like a wounded deer. "Is that what you are telling me?"

He didn't say anything. He was too angry to say anything. He nodded.

"I didn't want to lie to you or play games. I was ready to give up, to get away, to say goodbye, but then Eliza and Emma said-"

"You are not going to blame them." He gritted his teeth.

"I am not. I am blaming myself. Because I stayed when they told me that you are actually in love with me. I wanted, I needed it to be true and so I stayed. I shouldn't have." She said with a sad smile. "I am an idiot. I shouldn't have done so many things."

"You shouldn't have. You are a liar and I don't think I can ever forgive you for this. You played me like a damn puppet and i-I"

"You are more angry that you fell for it, right? That you let me play you like a puppet? But why did you become the puppet, Logan? Why?"

"Because I lust after you and you know what lust can do to a man. Wars were fought for women and their beauty. I became a puppet because you are so fucking good in my bed, because I am still not bored of making love with you, not because I am in love with you."

She chuckled even as she flinched back. She rubbed her chest. Her smile was dry, slowly dying.

"Yeah, okay. I get it."

"And we would have stayed friends had you -"

"Stop. Just stop." She looked fierce as she looked up at him. Like she was fire. Logan swallowed as she waved a hand at him. "You know what, I am done with loving you, Logan. I am tired, so tired of loving you. I don't feel good, I feel like my lungs are frozen and I am suffocating and my heart, my heart has this weird ache that is not going away. My tongue feels dry and my throat is clogged and I feel like I can not breathe properly.

"I was wrong and I am sorry I lied, but I was trying to make you love me, I was desperate enough to try. Pathetic, even. But you are right. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have tried to manipulate you into loving me. That is not right and that is my mistake. So sorry, Logan. But your mistake is, that you are easy enough to be manipulated. Why is that? Why are you angry when I am happy with someone else? Do you think of me as some sort of property? Your belonging?Some prized possession? You should be sorry, too, Logan. You should be."

"Don't try to-"

"If this is how love is supposed to make you feel, then you are right, right about not loving. I am going to follow your example and stop loving." She sounded determined even as fat tears rolled down. She blinked and he could see how hard she tried not to cry.

"Why are you crying?" He spat. Even when he was angry at her, even when he felt like she had betrayed him, her tears did something to him. Her tears made him feel guilty and bothered. It made his heart twist and stomach roll. "I don't believe-"

"You wanted honesty. You did not want me to play games. This is as honest as I can get, Logan. You don't have to believe me, but this is me being honest." She said and looked up with tears in her eyes before she took a step closer and kissed him. "One last time." She said as she kissed him again.

He couldn't pull away. Even when he was angry, even when he was raging mad, he just couldn't and it made him angrier still.

She was the one who pulled back first.

"Goodbye, Logan, I hope I never see you again." She whispered almost to herself as she left. But he heard.

He could taste her tears on his lips for a long time, after she left.

____

Me: You should google the term Love, or maybe we can send you the definition of love. *showing him the comment* It is not lust. It is love, idiot!

Logan: You are all the idiots here.

Me: They have kinda hoped you would come to your senses, you know. They would all be disappointed in you.

Logan: Who are they?

Me: They are much more important than your they. They are my readers. And let me read you some of my favorites...

Logan: I know what they are saying about me. I don't care...

Me: Man up, Logan, stop being a wimp, said florlacanilao and I agree with her. Really! I am so happy Logan is being  tortured. The idiot deserves it, the other wrote and you did deserved that. Do you want me to read more?

Logan: what about this. 'I don't really blame him' *he shows me a comment supporting him.*

Me: Whatever. *rolls my 👀*

___