20. Fake weddings and very real kisses

When I said I do, I almost want it to be real. I almost want you for forever. But I also know I can't ask that of you. - Logan.

~~~

20. Fake weddings and very real kisses

(Logan)

Logan yawned and stretched as he pulled the covers away from him. He had a dazzling smile on his face, which would have even creeped him out of it was any other day as he stared through the windows.

Today is the day. He thought as he walked inside the bathroom, and he strangely felt like belting out a song or something equally insane. He took a quick shower. He couldn't wait to see her.

When he walked inside the kitchen, he was expecting her, but it was empty, so he checked everywhere and the house was empty. Gone. Gone?

Fear gripped his throat as he searched for Alex, everywhere, including the pool house, but she was not anywhere. His stomach was unsettled as he looked for her and then tried to call her, but her phone rang from inside her room.

Did she go away? Run away from him? Did she make a fool out of him?

The thoughts were like violent burst, one after one, and it made him want to scream and punch and kick something.

It felt like a hit. Directly to his heart. He grabbed his head and sat down with a curse.

Where the hell was she?

Through the windows, he could see the beautifully decorated garden with the chairs and the archway, with dangling begonias and leaves. Everything looked beautiful, and ready, except his bride. It seemed like she wasn't ready.

He would be standing here, alone and everyone would be looking at him, their eyes with pity and mockery. And the thought of it burned like acid at the base of his stomach.

His tongue felt like cotton and his heart felt like someone was crushing it and pounding on it. Tap. Tap.

Maybe this is for the best, he thought. It was the wrong move from the beginning. And it was no wonder she was finally realizing how much of a risky, stupid move this was.

But how could she just go away without telling him? How could she do that to him?

If she had just told him...

He closed his eyes and he could remember his mother --Barbara-- walking --sneaking-- out of the door, with a suitcase in her hands. He was just behind the couch, hiding and she didn't see him. He was waiting for her to ask him to come out and go with her to grandma's house, but she didn't. She didn't ask him to. She had walked away and two days later, he heard his friend's mom whispering to someone else about how his mother had ran away with someone who was not Logan's dad and when she had looked at little Logan, her eyes was so full of pity.

"Fucking hell." He threw the vase at the wall and watched with satisfaction as it broke into pieces and rained down the carpet with a clink.

"How could you, Alex?" He whispered as he closed his eyes.

"How could I, what? And what the hell are you doing? Is this the time to break things?" The voice. God. .

His eyes snapped open and he drank the sight of her in front of him. His whole body felt languid.

"You are here." He lurched up from the couch and walked to her, his steps hurried. She shook her head with a frown as he grabbed her face in his hands.

"What the heck, Logan? Of course I am here. Now care to explain what this poor vase did to you?" She looked angry. She looked beautiful. She was here. She wasn't leaving him.

He pulled her into a hug. "I thought you decided not to go with this and -"

"If I decide against it, I won't be sneaking out without telling you. You will be the first one to know that, okay. But, I haven't decided to stop being stupid. Yet. Now, are you going to clean that up?" She looked at him, eyes narrowed and he nodded.

"Yes."

"Go ahead, clean it. I am going to make you something to eat. I think hunger makes you do stupid stuff. "

It is not hunger. It is you. You make me do stupid stuff.

He didn't say anything. He just shrugged and started cleaning the mess.

She walked back to the kitchen, muttering something under her breath and he smiled to himself as he picked the pieces and put it in the dustpan.

"Shit." He shouted when a small piece slashed his finger. It stung like hell.

"What now? Oh my God, you idiot. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What? It is not like I purposely cut my fingers." He said as he pressed his finger against his shirt.

"What kind of idiot is not careful while picking up glass pieces he shattered?"

"If you are done lecturing me, can I get back to it?" He asked and she furrowed her brows and glowered.

"Get back to what?" She put her hands on her hips and looked down at him. For a shorty, she sure did act so tall.

"Cleaning this mess." He said in a matter-of-fact voice and her eyes went dark.

"No way in hell. Do not provoke me, Logan. Get up, you idiot."

"Stop calling me idiot, Alexandra." He said, feeling vexed. It wasn't like he was dying. It was just a small cut.

"Why, you are an idiot. So... Up you go and let me take a look at that wound. God, it is bleeding too much."

"Not. It is not." He said as he pressed it further in his shirt. She was coddling him like he was five year old or something.

"Are you going to get up or am I dragging you all the way to your damn room?" Her nostrils flared and she really did look angry.

"I really want to see you try, midget, but.. Since I am a gentleman, I am not making you drag me all the way." He said.

"Gentleman. All right." She scoffed as he stood up. She grabbed his finger and stared at it for what felt like hours before she let it go with a wince.

"What? I am. Stop being so annoying."

"You are the one who is annoying." She said as they walked to his room. She pulled the first aid box from the bathroom cabinet and sat next to him as she carefully wiped the blood away. Gently, slowly. Her eyes were narrowed as she concentrated on the cut like she was performing some major surgery or something and it made him chuckle.

She looked up and shook her head. "What? What is so funny about you cutting your damn finger?"

"Nothing." He raised one hand in surrender.

After she finished cleaning it, and pampering him, he sighed. "It is just a small cut, Alex. It is not like I am dying."

"Shut up." She looked peeved. "Don't."

"Sorry." He whispered and she looked rattled. "It was the wrong thing to say." He said, his voice comforting and she gave him a wobbly smile.

"It is."

She gave him a look that made his heart clench and throat close and body tremble.

It was disconcerting, that look.

What is that about? He thought to himself as she made circles on his palm with her soft, soft fingers. Even that small touch made his body tingle. It was so strange that she could affect him like that. He had never let any woman affect him like that, and he didn't want to let her do that, too, but he didn't have a choice when it came to her. He never had a choice.

Her hand was so small in his, and he liked how warm it felt. It made him want to protect her, always.

From the likes of you?

I won't ever do anything to hurt her.

Won't you? It was his voice, and it was doubtful.

But he would never do anything intentionally. Unintentionally, though, that was... He didn't know.

"Does it hurt?" She looked at him, her eyes soft and tender. It wasn't the look he had ever got from any woman, except his mom.

When Beth first came home, she would sit with him all through the night and he would refuse to talk to the woman who was sisters with someone who hurt them all. But then when he stopped being so angry, he started being so sad, and Beth would caress his head and gave him this exact same look. One full of understanding, and affection and--

His heart hammered as his brain shut down. Everything tilted in its axis and he felt dizzy.

No. No.

Alex doesn't love me.

She didn't. It was just his imagination. He imagined that look on her eyes. He did.

Maybe it was kindness. Fondness, yes. Not love. Not.

He blinked and looked at her eyes, fearing what he would see there, but her eyes were normal. With a little bit of warmth, yes, but nothing else.

It was his overactive imagination.

"A little." He whispered.

She pulled his hand up and pressed her lips against the back of his finger, her eyes still on him, making him light-headed and warm.

"Kissing it better." She chuckled as she ruffled his hair before she stood up. "Come on, let us make you something to eat.".

"Five minutes. I will be right there."

She stood up and nodded, leaving him to his bewildering thoughts.

Did I imagine it? Or did I see that?

"Yes. Yes. I must have. There is no way she is in-- in"

Why are you so afraid even to just say the word?!

"Love." He said as he walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face.

It was just a trick of his eyes and the morning light and his hunger. It was the mix of all. Nothing else.

He dried his face before he walked to the kitchen, where she was ready with warm pancakes and cream and maple syrup.

"What if I can't stuff myself inside my suit?"

"It is okay. I will marry you even if you aren't wearing your suit."

"Are you saying naked?"

"When the hell did I say that?" She gave him an indignant look and he laughed and she joined as they sat down and started eating.

~~~

Wedding scene.

~~~

(Alexandra)

Emma pinned Alex' hair back as Eliza watched her like a hawk. "Good." She said after she adjusted the curls for what felt like the millionth time.

"Stop." Emma scowled at her twin. "I know what I am doing, El."

"I just want everything to be perfect for her."

"It is. Thanks you two." Alex smiled. They had stopped being Logan's sisters and had actually became her friends.

"Hey girls." Bethany walked inside the room with a small smile. "Oh my God, you look so beautiful."

"Thank you." Alex smiled shyly up at her.

"My baby boy is so lucky." She said as she handed a box to Alex. "Here. For something old."

She handed Alex a small pin. It had a pearl on the side and small stones along the body. "This was my grandma's. Pin it on your hair."

"Oh, it is so beautiful. Thank you." Alex said as Emma pinned it on the side.

"You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Except me, of course." Eliza giggled and Alex shook her head.

"I feel like my leg is going to give up -I- i want to puke and cry and--" Alex whispered as she looked at herself in the mirror. As Eliza said, she did look beautiful. But her heart was like a furious drum and her intestines were tying in on itself and she felt faint.

God, I am really doing this, aren't I?

It seems so.

"It is alright, Alex. That is how exactly you are supposed to feel when you are going to marry the man you love, the man who is yours." Beth said as she squeezed Alex's shoulder.

I love him, yes, but he is not mine, is he?

"I want to seen him." Alex whispered. She wanted to see him, to make herself believe that this wasn't such a terrible mistake. Somehow she was sure that this would all go away if she just saw him for one last time. She hadn't seen him for almost three hours and the doubt was starting to creep in, slowly, steadily.

She nervously placed her palms on her stomach over her dress. It was a beautiful dress, and everything was beautiful, except this marriage was a sham.

They were lying to everyone. These two women who was trying their best to make this day perfect, Alex was lying to them and so was Logan. How could they?

The thought of the contract in the back of her closet made her wince when Emma opened the door and picked out the bouquet.

"You can see him in twenty minutes. Please, Alex, it is alright." Emma said. "We are right here."

"Smile, babe." Eliza said and Alex sat down when her legs started to tremble.

"Oh my God, if I faint and you have to call an ambulance, please tell Logan I said sorry." She whispered as she wiped her sweaty palms on the bedcover.

"Oh, come on." Emma chuckled. "Hey, it is your phone." She handed the phone to Alex. "Is that Logan?"

"No, it is unknown." Alex frowned as she pressed answer.

"Babe, you are getting married and I am so sorry, so so sorry I can not come and be with you."

"S-stells? Is that you?"

"Oh my God, I missed hearing your voice. God, I have called you for a thousand times and it said not available."

"I lost my number. So how did you find this number?"

"Your hubby called me, you know. I didn't know how he found us, but he did. How are you, baby?"

There was a big lump in Alex's throat and she couldn't speak. "Hon, you alright?" Emma asked and Alex shook her head and gave her a watery smile.

"Who is that?" Stella asked. "God, I wish I am there with you."

"It is Emma, Logan's sister and I am fine. God, I have so much to say to you... I want to-"

Emma and Eliza and Beth walked out. "Call us when you need us." Em said before she closed the door, giving her the privacy to talk with her best friend.

The last time Alex talked with Stella was after her dad died. Stella wanted to come back, but Alex had said no. After that, they hadn't talked for almost three months. Stella didn't know about her losing everything. It all happened after she went away with her husband as a part honeymoon, part business tour.

"I am so jealous right now. It is like one hell of a bad luck. I miss you and -- Adam and I, we are stuck in the Switzerland airport."

"Airport?"

"Your Logan booked tickets for me and Adam, you know, to come to your wedding. God, I was so excited to see you, but I am stuck here in the snow storm. It is chaotic in here."

"He booked you a ticket." Alex whispered as she wiped her cheeks. She couldn't stop crying. She was going to mess up everything Eliza and Emma had done.

"It was a surprise gift for you."

"And what a gift it is." Alex said as she stood up.

Even though Stella was not coming, it still meant Logan tried so hard. He cared enough to find her friend, who was her only family, right now. It meant the world to her.

"God, I really wish you are here. I have no one who is mine. I wish my dad is here, too." Even as she said it, she knew. If her dad was here, she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't have met Logan or agreed to this outrageous ploy. So...

"You have Logan, honey. You know, he did this for you. It is one hella gesture, from your hubby, babe. You are lucky. Not everyone would have thought of this, thought to find me for you."

"Yes."

But he did. He did it for her. And the fear, the panic she felt a moment ago --and the guilt-- evaporated as she said bye to her best friend and hung up.

Alex would do anything for him, and if he wanted her to lie, she would.

She dialled Logan's number. She wanted so bad to say I love you to him, but no, she would not.

"Hey." He said.

"If you are here, I would kiss you until you can't see straight."

"Whoa! Slow down. What happened to friends and not kissing and having boundaries?" He chuckled.

"That still stands, and this was an one time only offer." She smiled and he laughed. "I got a call from Stella."

"Oh." He said. "She is coming, right?"

"No. There was a snow storm, and they are stuck in the airport. That was why she called me. But thank you, Logan. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Uhm, you are welcome, Lex and hey, if the offer still stands, I can sneak in."

"Nah. It expired." She said and he groaned.

"That is so unfair. You are the one who called me and made me feel all hot and bothered-"

"Are you? Hot and bothered?"

"You wanna come and take a peek at my pants?"

She flushed red. "No thanks." She said, her voice husky.

"Are you imagining me naked?" He sounded suggestive.

"N-no." She twitched as her body felt heated.

"Why do I think you are so lying?"

"Jerk. I am hanging up."

"Scaredy cat." He teased as she hung up and someone knocked at the door. She was quick to open the door.

"What is that look? Did you think it is Logan?" Emma winked.

"No."

"The blush in your cheeks tell a whole other story, girl friend. Get up. It is go time."

"Okay. Where is Andy and Brian?"

"Here." The two came to her and grabbed her hands, one on each side. "You look beautiful, aunt Alex." Andy said and Brian agreed. They both looked dapper in tuxes and bow ties.

Camille wore a beautiful silk dress, that matched Emma's and Eliza's. She gave a smile to Alex. "Welcome to our family, aunty."

"Thanks, honey."

"Okay, here we go." Eliza said as Emma walked out.

"You know, you can still marry us."

"Stop trying to poach her, guys. Uncle Logan would skin you both." Camille chuckled as she followed her mom and with a small smile, Alex followed them.

And this time she had no doubts.

~~~

(Logan)

"Logan, stop twitching."

"Why are they not coming?"

"They are coming. Stop thinking and just look straight ahead. She will be there in a minute."

"It is already thirty minutes." Logan complained.

"No, it is not. It is only five minutes since you are here." Daniel grumbled. "God, you are a wreck."

"Thank you so much." Logan grumbled. "Now where in the world is she?"

"There she is."

He looked up and he was stuck by how angelic she looked. His breath stuttered and he could not take his eyes off her. He couldn't even blink.

Where in the world did he find her?

It wasn't just how beautiful she looked, it was also that smile in her lips. Genuine and pure.

"Close your mouth. It is unattractive, boss." Tom whispered next to him. "But it is so sweet."

Logan ignored him. He didn't want to miss looking at her, not for a second.

She looked up and her eyes found his. Her eyes smiled as he widened his eyes.

You look so beautiful.

Oh, I know.

Cheeky.

Thanks. You look okay, too. She rolled her eyes and he chuckled.

"Wait, are you two talking with your eyes or something?" Daniel's voice was puzzled. "I mean you smiled, she winked and you bit your lips and she rolled her eyes and then you chuckled and she looked like-"

"Shh, go away." Logan said when Alex came to stand in front of him.

Andy and Brian gave him a sullen pout. "You should take care of her." Andy said as he looked at Logan.

"I will." Logan said.

And then everything was going according to the plan. Logan went with a Judge rather than a priest. It felt too much to get a priest.

"Yes, I do." He said when the man asked if he agreed to legally take her as his wedded wife.

The judge asked the same to Alex. She looked around for a moment and she looked distracted. Logan squeezed her hands in his and she gave him a look that was unreadable before she nodded.

"Yes." She said, her voice barely audible.

"You can kiss your bride." He leaned in and pressed his lips against those warm and plump lips. It had been too long, okay, maybe not that long, but still, he missed kissing her. And if what she said was true, this was his only chance.

She was unmoved for a moment and he cringed inside. She stood still and he wanted to make her kiss him back. He wanted to make her want him just much as he wanted her.

He pressed a little and this time she gave him a kiss back. This time, her hands crept around him and all was right.

Someone cleared their throat.

"Log, you can do the rest when you two are alone. Young kids here." It was Daniel. Logan pulled away, and Alex looked embarrassed.

"Come on, let us go party and dance." He grabbed her hand and they went to great the guests.

"You look beautiful." Logan stopped on his tracks.

"What the hell are you doing here? Nobody sent you and invite." Logan glared at the man in front of him. His smug smile made Logan want to punch him in the face.

"I did." Alex said as she smiled up at Leo. "Glad you could make it."

"Mom came too. She was so impressed with what you did so far for her, even when you were planning the wedding. I was, too. It was all amazing, Alex."

"Thank you."

"Come on," Logan said.

"What?"

"Dance."

"Why are you not singing?" Alex blinked at Leo, looking flirty as hell.

What the hell. She just got married and she was flirting with other men in front of her husband?

"Nobody asked me."

"I am asking you. At least one song, please. I love 'loving the liar' one."

"That is an odd request for a wedding song." Leo said.

"I just love that song."

"Okay, I will sing it for you." He said as he walked to the band in the back. They all looked awestruck when they saw Leo and when Leo asked for the backup, they were ready to do anything he wanted.

As he started singing, Alex closed her eyes.

"Are you just going to stand here and moon over him or are you dancing with me?"

"Grumpy. What crawled up your ass?"

"You were flirting with him."

"No, I was being friendly."

"Whatever." He grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him. This was exactly where he wanted her to be.

~~~

(Alexandra)

Everyone was gone. The house was empty, and as soon as everyone left, she came back to her room and was avoiding Logan. He left her alone, as if he understood.

She stared at the mirror with wonder. She had never believed that she could be this beautiful. There was a glow in her face that belied the fact that this was all faked.

It was as if she had just married the man she so dearly loved, and it was all for real.

If she just closed her eyes and let her dream... She could see, feel how this night would be.

She would not be staring at herself in the mirror. She would be with Logan, touching, and kissing him, all of him and he would be the one staring at her. His eyes would be the one all over her, feasting on her.

She could imagine him on her, taking her, teasing her, giving her a taste of him. He would be delicious, and Alex had no doubt about that. He would be all that she had ever dreamed of

You can just give in and maybe then it will not all be in your dreams.

The voice was taunting. Goading. It almost wanted her to make him beg for her, just as she was begging with herself.

What would he do if she wore one of those skimpy negligees Emma and Eliza had bought for her and showed up in his door? Would he refuse her?

No, he won't.

The answer was almost instant. He wouldn't, because she knew he wanted her. Everytime he looked at her, she could see how much he wanted her. She could see his desire burning trails on her skin, on her body. And it made her feel sexy and bold. It made her want to tease him until he couldn't stand straight.

Oh, how she wanted to stop being so sensible and do something reckless and wild. Do something so wrong, until it all felt so right.

She pulled the pins keeping her hair away and let her hair fall down her back. She massaged her aching scalp, imagining that it was Logan.

She sighed as she pressed her fingers against her cheeks.

She pulled one of her old ratty shirt and wore it to bed. She didn't want to even see the things her friends had bought for her, for she was afraid that it would wipe her clean of rational thoughts and that she would do something dangerous that she would regret later.

Please. No way. You can't do that to me. You can't.

The hell with it!

___

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Would Alex dare to go?

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