18. Rings, promises and meetings

What I would give to have you look at me like the way I look at you. - Alex

~~~

18. Rings, Promises and Meetings

(Alexandra)

Alex rubbed her eyes as she blearily walked inside the kitchen, hiding a huge yawn behind her palm. Her hair was sticking up in all the direction and her crumpled pajama looked like it had seen better years. Oh, it was, but it was also her favorite one. It was the last on she had bought when she went out to shopping with her dad. Whenever she missed him, she would put it on and it was most of the times and so the pajama had become worn out and faded, but she couldn't throw it away.

"Aren't you ready yet?" Logan stared at her with a frown. "God, Alex, we don't have time and we still have so much to do with the wedding." He looked impatiently at his watch. "We are kind of short on time, you know." And then he looked her up and down, his eyes squinty. "And what is that you are wearing?"

She groaned. She was feeling sleepy and head achy and she was not particularly in the mood to listen to one of Logan's infamous lectures. Not today.

Her head was pounding and if she didn't do anything about that right now, it was going to burst. She pressed her fingers against her cheeks and frowned at him.

He looked fresh as early morning snow and irritated her. In his crisp suit and neatly combed hair and pristine shoes, he looked like he was going to walk the runway this early in the morning and that was just not right. She looked like she just walked out of a garbage bin and she almost smelled like it too.

"You remember the one who just randomly blurt out a date to taunt Stacie? I am sure that blabbermouth is not me. Do you know who it is?" She said as she narrowed her eyes at him. "And this is a pajama, dumbhead."

"Oh, come on. Can't you just stop being your annoying self for today and nobody in their right mind would call it that."

She yawned again and shook her head. "Whatever, Logan. If you really want to lecture someone today, there is a lizard renting our pool house. It was peeping at me the other day."

It really was a very ugly lizard and it felt like it was staring at her when she was swimming.

"Haha. Very funny."

"What? You don't do that anymore? I mean you were once famous for lecturing a mouse."

"Oh, but I am the one who rented the pool house to Willie --that is the lizard. So I am not going to lecture him and, Lex, I know you are afraid of him, but he is such a standup guy, darling." He had a cheeky smile on, that made the side of his eyes crinkled and his grey eyes looked more light blue as they shone with humor and she loved the sight of them too much.

She rubbed her eyes. "You think you are funny?" She asked as she yawned again and staggered. He grabbed her by her arm and pulled her flush against his body and she wanted to snuggle in.

Remember about the boundaries. She told herself.

Oh, yes. I do remember, but... Just for a moment, I want to cuddle with him and forget it all. It was someone inside her, and this part of her was her own enemy.

And the moment would become hours, hours years. You are not doing that. The rational part of her made her pull away. He narrowed his eyes before he took a step back.

"My God, when did you sleep?" He asked, and she could hear the edge in his voice. She knew he didn't like it that she pulled away, but he was trying and she was grateful that he was.

"Somewhere after 3. I had to finish a plan for Mathilda's library and she had given me a list of books to order and I had to order it all before going to sleep."

"God, she couldn't have given you a time off? You are overworked."

"I don't want time off, Logan. She is my client and I am doing everything in my power to do what I have to do to finish my project between the proposed time line. She is not doing charity, she is giving me a job."

"And you are wonderful at that. Couldn't she just--"

"You didn't ask time off from your work, Logan and why do you think she has to give me some time off! Because I am a woman and I am weak and I can't take-"

"When did I say that? If anyone can take all this shit and still stand here straight, arguing with me about how she doesn't need any special treatment, it is you. Only you." He chuckled sarcastically as he shook his head.

"You know, all that you said, they just went right over my head. I am still half asleep." She said with a smile back.

"Yeah, everything you don't want to hear always go right over you head. Hey, you want some coffee?" He asked as she yawned again. "Go sit."

"Yes, please." She said as she walked over to the table and put her head on it. After a minute, he handed her a tall mug of coffee and she took the first sip of piping hot coffee and moaned. "Thank you." She said, feeling grateful. It was a hazelnut blend and creamy and he added just the right amount of sugar and cream that she took with her coffee. "God, you made my perfect coffee." She looked at him, her eyes shining.

"Wait right here." He said and she nodded as he walked away. Five minutes later, he put a plateful of scrambled eggs on front of her, with roasted veggies on the side and she inhaled the heavenly smell.

God.

"Marry me, Logan." She said as she spooned buttery eggs inside her mouth and chewed. It felt heavenly and the butter made everything better. There was a hint of thyme and oregano in the egg and the bell peppers and potatoes were crisp and salty.

At his moment, Alex was so sure she had never tasted anything like this. It wasn't probably true, but it felt just like that.

"I am already marrying you." He chuckled as he walked away and came back with a glass of clear orange juice.

"Okay then, have my children." She groaned as she licked her fingers and he looked at her, amused.

"You know it doesn't exactly work like that, right."

"Just as I said, I am still half asleep. Wait until I wake up to ask me about all this. I will probably plead my fifth."

"Wow. So you won't remember asking me to bear your children?"

"Nah. Not possible. I will deny everything." She said as she stood up and waved at him. "I will be in ten. Okay?"

"It is okay, take your time. I have some suppliers to call and I think I will do that while I wait here."

"While you are on that, can you find me someone who knows about their granites? We wanted to change the kitchen island."

"Sure. I have just the right guy. Me. but I thought you are just doing decorations."

"Good boy and yes, I am. It is not for my project, Mathilda wanted to renovate one of her summer house in Hamptons. She will probably call you about that. Tata." Alex waved as she walked to her room and shut the door.

She pulled out a white sweatshirt and a jeans and walked inside the bathroom, whistling. The hot water was warm on her skin and she closed her eyes sighing in pleasure.

This time around, she was taking time to appreciate everything around. Every little and big thing. Living in the motel had taught her how life was fickle and only this moment right her was hers. She had realized how everything would shift in a moment, and how no one had the power to change that. So she vowed to herself that she would never take anything for granted.

As she rubbed a lavender soap over her, she wondered how her life would be after the marriage. She wondered how she was going to face him everyday, pretending to be unfeeling with all these feeling frothing inside her, bubbling, boiling, ready to spill over. She rubbed her chest with a sad smile.

She didn't have any idea how it was all going to be, but she was going to stay strong and face it.

~~~

(Logan)

"Yes, Tom. That is what I am saying. You will call Aaron Masters and get him to sign on the first payments and I am going to go and buy my ring peacefully."

"Okay, then, oh and boss, Mr. Thorne called. He wanted to know when you will have an appointment for him."

"Right after my marriage. It is a big project, so..." He said and looked up when he heard Alex coming down.

"...and boss, I still--"

He couldn't concentrate on whatever Tom was saying, because she was a distraction. She had always been a distraction, no matter what she did or wore.

She looked like an angel in her white tee and jeans. No Angel in their right mind would wear that and expect to be called an angel, but she was.

Her brown hair was curling at the ends and the tips were still wet and limp and his fingers itched to touch them. Her lips were painted a dull peach, and looked delicious and the smile on them, something he wished he could see for forever.

"Boss? You there?" Tom shouted and Logan pulled the phone away from his ear with a wince.

"Umm, yes. Don't shout."

"I called you for five times before I resorted to shouting. Umm, are you staring at lady boss, right now?"

"W-what?" He asked as Alex waved at him and he waved back.

"Boss, you are in trouble. I think you are totally lovesick."

"God, don't start this again. Do what I asked you to, and get the hell away from the phone. I am not paying you to gossip with me." Logan grunted.

"You can hang up, too, you know." Tom chuckled. "I must see this woman, boss, who has you wrapped in her little finger's nail."

"Nail! God. I am hanging up." Logan rolled his eyes when he heard Tom shouting something, but he hung up anyways. "Alex, come on. Let's go."

She swayed towards him, grabbed his keys from his hand and smirked. "This time, I am driving."

"My God, woman." He sighed as he followed her, but if she had just turned back, she would have seen the smile in his eyes, that reflected how happy he was right this moment and he wished and hoped that this happiness would stay. That she would stay.

But after a year, she had to go. She would go.

Maybe you can convince her to stay.

How can I do that? How can I do that to her?

How could he, when he knew she wanted a love that her father and mother had? How could he make her stay, when he knew that he would be unable to give her that kind of love?

She was his friend. His best friend, if he was being honest. She was one of his best decisions, even though it was so illogical and atypical at that time. She was an adventure, as she had told him the first time.

And yes, he liked her very much. He cared about her more than he had ever cared about anyone who was not related to him, and he was attracted to her, but love... The kind that would give her power over him, the kind that would mess up everything, the kind that could break him and leave him vulnerable and miserable, that kind of love was something he couldn't give her.

She deserved that kind of love.

He had seen the look on her eyes when she was talking about her parents, the longing, the pain and the desire. He had seen her need to find that kind of love, the one her dad had shared with her mom and how could he stand on her path as an obstacle?

He wanted her to stay. Of course. He wanted her to stay forever.

Even though he couldn't love her like that, wholly, fully, desperately, he would give her everything he could, he would try to do everything she wanted, but he knew she wouldn't trade the possibility of finding true love for all of his money.

And it stung, it stung to think about where she would be, and with whom she would be after the year was over. But it was nothing compared to how he would feel like, if he became that someone who stopped her from finding what was out there for her.

He wouldn't. He couldn't do that to her.

You know... Maybe this is love. The voice was hopeful. Wistful.

But it wasn't.

He wasn't made for loving selflessly. He wasn't strong enough for that. Everything else, he could do, but this one... Not so much.

That was his cross to bear. His burden. He couldn't put it over her.

She honked from inside the car.

"For God's sake, I am coming. You don't need to keep doing it." He yelled over the honking noise. She was still rigorously honking as he opened the car.

"I would have opened the door for you had you come sooner." She said. "And I wanted to give you this donut to you." She pointed to the paper plate in the dashboard with a shrug.

"That an invisible donut? Because I am not seeing anything there." He said with a frown.

"Heard about 'it is the thought that counts'. It is that! The donut is now happily settled inside my stomach." She patted her stomach.

"I can see why it is getting bigger each passing day."

"The nerve of this man!" She said as she started the engine. "I can see that your six packs are melting, too." She gave him a glare.

He chuckled and patted his stomach. "This here is not what melting looks like, Alex. You can touch it and see for yourself.

" Nah, I am not touching it even in your dreams, wacko." She poked her tongue out as he laughed.

"Where to?"

"Annabelle's creations."

"Ooh, swanky." She smiled as she swerved suddenly.

"God. Keep your eyes on the road."

"I am. The moron was coming the wrong side." She glared at the rearview mirror. "Driving like a monkey."

He laughed.

When the reached the store, she parked the car before she stepped out.

"Come on." He opened the door for her.

"I am forced to believe chivalry isn't dead, but then I know you. You are the same psycho who ordered me to become his wife. So... " She winked before she walked inside, leaving him swearing under his breath.

"So you like anything."

"They are all good."

"But I am not buying you everything."

"Can you afford to?" She smirked as she leaned against the counter and looked up at him, her eyes mischievous.

"I can't. I can only afford to buy half of it." He said.

"Honesty." She smiled and looked at the boxes the woman in front of them was stacking.

"We have some exclusive collections, too, madam." She said. "Mr. Forte, Mr. Lawrence said he is sorry he can't come today. He is of town."

"It is not a problem, Gretchen." He smiled.

"How many times did you buy rings here?"

"Why, jealous?" He smirked, looking at her flushed face. She did look jealous.

"Nah."

"I was the one who came here with Marcus and Deke to buy wedding rings. And Lawrence is my friend. So..."

"That better be the only reason."

"And I bought Stacie's ring here too." His eyes were on hers the whole time. She tried to look nonchalant, but he could see it, that small flicker of annoyance before she smiled and shrugged with indifference.

No matter what she said, he knew she was envious that moment, and he didn't know why it made him ecstatic. But it did. It made him like he had just jumped over the rainbows or something.

"Hey don't be like that." He nudged her and she bit her lips as she looked up at him.

"What did you do with that ring?"

"Donated to charity?" He said and she smiled. The eyes that were mutinous the moment before glittered and he could see the gold in them shining like miracle and it took his breath away. He leaned closer to her, her scent and her warmth, almost instinctually, but when he realized she moved a little further, he stopped and stood straight. And cleared his throat.

The shop attendant, Gretchen, looked away with an indulgent smile. "Dearie, I can look away." She said, shaking her head. Her dark brown eyes reflected happiness. "I have seen lovers, and it is no shame to want to kiss the woman you love."

He saw as Alex's body went rigid. She looked startled and weary as she tried to smile at the woman standing there.

"It is fine." Alex said as she picked out the box and showed it to him. "What do you think?"

"Nice, but we can see the exclusive ones, if you want to."

She shook her head. "This is beautiful. And I love it." She said. "And if you buy me something extraordinarily beautiful, I wouldn't have heart to return in on our first anniversary." She whispered to him and he twitched away from her, as if she had just slapped him.

How could she remind him of that now, when he was feeling so happy and free? Why would she?

It was as if she wanted to remind herself and him that no matter how it felt, that it was all just fake.

She handed the ring to Gretchen and she nodded appreciatively. "Nice. Let me pack it for you." She said as Logan handed his card to her.

"You don't have to return it." He looked at Alexandra. "It is part of your payment." He said viciously, and saw with satisfaction as her smile wilted. He felt angry and mad.

"Oh. It is fine. I would rather have money than a ring that is going to remind me of things I would rather forget."

"You would rather forget me?" He asked. His stomach was churning in an unfamiliar way and it made him feel like he wanted to puke. He rubbed his sweaty palms against his pants and stared at her, as she stared right back at him. He wanted to hear what she would say, the answer was important to him. Even though this was all a fight, he wanted her to say no.

"I would never want to forget you, Logan and you know that. I was angry and you were too, and I am sorry I said that." When she said that, he wanted to slink down and sit on the floor and sigh.

"Come here." He opened his arma and she walked closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him."I am sorry, too." He whispered as he kissed her head and he could smell her shampoo and he wanted this moment to stay. She rubbed her cheeks against his shirt with a sigh.

"Why are we always fighting?" She asked, her voice weak.

"It is okay, because no matter how much we fought, we will always be back to where we are. You are my best friend, Alex, and I promise, you will always be. This ring is not your payment, okay. This is my promise to you that I will always be here for you, even after the year is over. That I will always be your friend and well wisher and confidante and will always stand behind you. Okay?"

"Okay." She said as she smiled up at him and he wiped her tears away with a gentle smile. "Don't cry. I don't ever want you to cry."

"Okay." She sniffled. "Thank you, Logan." She stood on her tip toes and kissed him on his chin. Her eyes looked soft and warm and her lips were gentle against his stubble. "Now, this ring doesn't feel like a burden." She said as she pulled away from him.

"Here is your rings. Have a nice day and happy married life." Gretchen handed the bag to Alex and Alex smiled at her.

"Thank you."

"I can see how much you two are perfect for each other. You will live a long, happy life. God bless."

Perfect, Logan thought. Only if he isn't like this, she will be perfect for him. But he is like this!!!

"Thank you." Alex said.

"Hello madam, how may I help you?" Gretchen walked over to the older woman who came in and Logan stopped on his track. His body went rigid and he wanted to run away and stay. His feelings are conflicted seeing the woman. He wanted to see if she recognized him. He didn't want her to remember him. He wanted her to remember him.

"Logan?" Alex called him and the woman turned towards him, her eyes wide with recognition.

"Coming." Logan said as he walked away, but from the side eyes, he saw the woman walking to him and then stopping on her tracks.

How could she come to him and talk? How could she show her lying, cheating face back here?

But she had never had a problem with lying or acting all high and mighty. She had always been a selfish, obnoxious woman and it looked like she hadn't changed. Not a bit.

"You know her?"

"Oh, I do."

"And?"

"She was my father's first wife. The woman who gave birth to me and my sisters."

___

Alex: whoa! What? Bethany is his mom.

Me: Yes. Bethany is his mom. No one can change that. Nothing can.

Alex: But... who is this woman? She did look like Eliza and Emma, didn't she. An older version. But then, Em and El, they look like Bethany, too.

Me: Uhm. Uhm. Everything will be revealed, okay?

Logan: What the hell is this woman doing here, author? You have to answer to me right now. She shouldn't be here.

Me: Uh, I have something else to do. Bye. *running away from an angry Logan*

___

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