Chapter Fifteen

Friday 11 September 1998

Alex

I need him, I need him, I need him.

I need him so much it hurts.

Draco, please, please, I can't do this, I need him.

Let me sleep!

You yell. I don't like it when you yell.

Sorry, sorry, I just, please, please, I need him. I need my mate. Draco, please!

For Salazar's sake, shut up! I understand, you need him, you love him, but it's 3am and I'm tired!

Sorry, sorry. It's my fault, I know it's my fault, I'm sorry, Draco, sorry, sorry.

I try to be quiet, I try not to let you hear me, I don't like it when you're unhappy, especially because of me, but we have the same brain and I can't help that my thoughts are too loud because I need him!

'Lex, please. I'm never going to get to sleep if you keep yelling. And if I don't sleep, I won't have a mate dream, and it will take even longer for you to get to see him. So please, be quiet!

But... I want to see my mate now, I don't want to wait!

Well, you might get to if I can sleep.

Sleep, yes, that's good. Sleep brings mate dreams. Go to sleep, Draco.

—-

I can move. It's like you've given me control, but you're not here. I realise I'm not in your body- because I'm shorter and more delicate and more Veela- I'm in my own. I'm in a mate dream.

Immediately I look around for him, searching the empty space, until I hear a voice from behind me.

"Mate." I spin, and finally, finally, lay eyes on my mate. He's tall- so tall- and strong and toned, so much that his body is almost scary, but his face is so happy; he's beaming, showing fangs that could rip me in half but all I can think of them doing is marking me all over, and his eyes- a thousand different greens- are wide and shine with pure joy. Because of me.

My body feels like it's being pulled towards him, so I run to him and practically collapse at his feet, looking up at him through my eyelashes in the most submissive manner I can manage. I want so desperately for him to like me.

"Look at you," he says, voice growling and deep and I want to wrap it around me like a blanket. He crouches down, and cups my cheek with his palm. I whine, leaning into his touch. His hand is rough and warm and I never want him to stop touching me. "My mate, my sub. What is your name, my love?"

"Alex."

"Alex," he repeats, and I watch my name form on his lips and shiver. "My name is Eli. And you, 'Lexie, are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen." I practically melt at his words, feeling all my muscles relax at once at his praise- my mate's praise.

"Thank you, mate," I whisper, not wanting to make him mad by speaking out of turn, but also not wanting to seem ungrateful. The hand at my cheek moves to the nape of my neck, whilst the other wraps around my waist to pull me against him. He buries his face into the crook of my neck, where my scent glands are, and inhales deeply, taking in my scent. The way his nose brushes against such a sensitive spot almost makes me moan, and to stop myself I return the favour and push my face against his own scent gland. But it has the reverse affect as a moan falls out of my mouth at his scent. He smells like home.

I can feel his breath on my neck and the warmth of his skin through my clothes. Without my consent, my body moves so I'm on his lap, curled into his chest which rumbles in content. He wraps his arms tight around me, rubbing his cheek over mine to get his scent on me and vice versa. Because even though it won't permeate through to the waking world, I will be his if only for a few moments. And he will be mine.

"Look at me, my love." I withdraw from his chest, but can't bring myself to meet his eyes. It feels too much like disrespect. He places a hand under my chin, tilting my head up, but I shut my eyes. I can't be rude, especially not to him, my mate, my dominant. But then, to my shock, I feel the gentle graze of lips against my closed eyelids, making me gasp.

"Open your eyes, darling. I want you to look at me." I do so, the command overriding any unspoken rule, and let my blue-grey eyes meet his sparkling green ones. "You are so beautiful, 'Lexie," he says, cupping my cheek again, making my whole body sway towards him. "Look at you, my beautiful mate, my sub."

"Eli," I murmur, letting my appreciation show through the name.

"I love how you say my name, mate mine. When we meet in person, I'll make sure it's the only name on your tongue."

"I'll never even think another again." A smile lights up his face, and all I can think is that I made my mate happy. I've done what I was put on this earth to do. I've accomplished the greatest feat ever. I have brought the most important person in the world joy. And it's all I wish to do for all eternity.

But then I wake up.

I can't help but take control and push you to the back of our mind. I'm too much right now.

Alex?

Sorry, Draco! Met mate, Eli, perfect. Love him. Love my mate, my dom.

No. No!

You're... sad. Frustrated. Scared. Why?

We... I can't get closer. We're too close. I can't be rejected, I can't, I won't-

No, no, not rejected. Never. Eli loves me.

He may love you, but not me. No one could love me.

I want to reply, say no, I love you, and so will our mate, but Blaise interrupts.

"Alex?" I whip my head round, thoughts of rejection out of my mind. There is an dominant here, how could I forget?

Immediately I scramble to his feet. He's not my mate, but respect is for all.

"What's going on? Is Draco okay?" I nod, not wanting to speak without his permission. If I make him angry, he might tell my mate, my Eli, I'm bad.

And then Blaise's mate, the nature elf, is kneeling beside me, and Blaise is gone, as well as the others in the dorm.

"I'm Neville," he says, and his voice is soft.

"Alex."

"It's nice to meet you."

"You too."

"You had a mate dream?"

"How did you know?"

"You can't stop smiling. What else is there to be smiling about when you just wake up?"

"You're right. It wasn't Draco's first one, but it was mine."

"What's he like?"

"Perfect. He's caring, and possessive- in the best way- and his arms wrapped around me perfectly, and he called me beautiful, and when he wanted me to look at him he kissed my eyes so I would open them, and he's warm, and he called me 'Lexie, and I love him, I really really love him."

"That's so great, Alex! He sounds perfect for you." I blush. "I bet Draco's really happy too."

That makes me frown. Because you're not. I realise I've been blocking you out, and when I stop your thoughts rush in like water through a hole in a dam.

Why are you telling him, stop talking, shut up! He'll expect us to find him, we can't find him, Alex, we can't, he'll reject us, stop talking!

"What's wrong?" That's when you force your way to the front, pushing me back. You pull away from the kind elf, and press the heels of your hands against your eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Neville frowns, but says nothing.

"Are you hungry? It's time for breakfast."

"I don't want to go down to the hall. Too many people."

"That's okay. Do you want me to bring you something up?"

"Y-yes please. Come alone, though?"

"Are you sure? Draco, I hate to break it to you, but if you never leave the dorm you're not going to meet your mate." Exactly. "Maybe I could bring Harry up, just to see? I know he's having mate dreams too, maybe..." Harry?

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Sorry. I... please, don't bring Potter. Or anyone. I can't stomach seeing a dom other than Blaise, in case he's not my mate. I was trained badly, so it's just a bit much..." The kind elf's gaze softens.

"It's okay, I understand. I'm going to head down, I'll see you later, Draco."

"Bye, Neville. Thank you for being so nice to me. You didn't have to do that. I know I... didn't exactly make your life easy before... everything."

"All's forgiven. And not just by me."

And he's gone.

I want to meet the boy he was talking about.

Who, Potter? No, we can't. Not him, he hates me.

But I remember Blaise talking about him before. He said he wouldn't hurt us, he doesn't hate you.

Blaise can't see inside Potter's head. I wouldn't be surprised if Potter tricked Blaise just to get to me. To hurt me.

No. He's a dom. Doms don't hurt subs.

But I hurt him. He deserves to hurt me back.

1593 words