Chapter 14

After quite the angry walk, I finally arrive at Ethan's place. I put the box down on the porch and knock repeatedly on the door. I wait for a minute, no answer. I'm about to knock again when the door swings open.

"Who are you?" The guy leans against the doorframe.

"Is Ethan home? I'm just here to give him his stuff back." I say, putting on a fake smile.

"Oh yeah, sure. He's in his room right now. Last time I seen the door was open too." The boy opens the door wider and moves out the way.

I thank him and pick up the box again, practically running up the stairs to his room. Like the boy said, his door was already open. I hear him in the bathroom so I drop the box on the floor, it landing with a loud "thud" and close his door, locking it.

"What the heck was that." I hear Ethan say before the sound of the sink water turning on fills the room.

I cross my arms, tapping my foot lightly on the floor, waiting for him to come out. I hear him humming to some random song before he finally walks out of the bathroom, freezing when he sees me.

"What are you doing here? I told you it's not safe for you to be here." His eyes widen, looking panicked. He starts walking towards me but I hold a hand up, making him stop.

I don't realize my body is shaking until I see my hand in front of me.

I'm pissed.

I try to take a deep breath before I say anything. I want to have a civil conversation, or as civil as it can get with me in this state. I open the box, pulling out the wedding invitation. I throw it on the floor and kick it in his direction.

"What. The fuck. Is. That?" I speak slowly, seething.

Ethan frowns, bending over and picking it up. His eyebrows furrow as he looks at the contents of the paper.

"Nova, it's not what it looks like." He says, making me scoff.

"It's not what it fucking looks like? Do you take me as a fucking dumbass? Do you Ethan? Is that not a wedding invitation?" I raise an eyebrow at him. I can feel my blood boiling, I'm ready to snap at any minute. I don't know why I'm still here. I just came to drop his shit off and leave.

"Okay, it is what is looks like. But listen to me-" he tries to take another step closer but I send him a deathly glare.

"Ethan I'm tired of listening! I'm so sick and fucking tired of listening to your excuses. It's been so long, and nothing has fucking changed! Do you want me to just sit around forever, wasting my life waiting for you to do something?" I clench my fists so hard I can feel my nails ripping at my skin.

"I'm trying my best, Nova. I really am. I don't plan to go through with the marriage." He drops the card and walks over to me despite my protests.

"Please. I just need more time." He reaches up to cup my cheeks but I push his hands away from me.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me." I say, disgusted at the guy in front of me. He looks hurt and sad.

I don't care. I don't give a shit anymore. I'm so sick and tired of playing his little waiting game.

"What's in the box?" He asks gently. I take a few steps away from him.

"All of your shit." I mutter. He picks the box up and places it on his bed. He goes through the contents of it before turning back to me.

"I gave most of these to you." He says, frowning. "They're not mine anymore."

"Ethan, what don't you get? I don't want your shit! I don't want anything that has to do with you. I'm so tired. I can't take these games anymore, it's making me go crazy!" I groan, closing my eyes and willing myself not to cry.

"You don't mean that." The guy says, walking over to me again. I don't even protest this time.

Is it wrong to want to be comforted by the same man who's hurt you over and over again? How can this one person be the source of all my pain, yet all of my happiness at the same time?

The anger I felt is suddenly washed away by countless waves of tiredness.

I'm so over this. I think to myself. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up until things are better.

"Tell me honestly that you don't want anything to do with me anymore." He cups my cheeks. I open my eyes, turning away from him but staying silent.

"Nova I'm really really trying my best here. I promise. But you don't know my mother. I don't even know my mother anymore." I feel him lean his forehead on mine, but I flinch away at his touch, resulting in his hands falling to his sides once again.

"Your mom is the one doing whatever the fuck she's doing to you?" I frown, watching as he nods slowly.

"Can you just tell me what the fuck is going on for once? Please? I feel so disgusted with myself, and useless. I feel like you're not doing anything because nothing is getting better, but you're saying the opposite and I don't know what to believe. And you keeping everything a damn secret doesn't help." I let out a frustrated sigh, sitting on his bed.

I feel so tired. And stressed out.

"Wait." Ethan says. He goes and unplugs something behind his nightstand, and unplugs his computer as well.

A frown comes over my lips.

"Are you trying to save electricity? What are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm constantly being listened to. Which is why I avoid you at school and told you not to come over." He says, sitting down next to me.

"Well isn't it completely useless to unplug it now? We've been talking for a while already." I scrunch up my face.

"My aunt is listening today. So I doubt anything will happen. But I wanted to unplug it just in case."

"Okay, just tell me what's been going on." I roll my eyes.

And he does.

By the time he's done talking, I feel so guilty. He told me about the phone call in Italy, which lead him to getting drunk and acting the way he did at the airport. He told me about how up until just recently, he's been under strict supervision in school by someone his mom hired to make sure he stayed away from me. He said his mom has been making him see a therapist who's trying to convince him that all black people are bad, and they do nothing but ruin America.

He explained how his mom has been hitting him whenever she comes home angry, and how he has been living with her for 3 days out of the week and the rest of the time here, on campus. He talked about how his mom is making his life a living hell. And how she set up this marriage, which is to a white girl, to ensure that he wouldn't 'dilute' his bloodline.

"I met her a few times only, since my mother started planning the wedding." Ethan says, we're now laying down on his bed, his arms wrapped around me while I have one hand busy playing with his hair, and the other cupping his cheek.

"Neither of us want to get married to each other." He chuckles slightly.

"Ethan." I stop playing with his hair, looking up at him sadly. "Why are you doing this?" I whisper, sulking.

"You're in so much pain. This is traumatizing and you're still going along with it." I frown. "Why?"

"What do you mean 'why' ?" His eyebrows furrow while he looks at me in confusion.

"Because I love you. I don't want to be with anybody but you. Throughout the time we've spent together, I've never been happier in my entire life. You brought light to my life, at a time where I thought it was impossible." He looks lost in thought as he talks, starting to play with my hair. "You know, I lied to you about you being in my spot that day." He chuckles, making me frown.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"When we met, I told you that I was sitting there and you took my spot. But I was lying. I was up here, in my room. I saw you and something just clicked inside of me. Like I found something that I've been missing for years. So I went down and made up some lame excuse to talk to you." I listen to his words, amused.

"So our entire relationship is built off of a lie?" I laugh, making him do so as well.

"I guess so." He shrugs as I lean up to kiss his cheek.

"I'm glad you came up to me though." I smile, though it falters slightly.

"What's wrong?" He notices that something is not right.

"I just..." my voice trails off, making me bite my lip. "Is this really worth it?" I whisper.

"What?" Ethan asks, sounding slightly offended.

"For you, I mean." I stare at his chest, not bold enough to look into his eyes as I say this. "Your mother is trying to brainwash you, and you're getting physically abused all because of us. Because of this relationship. Aren't you tired? Don't you think we should just end this? And I know we're already broken up, but I mean end it for good. Officially. It's bringing you more pain than love or healing." I run my thumb over the skin of his cheek as I talk, still not making eye contact.

"Wouldn't your life be so much easier if we just break all contact with each other? Agree to never see one another again? Go to different schools and desperately try to forget about the memories we built together?" I sigh.

"Nova." Ethan moves his hand to lift my chin up, his voice is stern. My eyes are glossy as I try to hold back tears. "Not once, this entire time, have I thought about giving in to my mother. I'm constantly thinking of how I can get out of this so I can finally live happily with you. And it's not just about us or the relationship we had. It's the fact that my mother is not the woman I remember, and the fact that she's trying to brainwash me. It's the fact that she's willing to beat her kid for loving someone of a different race. It's her, and her views that are the problem. Not you." He leans his forehead against mine.

"Okay? So don't ever think about giving up on us. When this is all over, let's just go get married. Let's drop out of college and have a wedding- or get eloped. And build a family together. I'm so tired of all this other bullshit, that's all I want to do." He chuckles, but it's dry and sounds like he's tired.

"Well, we already started on the building a family part." I say nervously.

I guess this is a good time to tell him that I'm pregnant.

"What are you talking about?" Ethan's body vibrates as he laughs. I force my way out of his arms and sit up on his bed. I fiddle with my fingers, feeling nervous.

"Nova, what are you talking about?" Ethan sits up too, pulling me so I face him.

"I-I think I'm pregnant." I whisper. Ethan doesn't say anything for a moment and dread washes over my body.

"You're...pregnant." He restates. I look up at his face and he looks shocked. I nod. "You're pregnant." He repeats.

I can't tell how he feels.

"Yeah." I nod, looking away from him.

It's silent again for a few minutes before Ethan suddenly pushes me onto the bed and gets on top of me.

"You're pregnant!" He exclaims, lifting up my shirt to expose my stomach.

You can't even tell, there's no signs of me being pregnant yet. Despite that, he places both his hands on my tummy and starts to cry.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe you're pregnant. How? When? How did you even find out?" He pushes out questions as he leans down to place a single kiss below my belly button.

"When we were in Italy. I told you I forgot my birth control but we didn't go try to get some because we were tired. I think you said something about condoms, or not, I can't really remember. But we didn't use any because I think we were just so used to not using them all the time? And we just steadily didn't remember that I needed to go buy some. I've been feeling sick ever since like, 2 weeks after we got home. I just started throwing up randomly this past week and Callie and Lorena made me take two pregnancy tests last night. Both came out positive." I say, Ethan face to face with me now.

"This is so great. You're pregnant! I'm going to be a dad!" He starts to gives me short kisses all around my face. I giggle, finally feeling happy about the pregnancy. Since I found out, I've just been unsure. But seeing how happy Ethan is, makes me happy too.

"Oh, wait. Or do you not want to keep it?" He looks at me nervously. "I'll...I'll support whatever decision you make."

"I do, silly." I roll my eyes and he grins brightly. He kisses my lips over and over again.

"We're gonna be parents. My baby is going to have my baby!" I laugh at that.

"I'm really glad you're happy. I didn't know how to feel at first. I cried like, all night." I chuckle, but Ethan gives me a look of sympathy

"I'm sorry love. I should have been there. This is something that we're supposed to find out together. But don't worry, I'll be there for the results of our second kid. And our third, and fourth, and-"

"Hey, hey. Slow down there." I say, making him laugh. "You know we're still in school, right?"

"Sorry, I'm just excited." He grins, laying next to me again and placing a hand on my exposed stomach. "Our very own baby. They're going to be so spoiled."

Getting pregnant and having a kid as I finish college...is not something I ever imagined doing. However, for some reason I'm not as distraught as I thought I'd be.

I think because Ethan is so excited about this it makes me worry less. It really does feel reassuring that he's as stoked as he is.

"I'm sure they will be." I chuckle.

"Hey, by the way. My mom is going off to a business trip for two weeks. She leaves in a couple of days. So, I can finally spend time with my girlfriend again." He grins, but his expression quickly turns to one of worry. "You will be my girlfriend again, right?" He looks over at me, raising an eyebrow. I laugh.

"Yes, why wouldn't I?" He chuckles at that, leaning forward and kissing my lips.

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