50. Broken Trust

I further opened the door to get a full view of the scene. Samara stepped forward to him. Ashar understood her gesture so he opened his arms. They both hugged each other.

"I wanted to surprise you and see your reaction." She smiled against his shoulder.

Blood drained from my face. My head started spinning to the level that I started seeing two of them. Even the ground started rotating under my feet. Both of them were so lost in one another that they didn't even notice my presence when I entered in Ashar's office.

They were still close, still together. The woman who started everything, who ruined my whole life was looking so happy in his arms. Was she in contact with him the whole time Ashar was with me? Was Ashar fooling me or what?

That thought trembled my heart in fear.

"I'm happy to see you." Ashar patted her back.

They both pulled back and smiled to each other. Samara's hands remained on Ashar's chest, "Why are you looking so pale? Don't you eat properly or you're working too much?"

Ashar chortled, "It's just fatigue, nothing more. But, look at you. You still look so gorgeous...oh wait, I forgot. Samara never compromises when it comes to her beauty."

"Stop it." Samara reacted and they both burst into laughter. She moved her hands down to her sides.

The way Ashar smiled at her, reminded me of old times; how he chose her over me, how he hurt me because of giving me mixed signals, how he supported her when I wanted him to take my side. Envy crept through me and it became difficult to stand upright anymore. He was still the same. What gotten into me that I thought he was changed?

Just when I gathered courage to forget about the past, everything started falling apart once again. Again both of them won in crushing me. I once again became a toy of their hands.

I was about to turn around and leave the room without letting them know about me when one of my high heels scratched on the floor.

Dammit. I muttered under breath and squeezed my eyes shut, wanted to throw those heels away.

"Sanaya?" Ashar called my name, "When did you come here?"

I faced them again. My gaze met with Samara and the smile on her lips slowly faded. This wench still knew how to attract men's attention. Her summer, printed dress wrapped around her body so perfectly that it showed all her curves. Her brown locks were resting on her back and the fresh, light makeup on her face brightened her already flawless skin. Ashar was right. She looked gorgeous and he was probably drooling over her beauty.

"Why? Didn't you like it that I paid you a surprise visit." I let out a fake chuckle, suppressing the rush of uncontrolled rage in me, "Are you angry that I caught your act and that you're finally exposed?"

"Exposed?" His face contorted in confusion. He paused for a moment as if he was trying to figure out what I was talking about. His eyes widened when he finally understood, "No. It's not what you think, She was on-"

"Stop the act, Ashar." I shouted. He flinched.

Samara came forward, "Sanaya, listen to m-"

I turned to her, raising my finger at her, "You. You'll never change. Fine, you won again and I lost. Congratulations."

She got startled by my outburst. Both of them were such a great actors!

Ashar grabbed my arm and spun me around, "What are you talking about, Sanaya? At least first listen."

"So that you can fill me up with other bunch of lies? I pulled my arm from his hold, "I can't believe you were playing with my feelings for weeks. What was I thinking to trust a brute like you?" The moisture in my eyes blurred my vision.

I pushed him back with my full strength. Samara's mouth fell opened. She immediately sprinted to him to save him from stumbling. She grabbed his arm and became successful in her attempt. My heart burned in pain when I saw them together.

Ashar moved her hand away and again came towards me, "Sanaya."

The hurt weakened me. When I felt that I could not hold my tears any longer, I stormed out of the room. I heard Ashar was calling my name, but I didn't stop and hurried out of the building.

It was all over. Just when I thought I got a chance to have a better life, the reality snapped me out from my reveries.

I caught a cab on the road and immediately drove away from his office. I was more angry on myself than them because I once again let him took control of my heart, of my feelings. I kept reminding myself about his true nature, but still I managed to put my guards down and fall in love with him all over again.

Tears flowed down my face and I put my palm on my mouth to stop the loud sobs. My present condition reminded me of those nights that I spent at his house, when I used to weep over my miseries. I was once again falling apart as if the history was repeating itself. It was not me Ashar wanted to marry. It was Samara, it was always Samara. The woman Laila was talking about was not me. I was so stupid.

The phone vibrated inside my bag. I took it out and saw Ashar was calling me. I switched off my phone immediately and put it back in the bag. I doubted everything, every single word that he said to me since his reappearance in my life. He was just fooling me, he was maybe just taking his revenge from me.

The cab dropped me to my apartment and I immediately locked myself inside the place for two and half hours. I thought I had to get a hold on myself before I go to the daycare and bring back Zoya.

💙

I changed into casual and comfortable clothes and hid the puffiness under my eyes through make up. I moved a brush in my hair and saw my reflection through my dresser's mirror. The makeup was successful in concealing the aftereffects of continuous sobbing from my face, but it still looked swollen. My eyes looked sad and red. My reflection once again glistened my eyes as I recalled why I was looking like that.

"No more crying." I whispered to myself and dried my tears. I slung my bag on my shoulder and hurried out of the room to pick up Zoya.

I would stay strong for my daughter. I would not let Ashar know that he became successful in crushing me emotionally. I just couldn't be sure of his reasons of doing all this to me. If they loved each other so much why they were bothering me when I stepped back ages ago.

The fury that was burning through me was making me crazy and I didn't know how to control it anymore. The daycare where Zoya go was located inside the street. The street that had residential houses all around. The cab dropped me just outside the street, so I just walked till the daycare house.

My gaze caught the familiar vehicle and that made me freeze on my spot. The man, who was standing against the car, looked up at me. The flashbacks of his intimate moments with Samara replayed in my head, boiling my blood.

Ashar ran towards me and stopped just in front of me. He looked flustered, anxious and maybe hurt. The frown on his face, the vertical lines on his forehead were expressing that he was perturbed. If I wouldn't have caught his lies, then I would've definitely fooled by him.

"Sanaya, I'm sorry, but you're seeing it in wrong way." He implored.

"Don't you dare, Ashar." I warned him venomously, "Don't you dare fill me up with your fake reasons. You disgust me."

"What is wrong with you? I've never lied to you." Hurt flashed in his eyes.

I looked away quickly because I knew if I kept on looking in them then I would go weak and bewitched by them. I had seen love in them, but that love was not for me. I was such a fool to think that it was for me.

"Go away." I yelled, "I don't want to see you, hear you. Why you came back? What do you want from me?"

He grasped my shoulders, "I want you to believe me. Samara was jus-"

"I'm not interested in knowing your explanations." I pushed away his hands and stepped back. I thought he would not come after me after what I saw, but he wanted to remain persistent with his act.

Hearing her name from his mouth escalated the envy in me, "I want you to leave."

"Why?" He muttered so lowly that he was barely audible.

I lifted my brows at him in confusion.

"After putting so much effort, why is it still hard for you to trust me?" His voice broke.

I turned on my side wordlessly. My eyes were filling with tears and I didn't want him to see that.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around, "Didn't I try hard enough? Tell me did I miss anything that you're still failed to trust me?"

"Leave it, Ashar." I said and wriggled my arm under his hold. He stared at me for a moment with a blank face then he pushed me slightly with a jerk.

"Fine." He ruffled his hair by moving his hand in them, looking frustrated, "I'm not going to explain myself anymore. If you can't trust me then I think we don't have any future together."

I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms. He was giving up.

"This time I'll do exactly what you want. Tell me Sanaya what do you want for one last time?" He demanded in a serious tone.

The rush of hurtful feelings whirled my head so I just fumed thoughtlessly and loudly, "Don't you get it? I want you out of my sight. I wish I would've never met you. I wish we would've never crossed path. I wish you would have never existed, Ashar. I loathe you."

I exhaled out a painful breath. His face turned dark at my words, but he immediately hid the hurt made it difficult for me to read his facial expressions anymore.

"Daddy."

Both of our eyes directed towards the innocent, fearful voice. Zoya was standing behind Ashar with her hello kitty backpack on her shoulders. Her frightening eyes and trembling lips expressed that she had heard some of our conversation.

That's not good. She saw us arguing. The remorse crept into me. I noticed Ashar moved forward and bent a little to pick her up, but he stopped, closed his fists and stepped back. I got puzzled up by his action for a moment, but I ignored it and diverted my attention on Zoya.

I stepped forward and took her in my arms. I began massaging the back of her head and looked at Ashar who was seemed to be lost in thoughts.

He turned to me, sucking his jaws a little, "I'll listen to you this time."

After that, he began walking towards his car. I understood him, he had taken his decision. He was leaving me and maybe Zoya as well.

💙

Ashar kept his words. He really left this time. My office colleagues told me that he handed over his project to his employee and went back to New York. I didn't see him after that day. He didn't even contact Zoya. Zoya asked about her father to me every day and I kept saying to her that he was busy.

The Hobsons assignment was in its final phase. Soon, the team would be collapsed that was made for their contract. I was grateful of that because I wouldn't be working for Ashar anymore.

I was not sure about myself like how I was feeling about Ashar's decision, but one thing I knew that his decision would help me to get over him because I didn't see him for like four days. However, my mind was distressed about something else; Zoya. I had no idea if Hobsons would let her live with me or not because she was the only heir of that family.

The thought that little girl had to choose one of her parents wrenched my heart. I didn't want her to go through all of this. Besides, I didn't want her to choose Ashar over me. I was scared to lose her, live without her. I won't be able to let her go once again.

"Everyone is so busy these days that we couldn't see each other." Ryan complained.

Ryan and I were sitting at the café with our coffees. He had arranged his wedding next week, so he was here to officially invite me for his big day. I told him that it was unnecessary and I would not miss his wedding for the world. But he said it was just an excuse to see me.

"Yeah, right." I bobbed my head up and down, "Especially, Carol. She doesn't have time to talk on call as well. I guess she is enjoying her flower business."

He chuckled, "Right. She sent pictures of some wedding bouquets last night asking me and Tessa to choose one from them. She seems so obsessed with flowers."

"The obsession is good." I gulped down the warm liquid in my throat, "By the way, how's the wedding preps going?"

"I'm exhausted." He groaned, shaking his head, "I've been doing everything all alone. Since I've no family members, there's no one to help."

"Stop nagging. This is the precious time of your life. Enjoy it, Dude."

Ryan pulled back in his chair and crossed his legs, "I'm happy. I just don't understand why Tessa wants everything grand and bright. I suggested her to keep the wedding small, but no, she wants to invite the entire city."

I laughed, understanding her excitement, "She's girlish."

Ryan rolled his eyes, "Anyways, now you tell, what about you?"

I knitted my brows at him confusingly.

"Do you still love him?"

I clutched the throw-away espresso glass in my hands because his straightforward question was abrupt and disturbing. His eyes fell on to the glass in my hands.

"I don't wan-t to talk about it." I choked. I put aside the glass and pretended to look around.

Ryan leaned forward. His movement brought my eyes back on him. He looked at me with quizzical face, "Why? What do you think? Do you want Zoya to suffer like us, live without a proper family?"

My lips quavered. I started playing with my fingers and tried to hold back the tears. He was pissing me off.

"Do you love Ashar?" He persisted.

"Dammit, Ryan." I slapped the table and yelled at him, "Didn't you hear me? I don't want to talk about him."

He flinched at my sudden outburst. My yelling caught attention of some people who were sitting in the cafe. I felt their stares on us, but I ignored them. I crossed my arms on the table, buried my head in them and began sobbing.

It was not helping. Nothing was helping at all. I was not over him. I missed his presence around me. Ryan shouldn't be that much direct and straightforward. God, now my heart was bleeding.

"I wish I could just erase him out of my life, out of my memories." I sniffled. I was almost kissing the wooden table as my lips moved against it, "Just what does he see in that woman?"

I felt a hand on the top of my head. He was stroking my hair, "I was just asking for a simple answer, not your outburst."

I pushed his hand away. "Get up." He said, "You should fight for what you want instead of being a crybaby."

Angrily, I rose to the sitting position in a swift. Ryan was sitting beside me now, "What? If that man choosing some other woman, you want me to put aside my morale and fight for him?"

"Then, why are you crying over such a man? Move on, Sanaya. Find a solution to the problem instead of wasting your life for him."

I wiped the water from my face through my hand and mused at his words. He was right. I should forget about him and move on. Why I was wasting my tears on him when he very easily broke my heart twice and left?

"Come on, I'll drop you to your office." He suggested.

I was mad at him, so I didn't answer him. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the café.

💙

I was doing painting with Zoya when I heard the doorbell. I got out of the bed and instructed her, "You stay here. I'll be back."

I took a half day from work and thought of spending some time with my daughter. I had to spend more time with her in order to hide the truth about Ashar. I didn't know for how long I could conceal it from her that her daddy was not going to talk to him.

I opened the door and my eyes widened in horror when I saw that woman who had turned my life upside down at my doorway.

Samara stepped inside my house, "Hi, Sanaya. Long time no see." She looked around, "Your place is nice and warm."

"How dare you!" I muttered.

Anger began pulsing through me to the extent that I felt I was going to burst into flames any minute.

"Nah. That's not how you welcome a guest to your house." She shook her head, giving me a warm smile.

"You're not a welcomed guest." I snapped aloud.

"How have you been? It's been ages." She ignored my reaction, putting her hand on my shoulder, "Look at you, you look like a grown up woman now. I hated back then that your baby face would make Ashar fall for you. You were so young and beautiful. Don't get me wrong you still look beautiful, no I would say more beautiful than you used to be."

A wave of surprise swept over me, but I hid it quickly and opened my mouth to shut her off when I saw Zoya ran out of the room and yelled, "Aunt Samara..."

What? Did my baby girl know that selfish wench?

"Oh Zoya, how are you doing?" Samara knelt down and cupped her face.

"I'm good. Did you come from a flying plane?" Zoya asked, raising her hand in the air to nonverbally explain the flying plane.

Samara laughed, "Yes. I was in plane."

"Zoya." I muttered her name angrily. She turned around and looked at me.

"Go back to you room." I glowered at Samara.

"Mommy, I want to talk to Aunt Samara." She persisted stubbornly, pouting at me.

I snorted in frustration, moved forward and grabbed her hand.

"Mommy..." I dragged her inside the room and put her on the bed.

She looked scared and on the verge of crying. I ignored her reaction and thought would deal with her later on.

"Don't come out of this room until I ask you to." I warned her and locked her in the room so she couldn't follow me.

Once I was out of the room, Samara said, "Why are you getting angry on her? She's a ki-"

"Leave while I'm asking nicely. Don't provoke me to call the security." I threatened her.

I knew she was here to laugh at me, to show off her triumph to me that she won over Ashar once again.

She puckered her lips, looking irritated, "Okay I'll go, but just let me stay here for few minutes. I've heard what happened between you and Ashar and I-"

"So, what? Are you here to show off your victory to me?" I said aloud my thoughts to her.

I noticed something different about her. Her face was glowing and her eyes were twinkling in a strange way as if she was happy about something. The glow on her face was not the type of glow that comes after using expensive skincare products or makeup, but her radiance was expressing something else as if she was living a good life, a happy life.

"Let me finish" She said, "I was saying, you're making a big mistake here."

"Why don't you just leave me alone? After ruining everything, what else do you want from me?"

"Put aside your anger for a minute and listen, you crazy woman." She hollered, "I'm already married. I don't even live in this country anymore. I came here for few days, so, I thought to stop by and say hi to Ashar."

"What? Come again?" My face contorted in utter confusion.

She sighed in annoyance and put out a phone from her classy shoulder bag, "See. This is the evidence." She put her phone upfront against my face, "He's my husband. Daniel is charming, handsome, caring and much better than Ashar."

I fixed my gaze on her phone screen and my confusion transformed into astonishment. Samara was in a wedding dress and beside her, a redhead, young man was standing in black tux. His arm was around her.

"And didn't you notice the ring on my finger?" She upraised her another hand in the air and showed me the back of her hand where I noticed a silver ring on her third finger.

"That's..." I looked at her in bewilderment, covering my mouth with my hands.

Oh God.

"I'm not a threat anymore, Sanaya. I love my husband very much and I'm not planning to steal your man." She put her phone back in her bag.

So, this was the reason behind her brightened face and happy eyes? She had found the love of her life. For a moment, I didn't know why, but I felt light-hearted as if the heavy stone was now lifted from my heart and now I could finally breathe normally. But, soon that feeling was replaced by a strong guilt; a painful realization.

With trembling legs, I sat back on the couch and hid my face in my palms. I had never thought that way that Samara had moved on.

She sat beside me and touched my shoulder, "I understand your insecurities, but you need to leave behind all those bad memories and start over. There's only one woman in Ashar's heart and that's you."

I moved my hands from my face and gave her a blank stare, unable to believe those words were coming from her mouth, "How-when did it happen?"

She sighed aloud, pulled back her hand from my shoulder, "Ashar clearly told me that he couldn't divorce you when you both have a child in between. I moved abroad and that's where I met Daniel. We dated for a year then got married."

I closed my eyes and recalled my hostile behavior with Ashar.

She continued, "I met with Ashar few times during previous years. He didn't even come to my wedding because he was in a different country at that time. I'm so sorry, Sanaya for all the mean things I said, I did to you. I'd never thought that it would take that long for Ashar to open up his heart to you. I've known Ashar since our childhood so, I can tell. He liked you as a woman since a long time. He was just unable to express it."

The fury in me blinded my rationality. I should've listened to him. I stood up on my feet, feeling suffocated and sinking into my own guilt and regrets, "I'm so stupid."

Samara also rose up from the sofa and came in front, "It's never too late. Ashar didn't cheat on you. Erase all those trashy thoughts that have been in your mind all that time and just remember that he loves you. Go after him and sort out the misunderstandings. He's hurt because you didn't show trust in him."

I remembered how his eyes were giving me a pleading look, but my stupid impulsiveness ignored all the hints. My insecurities were so strong. All that time, I knew my rational part of the brain tried to find any flaw or any doubt about him that would give me a good excuse to prove myself, my instincts right and once I found it or I thought I found it I readily jumped to a conclusion that all my fears were true.

We believe what we want to believe. We see what we want to see. That's a true saying. I did the same thing to Ashar. I was so focused on my assumptions that I didn't pay attention to the actual truth.

"What should I do? I pushed him away, Samara." I mumbled.

She gave me a sad smile, "I told you it's never too late to repent for your mistakes. Talk to him. Don't worry he won't shout at you."

It's not that easy. Samara didn't see the firmness in his eyes when he said he would listen to me this time, I saw it and that makes me doubtful that he was not going to accept my apology. I wanted to cry, scream or maybe pull my hair in frustration.

She embraced me into a hug, "I'm leaving today. I don't know when we'll meet again, but I hope that next time I stop by I'll see you both together and happy."

I distractedly placed my arm on her back.

"Good luck." She said and pulled back.

After Samara left my house, I grabbed my temples and tried to calm down. I thought Ashar once again aggravated everything, but no, it was not Ashar, it was me, I ruined everything and lost my chance to be happy, to have a family of my own.

I remembered that I had locked Zoya inside the room. Ugh.

I rushed towards the room and opened it. Her paints and pencil colors were scattered on the bed and she was lying on her side just beside the edge of the bed. Hesitantly, I walked to her and saw her eyes were closed and there were dried tears around them.

I wished I could end her sufferings too. I caressed her hair softly and whispered, "Baby, I'm sorry."

She slowly opened her eyes and sat up. She shuddered a little as she looked at me with hesitant gaze.

Moisture filled my eyes as I saw her fear. I held her hand, "Do you wanna see Daddy?"

A happy smile spread across her lips that reached to her eyes, "Yes."

"Okay." I smiled weakly in return, "Let's go together and see Daddy."