Chapter 20 - Cracks

I'm in love with you, Julia...

Jack's words replayed in Julia's mind. She felt they were haunting her actually. They were haunting her because she herself wasn't sure how she felt about Jack. Was she in love with him?

Julia didn't want to answer that question. If she did, it would mean letting her guard down completely, getting exposed. By not answering the question she felt her heart and mental stability, at least what was left of it, were protected.

The party they were organizing for Global Software was in two days, yet Julia felt she was watching all the events from behind a glass wall. Lizzie, Josh and even herself, with a professional facade on, were busy with the final preparations on one side of that wall. Julia and her gloomy thoughts stood on the other side.

It wasn't only Jack's love declaration that kept her mind busy though. What she constantly saw in vivid colors was the moment when Jack asked Tom to kill Nicholas Starr. Julia clearly remembered his clenched fists, lips pressed in a thin line and that determination in his eyes. That vision filled her not only with dread, but also with guilt and anger.

She felt guilty for dragging a successful man like Jack into her life's mess. He was ready to risk everything for her; by asking Tom what he'd asked him Jack had put his life and company at stake.

And she felt angry because Jack's behaviour also showed how much of a control freak he was. Was he really ready to get rid of Nicholas to make sure he had Julia safe by his side? Did he really need to be that much in control of the situation?

Yet, days went by and neither Jack nor Tom mentioned their unfortunate conversation at Jack's place. Julia knew however that Tom was relentless in pushing his friends at the DEA to put some additional controls over Nicholas.

She wasn't sure whether Tom succeeded. All she knew was that no one was watching her anymore. Julia could walk out of the office on her own and was no longer getting that feeling of someone's eyes on her.

Jack agreed to calling off the body guards, although he was very persistent on someone still driving Julia to the office. She decided not to argue with that. For now.

Neither Jack nor Zoey however wanted to hear of Julia moving out. Zoey continued to assure her that she and Jess loved to have her around. Jack didn't have to say anything; Julia knew he was convinced he was keeping her safe that way.

I swear, I feel like a teenage girl trying to convince her parents to let her go camping! She thought to herself annoyed after yet another of such conversations with the Deschanel siblings. Well, I am a grown up woman and I've had it!

So without saying anything to anyone Julia started looking for an apartment to rent. She knew she would not be able to afford to live in Deschanel's neighbourhood, although that would for sure quiet their objections. In the end she found a nice place near Carroll Gardens.

Communicating it to the Deschanels was now a challenge. Julia still had a couple of weeks before she moved into the new apartment, so she decided to take it slow.

It's not like Julia felt she would be completely safe in her new place. She definitely did not. She just knew she had to move out and start on her own again. She just hoped Zoey and Jack, especially Jack, would understand that.

There'll be no more sneaking out to Jack's place in the evenings... she thought with a blush.

They had been kind of working out their own routine lately. Julia would usually go with Jack to the office in the mornings. He would then often try to be free for lunch, so that they could eat together. Being the CEO though Jack did not have the luxury of a lunch break often, and if he did then it was usually connected with a business meeting. He would then pop his head into her office with a look of a sad puppy and Julia could not help but to laugh at him in such moments.

Jack would then always make it up to her by taking her to dinner or making love to her, or both.

After one of such nights, as she was standing in Jack's bedroom, Julia looked in the mirror. Is that the reflection of a new Julia? she wondered. A Julia that might be close to being happy?

Jack walked out of the bathroom, his hair still wet from the shower. She could see in the mirror that he slowly approached her.

"Good morning, Miss Stiles," Jack purred, kissing her neck.

This is a reflection of us together, she thought satisfied.

What Julia didn't think of at that moment was that mirrors do crack sometimes. And when they crack, they can also break into million pieces.

It was already after six, so Julia was planning to leave the office. Global Software party was taking place the next day, but everything was ready. They made sure not to leave any loose ends.

Julia grabbed her bag, smiling. Wonder if Jack could be distracted for a moment... She thought, turning to the door, but was stopped by her cell phone ringing.

It was an unknown number, which, as usual, made her a bit weary.

"Hello...?"

"Miss Stiles, this is Detective Rivera. I hope it's not a bad time?"

Julia remembered the police officer very well. She was the one that had visited her in the hospital after the attack. The detective sounded kind of excited... as if she had some good news that she couldn't wait to share.

"Hello Detective. What can I do for you?"

"I have some news about Nicholas Starr..." she hesitated for a moment. "Not sure if you've already heard..."

Maybe Tom finally managed to convince his friends at the DEA to put some additional restrictions on Nicholas...? Julia thought intrigued.

"I believe I haven't heard anything, detective..."

She could hear detective Rivera taking a deep breath.

"Miss Stiles, Nicholas Starr was found dead in his cell last night... They say it was a suicide, but I'm sure someone helped him with that..."

Julia didn't hear the rest of detective Rivera's words; they were drowned out by the wave of emotions that flooded Julia's mind. For one second she felt relieved. That relief was quickly replaced by terror though when she realized that Jack and Tom must have been behind Nicholas' death.

"Miss Stiles?" Julia heard the officer's voice, but she couldn't force herself to reply.

Her hands started shaking so bad that the phone slipped out of her fingers. As if in a trance she walked out of her office and directed her footsteps towards Jack's.

Julia opened the door without knocking. She could see Jack was on the phone. Still he sent her a welcoming smile that died on his lips the moment he saw Julia's expression. He twitched when she slammed the door.

"Alice, I'll call you back," he said to the person on the other side of the line and hung off the phone.

"What did you do?" Julia whispered in a tone that could freeze an ocean.

"Julia?"

"What did you do?!" she yelled this time. Walking to his desk she pointed an accusing finger at Jack. She knew she was totally losing it, but she did not care. How could he have betrayed me like that!?

Jack was about to say something, but the door to his office was pushed open and in ran Tom with a look of panic on his face.

"So you already know?" he concluded, seeing the look on Julia's face.

"Know what!?" Jack exclaimed.

"Starr is dead, Jack."

Julia could see the surprised look on Jack's face, but did not believe it to be a true one.

Jack looked back at Julia and must have realized what was on her mind.

"I had nothing to do with this, Julia."

"How could you, Jack?" Julia ignored his words. "How could you have done that? You promised me, Jack!"

"Julia, I didn't have Nicholas Starr killed!" Jack exclaimed, already slightly annoyed by her accusations.

"And do you expect me to believe that, Jack?! Why would I believe that the arrogant and controlling mister CEO would not cross the line to just get what he wants? Tell me, Jack!" By now Julia was screaming at the top of her lungs.

Tom knew from experience that it was best not to get involved in their arguments, so he stood quietly by the door.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I would expect you to believe me, Julia," Jack answered coldly. "You know that I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you or lose your trust..."

"Well, that ship has sailed, Deschanel," she interrupted him. Julia could see that her words hurt him, but she couldn't care less at that moment.

"I don't get you, Stiles. You are getting a chance at being happy. Hell, you are finally free from that bastard's grasp! Yet, you chose to linger in that abyss of yours. Pushing away people who care about you, not willing to trust those who love you..."

Something changed in Jack's eyes after he'd said that. He put on his mask of indifference; the one Julia knew very well from months ago. She ignored that though.

"You speak of trust, Jack, like it's another fancy car you can just go ahead and buy. Well, it's not a fucking car! It's something you need to work hard to gain and to maintain, and something that you can easily lose. Since you're one smart cookie, I presume you know you lost my trust." Julia turned to the door not wanting to look at his indifferent expression anymore.

Jack wasn't finished though. Hearing him, Julia stopped in the door with her back to Jack.

"That's your decision, Stiles, not to trust me. Despite all I've told you, you still decide to walk away. Fine! You know where to find me if you change your mind."

As she walked out of his office, she heard him add:

"Although I will not be waiting long..."

***

How could I have said it?! Not waiting long? You are a moron, Deschanel!

Jack kept reprimanding himself for the way the argument with Julia had gone. He was angry with her, obviously, but he could have handled it better. He'd known by now that she was always quick in drawing conclusions and even quicker in getting mad at him.

You could have handled it better, Deschanel, were also Tom's words right after Julia had stormed out of his office.

Jack's self scolding was interrupted by his cell phone ringing.

"Can you explain to me why a furious Julia packed her things and left?" his sister asked from the other end of the line.

Jack sighed, combing his fingers through his hair.

"Nicholas Starr is dead, Zoey."

Silence followed. Apparently his sister needed a moment to fully digest the meaning of his words.

"Isn't that good news?" she finally asked.

"Technically it is good news...."

"But?" Zoey pressed.

"But... Julia might be suspecting that I have something to do with Starr's death."

Zoey snorted loudly, clearly not believing in her brother's murderous skills.

"Why would she suspect that?"

"Few days ago I might have asked Tom to consider an option of disposing of Starr and Julia might have overheard that..."

"Crap! You are an utter moron, Jack!" Zoey exclaimed, but was not yet done with the insults. "Have you completely lost the remainder of your brain cells? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, ok?! I'm in love with her, Zoey! I couldn't stand the thought that something might happen to her. I was just running out of options to protect her."

Zoey was silent. Jack realized that he'd just openly admitted to his sister that he was in love with her best friend.

"Alright, lover boy," she said a few moments later. He could swear she was grinning. "What are you going to do now?"

"Me? She was the one who accused me of murder, she was the one that did not trust my words and decided to run away. Why should I be doing anything about it?!"

"You are a moron after all... Jack, Julia is used to running and hiding. That's become her defense mechanism..."

"Well, fuck that, Zoey! She was the one who decided to yell about the matter, instead of talking it through. She needs to calm down first and then maybe we could talk again..."

Jack knew very well he needed to calm down too. He could still hear Julia's accusations loud and clear in his head. He knew that she must have felt betrayed at the thought of him ordering a hit on Starr, but hell, he felt betrayed too. Why couldn't she just trust him?

"Jack, Julia left New York..."

"She did what?"

"She said she needed to take a break..."

"What do you mean 'take a break'?!" Jack stood up from his office chair, feeling anger oozing out of him. His CEO mode was on. "She has work to do! The party for Global Software is tomorrow for Christ sake...!"

"Julia assured me Lizzie and Josh will manage everything," Zoey interrupted her brother's angry banter. "She also said that she'd call Lizzie tomorrow morning."

"Well, did she tell you where she was going, Zoey?" Jack asked, surprised with how defeated his voice sounded.

"She didn't, Jack. But where could she go? I'm sure she's on her way to her mom's place. She hadn't had a chance to visit her like a normal person for over a year."