Chapter 94

94 “Cathain’s Obsession”

After coming out from the emperor’s bedroom, Eleanora wanted to get some fresh air so she went to the balcony near the emperor’s room.

When she raised her head, wiping her tears, she saw Cathain staring into the night sky blankly in the balcony.

He was sitting on the floor in the white robe, which he wore to celebrate his coming of age ceremony without any agitation.

Lots of people misunderstood from his lack of sorrow that the rumours of the bitter relationship between the crown prince and emperor is true but his empty eyes clearly told the truth.

His red eyes looking up at the sky were empty.

‘Is he okay?’

Even in her past life, Eleanora had heard lots of people whispering that he had no close relationship with the emperor as father and son, but she was still worried.

He was a human before the crown prince.

Could he stay indifferent when his only family member was in a death bed like situation?

.....

When Eleanora, who isn’t tied directly to the emperor by blood, is so sad, how hard it is for him now!

Because of his status as the crown prince, he wouldn’t be able to express his sadness openly, so he would be sitting alone and swallowing up sadness.

The future ruler is supposed to be like that by nature.

Eleanora couldn’t just stand by and watch anymore, so she decided to go to him and sat beside him on the floor.

“Your Highness!”

“...”

“Your Highness!”

“... Ele?”

Cathain was not a man who responded slowly, specially if it was Eleanora, but this time he turned around slowly after she called him twice.

At that realisation, Eleanora’s heart sank.

His red eyes were empty as expected.

“Why did you come here? Why don’t you go back and take a rest? It’s almost midnight...”

“Your highness...”

“Oh, look at your dress. You must be cold. Should i help you get a room here to change?”

When he said that lightly, unlike the old him who always buried his feelings, the current him was still trying to comfort her despite his sorrow.

Eleanora felt heartbroken.

Obviously, he was so stricken by the sorrow of almost losing his father that he forgot the imperial etiquette deeply embedded in his mind.

Cathain was a man who knew how to control his words all the time.

As he was in a position to take responsibility for each of his trifling words and actions, he always refined his thoughts and expressed them in well-refined words when he talked about something.

Unless he was Ain or with Eleanora.

“Your highness... Please come to your senses!”

Although Eleanora knew she was rude, she spoke to Cathain loudly for the first time.

Previously, she didn’t knew Ain was him but she had never talked like this to the crown prince.

“Am okay, Ele...”

Cathain looked more serious ad tough than Eleanora thought, which tore her heart out.

She took a deep breath and knelt down on the floor beside him to seat. Then she hesitated for a moment before reaching out to him.

‘Is it because of my memories of him in the past?’

Eleanora found herself still reluctant to contact him unconsciously.

It was okay for her to hold his hand for an escort or dance at official events, but she felt uneasy about contacting him physically in private places.

She was okay with Ain and kissed him but it was because she wasn’t thinking straight at that moment.

However, she wanted to comfort him for some reason now.

Eleanora couldn’t see Cathain crumble like this.

She hesitantly touched his fingers with her fingertips.

His hand that she held first for the first time was very cold, as usual.

Eleanora thought she might feel creeped out, but she didn’t. Rather she felt sympathetic, didn’t feel scared or tremble.

Now she took a little more courage and carefully wrapped his hands.

When she patted the back of his hands as if to comfort him, Cathain said with a surprised voice as it was the first time that Eleanora had taken the initiative to touch the crown prince.

“...Ele?”

“Your Majesty, please harden your heart!”

“...”

“Everything will be alright!”

Eleanora spoke to him with a low voice.

He was always a level-headed man in her memories, so she didn’t want to see him crumble helplessly.

“I know how hard it is for you now. It’s natural that you are so sad because the emperor, who was your only blood, in this condition.”

“...”

“Please overcome your sorrow. The emperor would not want you to crumble like this.”

“Would he even care...?”

While listening to Eleanora silently, Cathain spoke in an unstable trembling voice.

“Maybe even now, he is only concerned about the empire and discussing about border affairs with the duke.”

“...Your Highness.”

“He would be more worried about the empire than me, his only son.”

“No, that’s not true. The emperor loves you from the bottom of his heart.”

“I don’t think so. He thought of me only as his successor, and he is worried about the empire, as i still couldn’t become the crown prince he wanted.”

When Eleanora saw his wounded feelings in his eyes, she was really emotional as it was the same thing she used to thought about her own father in her previous life.

‘Ah, Your Highness. You shouldn’t think so... but i also think you have no choice but to think so as my past self.’

Eleanora sighed unconsciously, thinking about the bedridden emperor.

‘Why did you sadden son who craved your love so badly? Why didn’t you love and care about him? You were so mean. Why didn’t you say some kind words to him which wouldn’t make him think this?’

Cathain was still staring at the sky as he spoke.

“You know... Once i hated you. I couldn’t even bear to hear your name at that time.”

“...”

“It started when i saw my father smiling and playing with you when you was very little.

At my fifth birthday party, when i first awakened my magic powers, he was teaching you how to make little figures with magic instead of me.

Which made me very angry.

That was my birthday and magic awakening ceremony but everyone’s attention was at you, even my father who is always distant with me was praising you.”

“...”

“I know it’s not your fault. But i couldn’t control my emotions and not knowing how to control this, i started to hate you, compete with you. I started to follow you to do better then you, but never knew when it turned into a habit to follow you around.”

Eleanora didn’t knew what to say. She never knew anything about this even in her past life.

“When i got to understand that, you don’t even know about my efforts to compete with you... I got more angry, maybe jealous as i, who kept following you around, didn’t even noticed me at all.”

After being silent for a moment, Eleanora finally decided to ask.

“...For how long did you followed me?”

“More then eight years. I started to sneak out to follow you when i turned ten and you was five. I was jealous of you, who had a loving mother and a caring father.

The duke was always cold infront of everyone but as soon as he meets you, he turns into a different person. I used to always watch you from afar and envy you...”

.....

Eleanora was really speechless to know this. Never once she thought that he had his eyes on her from the very beginning.

Then why did things turned out to be like that in the past?

Her heart ached in pain.

“Your highness...”

Eleanora was a little shocked as Cathain suddenly leaned down and put his head on her lap.

“I don’t know when my jealousy of you changed into something else. At the duchess funeral, when i gave you my handkerchief after mustering a lot of courage and you finally looked up at me with a smile, maybe i had fallen for you genuinely at that time.”

Cathain stopped for a moment before he started to speak again after some hesitation.

“...But then as soon as you saw the duke, you left me and run after the duke and then, you kept chasing him secretly to the imperial palace while i chased after you too.

I had to stay awake all night to work as i used to spent the day after chasing you secretly.”

Cathain chuckled a little at the end of his words where Eleanora’s hands, which was stroking his hair stopped for a moment.

‘Was the past Cathain like this too?’

“We occasionally meet for a few times after that and you started to smile at me more often. I acted like i didn’t liked cared but i can’t tell you how happy i felt from inside... then one day, you changed suddenly.”

Eleanora guessed it was the time when got reincarnate in her ten year old body.

“That day, You was standing near the lake and seeing you look all gloomy, i thought you was about to do something so i went to pull you back.

But accidentally i pushed you in the lake. After i got you up from the lake, you started to cry out loud as you cling to the Duke.”

“Wait! It was you, who saved me?”

Cathain finally looked at her with a smile, which made Eleanora sure that she was right.

Then why did her father lied to her?

“After that, in our next meeting, you was so afraid of me that you passed out. And you continued to be afraid of me like i was about to kill you...”

Eleanora kept silent. He was right about that. He had indeed killed her in their past life.

But she doesn’t want to blame it on a person who didn’t did it yet and is completely different from before.

The Cathain in the past would never open up to her like this. This is the difference between the past and the present.

“I realised at that time, i wanted you, i don’t like you seeing with anyother man even if it’s your own cousin, I want you all for myself... but i didn’t knew how to approach you either or tell you my feelings.

After i succedd into changing my appearance, i had the idea to approach you but i didn’t wanted to deceive you.

Then i coincidentally meet you at the streets, where i realised you could accept anyone except the crown prince. I got greedy for more.

And as time passed by... i started to have visions about our past life and understood why you was so terrified of me.”

Eleanora could feel Cathain’s voice shaking and hesitating a little at this point. It wasn’t easy for one to open up.

“I reminded you of that man... i was angry how you always seem to compare me with him, everytime you looked at me.

How he had you even after all the things he did but i couldn’t even get close to you with my real identity.”

Cathain spoke with a low voice but Eleanora could feel his pain. She knows how it feels like to see your love one, loving another person.

“Yes... You used to remind me of him, your unusual and unpredictable actions always made me compare the both of you...

He had treated me very bad, never spoke gently, gave me respect or any love... but despite everything, i still loved him very much till i couldn’t afford to love him anymore...”

Eleanora spoke in a low sad voice and saw Cathain clenching his fist tightly at her answer.

But then a faint smile appeared on her face as she spoke, which made Cathain’s eyes widened in surprise.

“There is no doubt that i loved and hated the past you very much... but, I don’t hate or fear the current you anymore.”