Confession and Sin

The paparazzi nearly pounced on us the moment, Emir and I stepped out of the car. Apparently, we had made the headlines that day.

"Fashion Designer Emir Aslan's Sweeping Affair with Billionaire Businesswoman Sana Bianchi"

I was seething! But apparently, we were supposed to smile and act as if everything was alright. It was a bright and sunny day, perfect for the Derby Royale.

I wore a peach hand-knit midi dress with a formal blazer, pumps and a fabulous headpiece that had been a gift from princess Catarina of Spain at the Kentucky Derby. The netting covered my face and the effect was beautiful, regal and cold.

Emir of course had to wear a bespoke tweed suit and an chequered beret. It was daring.

We walked side-by-side greeting people and dodging malicious whispers.

It was the most difficult test to keep smiling when all I wanted to do was retaliate.

Jules had no doubt been behind this.

Emir didn't take us to the stands at first. Since, his own stallions were taking part in the races, I followed him to the stables first.

Our horse was called 'Osman'. His coat was like black silk and he seemed impatient to go out on track. Emir and I talked to the stablehands and the analysts who informed us that there was a good chance of Osman winning the races.

We walked around the race course keeping an eye out for Delacroix stables. I had a feeling Gauthier was going to be here. I just needed someone to help me meet him as he had denied every meeting with me.

The Derby Royale was the biggest derby of the year attended by businessmen, royals and racing fanatics alike.

We took our seats at the stands beside Lady Adela, a German countess descendant of Queen Victoria herself. We talked shop about fashion and racing.

"Who did you place your bets on?", I asked her.

"On JJ. Gauthier would be so mad otherwise if I were to place my bet on Osman.", Lady Adela winked.

" You know Gauthier?", I asked surprised.

"Of course I do. My husband takes a huge interest in racing. He invested in Delacroix racing last year.", she told me.

" Oh, that's great. He is an old friend of mine. Let us go meet him and wish him luck. ", I lied.

"What a coincidence! Of course, let us catch up with him together.", she agreed.

Emir was looking through his binoculars at the track.

I pulled his sleeve and whispered in his ear.

"We got him."

I could not see his eyes behind his aviators but he squeezed my fingers and turned his eyes towards the track again.

I had been waiting for that opportunity, to meet him without him denying me the permission to visit.

Now, I had the perfect excuse.

Lady Adela and I walked towards the stables with champagne glasses in our hands.

"Gauthier, what a pleasure old friend! ", Lady Adela exclaimed enthusiastically air-kissing him on both cheeks.

Gauthier smiled at her but then his eyes turned hard when he saw me.

"I made a friend here today, Ms. Bianchi. I assume you two know each other.", she said.

" Of course, Lady Adela. We are familiar..", he said flinty and polite but no one could mistake the frostiness in his tone.

"Ms.Bianchi, it's a surprise to see you here."

"On the other hand, I don't think you are surprised at all. I would say you were expecting me.", I smiled sweetly.

" Lady Adela.", I said turning to her. "I haven't been entirely honest with you but I would like a minute with Mr. Delacroix if you wouldn't mind."

She was too well bred with manners to deny me.

"Let us talk in private unless you want to create a scene in this place.", I told him bluntly.

His jaw clenched and he walked off to a quiet corner. I followed suit.

Taking a parchment from my purse, I held it out to him.

"What is this bullshit, Gauthier? I know this was Jules. Is she going to steep this low and say I am having an affair with my boss?!", I fumed.

"You appeared at the Met Gala together. You have since been to parties and now you are at the Derby together. People make assumptions.", he said neutrally.

" Then I am going to do a lot more than spread rumors. I am going to tell you how your boss is a former drug addict. I will tell the whole world, I will show pictures, I will shout it from the rooftop if I have to. Oh, I bet she didn't tell you that, did she?", I asked to his questioning frown.

"Sana...we can come to an agreement surely. I will ensure such things don't inconvenience you again.", he told changing tacks swiftly, the smart businessman that he was.

"Actually....I have something better.", I said handing over a blank check to him.

"I can't be bought.", he said resolutely.

I laughed.

" You think I am buying you? Wrong. I don't need to buy you. You are oldest partner, the Chair of Directors. I know you will see sense soon. Jules is a ticking time bomb. You know it. I know it. I give you another two months. That check is for a bet. If she stays in office for more than that, you can keep that check. Otherwise you will be the one to return it to me, with the keys to my office."

He looked at me strangely. Running his hand through his salt and pepper hair, he sighed,

"You sound confident and rude. You should know better than to throw a check at a man who has the power to decide your future. I can convince the entire board to hire or fire you. "

"When I know I will win, I don't make the effort to be nice.", I said turning back.

" Oh, and Gauthier, nobody has the power to decide my future, much less you. Exactly, a month from now, you are going to call for a vote. You. Not me. You are going to make me CEO again and the moment I become CEO will be a bad day for Jules. A really bad one. Have a nice day.", I told him.

On my way out, I saw him eyeing the check and looking stonily at me. I stopped by Lady Adela and told her,

"You should have bet on Osman, Lady Adela. Your loss."

Osman won the race. I counted my notes gleefully.

_____________

"You should have seen the look on his face. He was going to burst an artery.", I told Emir over drinks.

"Here's to the first step towards winning your company back.", he said raising his mug of beer. The foam was almost overflowing the rim. As we clicked our glasses, liquid splashed the table.

"Bottoms up.", I said and took a deep drink. Leaning back against my booth, I rested my head on the leather. My ungodly expensive hat lay abandoned on the table.

My heels lay under the table.

Mr. Aslan however looked as unflappable as ever. It was worrying how his hair was still the perfect mix of rumpled and formal. However he had abandoned his coat.

"You look better. Happier than you looked all week.", he commented rolling the sleeves of his pristine white shirt.

I was surprised he had noticed.

"I needed this win, so bad Emir. I needed to have the final say. It's like saying fuck you to fate. Only infinitely more satisfying. I cannot believe that Jules could fall down to this extent. It's jarring. That kind of betrayal never is like a sharp glass shard pricking constantly. You never quite get used to it.", I said to him.

"You don't.", he agreed. " But you know, billionaire businesswoman has a sweeping affair with fashion house heir has quite a ring to it."

"Emir...", I warned. We had been toeing this line for weeks. This line between professional and personal. For me the line never existed at all. There was Ethan and then there was the world.

"Tell me you don't feel it. Lie to me then.", he said suddenly serious.

His eyes held me captive in my seat. The hypnotic lights in the club suddenly blinded me. The music pounded crazily around but it fell strangely quiet. I was distinctly aware of the sweat gathering on the valley of my breath.

"I am taken, Emir. Remember that? ", I said trying to look anywhere else but his intense scrutiny.

"I remember it. Perhaps you need to remind yourself of it. Or perhaps, you don't want to remember.", he said, his fingers circling the rim of the glass. Jesus!

I didn't say anything. He took my hand. The touch was a jolt of electric current. I wasn't expecting it at all.

Caressing my inner wrist with slight teasing fingers, he pressed a kiss on centre of my palm. My fingers clenched involuntarily. Bastard knew exactly what he was doing. The brush of callous thumbs was a distinct sensation in other secret places.

"Let go of my hand.", I asked him, my breathing uneven.

"Never.", he whispered softly. " What if I never let go?"

His eyes stroked me lazily. The black midi dress was no protection at all.

What if he never did? A tiny voice in my head whispered. It was so enticing. This man, this beautiful, broken man wanting me. The night would no doubt be memorable. The morning would be choked with guilt. Lust and sin wrapped in one erotic package. He had to be an exceptional lover if his steady stream of broken hearts was any proof.

But then why did I suddenly want to be reckless? Why was I feeling things I had no business feeling? I was committed, I was in love then why did that tiny part of my head scream to me, to hell with the consequences.

"I am not playing this game with you.", I said trying to pull my hand back. His fingers tightened on my wrist.

"You are afraid.", he stated.

"Yes, I am.", I admitted. " I am afraid because you are making me want yo..things I shouldn't want. Are you happy now? "

He laughed disbelievingly.

"So, I am not burning in this feeling alone. You feel it too. Jesus! All this time..... I thought..... I thought you never noticed."

He raked his hand through his hair. One inky black lock fell over his forehead.

"Trust me, I noticed."

And there it was, out in the open, a raw confession. All these months it was brewing between us, a traitorous, torturous feeling. Both of us committed to our own worlds and yet it bloomed between us.

"But, you can't do it, can you?", he said softly, looking into my eyes. I swallowed. " You can't leave this place with me. You can't go back to my apartment knowing it would be one of the most memorable nights of your life."

His arrogance was unbelievable.

"If I have to choose between one night of meaningless fun to losing the most important person in my life, the choice becomes surprisingly easy.", I snapped. It was deliberate, a jab, a mockery. It made its mark.

His eyes hardened. My hand fell from his and landed on the table with a dull thud. He closed his eyes and his fingers clenched into a fist. Suddenly, he got up and made a move to leave. Before I could apologize, he started to move out of the booth. He slapped some money on the table and left me sitting there

"Emir....stop"

He didn't listen. He strode out of the club without looking back. I walked out after him barefoot, my shoes still in the booth.

"Emir....listen....stop.....just FUCKING STOP!", I shouted after him.

When he was moving towards the garage, I grabbed hold of the back of his shirt and forced him to stop. Taking his hand, I pulled him into the side of the empty parking lot. He was clearly not expecting me to womanhandle him if his sharp intake of breath was any indication.

" Jesus! Would you listen for a minute.", I screamed.

"There's nothing to say, Sana. Did you know how difficult it was for me to say it? .", he said coldly. He started to walk away again but this time I physically restrained him to the opposite wall withy upper body.

" We are not finished talking. So you will listen to me.", I kept talking.

"I didn't mean it like that. I am loyal, loyal to a fault. You know I wanted it, in this moment I still want it. Maybe it is loneliness or lust, but I want to be with you. So, don't ask me to give in to you because I will give in and then I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER. If I mean anything to you, please don't do this to us. I am not strong enough to resist you tonight. Don't make me a traitor.", I begged.

His eyes softened. I knew I had gotten to him. He raised his hand and stroked my face softly.

"You make my heart a traitor.", he chanted like a prayer.

" I am fucking jealous. Emir Aslan is jealous of a man in a war zone. I never thought this day would come. He has something others can only covet.", he laughed incredulously.

"I am not a prize.", I said indignantly.

"No, you are a blessing. His blessing and my prayer.", he agreed.

Fuck! When he said things like that.....

His thumbs brushed past my lips. My breathing became heavier. He was inches away from my lips. He could bend his head and seal this sliver of space between us. But, he didn't.

The worst thing was that I wanted him to bend and kiss me.

Yes, I wanted him.

I closed my eyes. He bent his head and pressed a soft peck on the corner of my lips. Then he pulled back just enough to whisper in my ear,

"Even if I can't have you, this night will be mine. Your admission will be mine, this moment will be mine. I don't take unwilling women to bed so I will let you go. This time."

'This time', I shuddered to think what would happen next time.

He pressed a kiss on the side of neck where it met the arch of my shoulder. I let him do that, a small act of rebellion. I stood ramrod still.

He stepped back leaving me in cold, painful yearning. I breathed out in frustrated relief.

He located his car and started walking away. He stepped inside and started it.

The mighty beast slowed down to a smooth stop in front of me. He rolled down the window.

"I let you go this time because you begged. The next time....I won't restrain myself. So, stay away.", he warned and slid out of the parking lot leaving me in a panting, confused and aroused mess.