Free

"I can give you the rest of the 4% that amounts to a 80 million.", Emir said as he sat behind the desk.

I sucked in a sudden breath.

"And just why would you do that?", I asked.

"Consider it a business decision. I would have stake in your company and earn myself healthy money. Yours is one of the fastest growing companies in lingerie, Sana.", he explained.

"I sense a but in there.", I said careful to frame my words.

"My lawyer will explain this part.", he said. A young woman dressed smartly in business casual, entered the room.

"A pleasure, Miss Bianchi", she said and shook my hand.

" Call me Sana.", I said automatically.

"As you know, that Mr. Aslan and Ms.Lemaire, the other owner of the company have been engaged in a battle of ownership for the majority rights of the company. Mr. Aslan is currently losing the battle as he had been unable to manage the LA office for the past two years. The sales have hit a slump in this branch.", she said.

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"He does not what to lead anymore. He wants you to lead this fashion house.", she stated nonchalantly.

I did not understand a single thing.

"I suggested an acquisition of Boss Lady and then merging it into the House of Aslan-Lemaire as the company's new lingerie division. Then he would want you take over as CEO.", she went on.

"Wait! What about Clementine?", I asked.

"Mr. Aslan proposed buying her out of the company. There are rumors that she is looking for.....options.", she trailed off.

"The cost of this endeavor will be paid with what money exactly? I know the finances of the house are in a less than optimum state!",I said.

"With my Rosé's fortunes.", Emir said, speaking up for the first time since this unbelievable idea started off.

"Unfortunately, there is a problem.", the lawyer interjected again.

"His late wife left a condition in her will of dispersing her massive fortunes. Mr. Aslan can only access those funds if he marries again. It's an airtight clause that she perfected over years and can only be accessed by his new wife.", she said.

Shit just got weirder.

"And just what do you suggest? That I marry him to get access to that money?"

I lost my temper.

"Is this a part of your plan to woo me, Emir? Because, I am not finding it funny! ", I said absolutely livid.

His eyes turned cold.

"It's been two weeks Sana. Jane Marconi shows no interest in letting you into the company. Even if she did, you won't have control over the board. You may be ousted again at her whim.", he said. His tone was chilly as if he had thought about this for a long time.

"You realize that this is insane, right? I am promised to someone else.", I said unwilling to let go of my anger.

"Eh! Perhaps I should step out of the room.", the lawyer said and hastily went out.

I was about to leave too but a tug on my hand and I was pressed against the wall. My breath whooshed out of me.

"You didn't think about promises, when you kissed me, Sana. ", he said caging me against the wall.

My breath quickened.

" How dare you try to force me into a corner? You know that I love my company! How dare you use it to gain my affections. I trusted you!", I fumed.

"Because, I don't know how else to have you, Sana!", he said roughly.

He wouldn't let me move. His body was snug against mine. Memories of that night, swarmed in my head making me breathless. He knew what he was doing. He was making me weak.

" Think, Sana! You will have the world.", he said.

"The world?! ", I mocked him. " The world where you will be faithful to your dead wife?", I asked.

He reared back, as if struck by lightning.

"You think I don't know how alike we look. Which ghost are you loving, Emir?", I asked cruel and hurtful.

"See, I don't think you stopped that night only because I wasn't in a fit mental state. You stopped because when you looked at my face, you could see the love of your life and you couldn't bear to betray her.", I sneered .

" Stop, Sana.", he gritted out.

"The truth is painful, isn't it?", I said pushing him back.

He didn't say anything.

The worst thing in the world was that my heart broke and he didn't help pick up the pieces.

____________

"I kissed Emir."

The confession rolled out of me in a rush, the moment I heard Ethan's name on the phone.

I waited for him to tell me what a horrible person I was. It never came.

"I am sorry.", he said.

" Why are you apologizing? I should be the one asking you not to break up with me!", I panicked.

"I am apologizing because kissing him is causing you such pain. You don't need to apologize for loving someone else. Do you love me?", he asked simply.

" If you split my heart open, there are two names written on it- Ethan and Joshua.", I answered.

He laughed.

"Jesus! You say things like that and I fall for you again. How many times is it possibly to fall in love with you?"

I was dumbfounded. Here I was confessing to him, my deepest shame and yet he was falling in love with me.

"Ethan....goddammit scream at me! Tell me I'm a liar, a cheater. Don't tell me you love me. "

"I love you. I have and I always will. Even when you kiss somebody, I love you. It hurts me because I love you. I left you when you needed me the most. I deserve to hurt like you are hurting. Love is not selfish. Love is not narrow. It is not possible for me to stop loving you. It is what it is.", he said simply as if he were explaining why the Earth revolved around the sun.

"Ethan....you can't just accept it....or do you not care?", I asked indignant on his behalf. No man could be this casual about his relationship.

"I care enough to know that you're afraid. You want me to leave you. You have never been loved this freely. But, I will tell you a secret....you're mine. Nobody can take you away from me."

There was an unshakable confidence in his tone, a sense of peace, and nothing but gentleness. Here was this man, soothing my guilt and in that moment I understood why people died for love. Some things were more precious than life.

"And besides we never talked about that aspect of our relationship. I know you have needs- physical and emotional. When I left you, you were in the worst state possible. I left you with scars. Emir Aslan, as much as I want to strangle the man, has helped you. He is still helping you. I am grateful to him for that."

"We never agreed to be in an open relationship.", I said, a little uncertainly.

"It was never an open relationship for me, Sana. My heart is in your hands but you love differently. Your heart is giving. In our lives, we love everyone differently. You cannot compete between two loves. It's Impossible. I will never be angry with you for loving someone else.", he said gently.

"How can you be like this?", I asked.

"Because I don't want anything from you. I am content to love you the way you are and I have seen firsthand that life is too precious and short to spend on a single person. What is that love that hasn't been through fire? It's infatuation, not love."

"All promises of forever and always and everything fade away. We are old enough to know the difference. Love is fragile, faulty and inherently human. Love is ugly. We both know that. We have both been hurt by that."

Every word he spoke was true.

Forever was only a pretty lie.

We knew it better.

"Can I ask you something?", I said.

" You already did.", he said dryly.

"Ethan! Focus!", I chastised him.

" Ok, ok, pufferfish ask me anything."

"Remember me when you pray,

For hope doth come day to day. ", I quoted. " Who wrote that in your poetry collection?First love? Ex wife? Stalker?"

I was curious but had forgotten to ask him about it.

"You know I am unmarried. It isn't remotely that interesting.", he said sighing at my antics.

"Now, now, no need to be so mysterious, darling!", I joked.

"It was my mother.", he said.

I waited for him to speak more.

"My mother was a difficult woman. She was not....not meant to be a nurturing woman. She could be cold and she could be unhinged. She suffered from paranoid schizophrenia in her 30's. At first, I wouldn't understand what was happening to her as she spoke illogically and unsensibly that I was trying to hurt her. She suspected that I would kill her one day. The worst part if the disease is not the mistrust and the suspicion but the guilt that I felt. I had always hated her and hoped to be free of her and as a child I thought I had done something terrible to her. My father was rarely home. It was a year before she was institutionalized in a psychiatric facility.", he said numbly.

"Jesus!", I exclaimed.

"She tried to poison me once so that I would not be able to harm her.", he continued.

I could only be horrified at what he said.

" But, sometimes she would be lucid and one such night she wrote this I her poetry book. My love for Sufi poetry comes from her.", he said, his tone soft and gentle.

I ended up telling Ethan all about Emir's proposal, Isidora's adoption and my fight for the company

"It's everything you want.",was all he said.

"Everything but you.", I whispered.

"I would tell you not to do this but I am not sure it would in your best interest." he said softly.

"My best interest is with you."

"I was raped.", he reminded me, " I was raped by the insurgents."

"I am not in a good place Sana. I can't come back to you like this.", he said desperately.

" Bullshit! We will deal with this together. Give me a chance, Ethan. Let me there for you.", I begged.

"You let me go when I needed it. Now, it's my turn."

No! No! This wasn't happening.

"I am not coming back. Do what you have to do. Don't wait for me.", he said.

"Don't do this. PLEASE. I BEG YOU.", I cried bitterly.

" I have to. Because you won't go until I push you away. Your husband chained you. Let me free you, my love. I will never forget you pr love anyone else but you. ", he said gently.

" Is that alk you are leaving me with? After two fucking years?", I screamed.

"That you are letting me go for my own good. Fuck, good, Ethan!"

"Is there an easy way to say goodbye?", he asked, quietly, in that wise way of his.

" If you wanted to run a knife through my heart, you should have killed me. This hurts more. Knowing that I will live and you won't be with me."

"I don't know how else to return everything you have given me.", he said, honestly. " You have been everything to me and yet I could give you nothing."

I cried and then said on a parting note,

"You know what's worse, E? It's that you showed me what live could look like and then I was forced to give it up."

He didn't speak for a long time. I hoped I had changed his mind.

But then, he delivered the death blow.

" You were always meant for greater things, Sana Bianchi. Go. I release you."

The phone went silent.

And all the love in the world was not enough for me and him to love each other.

Dr. Ethan Trent left as suddenly as the storm by which he had entered my life.

I was unprepared. Fuck, was I unprepared.