Chapter 48

Shen Nuo tightened his jaws, feeling his appetite gone. So he picked up the wine jug gloomily.

After few minutes, the cabbage was taken away by Consort Khutulun. She must be the next person who was the happiest beside the newly wedded couple. Shen Nuo could say that just by looking at her stunning smile.

Time passed by and the evening deepened. Li Yan slowly stood up from the throne and quietly tried to slip away from the bustling moving crowds inside the hall but was unexpectedly caught by a drunken Prime Minister.

He smiled foolishly and spoke something which he would have never dared if he was sober. "Your... Your Majesty , where are you going?"

Li Yan pursed his thin lips. His face looked unusually pale. "Zhen has something to do." With that, he silently left. When he passed by Shen Nuo, Shen Nuo thought that Li Yan threw him an extremely brief glance before turning his frosty gaze away as if disgusted. His tall majestic sight disappeared out of the hall soon. Shen Nuo gulped, lowering his head and his hand tightened more on to the wine jug. Why was it so painful?

He sighed again and turned to look at a hundred people who were enjoying happily. His eyes stopped at the newly wedded couple. They looked extremely happy. They both were now seated at the front.

Altai continued to look at Sagangui with such affectionate eyes that it was so hard for him to not fall in love with his sweetheart in a wedding dress. She looked like a goddess.

The whole day since the moment Li Yan gave Sagangui's hand to him, he had not let go of that hand. He kept rubbing that gentle little palm in his with his thumb, lovingly. Only he knew how he missed her...

He remembered the days of old when they had played together at the greeny meadows of Mongolia, chasing after ducks and rabbits. He remembered how they studied together at the Imperial Academy. He remembered how she blushed at the day when she was bethrothed to him.

But later his dreams got shattered when she was married off to Li Yang. He thought he would never come to see this beloved of his again. And now, that person was standing beside him, in a beautiful red dress, ready to be his wife... How can this be not a dream?

He couldn't take it anymore. So ignoring the enormous crowds that were watching them in the hall, he gently pulled Sagangui by the nape, raised the veil and latched his thin lips directly with her's. Sagangui's eyes widened and her face went red with embarrassment. But she didn't move away when he deepened the kiss, slowly entangling their tongues.

The court hall gasped in awe. At first it looked like a passionate kiss, until that moment when suddenly there was a voice raised high in blind fascination, somewhere amid from the crowds.

"Oh no, he's giving her the Blood Promise!"

And these single words were enough to raise a commotion inside the hall. Who did not know about the Blood Promise? Only if you are ready to be with that person for the rest of your life would you only give that person your Blood Promise.

It needed trust and true love. Blood Promise of an Emperor meaned a lot. He would not casually give it away to anyone as he wished. And now when Altai gave his Blood Promise to her infront of the whole court, many women looked at her enviously.

Shen Nuo gulped lowering his red eyes to the desk. His grasp upon the wine cup tightened convulsively as he listened to the deafening din around him.

"Wow, I envy her! She was so lucky. How handsome he is! They make a heaven's match!"

"Blood Promise, he gave her his Blood Promise! How can she not be lucky?"

"I've once heard Blood Promise would not work without true love..."

"She's lucky indeed. I've once heard the Blood Promise can bound two souls together. They can feel each other's happiness and sadness like one. And if one of them dies, the other will die too..."

The wine cup Shen Nuo was holding, slipped through his fingers and felled on to the desk with a sharp sound. That sound  was immediately drowned down by the cheers of the people around.

But it wasn't low enough to be noticed by Consort Xuanying. She looked anxiously at Shen Nuo who was sitting next desk to her's frozen shocked.

Shen Nuo was thunderstruck. Did he hear it right? His lips trembled and eyes went wet. If one dies, the other will die too...

"Little brother Shen, is something wrong?"

Shen Nuo's face was deadly pale. His lips slightly trembled. His eyes were strangely unfocussed for a moment before he realized she was speaking to him. He shook his head, forcing a bitter smile. "I'm alright, jie jie."

Xuanying nodded anxiously. But Shen Nuo's hands were already grasping the brim of the desk in a death grip. He was breathing hard.

He did not want to wait here anymore. Why was it so painful? Why can't he breath properly? Why was his head hurting? Perhaps it's too noisy...

He slowly got up and left the hall without saying anything.

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Li Yan stood infront of a tall slab of a white jade stone which had the characters of the name 'Empress Xi Jinluo' carved on it. His face was emotionless again. But his skin was pale, eyes were red, robe was slightly disheveled and strands of his silken raven hair escaped the knot above his head, swinging in the low winds that swept down the recess of the palace. Bamboo trees swayed in the wind around him silently. The evening was deepening.

He raised his hand slowly and caressed the jade stone with pale fingertips. The stone was very cold to the touch. It was already five years since the warmth of the person lying beneath it, disappeared from the world.

His heart felt so heavy with pain.

Everyone might have forgotten. But today was a special day for him. Today was the day he married Xi Jinluo if it was five years aback. Every year, this day, he would visit her and accompany her the whole night silently. Today was no exception.

If there was a last person who used to love him truly after the death of his family, that was Xi Jiu...

But how blind he had been? When he reminded those memories from back again, he was thoroughly frustrated. Back then, if Xi Jiu sew him a robe, he was annoyed. If Xi Jiu prepared him his breakfast, he was annoyed. If she urged him to have his meals in time, he was annoyed. He was annoyed with her everything.

His heart felt even heavier. It was as if his heart was being ripped apart into pieces. His heart bled.

Was this the same pain she felt long time ago, when he had always ignored her? Was this the same pain she felt when she saw him love someone else infront of her own eyes? It happened to be. He did not know. He haven't felt this pain before. He only started feeling it when he saw Shen Nuo with Zhanhua. It was a thousand times hard to endure this pain than the pain from swords or daggers. How did Xi Jiu endure it for so many years without getting angry? Li Yan did not know. He felt lost.

"Xi Jiu, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I did. It was all my fault, ok?" He said in a hoarse whisper, his eyes going red.

But unfortunately, that person was already dead. She could not hear.

Li Yan gulped, pressing his forehead against the cold stony slab. Tears repeatedly left his eyes. But he made no attempt to hide them. He choked, feeling a pain in his throat.

What kind of a brainless monster he had been in his last life? No. He deserves this pain. Let go of his parent's death and sister's death. The blood that stained his hands were even dirtier.

Zhangsun, Shendu, Xi Jiu, Shen Hao, Shen Nuo and even Minghe, they all died because of his carelessness and ignorance. Li Yan did not see any cause or a reason which would wash away the blood that had stained his hands. So he deserved this pain.

He took a deep shaken breath and raised his tear stained eyes to look at the crescent moon.

"Get out!" He said hatefully, drawing back his cold merciless voice. "Not even Zhangsun is allowed inside. Who do you think you are?"

A pair of warm and slender hands wrapped around Li Yan's waist gently, but firmly. Li Yan looked at the pair of milky white palms that protruded out of the tight black sleeves. He narrowed his eyes darkly. "Let go!"

"No." Li Yan heard Shen Nuo's hoarse voice behind him. "You should have told me that you were testing Altai... Is it that hard to speak with you?"

"Let go!" Li Yan said again, his voice becoming colder and frostier. "Zhen needs rest."

"Then let me accompany you." Shen Nuo tightened the wrap.

Li Yan stroke off Shen Nuo's hands rudely. There wasn't even a slightest touch of gentleness in his moves. He did not turn to look back. "Zhen told you to get lost!"

Shen Nuo pursed his thin lips. He went to the front and stood firmly, facing the Emperor's eyes. Shen Nuo's face was pale and his eyes were red and stained with tears. His nose was red too. He grasped from the emperor's wrists with both his hands.

"I'm sorry, ok? I shouldn't have yelled at you that day, ok? You should have told me everything before."

"Tell you what, Shen Nuo? I already told you what I should. And you? Shameless!"

"Li Yan!" Shen Nuo shouted. "Are you willing to listen to me even for a once or not!!?"

Li Yan gave a frightening smile. "What is there for us to speak, Shen Nuo, for me mere words have no weight at all. I only believe what I see."

"You're an asshole!" Shen Nuo shouted, finally loosing his control. "Do you think going on believing everything that you see will do? Is that how you judge people?"

"Shen Nuoyan! Behave! This is the tomb of the late Empress!" Li Yan glared at him.

But Shen Nuo threw back the strands of hair upon his forehead to the back of his head angrily. "Li Yan, I thought you have a brain to think. How can you be so -"

The Emperor suddenly pushed Shen Nuo against the jade slab,  grasped from both his wrists and pinned them onto the cold stone above his head.

"!!!"

A shiver ran down chilling Shen Nuo's spine. The grasp was painful as if to break his wrist bones and crush them. "Li Yan..." He said in a horse whisper. "You're hurting me..."

"So you also feel pain, do you? Shen Nuo, the pain I feel when I see you with Zhanhua is a thousand times deeper and hurting than this, do you understand?"

"Li Yan, I don't have anything to do with Zhanhua!" Shen Nuo said furiously. "We are just friends. I don't mean it that way!"

"Then which way do you mean? Consort Shen?" Li Yan spat out coldly. "I repeatedly told you not to get closer to him since I'm already aware of everything. And you? At least do you know the meaning of the word trust?"

"Li Yan...."

"I told you Minghe will be safe! And yet if you go to talk with Zhanhua about this matter, Consort Shen, it means you lack trust in me."

"I -"

"Am I or is he your husband?"

Shen Nuo opened his mouth. But he couldn't speak so he finally decided to keep silent.

Li Yan felt disgusted. He looked at Shen Nuo hatefully. "If you like Zhanhua that much, I don't want to prison you here anymore. Just get lost and don't come back to my sight ever again!"

These words stabbed Shen Nuo right through the heart. How can Li Yan say something like this?

Shen Nuo narrowed his eyes. "Li Yan, if honesty is what you want, then tell me the truth, did you really kill Zhanhua in your last life?"

Li Yan was shocked. He was caught off guard. He couldn't speak a word. He clearly remembered the time when he released Zhanhua secretly from the prison, Shen Nuo had already gone mad. This matter was only known by his trusted subordinate Zhangsun besides him. Only the fake news of Zhanhua's death was released to the public. How did Shen Nuo know something like this?"

Li Yan couldn't help but crease his brows. "Who told you?" He asked in a sharp voice.

Shen Nuo smiled with red eyes. "So you finally accepted the truth, didn't you? Li Yan, tell me. You gave me your Blood Promise when I was eleven. Fifteen years later, you killed me with your own hands. Did you also die?"

Li Yan was deadly pale. When things he had been carefully hiding for lifetimes got revealed like this, his heart tuned into a mess. Shen Nuo wasn't supposed to know any of these things. Li Yan felt vulnerable. He was not yet ready to face this. This would doubtless lead to unnecessary questions about his parent's death too. He didn't want to.

He swallowed lowering his head slightly.

Shen Nuo's jaws tightened. "You speak about trust, Li Yan, how could you trust me when you even don't trust yourself? All these times I've kept asking you in vain what's going on, did you care to tell me even once? What on earth were you that you couldn't tell me!!?"

Li Yan didn't say anything this time. He withdrew his hand, releasing Shen Nuo. He was silent for a long time. His eyes looked so painful. Finally he looked at Shen Nuo with red eyes. "You want to know why I don't trust you right? Shen Nuo, this is Empress Xi Jinluo's tomb. Do you think you're even worthy of standing infront of her?"

Shen Nuo frowned slightly. "What do you mean?" He struggled to think hard for a moment. He mistook Li Yan's meaning. Did Li Yan mean, he isn't qualified to come up the standards of his late Empress?

It was true, she used to be a princess. She became an empress. Later she gave birth to a crown prince of a state and remained true to her husband.

But Shen Nuo? He was just a consort. He always annoyed Li Yan and had not even looked in for his duties as a consort this far. Was Li Yan fussing too much and feeling angry because of this?

Li Yan smirked. "And do you think I would forget your affair with Zhanhua? Never! I'll never forgive you for that, Consort Shen..."

Shen Nuo was silent for a long time before he raised his glassy eyes to look at Li Yan. The gentle curve of his nose was now flushed with a faint pink along with the sides of his neck and cheeks.

"Li Yan, if you refuse to trust me this much, ok, I can give you what you want. But will the misunderstanding between us then be cleared? Will you believe that there's nothing between me and Minister Zhanhua?"

"What do you mean, Consort Shen?"Li Yan asked coldly.

Shen Nuo sighed. He knew what Li Yan was like. He liked to mark territories. And he wouldn't be liking anyone fingering his personal stuff either. Of course Li Yan would not believe now even if he tells him there's nothing between him and Zhanhua. Would Li Yan believe?

Shen Nuo pursed his lips. He lowered his shuddering fingertips to his own waist and loosened the waist laces himself. The long linen laces dropped, hanging down the sides of his slim waist, revealing his smooth fair skin of the thin stomach and his white trousers.

Then Shen Nuo came closer to Li Yan and raised his tear frosted hazy and moist glassy eyes to him. "Li Yan, I'm... I'm ready to be your wife...make me yours tonight..."

When that soft whispery seductive voice reached Li Yan's ears, he felt his heart burn. He felt pain.

But when there was too much sorrow to handle, specially when you had badly wanted something for ages, that you would never get, but when you loose so many precious things one after another for the sake of running after what you couldn't get, and when you finally decides to let it go and that thing suddenly comes in search of you, perhaps, the need that you had been with would instantly disappear.

Li Yan laughed softly. There was a sense of bitterness and sarcasm in it. He leaned forth and placed his palms upon Shen Nuo's thin waist. Shen Nuo bit his lips, suppressing a moan as the fragrance of sandalwood assailed his nose.

Li Yan's gaze was still firmly fixed with his. But the hands of him that wandered further down, picked up the hanging waist laces, and tightened them back around Shen Nuo's waist.

"Not interested..." Li Yan turned to go.

"Li Yan!" Shen Nuo shouted hoarsely. "Do you know what this hour means to you?" He asked in a hateful voice. His lips were trembling, his nose and eyes were red and the ends. "If you miss this chance now, you'll never get it back again! I'll never let you!"

Li Yan turned to look back briefly. But those eyes that looked at Shen Nuo were already dead. There was no light in it. He smiled coldly. "Then ask for a divorce! You don't have to go through all these when you have that easiest way to get rid of me!"

Then before Shen Nuo could speak, Li Yan was gone.

Shen Nuo settled down on the cold dew frosted grass, hiding his face behind his knees, and his shoulders trembled slightly as he silently cried. "I hate you!"

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Umm, dear friend Bisayaka25, you deleted the comment even before I could reply. Hehe, the answer is 'Yes, they will.' 😉✌️