Chapter 2

Carson^^

Carson's POV

"This is heavenly." I moaned as I continued to shovel the food from my plate into my mouth.

"Slow down." My mother scolded me while lightly slapping my bicep. I chewed the food that was in my mouth before taking a sip of water. I looked up and saw Jay trying to hold in his laughter while trying not to choke.

"Gosh, I feel bad for your mate. She's going to have to teach you some manners." She continued making me look down at my lap. Jay stopped laughing at my mom's words.

"Yeah, I bet they will," I mumbled while pushing my plate away, I had lost my appetite.

"She will. You better hope she doesn't reject you." My mother finished before continuing to eat. I looked over at Miles and saw he had a sympathetic smile on his face. Shaking my head I looked back down at my plate; I started pushing the food around on my plate, why did she always make me feel like this?

"Alayna, he's fine." My father stuck up from me. My mother looked appalled as she stood up from the table and quickly walked out of the alphas house. We, the alpha, beta, and gamma's families were all at the alphas house for dinner. As usual, my mom had to bring up something that was wrong about me. Everyone looked at me making me feel uncomfortable at their stares.

"I'm sorry...about that. I'm going to go, Carson gets to the packhouse at a decent time." My father announced as he stood up from the table. I nodded lightly as I watched my father's retreating figure.

"You can stay away." Jay's voice ran through my head. I whispered a quiet 'I know' while I sank down into my seat. Everyone slowly started up a conversation again, but I knew they still were paying attention to me.

This wasn't uncommon. My mother always had something to say about everything I did. No matter how much I tried to please her it was never enough. My father tried to get her to lay off some, but she always got mad and threw a fit because of it. And the whole mate situation, just thinking about it gave me a migraine. She wanted me to meet my mate, mate with her, have kids with her, and then raise a family. All with her. Little did she know...

"Hey Carson, wanna go back to the packhouse? My parents are just gonna watch movies here." Jay asked. I looked up at him and nodded before getting out of my chair. Miles and his family were leaving but Miles stayed behind for a minute. I walked over to him when he motioned me over.

"Don't listen to her. You're great, you're mate will be great, they will love you." He whispered quietly with an understanding smile. I nodded at him with a small smile before I watched him jog outside to catch up with his parents. I felt Jay swing his arm around my shoulder as he pulled me outside and towards the forest.

"Let's go on a run. I think you could use it." He mumbled as we broke through the tree line. We both turned away from each other as we started stripping our clothes. I started to feel the familiar relaxing pain as I began shifting. I closed my eyes and let my wolf, Issac, take over.

When I opened my eyes everything was heightened more than usual. I shook out my lightish brown fur as I stretched out my form. Looking up I saw Jay stretch out his blonde wolf form before looking at me. He jerked his head farther towards the forest; I nodded before running into the forest with my best friend hot on my tail, literally.

We ran for what seemed like less than twenty minutes but was really about two hours. When we finally stopped we were at a small pond in the middle of the pack land. Jay and I settled on the shore with our heads resting on our front paws.

Are you okay? Jay asked through our mind-link. I sighed in my head and let out a soft growl.

I-I don't know. My mom...she's just, her. Everything I do is bad and how she thinks my mate will reject me. Maybe she's right. I whispered the last sentence but Jay heard anyways.

Stop! Okay? Your mate will NOT reject you. Your mom's crazy and she needs to lay off. He growled as he moved a bit closer to me to nudge my head. I nodded at his slight protectiveness. I have never had high self-confidence, it's always been extremely low. I have never been comfortable in my own skin, and my mom always degrading me never helped that.

Come on, we should head back to the packhouse. I'm getting tired. Jay suggested while standing up. I stood up after him and slowly followed him back. Once we got back to where clothes were we shifted back and quickly put our clothes back on. I made sure to put my clothes on as fast as possible, I didn't want Jay to ever see my body.

"I need to shower, and you do too." He smiled playfully but I wasn't really in the mood right now. He seemed to understand that. We both walked to the packhouse and went to our rooms quietly so we wouldn't wake anyone up. They all had school tomorrow so they were going to be up early.

"Wanna stay in my room tonight? There's supposed to be a pretty bad thunderstorm and well..." Jay trailed off when we got to the top floor. I nodded and gave him a look of thanks. I didn't like thunderstorms, I had a bad experience as a kid...to say the least.

"I'm going to go to my room to shower and change. I'll come over after." I told him quietly causing him to nod before going into his room. I walked across the hall to my room so I could get ready for bed. Walking into my ensuite I turned on some of the lights so I could keep the bathroom dim. It took me about five minutes to just get the water at the perfect temperature.

My mind was being controlled by the thoughts running rampant through my head.

My mate will never want me-I'll to be forever alone-after Jay finds his mate we'll never talk again-I'll be a horrible beta-I'm too weak-I'm always wrong-I'll never be good enough-Jay probably hates me-Miles is probably paid to talk to me-I'm useless-I'm worthless-why would anyone ever want me?

Hot tears streamed down my face as my mind whispered the truth. The water that poured down against my skin causing my sobs to be invisible to anyone, to everyone. They always were.

I quickly washed my hair and body before stepping out of the shower. I looked at my reflection in the fogged-up mirror. Everything about me was wrong. I was too lean, I didn't have enough muscle. My body wasn't one of a betas. My face was just all wrong. My cheekbones were too prominent and my jawline was just bad. And these stupid indent things on my cheeks make me look so stupid, and they weren't dimples. My eyes weren't even a color, they were a mix and I hated it. Lastly my hair, it was simply a mess and I couldn't stand it.

Are you coming over? Jay asked, once again, throughout the link. I shook my head of the thoughts and wrapped a towel around my body before walking out of the bathroom.

Yeah. I answered back as I walked into my closet to get some Pjs. As I was putting on my sweatshirt a loud roar of thunder sounded throughout the packhouse making me jump. I quickly put on boxer-briefs and some joggers before bolting out of my room. I quickly walked over to Jay's room and walked in without knocking. I immediately regretted it.

Jay was standing there with only flannel pajama pants on and no shirt. I watched as his muscles flexed as he moved. That made me feel a whole lot better about myself. I heard another boom of thunder made me jump and start to shake

"Jump into bed." I heard Jay say with a chuckle breaking me out of my thoughts. I swiftly got into his bed making sure to take up as little room as possible. Which was kinda hard with me being so fat. A few minutes later Jay got into his bed before separating his blankets; he gave me his main comforter while he took a smaller almost quilt type blanket. I turned to face him but saw he was already facing my way. There was a big space between us because we were both closer to the edges of the bed.

"You know we won't be able to do this once you meet your mate?" I quietly voiced my thoughts into the darkness of the room. Jay didn't say anything for a few minutes, I could tell he was thinking.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He mumbled sounded sad. I don't know why he was, who wanted to ever be around me? Who would ever want to be friends with me?

Nobody.

Why would anyone want to be friends with me?

They wouldn't.

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