Chapter Thirty Five

It's light when he wakes up. Sunlight streaming in from the windows whose curtains were never drawn in the early hours of the morning. He's warm is the other thing he notices, more so than usual and there's a heavy weight pressing him into the mattress. Knowing that today is his last full day they all have off he doesn't plan on doing much else than riding himself of the slight headache he's awoken too and staying tucked up in bed, perhaps watching a movie or two and calling his mum. He doesn't flinch when whatever is draped over his waist moves ever so slightly and the hold around him consequently tightens.

Content to remain in bed for a while longer he's about to drift off to sleep again when something behind him moves, much more notably than before as his eyes shoot open in surprise. The duvet is still up around his mid chest, but it doesn't stop the slight gap which shows the forearm tucked tightly across his abdomen.

"Fuck." He whispers, mind racing to think what on earth happened last night until suddenly it all clicks and he whirls around to find Louis, still fast asleep behind him.

His mind stops panicking the second he takes in Louis' relaxed face, hair falling messily across his face but it doesn't do anything to lessen the beating of his heart. There's a moment when he thinks Louis is about to wake up until he nuzzles further down in the pillow and sighs deeply.

He needs to get out of bed, is the next logical thought that enters his brain. Having Louis here in his bed, arm previously wound around him and pressing close to him is not going to win him any favours with Louis if he were to wake up anytime soon and certainly doesn't help his own slight problem he's just now realising.

Natural. He thinks, it's natural.

Moving as quietly as possible he swings his legs over the side of the bed. His headache surprisingly mild considering how much he'd had to drink last night and figures it must be the painkillers Louis had given him which was preventing any current trips to the bathroom floor in front of a toilet.

He shuts the door quietly behind him and aims for the kitchen. Barely comprehending his actions as he flicks on the lights and begins making two cups of tea.

He remembers last night, which he can't decide whether that's a blessing or a curse considering how he'd practically fallen all over Louis. After witnessing him in the club so comfortably close to that other man, which even now, mostly sober and clearheaded, sends a spark of jealously through him. He needs a moment to himself before Louis wakes up and he has to face him. He wants to talk though; this time really wants to understand where they stand with each other. After all their little talks they've had, not excluding perhaps the most prominent one currently in his mind of last week in this very kitchen when Louis had told him he wants to come out when his contract is up, they definitely need to talk.

Making his way back up to his bedroom, this time with two cups of steaming tea in his hands, he pauses just outside the door, needing one last moment to clear his thoughts. He'd swallowed two more painkillers in the kitchen to help fight off the last remnants of his headache, hoping they'll be enough.

Louis is awake and leaning against the headboard as he wanders in through the door, closing it softly behind him. Taking a moment to glance over Louis now he's awake, despite the fact they'd spent several nights sleeping together in PortMeirion, it's still a sight to see Louis back in his own, real bed. They'd been this way for years, the yearning he'd felt since those times racing back to him now that he's actually here in his own home.

"Thanks." Louis mutters as he passes him the tea and perches vicariously at the end of the bed, feet planted firmly on the floor.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"You don't have anything to apologise for Haz, I've dealt with you in much worse states than that. At least this time you were still able to finish sentences."

"I meant for blurting all that out to you when I was drunk and not having the courage to do so when I was sober instead as I should have done."

"Oh." Louis replies unintelligibly as he blows on his tea to cool it down.

"I meant it, that I'm confused what's going on between us."

Louis looks up at him this time, "And I meant it when I said I loved you."

"The guy last night," Because that seems to be the first intelligible response he comes up with after that admission. "I know it's not my place but... who was he?"

Louis laughs, actually laughs at that. "Who Nicholas?" When Harry doesn't say anything Louis continues, "Harry, Nicholas is a producer who worked with me on one of my singles years back, he's a friend. Who happens to happily be married to his wife Helaena and has two little boys."

Now it's his turn to mumble an unintelligible, "Oh."

"We became close whilst we were producing the song, stayed in touch, I didn't know he was out last night till he came up to me, it was good to see him again." Finding himself not able to meet Louis' eyes after that embarrassing blunder on his behalf of blatant jealously he fidgets with the tea cup in his hands, eventually placing it down on the floor when he decides he's not in the mood to be drinking tea. "Harry." Louis says more firmly and he glances nervously upwards, "I wouldn't tell you I love you then go off and start something with some other guy. I know I did a lot of shit and lied to you back then but I'd never do this. I get you probably still don't trust me right now but I mean this with every part of me Harry, you're the love of my life and I've never been interested in anyone since I've met you. That's not going to change anytime soon."

"I just..." He fumbles out trying to collect his thoughts but ends up just blurting out, "What are we? I mean... we both clearly know how the other feels and I feel like we're fine now but still tiptoeing around this one thing, and I meant it last night when I said I was confused. I want you so badly, but I don't know if that's how you feel and I..."

He doesn't get any further. Louis surges forward, somehow managing beforehand to set his tea down and then there's a familiar set of lips pressing against his, relentless and passionate. It's instinct by now to give in and he pushes his hands up into Louis' hair, desperate for him to be closer and to take moremoremore.

The contact is gone as quick as it began. He's about to reach out and pull Louis back to him because he just kissed him, finally, but Louis lightly presses his forehead down against his and all the words building within him are gone as Louis tangles his hands in the hair at the base of his neck and there's several long seconds of charged silence between them.

"I want you." Louis breathes out, "I've always wanted you."

That's all the encouragement he needs before he pulls Louis down into him and kisses him. It's less needy this time, instead he takes his time relearning every part of Louis lips, his hands tangled in his hair and body pressing into him.

He breaks his lips away from Louis, pressing kisses along his jaw as he breathes in heavily.

"I love you." He whispers between each kiss until Louis pulls him back into him and kisses into his mouth. The first swipe of his tongue licking into his mouth causes him to moan into the kiss, allowing Louis to take whatever part of him he wishes. Insecurities be dammed.

They could have spent years doing this, never stopping. But that's in the past now because Louis is here, kissing him and telling him he loves him, and it's everything he's ever needed.

~~~~

"So..." He starts an hour later. The two of them both showered, separately, and finally having made it down to the kitchen for some actual food.

"Don't go getting all awkward on me now Haz," Louis starts, jostling his shoulder from where he's sat beside him, "Think we're a little too familiar with one another do try that sorta shit."

"I was going to ask how we're gonna explain this to the boys, not start another conversation about insecurities but sure."

"Oh." Louis remarks and breaks out into a smile. "They saw through us almost immediately back then so I doubt things will be different this time."

"I get it you know...if you want to keep quiet for a bit. I'm not gonna get all offended if you just want some time to get use to us like this again."

Louis turns to him, forgetting the half-eaten plate of food and second cup of tea before him and softly, but not without an ounce of conviction to the gesture, presses his hand into his check. Cupping his check till Harry gives in and turns to face him fully. "I don't need more time H, I've had four years without you and now I've finally got you back I'm never letting you go again."

"Didn't realise you'd turned into a sap during that time." He murmurs, fighting the tears threatening to spill over at his words.

"What's the quote, 'I'm with ya till the end of the line?"

"Lou, you did not just quote Captain America." He says, shoving Louis away from him and barking out a laugh.

"It's a good quote!" Louis mockingly defends himself.

"You're such a sap Louis Tomlinson." Harry says attempting to turn back to his food but Louis snatches his hand out and grasps his chin, turning his head once more and leans forward, kissing him softly and slowly.

"You love me." He whispers against his lips.

"Endlessly." He feels somewhat giddy having this feeling back, that he can now just pull Louis into him and kiss him as he'd once done. That he can make a fool of himself, even now well into his adult years, confessing every few minutes just how much he loves the man before him. How in less than a year he should be able to scream it out to the world that this man is his.

"You're staring again love." Louis whispers though he's hardly better off, has barely moved away from him. Taking Harry in before him just as Harry was doing with him.

"It's a pretty sight."

"Now who's being a sap!"

"Just calling it how I see it."

"Then I can plague you with my silly movie quotes all day long."

"If you'd like me to ever kiss you again I think not."

"Think I could persuade you against that." Louis pipes up and just to prove his point sneaks in for another short kiss, pulling away before Harry can get a hold of him and trap him there. "Besides what if I started quoting rom com lines? Would you be more partial to those lines?"

"You're ridiculous." He huffs, "That would be worse because those lines would be even more sappy than anything you could come up with."

"Fine," Louis says with a pout, standing suddenly and backing out of the kitchen. "I guess you just don't love me anymore and I'll leave."

Harry's out of his seat before Louis gets past the exit of the kitchen. Reaching for him though definitely not missing the mischievous and mocking glint in the other man's eyes. Louis ducks away from him however, now backing towards the main door.

"Such a shame, Louis continues, eyes positively shinning with amusement now, "You'll have to go the rest of your life without me."

Harry continues after him, barely able to contain the smile on his own face now.

"Think I'll have to drop out of the band then too..." He's almost made it to the front door now when Harry launches himself forward and traps him against the wall, arms bracketing him in against him as he presses him in to the wall.

"There's one slight flaw to your plan." He breathes out onto Louis' neck as he places delicate kisses on the under side of his jaw.

"Oh?" Louis breathes out, tilting his head to the side to give Harry better access.

"I'm still very much in love with you Louis Tomlinson."

Louis draws his head up at his words, all mannerisms of delicacy and gentleness evaporating as he surges forward to claim his mouth. He groans into the kiss, leaning heavily into the other man as Louis' hands work their way up into the slight curls at the nape of his neck. Fingers firmly intertwining with his hair as he slips his tongue past his lips.

He wraps one hand around Louis' waist, pulling him impossibly closer, the other hand reaching up to rest on his jaw, tilting his head further up as he deepens the kiss.

He doesn't think he'll ever get over the taste of Louis, the feeling of having him go so pliant beneath him as he gives Harry everything without him ever needing to say a word.

There's so much more of Louis he's missed these past few years other than physically being with him. His wit, humour and playfulness certainly feature on the mental list which floats unconsciously in the back of his mind. The way he's always been so fiercely devoted to his family, the protectiveness he feels towards them despite spending years away from them for extended periods of time. How despite where they used to be in the world whilst on tour or writing, he'd keep in touch with each of his siblings and Jay in particular. How he'd make the most miniscule part of their day sound exhilarating even if it was shifting through numerous interviews. That had translated to how Louis was with Harry. Even spending a large portion of their day together, they'd come back to one or their homes or hotel rooms and he'd listen to every word Louis had about his day.

How even after five years together and Harry's very best efforts, Louis could still barely make toast in the morning, about the only kitchen appliance Harry had ever trusted Louis with was the kettle and microwave.

The way Harry had caught him countless times sending him secret glances across stages scattered over the world. The gestures between them they'd kept in secret to let each other know they were there with each other, even if they had to hide it from the world.

Despite all the shit they'd both been through in their prior years in the band, through all the Eleanor nonsense, all of Harry's numerous beards and alleged 'womanizer' ways Louis had stuck with him through it all. Had fought relentlessly when Harry finally snapped and gave no other option to their old management that he would be coming out and changing the image he'd had forced upon him. Louis had been by his side through it all, through the tears or anger and frustration. Waiting in the shadows whilst in the public in front of the eyes of the world but behind closed doors had sometimes been his only link to sanity and rational thought.

How at the end of each day when they were together Louis would curl into him, put up with all his own insignificant problems and simply listen to him as he spouted out his problems. How he trusted Louis with his life, and more importantly his heart without a doubt.

It didn't matter know that he'd once shattered it. It would take time still to fully forgive Louis for leaving him for the reasons he had done, but it was trivial now that he had Louis back. This time with no secrets and knowing there was an end date to Louis' closeting. That soon enough he could claim him and never let him go.

So Harry loved him, fiercely and without question. Because this man would give the world, and Harry would give him it back.

Eventually he knows they have to stop. Now that they're desperation for one another has faded, he gently presses a final kiss to Louis' lips and pulls back only marginally.

"We should probably stop." He whispers once he's finally caught his breathe.

"Not appreciating being left like this Harold." Louis teases him right back but they both know they need to take this slowly so that they can properly relearn each other. It would break them both if they raced into something only to be torn apart again. Harry couldn't even think about a situation where that would happen. So slow they would go.

"Soon." He says back and presses another kiss to the corner of Louis' mouth before wrapping his arms over his shoulders and burying his face down into Louis neck. Louis' arms instantly wrap up around his back, tracing a slow pattern over the thin black shirt. "I've missed you like this."

"What?" Louis says with a scoff but doesn't lessen his hold, "Flustered and hard?" He laughs at that, certainly not mistaking a certain pressure against his thigh, nor his own slight problem.

"You're impossible." He murmurs into Louis' neck. "I want to do this right this time Lou. And I think that means taking it slow."

Louis huffs into his shoulder but quickly says, "I really hate that you have to be right about these kind of things."

"I love you." He answers instead and kisses his neck.

"Yeah yea, love you too."