Well this is awkward

"Where are we?" I asked my brother as he drove down a road. It was barley big enough for two cars to pass each other.

"In Russia."

"Well I gathered that much."

"So why were you asking?"

"B*tch, do you know how big Russia is?"

"Of course, now be quiet and eat your Cheetos."

"Hmph."

I shoved Cheetos in my mouth, crossing my arms and chewing angrily.

Alex broke the uncomfortable silence. "Are they still your favorite?"

"Of course, they're cheese and carbs."

Another stretch of awkward silence. I watched Barney™ run beside the car, his purple tail thumping along the ground and little arms waving. He looked a lot creepier from what I remember seeing when I was little.

When was the last time I took my meds?

"Are you mad at me?"

"Oh wow, would you look at that, he finally picked up on the atmosphere."

"I'm just trying to make up for the years we lost! Besides you wanted to come."

"There wasn't much of a choice."

The car took a sharp left off the road, turning down a long driveway. I squinted, trying to make out the house obscured by trees.

He looked over, probably seeing my anxious face. "Don't worry, I'm not taking you here to kill you and bury your body in the woods. I haven't forgotten about freshman year though."

I groaned. "Dude, that was like seven years ago."

"Six."

"Whatever."

We pulled up in front of a gleaming mansion, seemingly out of place in the dark surroundings. I whistled, eating the last of my Cheetos, and stepped out of the car. "Looks like you're doing pretty good for yourself."

"The job pays well. If it didn't, no one would do it."

"That's what a stripper told me once. I highly disagree."

He snorted, walking up the steps to the front door. "I'll show you to your room and let you get settled in. Dinner is at seven, we're having—"

"ALEX!" I heard a girl shriek. "WHO IS SHE?"

I stuck my head around the door frame to see a tall blonde girl wearing a tight crop top and mini skirt.

"I like your skirt, where'd you get it?" I asked, because honestly it was really cute. I think she was waiting for me to say 'Goodwill?' because there was an awkward beat of silence.

"Don't mind her," my brother whispered to me. He's a terrible whisperer. "She's just one of the whores we keep around."

I glared at him, appalled. "ALEXANDER EMERSON ROBINSON, TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! I thought I raised you better, young man!"

I grabbed his ear, which was hard because of the height difference, dragging him behind me. The girl was standing there, open-mouthed.

"You go girl, get that D." I said, as Alex whimpered from my death grip. "We'll be right back."

When I had gotten him far enough away that she probably wouldn't hear my yelling, I turned on him.

"Listen, Eva, I'm sorry it just kind of slipped out—"

"That's what she said. No wait, don't get me off topic. I can't believe you! I leave you alone for a few years and now you're being disrespectful towards women, like I'm not one? Like a woman didn't birth you into this world?"

He looked down at his feet, shame written across his features. "I'm sorry."

"You better be. Now I'm going to take you back there, and you're going to apologize and never say something like that again."

"Yes ma'am."

I made my way back, Alex following behind dutifully. The girl was standing there, still looking utterly shocked. Taking a step back, I waited for him to speak. "Don't you have something to say?"

"I'm sorry for calling you a whore, Elena."

"It's fi—" She turned towards me, a look of wonder on her face. "Holy sh*t, did you actually get the Alex Robinson to apologize?"

"Watch your f*cking language. But yes, sometimes I feel like the older one. Certainly more mature."

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Sorry, I only sign copies of my book, How To Tame A Dumbass."

"You have a book?"

I laughed, plopping down on a nearby couch.

"Girl, I wish. My procrastinating self said how about tomorrow. Anyways, what are we having for dinner? I'm starving."

Alex came over, basically throwing himself on my lap. "Well, Bret made chili earlier so probably that."

"Ew, get off me, you weigh like five hundred pounds."

"I do not! Besides, it's all muscle, something that you wouldn't understand."

"Says the used-to-be-bean-pole to the girl with a six pack."

"Stop it!" He whined. "Not in front of the gang!"

I looked up, noticing that several other men had joined us.

"Oh, you mean I shouldn't get my phone out and show them all your baby pictures? Because I will."

"Eva!"

One of the men let out a bark of laughter, his Russian accent thick. "I like this girl, were'd you get her."

"He found me having sex with your mom."

Guy number two broke out laughing, jabbing guy one in the stomach who was now glaring at me.

"Why you—" He stepped closer, rolling up one of his sleeves.

Alex leapt off my lap, losing his playfully demeanor.

"The hell you think you're doing, Maxim?"

"N-nothing boss," he said, sitting back down.

A man came prancing in with an apron that said 'kiss the chef'. It was funny, considering how tall and built he was. He looked like a man who never missed leg day. Or any day. Think of a giant body builder with tattoos everywhere, wearing a cute little apron.

In other words, adorable.

"Chili's ready!"

Standing up so fast I saw stars, I sprinted towards him. "I want food!"

"Finally, someone who appreciates my cooking!" A giant grin formed on his face.

I followed him into the kitchen, sitting down at a large table. My phone buzzed,and I pulled it out, looking at the text.

Mean Mafia Boss

Where are you? Are you ok?

Me

I'm fine

Eating chili rn

Mean Mafia Boss

Hold on, we're coming to get you

Me

Ok

Tell me when you get here

Hearing the clunk of a plate being set on the table, I looked up.

"No phones at the dinner table."

"Oh, sorry," I said, sliding it back into my pocket.

"Aren't you guys worried she's texting someone to come save her?" Maxim said, shooting me a suspicious glance.

"I don't even know where I am, besides Russia, but as I said, this place is huge."

I started shoveling chili in my mouth, sighing in contentment.

Still kind of missed Antonio and the gang though.

...........

The end

Haha, just kidding. I wish though.

I'm surprised you've read this far, but thank you for doing so.

Also, that song doesn't have anything to do with this chapter. I was just vibing to it so I put it in so we could vibe together.

-SB