Chapter Thirty

ROXIE

I woke up the next morning and spent a good half hour just watching them sleep. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them.

With each passing minute, I observed Nari’s peaceful smile as she dreamt and Kai’s slight forehead crinkle when he snored.

I relished the sensation of their bodies next to mine, trying to imprint it all in my memory. After thirty minutes, I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer.

Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to stifle my sobs. It was no use—my body shook with the force of my crying. My head throbbed with the weight of what I had to do.

I felt arms draw me in and hold me close. Nari wiped my tears away, even though they kept coming.

She pressed her forehead to mine, holding me close and giving me a light kiss as she rubbed soothing circles on my back.

“Tell me what’s wrong, babe. Don’t cry. Talk to me,” she pleaded, her voice filled with worry.

“I um…I…” I tried to form words, but broke down in tears again. I sat up, pulling away from her comforting embrace. If I let her hold me any longer, I didn’t think I could make her stop.

I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t believe I was fucking doing this. I felt like I was suffocating, like the walls were closing in. Everything I wanted was slipping through my fingers.

But I couldn’t stay in this town—I wouldn’t. I tried to slow my breathing.

I could only blame my mother. She was the reason I couldn’t stay here. She was the reason I lied and said my parents were on vacation when in reality, my dad had been gone since I was in middle school.

My mother spent her time chasing her flavor-of-the-year boy toys around the globe, leaving me to fend for myself.

She hadn’t bothered with me since my dad left, leaving me with a nanny until I was old enough to take care of myself. She checked in when she felt like it, but that was rare.

Then there were the forced vacations that were really for her. Every vacation, I met a new boyfriend. I didn’t want to be anything like her.

The only way was to get away from her. I needed to build my own life, and I planned to.

Once I left here, I would never look back. The contact between me and my mother would be minimal. Not much different from now.

I planned to go to college in London, and when I finished I planned to stay. I would make something of myself. I would be better than my mother, better than chasing around some man and not loving my kid.

Strong hands wrapped around mine, bringing me back to the present. Kai wiped away more of my tears while watching me with pleading eyes.

“Tell us what’s wrong, princess,” he said softly. “Please.”

I wiped my eyes again with the back of my hand. I tried to find some strength deep inside to say what I needed to say to them.

I bit down on my lip hard, almost drawing blood. It was now or never, and I knew this had to happen.

“I…I can’t do this anymore. We can’t be together. We were not supposed to be like this, but it has to stop. I’m sorry,” I whispered.

I finally said it and it hurt. My heart felt like it was being torn in two.

Nari pulled away like she’d been burned. I wanted to reach for her and bring her back to me, but I knew I shouldn’t. I felt sick as the tears fell from her eyes.

“Why?” Kai asked from the other side of me.

“Kai, I—”

Kai cut me off. “No!” he growled. “No, Roxie. Whatever it is, we’ll work through it. I know you feel what we feel.”

“I’m moving to London after graduation, Kai. Sooner if possible. Long distance doesn’t make sense right now for us, and it wouldn’t be healthy,” I said, unable to meet either of their eyes.

They couldn’t talk me out of this. I didn’t want to hold them back. I couldn’t ask them to wait for me because my plan was to never come back to this town.

I felt the bed dip and Kai was on his feet, pulling on his clothes. I watched him as he moved around the room, gathering his things and Nari’s.

He wouldn’t even look at me, but even through his anger I could see the hurt. I hated that I hurt them.

“Don’t. Roxie, don’t. We—” Nari started, but Kai cut her off.

“No, doll. She’s not fighting for us. Let her go,” he said, passing her the clothes he’d just gathered. She looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn’t.

She took one last look at me as the tears continued to fall before taking them from him. As they got dressed in front of me, I tried to think of something, anything that would make this better.

Make them not hate me as much. But I came up with nothing. I wanted them to understand, but I couldn’t tell them everything about my mother or my life. I didn’t want anyone’s pity.

I heard Kai cursing under his breath, but he still didn’t look at me. I thought he would fight me a little more than this, but he didn’t and I didn’t know if that made me feel better or worse.

Nari slipped into her shoes and I cried harder. When I finally cleared the tears and looked up, they were gone, the door just closing.

My body felt heavy and I couldn’t move. Panic set in when I realized I hadn’t said everything I needed to. They were both so hurt and angry, I couldn’t form any words. They needed to know how I felt. I grabbed my phone, thinking it was the quickest way I could reach them, and sent a message to the group chat.

Roxie

I know I hurt you. I’m hurting too. I know this was supposed to be just sex between us but I think we can all agree that it became more…much more for me.

I never saw this coming when we first started. Instead of just tutors, I ended up with an unofficial boyfriend and girlfriend.

I felt blessed, because I cherished every moment and every day we spent together. There was never a good time to say I was leaving, so I didn’t. And for that, I’m sorry.

But I need you both to understand that my leaving doesn’t mean you two don’t matter. You do. You always will. I’ll never forget what we had, and I’ll treasure every memory.

I hope you never forget me either. Love, Roxie ❤️

I don’t anticipate a response, but I clutch my phone in my hand as I weep alone in my bed. I hope that at least one of them, if not both, would message me back. Say anything.

While I wait, I open the hidden album on my phone labeled “Mine” and scroll through our memories. With each picture, my tears flow harder.

I wish we could create more of these. At this point, I feel like I might drown in my own tears, succumbing to the overwhelming sadness.

My head throbs when my tears finally subside. Glancing at the clock, I realize it’s been three hours since they left. Looking down at my phone, I see it’s still devoid of notifications.

Feeling defeated, I bury my face into my pillow, hoping sleep will claim me soon. My reality is too harsh.

At least in my dreams, I can fantasize about being with the couple who stole my heart.