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ELSIE

"Do you like it Ian?" I asked him and patiently waited for his answer.

"I love it." He jumped up and down and looked around with his beautiful brown eyes. We have decorated the place with balloons and different blue decorations. That was his only request.

He wanted everything to be blue.

His birthday was yesterday, on Friday. Both me and Fenix woke him up with gifts and made him breakfast. The whole day he was smiling and was happy to go to school and give his classmates sweets.

Today on Saturday we were going to celebrate his 7th birthday.

Because we decided to have his party somewhere out, we ranted a small restaurant for it. Me and Fenix spend the whole morning arranging things while Ian was at Bridget's place in the mean time.

We invited a couple of his friends and of course Macy. Aspen said that she was going to come as well.

Ian ran around and kicked some of the balloons while laughing. We took him to the hairdresser and his hair was now shorter.

He had jeans on and a white shirt with short sleeves.

I watched him wanderer around when I heard the phone in my hand ring. It was Fenix.

I picked up and slowly paced around. "Did you get it?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm on my way there."

"Okay. We're waiting." We hung up and I let out a sigh. Fenix went to get the cake while he left his men at the front, guarding the restaurant.

Fenix and I still haven't talked about the kiss. It happened couple of days ago but I have not found the courage to do so. It seemed that Fenix didn't want to pressure me either.

What was I supposed to say?

It was more than I could imagine but what was I going to say to him?

It was a kiss, it happened. We were both in the heat of the moment. He probably didn't even meant to do it.

I just brought it up and it happened because of that. He probably didn't even thought of kissing me before that.

Even if he did, he didn't initiate. It was better for me to stay quiet and not embarrass myself. As much as I was blushing around him now, he hasn't said anything related to that night.

The sound of the door opening brought me back to reality. It was Bridget and Cillian. They had a big box in their hands.

"Hello again birthday boy." Bridget said and hugged him. Cillian was the next one and he placed the box on the floor.

"Happy birthday, Ian." They both said.

"Thank you so much." He grinned and clasped his hands together.

"Thank you for coming. Fenix should be here soon as well." I said to them and Bridget smoothed my hair back.

Her kind smile warming my heart.

"You look lovely dear." She pointed to my dress. It was not even planned but I had a blue dress today. It was like painted with watercolours in different shades of blue. It reached down to my knees and had a crisscross neckline.

My hair was down and in my natural locks. I did a light makeup look and put on a simple white heels.

Cillian took Ian's hand and they walked around while me and Bridget did the last touch ups at the tables with food.

Soon Fenix arrived and had the cake in a box. It was a small one, enough for everyone who was going to be here.

I tried to avoid eye contact as much as I could. Every time he looked at me, my breaths were getting shorter and every time we made any type of physical contact, my heart beat increased.

It was weird. Feeling like this over a person.

I haven't experienced it before and it was visible that I didn't know how to deal with it.

Sure I had crushes before but not like this. Not this intensely.

The door opened again and I immediately heard Aspen's voice. She greeted Bridget and then quickly walked towards me and Ian. She gave him the bag with the gift and hugged him.

"I missed you so much." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Missed you too." We haven't seen each other in a while. She was working all the time and with me helping Bridget, we couldn't really find an appropriate time to see each other.

"Ian looks so happy." She jutted out her lip and her eyes softened.

"He does."

"You both look so happy. Married life is treating you very well." I smiled at that.

"Really?" I asked while chuckling quietly. My eyes flew to Fenix who was talking to Cillian but was holding Ian's hand while Ian was resting his head on Fenix's leg.

"Mhmm. You are glowing girly." She nudged me with her elbow.

"By the way who is that man outside? I saw him at the wedding." She described him some more and it clicked that she talked about Kieran.

"That's Fenix's second in command. Kieran."

"Oh..." She smirked and nodded her head. "It's just that I saw him at the wedding. That's why I was asking."

"If you say so."

More people started to arrive. Kieran also stepped inside and gave Ian a big bag with a gift.

I have never seen Ian laugh and have so much fun before. It was his first birthday where he was getting so much gifts and was having so many people over.

Some of his friends from school arrived with their parents. Some with both while the other ones with one of their parents.

Macy also got here with both her mom and her dad.

She ran to Ian and hugged him. The blush on his face made me smile.

Their parents greeted Fenix and I. He held his arm around my waist the whole time and tighten it and brought me closer to him when their kids dad's would come over and start a conversation.

It gave me false hopes of him being protective of me because he actually felt something for me.

The time passed quickly. Ian blew the candles and all of his friends cheered and clapped as he whispered a wish.

We then cut the cake.

It was with blue frost and had a gold writing. On the side of it there were stickers from his favourite movie Cars of course.

The kids played around while we, the adults, made conversations. I noticed Aspen talk with Kieran couple of time and in every time I noticed them, they were laughing.

Of course she immediately made friends.

"Eli!" Ian ran to me and I crouched down. He was breathing fast and his hair was becoming sweaty.

"What is it baby?" He intertwined his fingers and smiled softly at me. Then he turned his head and looked at Macy who was close to her dad. He was giving her a drink.

"What is it Ian? Do you need anything?" I ran my thumb over his cheek.

"Umm, can I call Fenix dad?" As soon as he said the words, my heart stopped. All of the sounds around me faded away and my lips parted.

It was like the whole air evaporated from my lungs.

It felt like I was punched in my stomach. The pain spread through my whole body and I felt tears start to well up in my eyes.

He wanted to call him dad.

What have I done?

Oh God...

This was going to be over and I got completely lost in my own world and neglected what might have been going on in Ian's mind.

"Eli..." I straightened myself up and quickly wiped under my eyes. I bit my lips to prevent more tears to fall down my face.

"Let's get you a drink, you must be thirsty." I grabbed his hand and tried to change the subject.

What was I supposed to say?

We walked towards the tables. Thankfully Ian didn't said anything else and took a hold of the glass filled with orange juice that I gave him.

I fanned my face and tried to stay calm.

A hand landed on my back. I turned around and was met with Fenix's eyes. His eyebrows were turned upward and he looked worried.

"Did something happen?" He asked and took a step closer to me.

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"I'm fine just... nothing. Everything's alright." I didn't want to make him even more worried so I tried to put on a smile. He didn't seem convinced but let go of the conversation when Kieran called for him.

"We'll talk later, okay?" His eyes softened and I nodded.

⋆˚✿˖°

I placed the phone on the cabinet and let out a shaky breath.

Ian was in the living room taking a nap while me and Fenix walked towards our bedroom to change. The neckline of the dress was suffocating me even more now.

The room was silent and I felt Fenix's eyes on me. I tiled my head back and closed my eyes.

"Elsie what happened at the party?" Fenix's voice was gentle and more quiet than usual.

I was able to hear the heartbeat in my ears.

"Ian asked if he can calls you dad." I finally said the painful words. Tears started to well up in my eyes again but I turned to him regardless of that.

His lips were parted and he looked slightly surprised at what I said.

"Do you know what that means?" My voice broke. "It means that I'm the cruelest person for putting him in this situation."

Fenix's jaw clenched and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest.

"He never really had a father figure in his life and now that he finally... now that he finally has someone, it will be taken away from him. He is just a small child, Fenix." A lone tear fell down my face and I hurriedly wiped it off with the back of my hand.

"How could I do this to him? Oh God, how could I be so careless?"

A sob escaped my lips and I steadied myself on the wall behind me.

"Your family is so nice to us. You are so nice to us. This is... more than I have ever imagined for us. I've never had a good family. Now, I don't even have anyone. I've never had anyone treat me as close as you do. You take care of us, you spend time with us and..." I sniffed and wiped my eyes yet again.

"All of this is messing with my head and my heart. I should have never said yes. Everything will be over soon. It's like giving a piece of bread to a starving person and getting it back after they take a bite. This was always meant to be for couple of months. It's not fair. This is not fair. I didn't even know what kind of answer to give him. He stared at me with so much hope in his eyes and I had no clue what to say."

Fenix stood still, not moving and not trying to take a step towards me which I was more than grateful for. I couldn't take him consoling me now because I don't think I'll be able to let go of him.

"You do everything right and... How could I put myself and Ian in this situation? I should have known that it was not going to end well."

I bit my lip and looked up at Fenix who had his eyes on me. He ran his fingers through his hair and his face twisted in a foreign emotion.

"He thinks that you'll be in our lives forever. You know how happy he is when he sees you? He finally has a male figure to look up to and it will be taken away form him." My throat started to hurt. "How could I do this to him?"

"Elsie..." Fenix extended his hand and tried to take a step and close the distance between us.

"Please, don't." I pleaded with a voice filled with pain.

"I want to be alone, please." I said with a whisper.

I slid down the wall and brought my legs closer to me. I rested my forehead on knees and let myself cry.

I should have known before I made the decision to say yes. How could I be so stupid and put him in this position?

Few minutes passed and I heard the door close. Fenix must have exited. At that, my cries became even louder.

I muffled the noises by placing my hand over my mouth.

Guys I'm sorry for the bad chapter but I have been building furniture with my dad and my fingertips are hurting, I couldn't even write properly 😭

Also I'm in the vacation mood already because I'm going to my home country this week for Eid. So my mind is all over the place... :D

Anyway thoughts on what's gonna happen next??🫣

And last thing; I'm slowly writing a new book called HAVEN. Age gap, dad's best friend👀👀

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