Chapter 44 - Astrid

I set my tools down to start my first task of the day.

In a rolled-up towel, I unfurl two things: shaving cream and a razor. The can spurts out a generous dollop of cream that I lather onto his face, serene as ever, and then I begin.

The blade runs swiftly over his face and I pray thanks for this moment, but to whom I pray remains to be seen. Mostly, I think about the universe, and in the back of my head, I think about an all-father or an all-mother god who watches over us.

Ever since the events of Rio's coma, the heavens have been completely silent. My golden eye remains bright as ever, a reminder of those heart rendering events and the hopes that the Goddesses shattered when we realized we were all just tiny, insignificant pawns. Sometimes before sleep, I call out to her, the Sun Goddess, to ask her why she did this and where she's been. Alas, as usual, I am met with nothing at all.

The least you could do is bring Rio back, goes my resentful thoughts to the Sun.

Despite my anger and disappointment, I am always here, every morning, every day, wishing Rio would wake up. As the sharp razor glides on his skin, somehow the facial hair growth comforts me in knowing that his body is still functioning as normal. In the walls of his grey room, I groom him, I wash him, I clothe him and then I wait for the man I love to come back to me.

Corinthia and I share this burden together, but lately the bitterness is starting to show in her aqua blue eyes. They hurt to look at not only because they remind me of Rio but because I know what she's thinking. Doom seems to follow me.

Before she gets here, I lean in close to Rio, hands above his heart, and hum the song of the ancestors. I do this in the hope that the magic I unknowingly unleashed that day might return and reverse everything. Though nothing really changes.

Corinthia's footsteps ascend Rio's tower from below and I end my humming, primping my mate a little for his mother's arrival. She enters the room, courteously greeting me a good morning then almost immediately dotes on her son and asks question after question: Have you fluffed his pillow? Have you changed his clothes? Have you made sure he's fed? Has he made any progress?

The answer to all these questions is always the same.

Then, Corinthia settles on her rocking chair and knits all day, a mindless exercise she endeavors in as her eyes constantly dart from her work to her son. Today, the clicking of her needles is more restless and stunted as she occasionally sighs and grumbles to herself.

"We can't continue like this," she finally announces. "The pack has gone on for too long without their Alpha and despite giving Kobe more responsibilities, at the end of the day, I am the one overseeing the administration."

I nod in agreement. For the past six months, Bianca has stayed back in Mesaniskia, to comfort me, to keep me company, and maybe also out of guilt. She's wandered around the streets like a ghost and keeps mostly to herself, but she comes alive when she complains about Rio's younger brother, Kobe, who seems to trail her and pester her like a persistent ulcer. Her words, not mine. Somewhere in that big head of his, he is determined to get Bianca to go out with him. She politely refuses, but his persistent Lycan Alpha blood disallows him from getting the clue. I should know how it is better than anyone, having had Rio eventually wear me down to accept him as my destined mate. I can imagine this situation with my best friend being one of Kobe's distractions away from his administrative duties.

However, I have yet to be officially anointed as Luna, to alleviate Corinthia of some of the responsibilities. After the first week of Rio's coma, I was offered the chance to undergo the ceremony but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it alone. It didn't feel right without Rio.

"So," Corinthia continues as the clacking of her needles intensifies, "I have scheduled the Luna ceremony for next week."

"I can't..."

"You have to, Astrid," her voice rises a little. "Look, I know more than anyone what you are going through. I lost my husband before his time, but I had to push on. Now you must do the same. We've waited for six months and that's quite enough."

"And I'll wait six more if I have to."

In a sudden fit, Corinthia throws her knitting down to the floor, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. She sighs heavily and opens her eyes, now crystal and sincere. I look away because I do, in fact, realize how horrible I am for letting this pack go on without proper leadership.

"Corinthia, I'm scared," I tell her.

I hear her getting up from her seat and the shuffling of her steps towards me. As she places a soothing hand over my head, it releases a well of emotions I had been keeping inside. Tears gush out of me and I sob in stunted breaths. Two motherly arms wrap around me and I melt into them. I miss my mom, my dad, An, my family, more than ever in this moment, but find the necessary comfort in Corinthia's strong arms.

"You know what made it easier for me to continue?" she speaks softly against my cheek. "Family. And with you as Luna, every single person in Mesaniskia will become your family."

I sigh deep into her neck, watching Rio over her shoulder. His brow twitches.

"Okay. I'll do it."

Bianca sits back and examines her work. Her short hair looks more coiffed than it did six months ago and she kept it this way since then. It suits her better as the strong, independent Sigma she has become.

I sneak a peek at the mirror behind her and almost don't recognize myself. Dewy skin, bronzed cheeks, rosy lips and wavy hair down to my chest. That's not the girl I knew before.

"You nervous?" she asks.

"How can I not be? I'm a Luna without an Alpha. This doesn't feel right."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Astrid," she grabs my hands and I brace for speech. "You are stronger than you realize. I know you better than anyone else and I know how capable you are. And I know that one week changed all of us, but you most of all. The pressure turned you into a diamond."

"I feel more like glass."

"You're a goddamn diamond and that's the end of it," Bianca squeezes my hands and shakes her head, scoffing at my comment. "You just always have to fight me, don't you?"

"Well, how else do I get you to continue singing my praises?"

Bianca sighs then bursts into laughter, which I follow.

"Do you feel better now?"

I nod. "A little."

Bianca places a garland of white flowers on my head and fiddles with my hair for a bit. The look of pride in her eyes shines bright when she says, "you're ready." I peer back at my reflection for one last time before we go. My dress is white but I don't feel like a bride. It reminds me of what or rather who I don't have. No, that would have to wait for later.

Before we leave, I look out of the window up at the tower with the black dome. Sleeping next to Rio's unconscious body didn't seem right so I reverted back to the guest room in the family manor where my window peeks up at his. I wait expectantly for something to happen, but it never does.

Bianca and I descend the stairs and get into the car chauffeured by Kobe. He greets us, or should I say, Bianca, whose affection he has sought all these months. He hasn't seemed to have gotten the clue that she isn't interested. But what more could you expect from an arrogant Lycan prince? I should know since I fell in love with one.

"A-are you nervous?" Leon, Rio's youngest brother, asks me timidly sitting beside me.

I smile at him for all the innocence on his face. He looks so much like Rio with his blue eyes and curly black hair. His presence comforts me enough to choose not to answer the question with so much gloom as before.

"I'm all right because I have you, him," I tilt my head towards the front at Kobe, "and your mom."

"W-we will a-always be there f-for you," he replies with a sweet dimpled smile.

The car pulls up to a familiar road lined with rose bushes and the gentle swish of trees that lead to an open field where the guests await. My nerves kick in harder than before and I almost tell Bianca I can't do this. But all that fades away when I see my family waiting for me with Corinthia Xenakis as she stands in her royal blue dress to escort me across the citizens of Mesaniskia.

My sister, An, is the first to hug me, then dad, then mom who sniffles in my ear the whole time.

"You look so beautiful, darling," she whispers in my ear.

Finally, I embrace Corinthia, who, I guess, I should call my mother-in-law, despite the absence of a ring on my left hand.

"Thank you for doing this," she says.

And as I lean back to pretend and lie about my courage, a sharp prick shocks me. I reach a hand across my heart. Corinthia's eyes follow my movement and settle in above my clavicle. Her eyes widen.

Without a second thought, my legs have already started carrying me back through cobbled roads and empty streets. The adrenaline from all my nerves explodes within me and spurs my acceleration. Pretty soon, I notice my bare feet pushing me forward and forget where my shoes had come off along the way.

I navigate through the streets I have learned and memorized to reach a closed black gate and climb above it with ease. The anticipation of Rio's throbbing mark leaves me without a moment to think anything through. I barge into the front doors and up the winding steps through the entire tower quarters all the way up to the top.

When I open the door to the grey room, I find Rio sitting upright and crash into him. He moans an exhale as I pant into his neck. I struggle to get any words out through my body's confusion to sob or yell in elation.

"Astrid," Rio croaks.

I lean back to examine his expression. How I've longed to see his mismatched eyes, one black one blue. I push my hair back from spilling all over his face. He smiles weakly at this and twirls a strand around his finger.

"Your hair," his smile quickly fades away, "is longer."

Rio gently pushes me back to sit up, gripping onto my legs as I straddle him. Our bodies in this proximity after so long has me a little heated, apart from the distance I had just run to get to him. He studies my face seriously.

"How long was I out?" he asks.

"Six months," I answer.

Then he looks down at my white dress and pinches its fabric between his fingers.

"What's this?"

"Your mom—I was about to walk for my Luna ceremony."

"Really?" his expression is bemused unlike that of one who has woken up from months' long coma, but one who is struck that I would do such a thing.

"Rio, you were gone for so long."

"No, not that," he shakes his head. "I'm just surprised you hadn't done it sooner."

"How could I do it without you?"

"Good thing I woke up in time then."

Rio pulls me in closer and kisses me. My body's reaction is positive and hungry. And so is his as he grabs my thighs, forcefully bringing us together in every way imaginable. Every part of him has arisen from the six months coma.

"We can't," I breathe out in between his fiery kisses.

"I hunger for you," he says, biting my bottom lip.

The prick sends a shiver down my chest, but lands in the pit of my stomach. I rest a heavy hand on him and pull back.

"We can't because the others will be here soon to get me after I ran out on my own Luna ceremony."

Rio purses his lips and gently moves me off him, heaving a heavy sigh as he stands up. I instinctively reach a hand out in case he stumbles, but his legs ignore the months of stasis as he walks towards the mirror hanging by his closet. He runs his fingers through his hair, adjusts his shirt and tucks himself in his pants then nods briskly at himself.

"Let's go do this thing then," he says, turning to face me. "Let's go make you my Luna."