Chapter 18 - Astrid

Rio drives us out of the city's winding roads from a route not yet travelled. We emerge onto a road lined with trees gently swaying and rose bushes, filling my lungs with their pleasant nocturnal aroma. We follow the road till we reach a clearing. On top of a hill, three figures are outlined against the moon's light shining brightly behind them. Rio gets closer and parks the car.

Corinthia stands in between her sons, Kobe and Leon, with her arms outstretched and her gown flowing against the wind.

"Welcome, Astrid, to your first run with the family," she says.

None of them are wearing a bodysuit.

Corinthia swiftly takes off her gown and the others follow suit, stripping from their clothes. I look away and do the same, sparing my shimmering black bodysuit. I hear them start jogging down the hill as one thud leads to two, then three, then four.

The smallest is a black wolf, larger than any wolf I've ever seen, yet towering over him is a brown wolf with white markings scattered on her face and feet. The next wolf is about the same size as the she-wolf, in a rich chocolate brown. And the biggest of them all, double the size of the smallest wolf, is Rio, striking a majestic pose under the moonlight like a dark abyss absorbing all the light around him except for one lone aqua blue eye.

Rio barks as if to tell me 'let's go'.

I run forward, then outstretch my arms into a dive and shift, twisting my body a full 360 before landing on all fours and shaking out into a fluffy orange, black and white mass of fur, two thick paws step out in front of me. I'd wager myself to be about the size of Leon's smaller black wolf. I walk over to Rio. He huffs approvingly, whereas Corinthia turns her nose up and begins to jog.

Everybody follows in unison. But Rio emerges out in front, as the rightful leader of this run and Alpha of the pack. He looks back expectantly at me and so does Leon, then Kobe. I engage every muscle in my body and tighten up my core to spring forward, breaking through the steady line between Corinthia and her younger sons so end up side-by-side with Rio.

A roar erupts from my lungs. I am surprisingly enjoying the run.

Rio slows down, as do the rest of us. I pant to catch my breath. The little black wolf at the back perks his ears up and sniffs incessantly at the ground. I try to sniff out the air too, to find what he's looking for, but only sense the island and, strangely, Rio's lingering delicious scent. Cortinthia sharply barks at the little wolf, but he persists and follows the trail he's on. And out pops a rodent from an unseen hole, which he swiftly catches between his jaws. Leon shakes his head, thrashing the rodent till it succumbs to its fate, then swallows it whole. Kobe's chocolate wolf huffs in stutters as if to laugh at his little brother.

All the while, Rio stoically sits observing his family quietly. He catches me staring, then howls. The others join in. Then, something builds up inside of me, an unforeseeable energy, and out from the deep recesses of my lungs erupts a roar that shakes the earth I stand on.

I can't believe I just joined in on the Lycan chorus.

The five of us jog around for a few more laps before resting again. Kobe rolls on the ground, Leon hunts some more and Corinthia regally lays down watching over her children. Rio soon gets up and jogs lightly back to the car. I follow him, while the rest stay back, enjoying basking in the moonlight.

Rio shifts back before my eyes, this time I accidentally catch a glimpse of his glistening bare back, but break my gaze away just as he bends down to retrieve his clothes. The intricate musculature of his back sears itself in my head as I shift back as well.

"What did you think?" Rio asks, now fully clothed.

"It was...a new experience."

"You have lived your whole life in Silver Bow, yet not once participated in a moonlit run?"

"Not a wolf," I remind him.

"Listen, Astrid," he steps in front of me and gently lowers his tone. "I was thinking while running, about what you said before, and the dinner, and everything else. I haven't been all that self-aware of how being here in Mesaniskia would affect you. I don't know, I guess, I presumed that the bond of destiny and your proximity to my home would eventually ease your mind, but I see now that I was wrong."

I clear my throat. He's wrong, yes, but not entirely so. I did feel something in me emerge during the run.

"Maybe," he continues, "you think I'm trying to suck up to you by promising you that I will send your sister books or that I will do better to make more shifting suits. The truth is, I am. But, is that so bad? Isn't love supposed to change people for the better?"

Love?

"Whoa," I take a step back feeling dizzy all of a sudden.

I have thought about it, but it never really hits you until you actually hear the word.

I get into the passenger seat of the car and Rio soon follows into the driver's seat.

"Take me back to the house," I tell him.

For a moment, I feel his gaze sear a hole into the left side of my face as the air goes completely still. But he resigns and starts the car.

We exist the field, drive through the rose-adorned road, then land back at the manor. Rio escorts me back to my west wing quarters like a ghost trailing wordlessly behind me.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks me, the second time this evening.

Again, I answer, "No."

And just before I close the door on him, he pushes against me, and lets himself enter the room. I take a step, bracing for what I know is about to happen because, I think, I want this.

Rio's lips crash into mine. Whatever hesitance or constraint there was in the past is gone, for he passionately kisses me with his hands fully clutching onto my waist. I flinch at this and push him away. But the look on his face isn't one of shock or hurt, just unfazed that I do this every time.

So, I kiss Rio back, wrapping my arms around his neck. At first, his body is tensed up from the surprise, but then he pulls me in closer as if I am the air he needs to breathe. Our hearts beat in sync, chest-to-chest and I revel in his minty musk and the sweet taste of his tongue, dancing circles around mine. I begin to feel him push against me. I stumble a bit, but then stop myself.

We part, breathing deeply as we do.

"Goodnight, Rio," I whisper.

He clenches his jaw, but nods.

"Goodnight, Astrid."

I watch him leave and give me one last look before he closes the door behind him. A sudden hot flash overcomes me. I undress and head straight for a cold shower, noticing a ring of yellow around my dilated pupils as I cross the bathroom mirror.

When I'm done, I wear a set of cotton pyjamas and head straight to bed, my body functioning on autopilot as my mind keeps questioning what I'd just done.

Oh, this very much complicates my plan.

I pull the bed covers down and tuck myself in, but I feel too restless to fall asleep. So, I stay for a while with my eyes closed, the kiss I initiated this time playing over and over again behind my eye lids. I imagine what would have happened if I didn't stop Rio, what would have happened if he pushed me onto the bed, if we turned off the lights...

I bolt up in bed when my phone breaks through my musings.

An calling.

I pick it up. An appears the way she always does with a top bun on her head and glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. I recognize the green book shelf behind her, with new and old books full stacking its shelves. She is in her place of comfort: her book shop.

"Oh, thank Goddess, Astrid!" her voice is loud and horribly peaks the audio. "I tried to call you before but you weren't answering. Are you okay? Are you safe?"

"Yes, An, I am still in one piece."

"Wait a minute, are you in bed? What time is it there? By the way, mom and dad told me everything."

I sigh. Of course, they did. And Alpha Gilbert is probably getting ready to come rebuke Rio.

"It's 11 pm," I tell her. "How's mom and dad?"

"I haven't seen either of them since last night. Look, Astrid. I'm not gonna scold you or anything. So, I'm just gonna ask. Are you and Rio mates now?"

I sharply guffaw in response and nearly choke on my spit while doing so.

"No, An. We are not mates now."

"Hmm, so he hasn't snuck any kisses in? Because, boy are wolves horny judging by this journal that I'm still going through." She pulls up the same journal titled 'A.T.S.' that she was reading during the last dinner we had together.

"Really, An? Do you really want to know?"

She looks at me, the camera slowly inching towards her face till I can see my own reflection through her glasses.

"We have kissed...on three separate occasions," is my meek answer.

"Thank Goddess!"

"What? Why? Why would you say that, An?"

"Well, for one it means that holy shit you're part of a destiny pairing, little sis! And secondly, it does comfort me a little to know that you weren't entirely forced."

It never fails to amuse me how enthusiastic An is of wolves and werewolf culture, and it makes me itch to go downstairs, pack some books and ship them off to her book shop in Silver Bow.

"So, you're not mad at me?"

"Astrid, you're doing what you have to do and that's amazing. For a while there, I was getting worried about you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Astrid, you're not destined to be stuck in this town teaching kids music. I already told you how I felt when Ms Cadenzia urged you to go to college but you refused. And this destiny pairing is just the push you need to unlock your true potential. To show you that you're worth so much more."

I smile at these words.

"Thanks, An, but I could say the same thing about you."

"I already got my university education, little sis. I'm back here because I want to be here. Besides," she shrugs, "I'm a home body. Introverted to the core. No man could satisfy me more than my books. And you are none of the above...Come to think of it, do you even read?"

A deep laugh emerges from my belly, a kind much needed right now.

"In all seriousness, Astrid, I think—whoa, brace yourself for some tough love—"

"I'm ready," I tell her, expecting some sappy, wise words.

"I think Bianca was holding you back." She pauses. I pause. "Hello? Still with me?"

"Yes," my voice barely comes out.

"Bianca is this light, this beautiful ray of light that everybody wants to look at. And you were always hiding behind that instead of stepping right beside it and being like 'hey, I'm here too'."

"Well, she is the Alpha's daughter."

"But, Astrid," she tsks and sighs. "Let me put it this way. You should have been the one to sing the Mighty Five anthem, not Bianca. And you could have, because Bianca loves you enough to give you the spotlight. And no offense to her, but she can sound like a whale sometimes."

I snort, but not too much.

"And let me also add, that when you said you didn't want to go to college, to me, you may have just said, 'I'm ready to join the pack'. You used Bianca as a safety net and you used Silver Bow as a safety net."

"Wow, did you mean to boost my confidence so?" I sarcastically quip.

"I guess this is my complicated way of saying you are where you need to be, little sis."

"Thanks."

"So, don't worry about me or mom or dad. We're good. Things will settle down."

I nod at my big sister, who's always looked out for me and has given me a lot more to think about as if my head wasn't already exploding with all sorts of things.

"By the way," she breaks the silence. "Have you given any thought as to what your hybrid babies are gonna look like?" Goddess. She and Alex would have so much to talk about.

I feign a yawn and stretch my free arm.

"You know what? I'm so jetlagged, An. And I don't feel like answering your question. I just don't." I shrug. "So, goodnight."

"Oh, fine. But you'll have to think about it one day. Maybe I'll send you some sketches or I could—"

Blip.

I switch off my phone, rest it on the bedside table and stare at the lazy palm leaves outside, alone in the dark, with my thoughts, till I drift off to sleep.