SIMULA

A tear fell from my eyes until my vision became blurry while looking at them, my husband and his girlfriend kissing at the kitchen.

Yes, my husband had a girlfriend for almost a year now. Why am I even here? What are you doing, Zian? Why are making such a fool of yourself?

I thought may pag asa pang mahalin n'ya ako pero sa loob ng tatlong taong pagsasama namin ay puro pasakit lang ang nararanasan at nararamdaman ko, emotionally. He never hurt me physically but the pain of his words scarred me through the deepest part of my soul, every painful words that he said are always echoing in my head. I feel so worthless and I am becoming numb.

Ano nga bang laban ko sa girlfriend nya? asawa lamang ako sa papel pero ang babaeng yun naman ang mahal nya.

Galit sya sakin dahil sa akin nya sinisisi kung bakit nasira ang buhay nya. Our marriage isn't for love, it is for the benefit of my family, a business merging to be exact but I didn't expect that I would love him this hard. I didn't expect that I would fall for him, maybe it's because I thought maybe this marriage would work, we can make it work. Maybe because I thought he might have feelings for me too, but all of those thoughts and hopes shattered, none of those came true.

Sino ba namang hindi mahuhulog sa kanya? gwapo sya, matalino,mayaman, siguro nga ay lahat na sakanya na. But even though his wealthy, handsome, and smart and has everything there's only one thing that I afraid of him. It's his cold eyes. His words. His ruthlessness.

We're married for almost a year now but still walang nagbago sakanya ganun parin sya kung trumato sa akin, distant, cold and harsh on his words and it hurts me so much.

I think three years is enough I'm tired I just want him to love me pero hindi nya maibigay iyun, am I that hard to love? Siguro panahon na rin para sumuko, not everything is worth fighting for.

Gusto ko sana syang surpresahin kasi magiging ama na sya but on the second thought what if hindi nya tanggapin? What if hindi nya ko panindigan? What if masaktan lang ako?

It was just a mistake na may nangyari samin, lasing lang sya nun ngunit para sa akin iyun ang pinaka magandang nangyari sa buhay ko. That night, I felt his love even just for a moment, I thought he love me too, I thought he cared for me too.

Huminga ako ng malalim at kinuha ang annulment paper na ibinigay nya sa akin last year.

I smiled bitterly and signed the paper, hinimas ko ang 2 weeks pa lang na tiyan ko.

Hindi man sya naging akin at least mayroon syang alaalang iniwan sa akin. A memory that will remain forever. A precious one.

'I'm so sorry baby hindi ko maibibigay ang masaya at kumpletong pamilya sayo' saad ko saaking isipan at pinunasan ang mga luhang patuloy na umaagos sa aking mga mata.

Bumuntong hininga ako at kinuha ang maleta ko sa ilalim ng kama at nagsimulang mag impake.

Magsisimula akong muli, kaming dalawa ng magiging anak ko malayo sa asawa ko...malayo sakanya..malayo sa lugar na ito, malayo sa sakit. I'll a new life with a good and a happy life.

I guess not everything we want to get or achieve will be ours, sometimes it's better to just continue admiring it from afar.