Chapter Eight

Summer is short here in Finland, whereas winter seems to last forever. Although it was still just the beginning of autumn, the days had already gotten shorter and colder.

I had spent a month in town and it had started to feel more like home. Even though it was a small town, there was a surprisingly inclusive center. One big grocery store, a mall, some handicraft shops, a drugstore, a library and of course a liquor store.

I went to the center when I had time and wanted to buy something special to eat or just wander around at the mall. I couldn't buy even a tenth of what I wanted though, because I was broke.

Fortunately I had found myself a job. Actually I had found myself two jobs, which were a part-time job at the library and substitution task at a math refresher course in our school. Working was exhausting along with studies, but I needed the money.

I barely had time to see Joakim after classes, which neither of us was happy about, and I mostly came back to my flat to sleep and eat.

I had had my usual shift at the library at Friday, and I slept till noon on Saturday. It took me a while to get up from the bed and another while to get dressed. I was so tired it felt like I hadn't slept at all.

Kuisma was already in the kitchen making coffee. I opened the fridge, only half-awake. There was just a jar of soy milk, since I hadn't had time to buy groceries. So, cereals it was.

I thought I would have to wait for my turn to make coffee, like I always did, but without words Kuisma jabbed a steaming cup of coffee in my hands. I looked at him and gave him an astounded smile.

"Thanks", I mumbled quickly.

"It's just a cup of coffee", Kuisma shrugged.

"Yeah, but it's a start", I said and leaned my lower back against the kitchen counter. Kuisma poured coffee for himself too and sat on the kitchen stool. We didn't talk for a long while, but it was nice to be in the same room without quarreling.

"So you don't compeletely hate me after all?" I asked gingerly. I felt like this might be the time to get to know Kuisma a little better. After all, all we had done the last month was fighting.

"I never said I hated you", Kuisma pointed out. Luckily he didn't sound angry or agitated. Actually, he seemed relaxed if not even benevolent.

I yet again remarked how good-looking he was with his golden eyes and ruffled up hair. What was surprising to me, was that he looked like a nice person, not at all like a troublemaker.

"Why are you staring at me?" Okay, I was definitely staring at him, and maybe it was a little too obvious.

"I'm not", I denyed quickly, and then we were quiet again.

"You're working too much", Kuisma eventually broke the silence. Was he concerned about me?

"Huh?" I almost choked on my coffee. Kuisma was about to say something when my phone rang.

"Hi, what's up?" I answered the call.

"We're going to watch movies and drink, care to join us?" Joakim asked. There was some clamor around him, so he was probably on the go.

"I don't know, I'm pretty exhausted from work", I hesitated. I had planned to just chill and maybe go to the grocery store at most. I even had some homework to do..

"Come on, just one movie and a couple of drinks", Joakim entreated.

"Okay, fine", I gave in, and just like that my chance not to go was gone.

"Great! See you in an hour."

When I ended the call, Kuisma was browsing his phone. There was a minor frown on his face and it seemed like he had drawn back to his shell.

"Um, I need to go soon. Thanks for the coffee", I told him. Kuisma just nodded and went back to browsing his phone. So the moment was gone, just like that.

I washed my teeth and took shower. I still felt weary, but the shower helped a bit. I dressed up a grey hoodie and black jeans.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had dark circles under my eyes and that my hair had grown a bit too long. Maybe I had a certain nonchalant charm because of that..? Or I might have to rest more and get a haircut, which was a considerable option too.

***

There I was, knocking on Joakim's door five past two. Wasn't that an odd time to be drinking? Oh well, I wasn't the one making the rules.

"You look nice", was the first thing Joakim said when he let me in the flat. Maybe my nonchalant charm was a thing after all.

"It's just the two of us for now. Fareed, Viljo and Ari will join us soon", Joakim said and motioned me to follow him into the kitchen.

"I don't actually know how to cook soy", Joakim admitted and before I knew it we were brewing the sauce together — and by together I mean Joakim was standing behind me, his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder.

I was, understandably, having difficulties to concentrate on the cooking with his body so close to mine.

"The secret is to use loads of chili", I murmured while sprinkling dried chili in the pan.

"Uh-huh", Joakim mumbled back and pressed his body closer to mine. I felt his lips on my neck and shivered.

I was definitely having hard time to focus on the cooking. Joakim planted kisses on my neck and let his hands wander on my hips and then under my shirt. I leaned my back against his chest, partially because my legs felt feeble like I was melting in his hands.

"You're hot", Joakim breathed.

"Yup, I can tell that from the way you act", I whispered back coarsely.

"No, I mean you're burning up", Joakim said and turned me around to face him. He placed his palm on my forehead, then on my cheek, while furrowing his brows and pursing his lips.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm fine, just a bit.. I don't know, shaky, maybe", I mumbled. I didn't feel sick though, and I opened my mouth to tell that to Joakim.

"Did we interrupt something?" Fareed asked when he, Viljo and Ari stormed into the apartment. He looked perplexed for a moment, but a second later there was a familiar smirk on his face.

"Well, you could say that, but it's not like I could tell you to bug off", Joakim sighed and there was a hint of irritation in his voice. "Anyway, dinner is served. Or it will be soon, so help me to finish it", he added casually and I couldn't hear the irritation anymore.

There weren't fancy settings or candles, it was just a regular meal between friends. Ari imposed me a glass of wine and I couldn't bring myself to say no.

"This isn't actually that bad", Fareed said as soon as he took a forkful of the sauce and pasta.

"Why are you so surprised?" Joakim demanded.

"Well, because.. you're a terrible cook, to be honest", Fareed muttered apologetically.

"Oh really?" Joakim nudged Fareed on the shoulder over the table. "Daniel might have helped a little", he admitted and laughed warmly.

The dinner was fun. The others had more wine and they started talking more and louder. You can only imagine what that meant for Fareed. I mostly just listened. I wasn't feeling sick, it was more like I was watching the situation from afar. I was having difficulties to concentrate on their words, but more than anything I was simply tired.

"Let's educate ourselves with the movie, shall we?" Fareed suggested.

"So, we're watching Peter Pan. It's mostly for exploratory purposes, because Viljo's friend is having some lame theme party and we need to know what we're getting into", Joakim explained while Viljo and Fareed cleared up our empty plates from the table.

When I got up, the world started spinning. Was I drunk? From a glass of wine..? I must have staggered, because in the next moment Joakim's arms were around me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine", I dismissed his worry.

"Did you spike his drink or what?" Fareed whispered to Joakim, although it was so loud everyone in the room could hear it.

"Don't mind those idiots. Do you still want to watch the movie or should I take you home?" Joakim asked, still holding me in his embrace.

"I can watch", I stated and then we were laying on the couch. Joakim was lounging behind me while I was half-laying comfortably on his lap.

"Who watches videocasettes these days?" I asked when Viljo began to switch on the videocasette player.

"No one, except us it seems", Joakim laughed softly.

One of the reasons why people had changed to DVDs was probably the seriously poor image quality. The image was flickering and blurry, but at least it showed the movie.

After that I have few memories of the evening. I remember the warmth of Joakim's body and some clips of the movie, and later getting back to my flat with Joakim's help. Okay, that last part I mostly figured, because I woke up in my bed in the morning.

I had a sore throath and I was sweating under the blankets, half freezing half boiling. There was a sheet of painkillers and a glass of water on the table. I assumed Joakim had brought them there, so I took a painkiller with a gulp of water. Then I went back to sleep.

"Is there anything else you eat than noodles and cereals?" Kuisma frowned. I must have slept for some time, because it was getting dusker. I just mumbled something and pulled the blanket to cover my eyes.

When I opened my eyes for the next time, the room was already dark. I staggered into the bathroom and after that I drank a gallon of water and went back to bed.

The next morning my throath was still sore, but most of the brain fog was gone. When I say most of it I mean it took me a long while to realize it was Monday and I was supposed to be at class. I dressed up and was already on my way out of the door when I conceded there was no way I was going to make it to the classroom.

Instead I sat on the corridor floor and pulled off my shoes with fair effort. It took another long while to get up from the floor and then I slumped back to bed. The next few hours or so I was feeling extremely frustrated. I didn't have energy to do anything useful, or even sit straight, so I just lolled on the bed and browsed my phone aimlessly.

I had to notify my boss I wasn't going to come today. When I had dealt with all the mandatory stuff and scrolled through Instagram and Twitter, I started texting with Paju and Joakim.

There wasn't much going on with Joakim, he just told me what they were doing at class and that he wished I was there with him. With Paju I was talking about politics, which was her favorite favorite topic. She was volunteering in some feminist office and wrote about politics.

I was used to have long conversations via texting with her, since Paju hated talking on the phone. Of course I told her what had happened at Joakim's flat and Paju fixated on two things: what had happened before the others had come and the fact I was drinking.

She wrote something like this: "So, did you kiss him? Would you have done it if you weren't interrupted by the others? And YOU were DRINKING?"

To be fair, she did have a point: I don't drink. Except apparently when I'm with Joakim and the others. The other thing, though, was none of her business, or at least that was what I told her. The truth was that I still didn't know where things were going with Joakim and I also didn't know what would have happened if the others hadn't come.

I didn't feel like thinking about it, so after I had sent the message, I placed myself on a comfortable posture and closed my eyes. I was probably having a fever again, because I shivered under the blanket and there was this weird floating sensation inside my head. I didn't have time to fall asleep, because Kuisma showed up soon after I closed my eyes.

"Are you still sleeping?" He asked while taking of his shoes and jacket.

"I was trying to, but no, I'm not", I mumbled and opened my eyes.

"Have you eaten anything?" Kuisma continued. I just shook my head. "I'm having pizza, want to order something too?" he asked nonchalantly.

I ended up having seitan pizza, again, and even though I felt like I was too nauseated to eat at first, I soon realised my body was screaming for food.

We didn't have a TV in our flat, but we wanted to watch something, so Kuisma brought his laptop on the foot of my bed. More precisely, Kuisma wanted to watch Supernatural and when he found out I had never seen it, he made me watch it too. Not that I minded, I really needed something to waste time with.

"I don't get it. You're actually an affable guy, but you do everything to hide it", I pointed out at some point. I knew it was highly possible I would ruin the evening by saying so, but I just blurted it out like I always do.

"What does that even mean?" Kuisma asked, suddenly vigilant.

"You make sure I have food and keep me company, isn't that what an affable person does?" I explained. Kuisma seemed to loosen up again.

"Well, it's not like I would go buy groceries for you and I can't let you starve to death, so.." he dodged the question.

The rest of the evening we barely talked, but I was feeling comfortable with his company, like I was allowed to just be without requirements. I couldn't help thinking Kuisma was like a little brother I never wanted. In a good way. Well, mostly in a good way.