Chapter Seventeen

When Copa asked, if I wanted to go to the mall, I instantly thought: absolutely not. What I said out loud was: "Why?"

It felt like such a long time ago, when I still enjoyed wandering around the mall. I had grown to a house mouse, and going to a place crowded with people sounded like a nightmare to me.

"I want to buy you a present, obviously", Copa grinned.

"What pre — oh." I can't believe I actually forgot my birthday was on Thursday.

"Don't tell me you forgot?" Copa laughed. I swear he didn't stop laughing until we were in the mall.

I had no idea what I would have needed or wanted, so the task turned out to be rather troublesome. Eventually Copa bought me a sketchbook and a black ink ballpoint pen, because there could never be too many art supplies.

"What do you say about sushi?" Copa stared longingly at our favorite restaurant in town as we walked past it.

"Didn't we just eat?" I objected, although I did have a rule to never say no to sushi.

"Well, I'm hungry and I want sushi, so that's what we're going to have", Copa announced and stomped into the restaurant, paying for two lunches from the buffet. I was starting to suspect the visit was going to be all-inclusive, and even though I was broke, I didn't think it was fair for Copa to pay for my living.

"You shouldn't be wasting all your money on me", I frowned.

"The way I see it is that while you have no money, I do, and you're family, so I can buy you whatever I fancy", he noted in a tone that suggested the topic was already settled.

I wouldn't say I'm a good eater, but when it comes to sushi, I can easily eat three or even four plates. This time I was still full from the last meal, so I could only finish two. After my two plates and Copa's four — I honestly have no idea where all that food goes — we were drinking coffee and lounging on our seats.

Copa had already finished one plate of desserts and he was about to start his second, when someone texted him. He typed an answer and after a couple of seconds his phone beeped again. His lips curved into a warm smile, when he read the text.

"Who are you texting with?" I leaned closer, narrowing my eyes.

"It's just this one guy from work."

There are all these series, where everyone is gay all of a sudden, which feels like stepping into a gay paraller universe. When in reality the chance of everyone happening to be gay in a group is minuscule. Except, of course, if these people are hanging out together because they're all part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

But as I said, it's minuscule not impossible. I was pretty young when I realized I was gay, whereas Copa was already in high school when he figured out he liked both girls and guys.

Paju is the only heterosexual in our group, but of course she's still part of the LGBTQIA+ community. These days most of our group is, but back then it was merely a coincidence.

Copa and Paju's parents are broad-minded and they didn't mind having a bisexual son and a trans daughter. When my dad kicked me out, after finding out I was gay, they took me in until I found myself an apartment. That's probably one of the reasons Paju and Copa aren't just friends, but also family to me.

"His name is Ilari. He's got these incredible chocolate brown eyes and he plays guitar. We have mostly just talked at work and we go jogging together sometimes, but I really think I like him and I think he might be into me too", Copa started babbling, answering to the question I never asked.

It was nice to see that affectionate expression on his face again, after four long years. Copa had vowed he would never date again after having a messy break up with his first boyfriend, but apparently he was finally ready to try again. The rest of our time at the restaurant we talked about Ilari, and for a moment I could put aside my worries. We laughed so loudly the other customers were giving us pointed looks.

When we got back to Copa's, we watched brainless reality shows and talked about idle things, until it was already late and my eyelids started to feel heavy. It had been a nice day and I had felt like the old me. The carefree and sociable me. Many things had changed, but it gave me hope to know that side of me still existed.

When I lay in the bed in Copa's room, I wished Kuisma was there. We wouldn't have to talk, just having him nearby would have been enough. Just knowing he was there with me would have made me feel at ease. But as I was alone, I just put on some music from my earbuds and let that pacify me to sleep.

***

On Wednesday Copa wanted to cook something fancy and I spent my time reading a book, which I found from Copa's bookshelf. Although it was more like a DVD shelf with a couple of books, since Copa wasn't that much of a reader. That was probably one of the reasons he had to rely on copy-pasting in the past.

In the evening we ate that fancy dinner, drank copious amount of coffee and I continued reading while Copa finished some work stuff on his computer. For me it was an ideal way to spent the day: no talking, no socialising, a good book to get immersed in and still having someone keeping you company.

***

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I heard singing. I tilted my head to the doorway to see two figures nearing my bed. Another of them was carrying a cake with candles.

Paju was wearing a yellow chiffon dress and her ash blonde hair was braided. I smiled when I noticed Copa's shirt was the exact same shade as Paju's dress was.

"Happy birthday, little brother", Paju wished, a beaming smile on her lips. I supported my body on my elbows, so that I could half-sit on the bed.

"How can I be your little brother when I'm older than you?" I chuckled.

"Well, I'm clearly the real adult and you're the little one."

"That makes no sense." I shook my head. Then I blew the candles and made a wish.

Copa gave me two presents, wrapped in yellow paper. In the other were the sketchbook and a ballpoint pen, but inside the other was a yellow hoodie. It was made of a soft material and its color was the same shade of mustard yellow as their clothes were.

"It's a yellow day, so you better get dressed", Paju smirked a mischievously, and I did as I was told. Soon I was following the others to the kitchen wearing my new yellow hoodie and the same old faded black jeans.

Mom used to make us mean good cakes for our birthdays when we were kids. It was always a caramel cream cake for me and chocolate cake for Lina. Then we had such monstrous chunks of cake for breakfast, that just the three of us could nearly finish the entire cake in one go.

Today I wasn't with mom or Lina, but I was still surrounded with family. My cake didn't have a layer of caramel, but it had a sweet lemon frosting and yellow sprinkles, which was like the second best thing. And we had coffee, loads and loads of coffee.

"Is there anything you'd like to do today?" Copa asked.

"How about spa?" Paju suggested.

"Yeah, not going to happen", I refused, but it was evident they wanted to go somewhere. It was my birthday, so I guess I should have been able to decide staying in and doing nothing, but I didn't want to disappoint them.

***

We had popcorn, candy and soda, so no one had to leave the teather hungry. More likely we were going to be nauseated, since we had had lunch not so long ago, but a movie without snacks just wasn't the same.

The a movie was called Parasite, and I really liked it. It was a long one though, and afterwards I was ready to get right back to Copa's, but the others were in no rush. They dragged me to a rock'n'roll pub we used to go every weekend when we were candidates for the matriculation examination.

The bartender still remembered our names and drinks, although this time I surprised him by ordering an alcoholic drink like the others. Then we just sat in the gloomy pub listening old rock classics and sipping our drinks.

"So, you really are drinking now?" I doubt Paju was talking about the fact I was sipping liquid down my throath at that very moment.

"Well yeah, it's not like dad has any word to say about that anymore, so why not", I shrugged, jokingly.

"Let's toast for the end of your dad's reing then", Paju lifted her drink.

"And your birthday too, baby", Copa added and lifted his glass as well.

"Baby?" I frowned, but toasted with them anyway.

When we were finally on our way back to Copa's, Paju was bantering with Copa and I hoped I could finally take a breather. Apparently birthdays were a lot of work. At the door Copa asked how I was feeling and I told him I was tired.

"I'm not sure what you think about this then.. but just hang in there, okay?"