Chapter 16 - Chasing Closure

I couldn’t believe my ears.  What started as an innocent way of seeing how she’d react turned into something that meant much more to me.  Did I just hear right?  I could have sworn she said yes when I attempted to tease her with the idea of setting a date for a wedding.  All I wanted to do was get a rise out of her but it was me who was fooled in all of this.  I love how well she knows me; I’ll never be able to get anything past her.

“How did you know?”  I asked her about how she knew that I was toying with her head.

“Because, when you’re having fun, trying to get a reaction out of me, your eyes do this dancing thing.”  I nodded and waited, knowing that she had something more to add.  “So, with that, yes, I will be, I am and want to be your girlfriend.”  And she gives me the most amazing smile I thought I’d ever seen.  I kiss her lips like a man dying of thirst.  I was on cloud nine and no one could bring me down.  I pulled away slightly to see her face and saw that she had something else to add.

“For the record, I didn’t lie about my saying yes to anything you asked of me.”  She kissed me quickly and looked at my face.

“So if I had asked you to move in?”  I say and she nods.  “Well, I think I know about marriage, but?”  I pause again and receive a nod and my smile cannot help but get wider.  “How ‘bout I told you I wanted to make beautiful babies with you.”  I said and got a laugh from her this time.

“I’d still say yes but ask that you waited until we had moved in and got married.”  She tells me and my heart skipped a beat.

“Wow.”  I say as she smiles at me.

“Now, kiss me like you just did.”  She tells me and I had to oblige her.

The following morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee and cinnamon, not to mention, a very hyper Aiden jumping on my bed, loudly mumbling something about waffles.  I grabbed him and wrestled him down to my mattress, giving him a good tickle before I got up and put some pants over my underwear and we headed downstairs.

“I hope you don’t mind.”  She said and I noticed that she was wearing one of my blue button-down shirts over her shorts.  I honestly had to say I loved the look.  Her legs looked endless.

“Hardly.  I could get used to this every morning.”  I tell her, hugging and kissing her neck from behind.

“Daddy?”  Aiden looks at me with a confused look.

“Yes bud?”  I tell him as I pour myself a cup of coffee and top up Amelia’s which she thanked me with a kiss on the lips.

“Is…  Hey!  Amelia, you told Daddy our secret!”  Aiden jumped off his chair.  “Does that mean that Amelia will stay with us?”

“Well, I don’t know buddy.”  I tell him and wink at Amelia.  “Why don’t you make your point and ask her to decide.”

“Okay.”  Aiden pauses.  “Amelia, I think you should stay with us because then we can play and have fun all the time.  I think Daddy would be very happy with that too.”  Amelia laughed at his word choice and intonations.  “And, you get to kiss Daddy whenever you want!”  He sneaks that one in on top of it which made both of us laugh.

“I can’t believe this kid!”  Amelia chuckles.  “Where does he get these things?”

“I don’t know; but buddy, I don’t think that Amelia is ready to move just yet.  She has lots of work to do with the house and it’s a really big house.”  I explained to him.  Part of me broke because I was stating the truth, as it was.  I couldn’t ask Amelia to sell her grandmother’s house.  I knew it meant too much to her.

“Why don’t we just move in with her?”  He tells me.  “Can we, Amelia?”  I looked at Amelia and I saw her smile and wink at my son and then she grabbed my hand and looked at me.

“How about we sit down and eat and then we’ll talk about it, okay?”  She says.  So we sat and ate the waffles she had so lovingly made for us.  Breakfast never tasted so good unless it was made with love and this one was phenomenal.

I had sent Aiden to play in the TV room while I helped Amelia clear off the table and the dirty dishes.  She had been shifty since my son had brought up us moving into her grandmother’s house, or was I reading her completely wrong?

“Can we talk?”  I asked her and stopped her from continuing with the straightening up.  “I need to know what you’re thinking right now.”  I tell her.

“I’m thinking I want nothing more than to have you both come and live with me.”  She tells me.  And as my heart soared up, it came crashing down milliseconds later.  “But we can’t.”  I searched her face as to why she was cowering away.  “Not now.  Not just yet.”

“Hey.”  I said softly, pulling her into me.  “It’s me you’re talking to here.  You know you can tell me anything.”  And I felt her head bob up and down, nodding in my chest.

“It’s Adam.”  She tells me.  Huh?

“Adam, your ex Adam?”  I asked her, my head started spinning when she nodded yet again.

She explained about his accident, how he had just woken up from a coma, but worst of all, that he apparently still thought that they were together.  The guy was in love with her still and for all intensive purposes, to him, my girl belonged to him.  I didn’t know what to think or feel.  I knew that Amelia had a big heart and I knew that when you have a history with someone, you can’t necessarily dismiss a person in their darkest hour.  That’s something I had unfortunately learned the hard way with Amelia.

“So you weren’t joking when you said ‘after I get back from the city’?”  I asked her.  She shook her head.  For the first time in the last fifteen minutes, I finally managed to look at her face.  I could tell that she was conflicted.

“I think you need to do this; for you; for us.”  I tell her.  “We’ll be here when you get back.”  What I didn’t expect was for her to be the one protesting.  I loved her more at that moment because she really didn’t want to leave.

“I don’t know if I can do this.”  She tells me.  “I don’t even know why I feel the need to go and handle things.”  I cradle her cheek in my hand.

“Because, as much as it pains me to say this, you loved him once.”  I tell her.  “And, because you have the biggest heart than anyone I know, Mia.”  And her gaze returned to mine.  I gave her a reassuring smile.  “Have you thought as to when you were going to go?”  She nodded.

“Tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I’m driving.”  She tells me.  My heart sunk into my stomach as the bile began to churn in my gut, slightly.  She must have noticed because I felt her grab my face and bring my gaze down to hers.  “The sooner I go, the sooner I can be back and then I’m never leaving you.”  She leaned up and kissed me lightly.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”  I tell her as I held her tightly against me, closing my eyes, trying to memorize the feel of her body, her scent, her mannerisms.  Something told me that it wasn’t going to be a trip to last a few days or a week.  I don’t know why I felt that way but I just did.  Judging by the few silent tears that had fallen on her cheeks throughout our conversation, I knew she had the same feeling.

After Amelia and I had managed to digest her decision to leave first thing in the morning, we went and found Aiden.  Amelia had requested that we spent the entire day outside.  The sun was out again and the heat was intense.  We left it up to Aiden to decide where to go.  He had said that he wanted to spend the day at the beach, building castles, jumping waves, just being a kid.  I won’t lie; it seemed like a day of heaven.  Amelia helped me pack a few snacks and drinks into a backpack and then I gathered Aiden’s swimming gear along with mine in case any of us was brave or stupid enough to attempt the water; the ocean is cold in June.  We jumped into the car and drove to Amelia’s house.

“Daddy, can we sleep over tonight?”  He asked me and Amelia found my eyes, letting me know she’d handle it.

“Of course you can.  Today’s our special day.  You get to do whatever you want, little man.”  She tells him.

“Why today?”  He asks.

“Because tomorrow, I need to leave, on a trip, for a little while.”  She explained to him.  My heart broke all over again as he threw himself in Amelia’s arms and she held him tightly.  “I don’t know when I’ll be back but I promise to call you every night until I get back.”  She tells him.

“Okay.”  He says.  “But, can we do your kind of stories?”  I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, little man.”  She tells him.

“Good.”  He looks up at me.  “I promise I’ll take care of Daddy while you’re gone.”  And Amelia laughed at his revelation.

“I’ll hold you to that and when I get back, I promise I’m never leaving you again.”  She tells my son as she ruffled his hair.

The day had gone by too quickly.  Aiden was sleeping in the spare room and we had found ourselves in Amelia’s bedroom.  Neither one of us felt like letting the other one go.  I feared that I had made love to her for the last time and that thought proved excruciating to me.  Despite I knew I could trust in what we have, it didn’t make it any easier.  They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I couldn’t figure how much more a man could ever love a woman.  As morning neared, I watched her sleep in my arms.  It wasn’t until the sun had risen that my urge to follow had hit me.  I knew it wasn’t feasible.  I had responsibilities and I couldn’t just up and leave them.  This was Amelia’s battle and if she needed me, then I’d be there but until then, she would have to assume her task at hand, independently.

When the time came, I let Aiden be the first to say goodbye.  He had taken it pretty well and never shed a tear.  I helped him get into the car and buckle him in, letting him know that I’d be back.  There she stood, the woman who held my heart, I ran over to her and let her jump into my arms.  I kissed her so hard, trying to drink in all of her essence so I would have enough to last me the entire time she was away; however long that may be.

“Please tell me to stay.”  She says as she holds my face, the whites of her beautiful blue eyes, stained red.

“I can’t.”  I tell her and lean my forehead against hers.

“I know.”  She whispered and kissed me softly on my lips as I tasted the saltiness of her tears.  “I love you, Christian Masterson.”  She says before she takes a step back.

“Ditto.”  I tell her and got a chuckle from her.  “I’ll always love you Mia.”  And with that, I jumped in my car, not knowing when I’d see her again but holding comfort that at least I had her voice on my ear, every night until her return.