Chapter 9 - No Judgement

I woke up to a tickling sensation on my nose.  I rubbed it, thinking it would be the end of it until I heard a light chuckle.

“Wakie, wakie!  Eggs and bakie!” I hear Christian whisper on the side of my face and I could no longer hold in my urge to giggle.  I tried to bury my head under the sheets but he pulled them down.  “Has anyone ever told you that you make sexy noises when you sleep?”  He asked and I felt myself blushing as I reached for his pillow and chucked it at his face playfully.

“Once or twice.”  I joked and he looked at me.  “Alright, never.”

“Good.  I thought I’d have to tickle the truth out of you.”  He tells me.

“What else do I do when I sleep?”  I ask him.

“I don’t know.  I was sleeping.”  He answers too quickly.

“Liar.”  I tell him and he laughs.

“Am I?”  He asks me.  I nodded.  “I would never.”  And he pounces on me, tickling my sides as I squirm laughing until it hurt.  When he stopped and backed up to lie on his back, a thought entered my head.  “Now that it seems like we’ve now met your laugh quota for the day, it seems like I should be going now.”  He says.

“Laugh quota?”  I ask.  “What about yours?”  And in a swift movement, I straddle his waist and begin to go for his very own spots that I remembered from childhood.  It worked like magic and he was howling in no time until he bucked into me and my hands fell motionless, to his chest.  His pecks rippled under my fingers, my body felt like it was burning up again.  I got off of him and quickly rolled onto my side of the bed, covering myself back up with my blankets as I faced the window, my back to him.  How could I have been so stupid?  I didn’t get it, until just now, why friendships between men and women couldn’t quite be the same as when they were kids; things actually grow complicated without trying to make them so.  Certain things may cause the line between love and friendship to blur.  One of those things was the tickle fight we had just shared.

“Hey.”  I hear Christian say behind me before I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling my back into his chest.

“You shouldn’t.”  I whisper.

“I can and I will.  No one ever said that hugs were prohibited.”  He tells me and I feel him bury his face into my hair at the back of my neck.  “And now, I have to leave you because I have a meeting at ten thirty.”  He kisses the back of my head, gets up and dressed and I decide to follow him downstairs wrapping my bath robe around me and lead him down to the front door.

I had managed to keep my mind off of all things Christian by putting my best talents to good use and work on my window treatments for the den.  By dinner-time, I had realized I had skipped breakfast and lunch and found myself starving.  I popped a pot of water on the stove and went back to stacking my books into the book shelves.  At one end of the den, I had my office desk on an angle so I could see who entered the room, yet be able to still see outside as I worked, in the middle, I had two comfy chairs separated by a tiny side table fit to hold a book and perhaps some decorative vase, bouquet of flowers or photo frame.  Over on the other side, I had placed Granny’s baby grand piano, in its shiny black splendor.  The room looked practically complete and exactly as I had envisioned it.  It still showcased the era of the home but showed more of my modern personality and flare.  As for the living room, I figured I would leave that one alone until tomorrow.  I returned to the kitchen to throw my pasta into my boiling pot of water.  My cell vibrated on the kitchen counter and I picked it up to answer.  It was Gloria calling to invite me over for dinner on Friday evening.  There was no way I was turning a chance to eat dinner with them down.  Mrs. Masterson really knew how to cook about as well as I knew how to play the piano.  So with that said, I began looking forward to tomorrow evening.

I had begun to wonder why I hadn’t heard from Christian all day.  He should have been home hours ago.  It was now seven thirty and I was beginning to feel like the overly worried girlfriend that I wasn’t.  Need I remind you whose fault that is?  I figured I’d give him a call myself.

“Hey Mia!”  I smiled as he seemed excited.  “It’s been a long day.  I’m sorry I didn’t call.  Did you get a call from my mother?”

“Yeah.”  I replied.  Daddyyyyyyy!  I hear in the background.  My heart sunk.  “Christian?”  And I hear him take in a deep breath.

“Yes Amelia.”

“Who is that?”  I found myself asking.

“We need to talk.”  Is what I hear.  “I’m coming over now.”  Not given the chance to say anything, Christian had hung up.

When I heard my doorbell, I didn’t know what to do once I had opened the front door.  There stood Christian and a miniature version of himself next to him.  There was no mistaking him for anyone else’s son; he was a spitting image of his father with his bright green eyes and black hair, not to mention the adorable smile he was now giving me.

“Hiya!”  The little tyke said as he ran inside and hugged my leg.  My eyes were completely stuck on the little boy before me who couldn’t have been more than five.  “Actually, I’m four and a half, next month.”  He tells me.

“Did I just…”  Christian smiled slightly and nodded.  “Oh.  I’m sorry.  And who might you be?”  I finally get out, slowly taking it all in.

“My name is Aiden.”  He tells me and holds out his hand.  “Aiden Christian Masterson.”  I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well, he’s quite the charmer much like his father was.”  I look over to Christian who gave me a playful pout, pretending I had hurt his feeling.

“And my name’s Amelia.”  I tell him.

“I know.  My Daddy talks to me about you all the time.  Is it true that my Daddy was mean to you?  I don’t think Daddy could ever really be mean but if he was, he didn’t really mean it.”  He says so matter-of-factly.  My jaw dropped at his statement.

“No he didn’t mean it.  Your Daddy didn’t mean to be mean.”  I tell him and look up at the boy’s father.  “Sometimes, things like that happen.  That’s why we say sorry.”

“Well, I know he’s sorry.”  Aiden says and tugs on my pant leg so I looked at him.  There he was waving his finger so I got down to his level.  He wrapped his arms around my neck in the greatest hug I had felt by any child.

“What was that for?”  I ask him as he pulls away.

“My Daddy says that even people who are sad need to smile sometimes.”  He explained.  “My hugs always bring smiles.  Do you feel better?”  I couldn’t help but laugh and nod.  I wasn’t sad but he definitely knew how to put a smile on my face.

“Buddy, do you mind if I talk with your Daddy for a bit?”  Aiden shook his head and went to sit in the den as Christian and I moved to the furthest corner of the living room, still being able to keep an eye on Aiden.

“You have a son?”  I asked him in a whisper, holding his eye.  He nodded, looking almost hesitant to go into details, like I was going to judge him or something.

“It was with an old girlfriend.  Walking out on them was the most stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life.  A few years ago, her parents showed up on my doorstep, leaving him with me only to tell me that Aiden’s mother had committed suicide.”  He explained.  “I don’t know if it was me leaving, post partum blues or anything else that came into play but I couldn’t help but blame myself for Aiden loosing his Mommy.”

“Wow.”  I said, in shock but I wasn’t judging him.  Not after he kept telling me how he called it walking out on them but then again, was never aware that he had a child until she had already been gone.

“Do you hate me for hiding him from you?”  He asks me.  I did a double-take and gave him an ‘are you serious’ look.

“How could I?”  I tell him.  “Look at him?  The boy quotes you, he idolizes you and I’ve noticed that he’s learning your life lessons.”  I poke him teasingly in the arm.  That generated a smile.

“I’m glad.”  He says.  “The last thing I wanted was to lose you all over again.”

“If you had lied to me then yeah, I would have held a grudge.”  I tell him.  “Come here.”  And I did what I felt was natural and fitting.  I hugged Christian tightly, knowing that he could use a hug right about now.

“Amelia?”  Aiden walked up to us.

“Yes buddy?”  I answered sweetly.

“Daddy says you know how to play the piano.  Can you play me a song?”  He asks.  I started laughing and then looked at Christian.

“Is there anything you haven’t told him about me?”  I say.

“Maybe some other time, son.  We need to get home and put you to bed.  Say goodnight Amelia.”  Christian winked at me.

“Goodnight Amelia!” Aiden called as I held the door open for them.  As I headed out on the front porch to watch them get into Chris’ car, I hear Aiden say,

“You’re right Daddy, Amelia’s really pretty.”  I pretended not to hear it and watched them drive off, Aiden waving at me excitedly from his window.  I think I just made a new friend.  And I closed and locked my front door behind me.

When I had finished getting myself cleaned up for the night, I headed for my bed, turned on the television I had in my room and unwound.  My cell phone vibrated on my bedside table.   I had a text from Christian.

“Thanks for not judging me.  Goodnight.  C.”  I smiled and then part of me wanted to hear his voice again, so I did the best thing I could do at this point in time and I called him.

“Hello?”  I hear him answer as though he was trying to be extra quiet.  “Hold on, okay?”  And I thought I had heard the faint clicking of a door shutting in the silence.  “Okay.  Sorry.”

“Did he just go down now?”  I find myself asking as I looked at the clock.  It was now ten.

“No.  I fell asleep.”  He tells me.  Somehow, I found that believable.  Images of father and son, curled up on a tiny twin sized bed flashed before me and I smiled; it was a soothing thought, one I’d hoped to see in my future.  “Are you smiling?”

“What…  Uh…  No.”  I forced a laugh into the phone.

“Liar.”  He says.  “I can always hear it when you smile, Mia.”

“How so?  I never understood how people could pick that up over a phone.”  I told him and urged him to explain.

“It’s because, when you truly smile, everyone involved can feel it and the fact I can hear it in your voice.  It’s hard to explain.”  He says.  “But now you know why I like making you smile so much.”

“So, let me see if I get this correctly.”  And I pause and smile.  “You make me smile so you can feel happy?  Kind of selfish don’t you think?”

“It’s a win-win, really.  We both end up happy in the end.”  He chuckles.

“Speaking of happy endings, what happened with Trish?”  I asked.  The last thing I wanted to do was bring that psychotic brat into the conversation but that’s what friends do.  We talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I could hear Christian’s tone changing to one of seriousness and annoyance.  He had told me that when he had left my house earlier this morning, he had come home to a house that had been trashed but otherwise, Trish was gone.  After his ten thirty meeting, he took the rest of the day in order to straighten up the house so that Aiden wouldn’t have to bare witness to Trish’s destructive ways when he got home.  Then, I had tried to apologize for how their breakup ensued but he wouldn’t hear of it.  He explained that it had been a long time coming and he was happy that he had managed to break free from her.

“I don’t know what I ever saw in her honestly.”  He said.

“There must have been something good behind that cold rigid exterior of hers.”  I tell him.

“You didn’t like her much, did you?”  He offered an apologetic laugh.

“I didn’t know her.”  I said.  “The first time I saw her, she knocked on my door the day of Granny’s funeral.  I thought she tried too hard to make me like her.  The second time, well, she proved me true about the cold and rigidness when she barged in and tried to pick a fight.”

“Wow.  I knew that my parents weren’t fond of her but I had no clue that friends would be as well.  The guys would always call her Trish the Priss but other than that, no one ever voiced their dislike for her.”  He said.

“As a bystander, I don’t get how you two could have ever been happy.”  I tell him.  “Then again, I haven’t been around you both to see what was there.”  Something told me, I didn’t really want to know what the attraction was between those two.  He had gone on telling me that in the past year, he didn’t really recall a moment where he felt any kind of emotion other than lust for her.  It was a relationship based purely on sex, for him.  As bad as he thought it might have sounded.  I got it.  He was a single father in a loveless relationship with no time to really date.  He held on to the only thing he had at the time.  By the sounds of things, she had been using him for her own selfish gains too.

We spoke for more than an hour that night.  It felt like old times honestly.  Nothing impeding us from laying it all out there, bare all the truths.  We hung up, it was quarter to twelve and I turned the TV off, plunging my room in complete darkness.  I closed my eyes as I pictured Chris and me, in our spot, playing when he turned to me and made me promise that we’d be best friends forever.  I smiled as the night engulfed me.

The cold icy hands formed their grip on the bare skin of my arm, holding me back, preventing me from moving.  The cool breath aimed down the back of my neck as I now began feeling its kisses.  Panic struck and my feet found the flooring in front of me as I began to run.  Granny was no longer at the end of the hallway of doors.  Instead, I found my parents standing there.

“Mom, Dad?”  As they began to fade away, I run faster.  “Please don’t go!”  I shout out to them, and their images remain intact.  I don’t know what possessed me but for once, I turned around to see if I was being chased.  Directly behind me, there I stood; another perfect replica of myself.

“Let him take care of you.”  My clone tells me.

“Let who?”  I demanded.

“Trust him.”  The clone urges.  “You know deep down, no one will ever know you more than him.”  As I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around to face the most loving of all faces; my grandmother’s.

“Angel, even your subconscious knows this.  Follow that silly heart of yours for once and be happy.”  She tells me.

“But, Gran…”  My voice left me.

“Never mind that.  Stop holding back, dear.”  And she fades away.  “I love you.”  I hear in my head as I turn to find my clone fading as well and I begin to free-fall, once more.