March 29th 2016

"Sophie?"

"Yeah?"

"HI, it's Daniel."

"Hey."

"You forgot, didn't you?"

"Probably. I have a very bad memory. What did I forget? Remind me."

"You were supposed to call me to arrange Friday."

"Friday?"

"The article."

"Oh, shit! That! Right, yes! I totally remember that now."

"Haha, you're bloody useless."

"I take offence at that."

"But it's still true."

"You know, Daniel, it's a good thing that I like you."

"I think you more than like me, Sophie."

"Oh, definitely!"

"So...?"

"What?"

"Friday?"

"Ah, yes! Friday."

"You forgot again, didn't you?"

"...No?"

"Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?"

"I don't remember."

"From henceforth, I'm going to call you Dory."

"For any particular reason?"

"Haha, no. No reason whatsoever. Now, Friday."

"Hold on and give me a second to find that Post-It I had in my hand last week."

"Last week?"

"It's here... somewhere."

"Oh, Jesus."

"Whoa, Sam's there?"

"What? No!"

"Oh, it's just you said, 'Jesus,' and I thought..."

"Bloody hell, I'm going to be a hundred before this calls ends."

"Then I'll be ninety-eight."

"..."

"..."

"Did you find it yet?"

"Not yet."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"And now?"

"Nope."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, look. I'm fifty already."

"Oh, look. I'm forty-eight."

"Funny."

"Hilarious."

"..."

"..."

"Soph-"

"Ah ha! I knew I'd find it! Suck on that, Whitaker."

"Great. So, what's the plan?"

"Um... photo shoot at ten-thirty am."

"That's it?"

"Followed by drinks with your truly."

"Drinks, why?"

"Because we didn't finish going through my notes, and..."

"And?"

"My flight outta here is Saturday so... I wanted to spend my last day in London town with you."

"With me?"

"Feel honoured, Daniel, for I could be spending it with my weird family."

"That doesn't make me feel special, at all."

"Daniel, dearest. As it will be my last day in this lovely city we call home, I would very much like to spend it in your delightful company, for you are the only one that I shall truly miss while I am gone."

"..."

"That was an invite to spend Friday with-"

"Yeah, I got that."

"So, is that a yes or a no?"

"Rewind about thirty seconds. I'm going to be the only one you miss while you're gone? Not your family, not Hugo... me?"

"Not sure how that's hard for you to grasp, but to make it clearer- yes, you'll be the only one I miss."

"..."

"Daniel?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes!"

"Right, well... good. Ok. Fabulous. So..."

"..."

"I had fun yesterday. Nola is such a sweetheart."

"Yeah, she's pretty cool."

"And I totally love my nails!"

"Haha, I know. You kept telling Nola how amazing they were. Even after she was gone, I had to hear you bleating on and on and on about how great they looked."

"But they do look great!"

"You can stop with that now, Sophie. It's just you and me."

"Stop what? I'm being a hundred per cent serious. At least I've still got my nail varnish on. You made me take yours off as soon as Nola was out the door."

"For good reasons, Sophie."

"Like?"

"A thirty-one year old lawyer rocking up your divorce hearing with ho pink nails it absolutely not professional."

"I rocked up to my nine am editorial meeting with neon yellow nails."

"But at your work place, your nails are probably the tamest looking ones there."

"Well..."

"Exactly. Man, I can still smell the nail varnish remover. How do you women put up with that toxic stuff?"

"We suffer in the name of beauty."

"Yeah, well I feel your suffering."

"No, I don't think you do."

"I do."

"Have you ever had your under arm waxed or your eyebrows plucked?"

"No."

"Then, no, Daniel. You do not understand our suffering."

"Why would you put yourself through that?"

"Because society- as well as magazines like the one I work for- tell us that that is the standard, the norm, these days. Therefore, we must all wax and pluck and suffer."

"Stupid."

"So, if I jumped into bed with you with hairy legs, you wouldn't kick me out?"

"If you jumped into bed with me? No, I wouldn't kick you out."

"Even with hairy legs?"

"Sophie, you could be a gorilla, for all I care. I'd still keep you in my bed."

"Well, you're in the minority of men, in that case."

"..."

"Oh, and thanks for not kicking me out of bed."

"Ha, yeah."

"So, for the shoot on Friday, I was thinking that we keep it comfortable. You know, relaxed? Everyone will probably expect you to be all stiff-upper-lip and a toff, but that's not who you really are. I want them to see the Daniel that I know, so we're going to keep it informal and really playful."

"Playful?"

"Yep, especially because Friday is April Fool's!"

"No! No pranking me!"

"Would I ever?"

"Really, you want me to answer that?"

"How about one prank?"

"No."

"Not fair."

"It may be unfair, but it is wise."

"Maybe I should bring a ton of suits and ties and a mounted stag's head to the shoot."

"A mounted stag's head?"

"Yeah, because all the aristocrats have one."

"Aristocrats?"

"Yeah. You know, boring people."

"You're baiting me."

"Is it working?"

"Unfortunately."

"So, one prank?"

"One. Only one."

"Yes!"

"Nothing dangerous."

"Well, there goes my plan to bring a Komodo dragon with me."

"I can't believe that you have me wrapped around your little finger."

"What?"

"What?"

"Wrapped around my little finger? Seriously?"

"Like you didn't notice. You say jump, I ask how high. Or off which bridge."

"You know, if I ever ask you to jump, I'd be right at your side. Jumping with you. You get that, right?"

"You would?"

"I would. Because..."

"Because?"

"You and me. Together, we're Danphie."

"Danphie, right."

"Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ha. I forgot what I was going to say! Would you believe that?!"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I deserve that new nickname... whatever it was."

"Dory."

"Right, that's the one!"

"What were the other notes you needed to go over? I mean, we covered Evelyn, Elias and my grandmother. Who else is left?"

"Me."

"You?"

"My notes."

"You have notes?"

"A ton."

"Please tell me we're going to a bar on Friday?"

"No, no bar."

"No bar?"

"No."

"No alcohol? You said there'd be drinks after."

"Non-alcoholic ones. If you think I'm a raging bitch when I'm jet lagged, imagine what a horror I'd be if I was jet lagged and hung over!"

"I don't think I can go through with this if there's no alcohol involved."

"Oh, come off it. My notes aren't that bad."

"Yeah, no. That's not what I'm worried about."

"I'll be gentle, I promise."

"Christ Almighty."

"Are you ok?"

"Hunky dory."

"Haha, you just used my nickname in a phrase!"

"And on that note, I'm hanging up."

"What, why?"

"I'll speak to you tomorrow, Sophie."

"Huh?"

"Bye."

"What?"

[Call ended]

"Daniel? Hello? Shit, I forgot to tell him not to shave."