January 8th, 2016

"Sophie Clément."

"Uh, hello."

"Daniel? - Oh - Hi, sorry, I answered my phone without looking at the caller ID. I thought it was someone else."

"Oh, right. Look, I'm calling to say that I am so beyond-"

"Ok, Danny Boy, I'm going to stop you right there. Apology accepted."

"But I didn't get to finish."

"If you want to keep apologising, then go ahead, but last time you tried to say sorry, it went on for days. Let's just leave it at this. Out of interest, how much of your drunken ramblings can you remember?"

"Almost none of it. Elias has been torturing me with texts all day, filling me in on what I supposedly said or did, but I think he's making half of it up. Apparently, I propositioned you last night."

"..."

"Oh, fuck!"

"Haha. Language, Daniel."

"Did I seriously ask you to join me in bed?"

"You were drunk."

"Drunk or not, I can't believe I did that! I thought Elias was winding me up. I hardly know you! I can't ask you to join me in bed. You must think I'm some sort of... of... fuckboy."

"Haha. You're probably the furthest thing from being a fuckboy, Daniel. You've recently ended a long term relationship and you were drunk. It's not a big deal. I actually thought you were funny."

"Funny? You must have a weird sense of humour."

"I meant, it was nice to see that side of you. You're always so serious but you have a personality. You may not be a robot after all."

"Trust me, I don't make a habit of being like that."

"You should. Not make a habit of the drinking, but being less stick-up-the-arse. I get it- you're posh and you're a lawyer, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun every now and then."

"Maybe that could be my New Year's resolution."

"Give it a try, at least. You might actually like it. I'm sure you're not always this uptight."

"No, I am."

"Even with Elias?"

"Even then. I'm uptight and he's laid-back. We're Yin and Yang like that."

"That's boring. Could you at least try to be the fun Daniel with me?"

"I'll do my best. So, your name is Sophie Clément, huh?"

"For work purposes, yes."

"What's your real name?"

"That's a secret I'll never tell. Ex-oh-ex-oh."

"I have no idea what that means."

"I'd be scared if you did know. I don't know your last name either, by the way."

"That's a secret I'll never tell. "

"Haha. That was quite funny. You're using my humour against me."

"I told you I'd try."

"Yeah, well. I don't think I like it that much."

"Be careful what you wish for."

"True."

"So, is there any particular reason I can't know your name?"

"Is there any particular reason I can't know your name?"

"I see what you did there. No, no reason. I'm just a quid pro quo kind of person."

"Basically, you'll tell me your last name if I tell you mine?"

"Correct."

"In that case, you'll forever be Daniel No Name."

"Well, at least I can call you Sophie Clément."

"Damn it."

"I'll level with you. You have a professional last name, right? The one you use only at work? Well, so do I. Daniel Whitaker."

"Can I Google you?"

"Only if I can Google you."

"Deal."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You look exactly as I imagined."

"You don't!"

"Not sure if I should be insulted or not."

"Sorry, that was, uh - that was supposed to be a compliment."

"You need to work on your complimenting skills, then."

"Duly noted. In my mind, you're blonde."

"In my mind, you look like your LinkedIn picture."

"Oh, God. That's the picture you saw?"

"Yep. You have very blue eyes."

"As do you. With the dark hair, you're very striking."

"I'll pass your compliments on to my mum. We all look exactly like her."

"All?"

"I have two sisters and a brother."

"Big family. I only have Samuel and we do not get along."

"I've been meaning to ask about that. What's the story? Is it a pure case of sibling rivalry, or is it more than that?"

"Both. It's a long story that I don't want to bore you with. Samuel and I have never gotten along."

"That must suck. I mean, I know Charlotte, Emma and I don't always get along, but I love them to death."

"And your brother?"

"Everyone loves Lucas. He's the baby of the family and the only boy."

"Must be nice. Are you the eldest?"

"Yeah. We all have a gap of two years between us."

"Ready made friends, then. I don't have that bond with Samuel."

"I bet you're the type that thinks of your friends as your family, instead of your real family."

"You'd be right. Elias is more like a brother than Samuel, and he's more loyal too. He never bedded my girlfriend."

"Small blessings. My best friend is a guy so I don't have to worry about him trying to get any of my boyfriends in the sack."

"Your best friend is a guy? Doesn't that get complicated?"

"No. Why would it?"

"No reason."

"Hugo and I would make the worst couple ever! Honestly, after hearing half of what that man's gotten up to, I wouldn't go within ten million miles of his bed."

"Doesn't your boyfriend get jealous?"

"I'm single. Working in fashion and dating does not mix well. I'm never around for long enough because I travel a lot and relationships suffer."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"Not really."

"So, sex is off the table."

"Sex is usually on the table, or the kitchen counter, the sofa- the staircase once- or in a bed. There was that one time on a yacht which was surreal."

"..."

"I was kidding, Daniel. For the most part, any way. Look, just because I'm not in a relationship doesn't mean I don't have sex."

"But-"

"I get it. You're an old fashioned type of guy. Sex only in relationships, right? I'm not like that."

"..."

"Great, now you're silently judging me."

"I'm not! I promise, I'm not. I'm just... "

"I don't sleep around, if that's what you're wondering."

"I wasn't."

"Of course, you weren't."

"Ok, look, you can think that I'm over here judging you, but I am not. Don't you dare assume to  know what's going on in my head. You can sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want. It is none of my business."

"..."

"All I was going to say was that I'm slightly jealous of you."

"Jealous?"

"In a way. In the past seven years, I've only had sex with one woman. One."

"Then you need to get laid."

"I can't."

"Why not? Because you don't want to be a fuckboy?"

"You know how I didn't want to tell you what my real family name is? It's because of that."

"I'm not following."

"I can't sleep around and be... a fuckboy. My family are... well, posh. They have certain expectations from me and I have to abide by that. They're going to be angry enough that Arabella and I broke up, if we add sowing my wild oats into the mix, I may as well excommunicate myself."

"Why would your parents be angry about you and Arabella breaking up? She cheated on you with your brother. Surely that's a valid reason to kick someone to the curb."

"Not in my family. Affairs are permitted as long as it's discreet. No scandals allowed. Plus, my family and Arabella's have practically been planning our wedding for the past few years. She was deemed 'wife material' by my grandmother and now that we've split, Grandmother is going to freak out."

"That's like a storyline from Downton Abbey."

"Welcome to my life."

"I hate your life."

"I hate my life, too."

"Do you want to hear how my last real relationship ended? I'm sure that would make you smile-slash-laugh-slash-cry."

"Go on then."

"Ok, so his name was Tobias and we were together for seven months before I found - What now, Rachel? He is? Ok, put him through. - Daniel? I'm really sorry, but I've got to take a work call. We'll pick up with this story tomorrow, ok?"

"What? No!"

"..."

"Ok, fine. Bye, Soph."

"Bye, Danny Boy."