March 21st 2016

Ok, so the story about Daniel and the nativity show actually happened to me. My mum loves to tell people about it/ show them the video just so she can embarrass me. The worst thing is, it works every damned time!

Brit things- M&S (Marks and Spencer's) is a retailer in the UK (as well as countries like France, the Philippines, the Netherlands etc) that sell 'luxury food products,' as Wikipedia says.

What are your thoughts about eating desserts before the main course? Backwards, I know, but is it an ok thing to do?

Sarah xx

~*~*~

"I'm in Marks and Spencer-"

"Haha... what?"

"Marks and Spencer's. What's funny about that?"

"Oh, nothing. You're in M&S."

"I'm buying dessert for our date... I mean, our... I'm buying dessert and I thought I'd call you to see what you want. What do you want?"

"What happened to the dessert you brought with you yesterday?"

"I ate it last night. Stress eating because I was getting worried what my grandmother had told you."

"Stress eating? That's a guy thing too?"

"Sometimes. Now, what do you want tonight?"

"Um, apple pie?"

"Apple pie or apple crumble?"

"Pie. And bring custard. Or ice cream. Either one."

"I'll bring both."

"Cool."

"What else do we need? I have wine, the DVD, chocolate, apple pie... what am I missing?"

"Condoms."

"Right... wait, what?!"

"I was kidding."

"Oh. Well... Um... shall I pick up some food on the way over or buy stuff to cook?"

"If you're volunteering to cook, by all means by the ingredients but I'm not cooking anything."

"I'll cook my famous lasagne. You'll love it, I promise."

"That sure of your kitchen skills, huh?"

"Please, my lasagne will be the best thing you've ever tasted."

"Better than my ratatouille?"

"I'll let you decide on that."

"Ok. What music do you want to listen to? I'm going through some vinyl now, so pick your poison."

"Something easy going."

"AC/DC?"

"You class that as easy going?"

"I don't but you like old school rock, so I was going for something you'd like."

"AC/DC is good for me. You like that kind of music?"

"Not my go-to, but I can put up with it for a few hours."

"Do you have a fan oven?"

"Yeah."

"Good. So, what gems did you learn from Connie yesterday?"

"Just a few childhood stories, nothing exciting."

"Really?"

"There was the story of your nursery school nativity show where you got on stage, took one look at the crowd and burst out crying. Is it true that, every time you watched the recording back, you burst out crying all over again?"

"She told you that?"

"No!"

"I can't believe she told you that!"

"Believe it."

"Was that the only thing she mentioned?"

"No, there were other things, but nothing exciting."

"Good."

"Hey! Was it true that you played Romeo in your school play and fell off the stage, breaking you cheekbone?"

"Oh, boy. Connie sold me out."

"Just a follow up question- you broke your cheekbone; does that mean your cheekbones are fake?"

"Fake?"

"Like, people have nose jobs, did you have a cheek job?"

"Is that even a thing?"

"I don't know, Daniel. You tell me."

"My cheekbones are real."

"Damn. Your offspring are going to be ridiculously good looking if they inherit your gene pool."

"Offspring?"

"Kids. Children. Whatever you want to call them."

"Whoa, mother of the year."

"..."

"Oh, shit! Sophie, I'm sorry. I forgot-"

"It's cool, Daniel. I'm not so fragile about it that I freak out whenever someone mentions having babies."

"Yeah, but-"

"Just stop being apologetic. It's fine."

"Oh, no. Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Use the word 'fine.' Women and the word 'fine' are really confusing to me. It's like you're saying one thing but really it's like you're saying another, so I'm not entirely sure what you're saying and why you're saying it. If you're fine, fine, say the word.If you're not, say whatever it is you'r feeling. That way, I'll know how- and when- to help you."

"As sweet as that is- and it really is sweet- I'm fine. You'll know if I'm not without me ever having to say anything."

"So, you're ok?"

"Perfectly fine. Famished, but fine."

"I'm in the queue at M&S now. I'll be over as soon as possible."

"You better. Out of interest, what's your thought on eating dessert before the main course?"

"Is this research for your article?"

"No, this is me asking whether it's socially acceptable for me to eat the apple pie before the lasagne because I have a really sweet tooth and ever since you said you were bringing the pie, all I've done it daydream about devouring it. So, your thoughts?"

"You're a weirdo, Sophie."

"That still doesn't give me a definitive answer, though."

"No, Sophie, you cannot eat dessert before the main."

"Oh, what?! That's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair."

"Well, it's too bloody short, so I'm going to eat the apple pie before the lasagne."

"Sophie-"

"Please?"

"Sophie-"

"Pretty please?"

"..."

"Is that a 'yes?'"

"If you must but if it ruins your appetite for the lasagne, I will kill you!"

"Fine. I'll eat the lasagne first."

"Atta girl."

"You definitely better hurry up now. Oh, by the way, when you get here, we're playing twenty-questions."

"Is this a one sided game,or can I ask you some too?"

"We'll see how it goes."

*>*

"Unexpected? It's a stupid bagging area- how unexpected can my item be?"

"You sound busy."

"Stupid self service. Sophie, I need to angrily gesticulate at a stupid robot voice on a machine. I'll see you in twenty minutes."

"Ok."

"In a while, Soph."

"Later, Daniel."