March 7th 2016

Lots of references to Paris tourist attractions. I'll include a photo of Les Catacombes at the end.

Sarah xx

~*~*~

"Bonsoir, my bitch."

"What do you want, Sophie? I thought I had made it perfectly clear that I did not want to speak to you!"

"Your words fell on deaf ears. And, c'mon, Daniel... do you really want me to believe that you don't want to talk to me?"

"After what you did, did you seriously think I'd want to talk to you?!"

"Stop being a Drama Queen, Daniel."

"Drama Queen? You took me into Les Catacombes, Sophie."

"So what?"

"It was an underground cemetery! With real human bones! Everywhere I turned, it was like, 'Oh, look. Another human skull!'"

"I told you it was un ossuaire. What did you expect?"

"I don't speak French, Sophie! How was I to know that un ossuaire was just a pretentious French way of saying an underground fucking cemetery?"

"You could have asked for a translation."

"I did! You said it was ossuary!"

"There we are then. It's not my fault you don't know what an ossuary is."

"God, I'm still trying to get rid of the smell of the damned place. Since I got back to London, do you know how many showers I have had? Too many!"

"Honestly, I don't get what the big deal is."

"Dead people! That's the big deal. The six million remains of dead people!"

"Oh, please. They've been dead for centuries."

"Not the point!"

"You're such a big baby."

"Six million dead people, Sophie!"

"Want to yell that a little louder. I don't think Japan quite heard you."

"I need another shower."

"Well, at least you liked everything else I showed you."

"Yeah, because they were the quintessential Paris touristy things to do. Les Catacombes is not touristy."

"For some people it is."

"Not for me. I'm never going back there."

"Really? Why not?"

"Because six million-"

"Yeah, yeah. Six million dead people, I get it. I was being sarcastic when I asked."

"I still think the point needs to be reiterated."

"Which one, exactly?"

"The six mil- Oh, I get it. You're being sarcastic again. Well, I'm glad my torment is of amusement to you."

"Only slightly amusing. For the majority, I'm finding this quite annoying."

"Annoying?!"

"Yep, which is why I'm going to steer away from the conversation."

"How can you be so calm about the damned place?"

"Because I've been before."

"That's just... gross."

"How did you like Église St.Étienne-du-Mont? Nice church, huh?"

"Yes, lovely."

"And Le Lac Inferieur at Bois de Boulagne?"

"The boating in the lake was nice, I suppose."

"And La Place de la Concorde was agreeable?"

"A wide open square in Paris? It was blissful."

"You seemed to like Le Centre de Pompidou."

"I liked the library there, and the museum wasn't so bad."

"I took you to Le Sacré-Coeur."

"And made me walk all two hundred and seventy steps to get up there!"

"I can't believe you counted the steps, Daniel!"

"You were trying to kill me."

"I was trying to show you some of my culture."

"And killing me in the process."

"As I seem to recall, the Pyramid at Le Louvre wasn't life threatening."

"No, but it was rather soul destroying that you wouldn't take me inside."

"It takes way too long to go around the museum. You probably would have died long before reaching the end of the tour. You need a lifetime to take each item in."

"Would have been worth it, but no! What did you do?"

"I took you to Les Catacombes."

"Exactly!"

"I made up for it by taking you to the Eiffel Tower, at least."

"... True."

"So- apart from Les Catacombes- did you enjoy your personal tour around Paris?"

"You know what? Even with Les Catacombes, I loved every second of it. You're quite a good tour guide, Sophie Clément."

"Why, thank you, Daniel Whitaker. There were a few places I'd have liked to take you to, but time constraints made it difficult."

"Maybe we could go again?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"How was that fashion show you ditched me for?"

"I did not ditch you. I drove you to the train station, didn't I? And I also cleared my whole pre-6 pm day for you."

"Oh, I feel honoured."

"You say that like I would do it for anyone. Did you know that I missed McCartney, Valli and Hermès for you?"

"Um... no, I didn't know."

"It's a good thing the top brass loves me otherwise, I would totally have been fired for skipping the shows."

"Oh."

"The things I do for you."

"If you're trying to make me feel guilty, congratulations, you've succeeded."

"Mission complete. On a scale of one to ten- one being 'not so much' and ten being 'best thing to ever happen to me'- how was your weekend in Paris?"

"An eleven."

"Eleven? That good, huh?"

"The company swayed it for me."

"Still trying to suck up to my mum?"

"Well, I mean, if you don't mind putting in a good word with her. I have to redeem myself after Saturday night, after all."

"Like I told you, my mum was more than happy with how that played out."

"Mm hm. That's why she kept winking at me, wasn't it?"

"Either that or she's developed a twitchy eye. You don't have to worry about her having a crush on you, though. She has other plans for you."

"See, when you say that, all I can imagine now is becoming the six millionth and one body in that stupid ossuary you took me to!"

"No one is going to kill you. If you want, however, I can ask what's the possibility of having you interred down there after you die. A natural death,of course."

"If you dare put my bones in that place, I will haunt you into your fiftieth life, Sophie."

"Honestly, you're making this out to be worse than it really is."

"Six million people!"

"Here we go again."

"Yes, again."

"In that case, this conversation has been lovely. I look forward to our next one. Good evening, Daniel."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I need another shower. I can smell rotting bones again."

"They weren't rotting!"

"I disagree."

"Yeah, well, you would."

"Shut up."

"Haha, you big baby. Go on, go shower."

"I shall."

"So dramatic."

"Good night, Sophie."

"Happy nightmares tonight, Daniel."

"See, this is why I never wanted to speak to you again."

"So, talk to you tomorrow then, huh?"

"... Of course."

"Sweet dreams, Duck."

"You too, Pug."

~*~*~

Les Catacombes