February 15th, 2016

There's one part of this that you may find a little offensive- early on in the conversation (Sophie's response to Daniel's 'you suck' comment.) If you are offended, I'm sorry but it's something Sophie would totally say and it's not intended to offend you at all. Sarah xx

~*~*~

"Knock, knock."

"No! Not again."

"That's not how knock, knock jokes go, Sophie. C'mon, play the game right."

"Nuh uh. I played the game enough times last night when you and the guys decided to have a knock, knock face-off. I've had it up to here with the stupid joke. They don't even make sense!"

"They do make sense. You just don't understand them."

"I understand jokes perfectly fine. Your jokes, however, are just plain stupid and nonsensical."

"Boo, you suck."

"But at least I don't swallow."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That's just... I have nothing to say to that."

"Good, that was the plan. To render you speechless and thus saving me from another painful, unfunny knock, knock joke. I win."

"I'm never going to be able to look at you the same way ever again."

"Was there anything you wanted, other than to torture me with your terrible humour?"

"Not really."

"Cool, bye, then."

"Hey, wait! You can't hang up. This'll be our shortest conversation ever if you do."

"I don't think it will be."

"I think it'll be a contender, at least."

"Now you're deliberately trying to prolong the call."

"Perhaps. Would you like me to tell you what I had for lunch today?"

"No."

"Well, I met Elias for lunch and we went to Harvey's. Elias had a steak, medium cooked, with parmesan roasted potatoes."

"..."

"I also had steak, well done, with baby potatoes."

"..."

"After, I went and got high in a park with the other junkies."

"..."

"Are you listening to me, Sophie?"

"..."

"That was a joke, you know. About getting high. Clearly, I wouldn't do that."

"..."

"Hello?"

"..."

"You there, Soph?"

"..."

"Danphie One, do you copy?"

"..."

"Sophie!"

"..."

"I can hear you breathing, Miss Clément."

"And I can still hear you talking, Mr Whitaker."

"You're there!"

"Unfortunately."

"Why so glum, chum?"

"What is wrong with you tonight? Are you sure you didn't go get high with the other junkies, because you're being weird... you're being like me."

"I am?"

"Yeah. I think we have our roles mixed up this evening."

"Maybe it's because I'm spending too much time around you. Not that that's a bad thing. Oh, no. I love spending time around you."

"Daniel, I told you a billion and one times last night, you are forgiven for your outburst from Saturday night. Stop trying to make it up to me. Quite frankly, it's fucking annoying."

"oh, um... ok."

"Look, you brought me Haribo Tangtastics, therefore we are cool."

"Sure?"

"Yep."

"I'm still going to try and make it up to you, though."

"Oh, by the way, I have super bad news."

"Super bad news that for some reason makes you sound happy."

"I may not be able to make it to Connie's on the 28th."

"That's not funny."

"I wasn't joking."

"No, you have to be joking. I already told her you were coming and you cannot back out of it. Sophie, you can't leave me alone with her!"

"I'm pretty sure you've been alone with your grandmother before. What's one more time, huh?"

"You don't understand. She's under the impression that you're coming and if you don't show up she's going to think I ran you out of town and then she's going to try and set me up with someone called Ophelia, or Rosalind, or Juliet."

"She is not going to set you up with any Shakespearean characters, Daniel. Just tell her I have work commitments but I should be free sometime in late March to make it up to her."

"Late March? Sophie, look-"

"It's not even set in stone, anyway. I might be able to make it. I'm not a hundred percent sure right now."

"If this is your revenge-"

"It's not, I swear. My editor-in-chief is jigging around staffing for Fashion Week and I might have to go to Milan and sit out London. I'm definitely doing Paris because... well, I'm definitely doing Paris."

"Because?"

"Um... I've been personally requested to go."

"By?"

"Anna Wintour."

"Scary lady who runs fashion, Anna Wintour?"

"She's not that scary. Once you get to know her."

"Why has she requested that you go?"

"Long story. Plus, my mother is showing her collection and it's tradition that my sisters and I make an appearance. She'll kill me if I don't go."

"So, when's that?"

"Paris Fashion Week starts March 1st and ends March 9th."

"And you're going to be there the entire time, from the 1st to the 9th?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"So, what are you doing Saturday 5th?"

"Nothing planned. I'll probably sit at home and watch Casualty or something."

"Well, do you fancy a ridiculously exclusive party in Paris instead?"

"Excuse me?"

"My mother's show is late on Saturday evening- it's the last show- and it's not really a show but more like a cocktail party where the models stand around on podiums while wearing my mum's creations. It's actually really fun and there'll be plenty of champagne and-"

"Ok."

"What?"

"I said, 'ok.'"

"Ok? Like, you'll come?"

"Why not?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Unless you don't want me to come."

"I want you to come! I mean... I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you there, so..."

"So, I can come?"

"Yes, of course. Emma and Charlotte are coming over on the Eurostar Saturday morning. Do you want me to book you a ticket too? They'll know where the party is so you'll be in good hands. At least, with Emma you'll be in good hands. Charlotte is a different story."

"Haha, yeah, that'll be good. Thanks. Can you recommend a place to stay?"

"Yes. Our appartément in the 8th district."

"Is that wise?"

"Is what wise?"

"Staying at your family's place?"

"By all means, try and book a hotel if you want but they'll all be full. Everyone who is anyone in the fashion world descends on Paris for Fashion Week. It's like the whole city comes to a stand still. No, you'll stay with us."

"Will I have my own room?"

"Well, you're not sleeping in mine with me!"

"That's not... I didn't... I mean..."

"We have plenty of room without you needing to bunk in with anyone, Daniel. If you're lucky, I'll even let you stay in the room where the bedroom door locks, just in case you have some unwanted night time visitors."

"Very funny, Sophie. Are you sure it's ok?"

"Yep. I have to initiate you into the fashion world, anyway. If we're going to be friends, I have to get you out of the country tweeds."

"I was only in tweed yesterday because of my grandmother. I don't wear them every day, you know."

"Whether you do or you don't, I couldn't give less of a damn. I know I got your measurements pretty spot on before, but can you give me the exact ones so I can make sure there's a suit ready for you? I'll have someone from the atelier to tailor it for you when you arrive on the Saturday."

"Why?"

"Because if you're going to be pictured with me, you need to look the part. You're handsome so all we need to fix is the suit and you'll nail it."

"You think I'm handsome?"

"Please, you know you are. Hey, download the app, Duolingo. Learn some basic French and everyone will love you."

"But... French is not my thing."

"I thought you were learning."

"Yeah, learning phrases, not the actual ins and outs of the language."

"I'm learning Italian."

"Isn't that basically French but with a different accent."

"... no."

"Oh. Fine, I'll download it."

"Great! You'll pick it up in no time!"

"I doubt that."

"Just learn the basics, Daniel, that's all."

"Just the basics?"

"Yes."

"I think I can handle that. Is Hugo going to Paris, too?"

"Yeah, so you'll have some male company."

"Good. I like Hugo."

"He likes you too. He calls you Le Brit."

"Le Brit?"

"Yeah. The Brit."

"I've been called worse, I suppose."

"Crap, is that the time? I'm supposed to be in a bloody meeting!"

"Haha, you're late then."

"This is your fault."

"I can live with that."

"Good, because I'm not taking the blame. Later, alligator."

"In a while, crocodile."