January 15th, 2016

"HELLO?"

"Why are you shouting?"

"DANIEL?"

"Are you in a pub?"

"NO! COCKTAIL BAR."

"Oh, ok. Well, enjoy your night out and I'll speak to you tomorrow."

"WAIT A SECOND!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Ok, shoot. What's up, duck?"

"Nothing's up."

"The inflection in your voice says otherwise. Now, spill."

"I don't even know how, or where, to being."

"Was it Mary Poppins or Maria that sang, 'start at the very beginning'?"

"What?"

"There's a song, I'm sure, in a Julie Andrews film that goes, 'start at the very beginning.' I just can't remember which film it was. Maybe I'm just thinking it's in one of those but in actuality, it isn't."

"Right. And how is this important to the conversation at hand?"

"Oh, it isn't, really. I just wanted you to start at the beginning of your story."

"You could have just said that."

"Mhm, I could have. But I didn't."

"I'm going on a date tomorrow night."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Sophie?"

"..."

"I know you're still there, Soph."

"..."

"Sophie!"

"A date? You? You are going on a date?"

"Unfortunately."

"Call me stupid-"

"Haha. Seriously, may I?"

"No. If you're so bummed about going on this date, why exactly are you going?"

"I'll give you one guess."

"Gangster Granny?"

"Hole in one."

"I'm a great golfer."

"Noted."

"So, you're going because your Gangster Granny told you to? By the way, what's your grandmother's name. It feels somewhat disrespectful that I'm calling her a gangster."

"Constance, and I'm going because she's threatening to set me up with her friend's God awful granddaughter that I've hated since we were three."

"Best of a bad situation, huh?"

"Something like that."

"Well, it won't- It's occupied! - It won't be that bad, I'm sure."

"What's occupied?"

"Huh?"

"It's 'pardon,' not 'huh.' Now, what is occupied?"

"Pardon?"

"What is-"

"The bathroom stall that I'm Currently stood in."

"Why are you in a bathroom stall?"

"I wanted to talk to you but you were threatening to hang up because I'm at a cocktail bar, so I came in here because it's quieter and I can hear you."

"Oh."

"Tell me about the girl."

"Her name is Felicity-"

"Really? First there was Arabella, not there's a Felicity? What's next a Cressida?"

"You know my grandmother's friend's granddaughter? The one I hate? Her name is Lavinia."

"Ok, back to Felicity, who seemingly is the best of a bad situation."

"I don't know much about her other than the fact that my grandmother is friends with her, or they're acquainted, at least. She's twenty-six and a junior doctor."

"Isn't she too busy striking to go on a date?"

"They're currently not striking. She wants to be a cardiologist. That's it, that's all I know."

"She sounds like a hoot."

"I'm reserving judgement."

"I'm not."

"Yes, I can hear."

"Where are you taking her?"

"There's a new gallery exhibition opening tomorrow night at-"

"Lister and Hardy."

"How do you know about that?"

"I don't live under a rock, Daniel. I can actually do cultured, you know."

"I know that."

"I'm friends with the girl that writes cultural features and she was harping on about it. The magazine has free tickets to the opening and Isadora asked if I wanted to go with her. I said yes."

"What? You're going to be there tomorrow night?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No! You know what this means right?"

"Um..."

"We're both going to be in the same room, at the same time. We could potentially bump into each other."

"I guess. Lister and Hardy is a big gallery, though."

"It's not that big."

"What if I've left by the time you arrive, or vice versa?"

"I get the feeling you don't want to see me in person, Sophie. Should I be offended?"

"Yes."

"Sarcasm gets you everywhere, love."

"Haha. I hope so."

"Stop laughing."

"Look, tomorrow night, just because we're at the same place, at the same time doesn't mean we have to bump into each other. If we do, then we do, but let's not force a face to face meeting."

"Why not?"

"Because I like talking to you."

"I'm not following."

"You're an illusion that I don't want to break yet. I know what you look like because I've seen your photo, but I've based your personality on who you are over the phone. If we met and you turned out to be a posher, more boring snob than I think you are, do you know how devastated I'd be?"

"You think I'm a posh, boring snob?"

"Well, yeah."

"Well, I think you're a sarcastic raging bitch."

"Accurate description."

"Sophie-"

"Look, Daniel, I'll see you tomorrow night. I may not speak to you at the gallery, but I'm sure I'll see you."

"I'm sure I'll see you, too. All I have to do is look for bright blue eyes in the crowd."

"A lot of people have blue eyes."

"But not like yours."

"Flirt."

"Getting some practice in before tomorrow night."

"I thought you weren't looking forward to the date."

"I'm not, but that doesn't mean I won't flirt and be utterly charming. I don't want her to think I'm a posh, boring snob now, do I?"

"Well, for what it's worth, I like that you're posh and boring and a snob."

"Well, for what it's worth..."

"Yeah?"

"I was going to say that I like that you're a sarcastic raging bitch, but I'd be lying."

"Arsehole."

"But you still like me."

"You're my friend, so I've kind of got to like you."

"That's what they all say before they fall for me."

"I'm going to add 'cocky bastard' to your list of personality traits."

"I was joking, Soph."

"I wasn't."

"Haha. I better go and leave you to get back to your cocktails."

"Oh, shit! I completely missed my round. The girls are going to eat me for breakfast."

"I'm sure they won't."

"You're right- they work in fashion, they don't eat anything."

"I'm going to add 'funny' to your list of personality traits."

"Funny, as in haha funny, not crazy funny, right?"

"Maybe I'll add both."

"Fair enough. Night, Daniel."

"Night, Soph. Oh, wait a second! If I call you before the date, will you talk me through what to wear? I don't think my usual attire fits the Lister and Hardy crowd."

"See, it is handy to have a fashionista as a friend."

"I concede."

"Yeah, call me at about five and I'll talk you through what to wear."

"Thanks, Soph. You're one in a million."

"Oh, hell no!"

"Fine, you're one in a billion."

"Wrong again. I'm one-of-a-kind, Daniel. One. Of. A. Kind."

"Thank God."

"Feeling the love here, Danny Boy."

"Good bye, Sophie."

"Bye, duckie."