May 26th 2016

Apologies for the late update! It's unedited because it's long and I'm too tired/lazy to read over it. Plus, I just desperately want to post it!

Sarah, xx

~*~*~

"Hello?"

"Are you dead?"

"Clearly."

"Don't try to be funny, Daniel. You fail. Miserably."

"Mhm."

"So, are you in a better mood today?"

"Are you going to make any innuendos tonight?"

"Oh, that's a hard one."

"Sophie..."

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. That'll be the last one, I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Good."

"So? Are you in a better mood today?"

"Yes. I've been dying to call you all day."

"Why didn't you then? I've been dying, waiting for you to call me!"

"You have?"

"Jasmine even took my phone from me!"

"She did?"

"Duh. Otherwise I would have phoned you hours ago. Look, Daniel, I'm really-"

"God, you're not going to apologise are you?"

"I was, but apparently I'm not any more."

"Why are you apologising?"

"I annoyed you yesterday."

"Babe, you didn't annoy me."

"But you hung up on me."

"Because you said the word 'hump!'"

"Not in that sense."

"Sophie, I'm so horny, you wouldn't believe."

"..."

"I know you're dying to laugh."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Ok, I kinda am. You said 'horny.'"

"Yeah, like you wouldn't believe! God, when it is Thursday?!"

"Today?"

"I meant, next Thursday. Why couldn't your sister get married this weekend?"

"Right, because Emma would plan her wedding around you and your need to get laid."

"Laid? Ok, Soph, let's just get one thing clear. I do not want nor need to get laid. If that's what I was looking for, then I could easily go to a bar or a club on a Saturday night and satisfy that particular craving."

"I am seriously hoping there's a 'but' in here somewhere."

"But, like I said, that's not what I want or need. I want you and I need you. And it wouldn't even be a question of getting laid, it would be-"

"You're not going to say 'making love,' are you?"

"I was, but apparently I'm not any more."

"Stealing my words, I see."

"You know it."

"..."

"When we're finally together, Soph, I swear it will be amazing."

"When you say 'together,' what exactly do you mean?"

"I mean, being in the same city, holding your hand, being able to kiss you, touch you, be with you... I mean it all, Sophie."

"Hey, Daniel?"

"Yes, Soph?"

"You better live up to all these promises you're making."

"I'll try."

"Try?"

"I will?"

"Why is that a question? You said you were going to ravish me."

"Haha, laying on the pressure here, Soph."

"Are you going to get stage fright?"

"I fucking hope not!"

"..."

"I, uh... mean... I sincerely hope that I don't."

"Haha. I sincerely hope you don't either. God, this is going to sound really weird but... it's been so long since I last had sex, I'm not sure I know how it goes any more."

"I can help you with that."

"Oh, can you?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

"I'm going to preface this by saying that I find Colin Firth incredibly weirdly sexy, but you know at the end of Bridget Jones where Mark and Bridget are snogging in the street? And she says, 'Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.' And he answers with, 'Yes they fucking do.' Well, you just reminded me of that scene."

"Huh. Well, I guess there's worst scenes that can remind you of me."

"There are?"

"I could be the shark from Jaw, of Chewbacca or Lord Voldemort."

"Lord Voldemort? You really have been brushing up on your Potterverse, haven't you?"

"There was a girl that once told me that she and I couldn't be friends unless I was into Harry Potter."

"So you brushed up just for her, huh? Must be a hell of a girl."

"Nah, not really. She's pretty average, actually."

"Average?"

"I'm kidding. Obviously."

"Obviously. But just for future reference, I have a major thing for Ralph Fiennes."

"Who?"

"The guy that played Voldemort."

"You lust after Voldemort?"

"No, just the guy that played him. I mean, his eyes are gorgeous. Have you seen them? Daniel, you really need to see them."

"I'm ok, thanks."

"Boo!"

"Right, just in case this conversation gets weirder and you reveal a crush on Sean Connery or-"

"Now, he was a hot Bond. Daniel Craig didn't even come close."

"Yeah, I'm hanging up now. This got weirder."

"It's not weird. Hold on a second! Who is your celebrity crush?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your celebrity crush, who is it?"

"I don't-"

"Everyone has one! Who is yours?"

"Um... that blonde from that tv show? She's nice."

"That was vague. What tv show?"

"I don't know. She's married to that guy that played Deadpool."

"Ah, you mean Blake Lively."

"If that's her name. Wait, let me Google her."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah, that's her."

"My celebrity crush is-"

"Wait, Colin Firth, Ralph Fiennes and Sean Connery aren't your celebrity crushes?"

"Not really. My celebrity crush is Tom Hiddleston."

"Tom Hiddleston? Haha, I went to school with him."

"You did?"

"Eton."

"Shit."

"Not a bad choice."

"God, I am so embarrassed right now."

"Don't be."

"I can't believe you went to school with him."

"He was a few years older than me, of course. We're not friends, if that's what you were thinking."

"No, but you know him. That makes him a real person."

"Aren't all people real?"

"Yeah, but now I can't lust after him."

"I don't see why this is the end of the world for you."

"What if I said that Blake Lively and I were best friends?"

"She wouldn't be my celebrity crush any more."

"Exactly. Damn it, Hidders was perfect, too."

"I can be perfect."

"Mm."

"Confidence boost, right there."

"Mm."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Mm."

"Good night, 'gator."

"Mm."

"Sophie!"

"What?"

"What are you thinking of?"

"I'm thinking if Ryan Gosling would make a suitable celebrity crush."

"I'm not even going to respond to that."

"Mm."

"Good night, Sophie"

"Night, baboon."

"Love you, bye."

"Love you, bye."

~*~*~

A/N

Out of interest, who is YOUR celebrity crush? (Mine would be Tom HIddleston, too, because... well, he's Loki.)

Sarah, xx